External Validation Sucks.

External validation sucks.

SCORPIO ASCENDANT

I always wanted to be "well liked" by everyone - in the sense of being an innocent, sweet summer child whom everyone adores and babies.

But instead I provoke extreme reactions in people. Most people misunderstand me as rude and malicious. Perhaps it is my Scorpio ascendant.

Girls get "jealous" of me. I am average looking though. Many a times I have seen girls literally being jealous of me in school and acting against me.

I am not "liked by everyone" but I am more like a league of my own. I am solitary and independent. I dont expect anything from anyone.

Even I am surprised if someone thinks "nice" things about me. I feel like I burn all brides with my ego. My ego and attitude burn all bridges.

I crave deep SINGLEMINDED devotion from people close to me. I want to worship and be worshipped by those who matter to me.

I am possessive and controlling. I expect too much and give too much of myself.

I guess if I was a Libra/Taurus/Pisces/Sagittarius ascendant, I would not get such extreme reactions from people. Perhaps people would simply "like" me.

But being a scorpio ascendant, I have to face extreme subconscious reactions from people. It is like I provoke something in them that they didnt even know existed. I trigger their subconscious mind just with my presence. Most people find me "intimidating". They are scared of me. They think I am too private and secretive. They think i am too mysterious. They think that i am always hiding something and they feel threatened. But behind the mask, just crave deep devotion and intense connection with someone.

I guess people dont just "like" me because I give off sexual vibes. I am too sexual for a "nice girl". I emit sexual aura, sexual energy even if I dont want to.

I don't understand the appeal of songs and music. Perhaps it is my 8th house moon. My thoughts are obsessive repetitive addictive. Songs are like poison to me.

Firstly songs are made to be heard on repeat

Secondly my mind is obsessive addictive tendency

Thirdly combine the two and you get a giant mess

I hate songs. They make me go crazy

Now, songs are the product of many people's work. Many people are involved in the making of songs. Songs are profession. They may seem "enjoyable" to you but actually they are professions. People making songs are earning money from them. Why should I spend my time listening to something that is obsessive addictive AND makes money for somebody else?

Now, mental space. I have limited mental space. I have enough clutter to occupy my mind. Why should I keep songs and music in my mental space? It is just a noise that distracts me from my real life. It is like eating fast food for no reason at all. You can call fast food tasty, enjoyable, but it is just a garbage in my stomach. In the same way, songs are a garbage in my mental space. I will rather use that mental space to think about something that matters to me.

Next, I dance. I dance to seduce. This is the only reason why I listen to songs. I only listen to songs to dance and seduce like mating call. I am like a peafowl who dances to seduce her mate. This is when I listen to songs.

Lastly, songs are illusion. They are the illusions of rahu. Rahu creates the illusion of mind. Rahu creates ignorance and illusion. Rahu is maya.

SUN IN THE 7TH HOUSE HEALING ☀️

I have written about moon and venus, now comes the next boss: SUN. Sun as the name suggests is ego, personality, sense of self, self esteem, self confidence, self image. This is my journey of healing:

1. I was lifeless without a partner. I wanted to get married ever since I was a little girl. I was always in a relationship - whether real life or IMAGINARY. Yes, I did a lot of maladaptive daydreaming. I felt like finding a boyfriend was the only goal of my life.

2. I did not have a sense of self. I did a lot of mirroring. I was afraid of being alone by myself so I would either daydream or sit with someone just to feel alive. My self esteem was so low. I was afraid of social rejection, humiliation and insults. I did not have an identity - who I am, my existence, my hobbies, my skills; I only focused on other people and never on myself. I was an entertainer and people pleaser because I was afraid people will abandon me if I didnt entertain them all the time. I was afraid of being "replaced" by another girl.

3. I was a devoted partner. I would write poems, essays, songs, draw pictures and idolize my "partner" and after "break up" (my relationships were short lived), i would cry like hell. I gave away my self worth into the hands of other people. If they praised me, I was happy. If they scolded me, I was depressed. I didnt have self respect. I would do anything for attention and wanted to be everyone's favourite person. Of course it was exhausting to live like this.

AFTER HEALING:

1. I have carefully created an identity for myself: spirituality, my career, my family, social work, religion, occult, self realization and marriage. Marriage is still a big part of my life but it is not the center of my universe.

2. I was quite egoistic and my relationships had ego battles. Now, my ego has calmed down, my arrogance has dissolved. I dont do people pleasing. I dont try to impress anyone.

3. I write journal daily, read psychology to find the root cause of my personality: feeling of inadequacy, emptiness, not feeling good enough, insecurities, fear of getting old, fear of being boring. I have stopped daydreaming and I can sit with my feelings, so this is good progress.

4. I am my priority not my husband. I am not his doormat. I don't panic that he will leave me for someone else. Where will he go? I focus on creating values. If I am a one of a kind woman, that is what matters. Focus on yourself, everything else will fall into place. Fulfillment comes from within. Your husband will not make you "whole/complete". You are already complete on your own. See your inner sun. Dont be dependent on anyone for emotional/psychological support. You will stop projecting on your partner to feel alive, once you start working on inner development.

5. Read a book on DBT skills and take notes - there are at least 25 reasons why people dont just suddenly "leave" one day. Sun in 7th house guarantees a very good husband if you can manage to heal yourself. I have read that this placement gives a successful marriage! But don't be too happy because next comes the 8th house - loss/rebirth. Anticipate death and voice in the moment.

6. Focus on your career. Sun in 7th house is a good placement for public role in career. Everything around us is career - people running tumblr.com are doing it for career, your cab driver/restaurant cooks/internet service provider/teacher/sweeper/your mobile phone dealer/all the apps you use, everyone is doing everything for career. So, girls, focus on your career. Self esteem and career go hand in hand.

Never compare yourself to anyone else. And I dont just mean it in a cliche way.

1. If you are an astrologer, just look at your birth chart and Vimshottari dasha. You will see how EVERYTHING in your life was already destined to happen. Relationships? Check. Abuse? Check. Good marks in exam? Check. Distant father? Check.

2. Have respect for individual souls. Everyone you compare yourself to has their own birth chart and everything that happens to them was destined to happen. Perhaps they were destined to get better marks than you. Embrace what you have and be grateful for it. Compete with yourself and who you were the day before. If you just keep overdoing yourself, perhaps one day eventually you will get the highest marks in exam too. It will only happen if you focus on your own efforts not somebody else.

3. Whenever you compare yourself to someone else, you are projecting something that resides within you. This is an opportunity to do shadow work. Now you can work upon uplifting your self esteem, find coping mechanisms, learn new skills and hobbies, use affirmations to stay positive, write journal. Other people are like mirrors and you can see yourself in them and identify yourself.

4. One thing I do is to look at my birth chart and see where most of my planets are located. I then see what areas of my life are controlled by those houses/planets/signs. This helps me focus on those things as priority. For eg, my birth chart shows focus on marriage (7th house), occult (8th house), humanitarian cause (11th house), communication (3rd house), hobbies (5th house). So, I dont worry about not having a social life, not having a solid personality (1st house), not going for higher education (9th house). I dont worry about being lonely since my personal planets are connected to 8th house.

Therefore astrology validates and confirms our personal experiences in life. it can be used to boost our self confidence and find self security.

3rd house MOON and COMMUNICATION

This is my observation for moon in 3rd house people that they are very chatty. They are either on call most of the time or chatting most of the time. They are not only "chatty" but also use some kind of communication medium like phone call or instant messaging to keep talking throughout the day. They are almost always on their phones. They are very talkative and especially via phone. They love to do that. This is quite strange tbh. And this is 100% true 🤔