8th House Relationship Needs

8th house Relationship Needs

It's absolutely hilarious how you can get distracted from your own natural needs and desires based on how your equivalent of this energy most commonly manifests in an average person or relationships you have been in. I realised today that I have been unaware of my 8th house desires and perceptions of human relationships, because most people tend not to handle the 8th house well themselves...so it hit me by proxy and made me blind for a long time to my actual preferences, because I thought other people's low behaviour was the norm, and so I must also be low myself. Then I realised I was in pain precisely because I don't like these lower dynamics at all, and that is what brought me so much suffering. Go figure.

I have made posts on the 8th house before, so you know of my intuitive understanding of it's energies. But somehow I have underestimated how these needs translate into my own emotional and practical life...because from my experience they tended to manifest into something toxic that I never actually wanted to begin with.

When you have energies of the 8th house related to your chart ruler, and your chart ruler is Venus, which is linked to your relationships, there is a natural craving for a high level of deep bonding and high intensity of that bond in your life. This can also manifest strongly if any of your main luminaries or Lagna Lord is in the 8th house as well. Even though I only have one 8th house placement, since it's linked to the ascendant lord I relate to it very strongly. Yet it took me so many years to be able to determine the actual functioning of its energies an how it translates into what I want in my life.

The 8th house is very powerful, but it is a difficult spot in the zodiac wheel. It's not for the faint of heart. When people have placements that are difficult for them...it often turns out to be only too easy to succumb into the lower nature of its expression.

I could simplify things and just label the 8th house as dark, dangerous, bad, prone to toxicity, all the things commonly said about it in Astrology circles. I tried to do that in the past, even trying to tell myself I'm ok with such a classification. But deep in my heart I can't agree with that, and I don't want to. I was born with a pure understanding of 8th house energies through my South Node talents for a reason, and the realisation of my desires relative to experiencing the 8th house energies reflect this purity of understanding.

Say what you want about an 8th houser, but I don't like toxic, controlling or unhealthy relationships. I never liked them, and I never wanted them, and I was always unhappy being part of any toxicity. I desire the most refined, pure version of what the 8th house connection can offer. I want deep intimacy without entrapment. I want passion and intensity without heartbreak. I want transparent communication without issues of control, deception and unleashing of unconscious negativity. I want to be able to achieve even more intimacy by talking through this negativity in a civil way when it already comes up. I want that raw emotional experience, that only two people who are completely bare with each other can provide, without needing to feel like it's part of an unhealthy dynamic.

You have to be conscious of and discuss each other's shadow side in order to achieve intimacy in a relationship. That's true. It won't always be perfectly pretty as emotions can run high when triggered, and that is true as well. But it is perfectly possible to have this experience of going to the bottom of the abyss together and returning more whole each time without delivering low blows and doing and saying things below the belt out of fear of vulnerability. Sadly, most people when touched that deeply, tend to try to unleash anger or manipulation and control mechanisms. But it is possible to explore the depths of the mind, heart and soul of another without being destructive in a way that serves no purpose, and can even sabotage the whole intimacy of the connection. It is possible to work through it, even if it's hard. It is possible to have a stable connection even with all these intense energies, without trying to "get out" of the bond due to some triggers or trying to keep side options to avoid the transformation the 8th house requires of us. It is possible, and if I did all of the above, others can do it too.

I have been told many times that it's my fault that I have had relationship difficulties, when people have yet again acted with me in questionable ways, simply because I was not afraid to approach potentially "dangerous" territory...simply by being honest and uncompromising and demanding something truly meaningful for myself. I don't believe in aiming for perfection, but I believe it is possible to have something real without it being completely messed up, even if you have to examine each other's dysfunctions. And that is the only type of relationship I wanted to sign up for to begin with.

Ladies with 7th house Planets but born in Conservative Societies?

Oh! To have planets in the 7th house but born in conservative society that abhors premarital relationships, casual relationships or even meeting of boy-girl before marriage. To be born in societies that encourage arranged marriages fixed by families and strictly against male-female friendships except those allowed by blood relations.

On one hand, you have an important 7th house and on the other hand your environment restricts one of the important purposes of your life, that is to learn to navigate life through relationships and to find yourself through one upon one relationships. Not every 7th houser ends up in a happy marriage.

If these ladies try to fulfill their destiny by dating someone in their younger years secretly from their parents and if their parents find out - all hell breaks loose! How dare you disrespect our family image and dignity? How dare you have emotions and feelings for someone and try to date someone like that? How dare you try to take a decision in your life that is not controlled by us?

I have seen ladies with moon in 7th house, jupiter in 7th house, sun in 7th house trying to date someone in their teenage or young adult years, only to end up badly for them that fills them with shame and guilt for going against their family traditions. They impulsively jump into relationship by way of projecting their fantasy and later regret for a lifetime that they are bad person for doing a "dirty" thing. Oh, to have feelings is a dirty thing?

I find it sad that 7th houser ladies are born in conservative societies because it strictly restricts their purpose in life and also fills them with shame and self-doubts because of their desires to find themselves through romantic relationships. Wherever planets are placed in a chart is where the native will feel an insatiable drive to fulfill the needs of that house. Someone with planets in 7th house will instinctively feel the desire to form companionship with a boy and to be completed by someone else.

Often the families are not aware of astrology and blame the native for going against family traditions, rather than simply use their mind that the native's destined path goes through 7th house, something they didn't decide but are naturally motivated for. Native does eventually end up marrying because they cannot escape their destiny but it is always a topic of wonder how their natural desires to deeply invest in a romantic relationship is shunned and criticized in their environment.

8th house -  Deepest Union through the purity of Absolute Truth

The union in the 8th house occurs through a turbulent transformation, that takes place when our most cherished, personal ideals get confronted with intimate ideals of the other party. 

If we want to truly connect with another person, we need to learn how to merge both of these worlds together. We can’t live life forsaking either our sacred, internal principles (4th house) or people’s reactions to them (7th house). We need both of these parts of us to be preserved, so we need to learn how to reach a compromise, for the benefit of everyone involved. 

As a result, while some things have to die in the 8th house, something entirely new is formed here, when we have learned how to preserve our inner peace and stay true to ourselves (4th house), but still confront our intimate world with the outside through exposing it in connections with others (7th house). We give birth to the 8th house theme of shared values and resources. The 8th house reflects Scorpio themes of Mars and Pluto. Here, we shed our skin while refining ourselves, like polishing a diamond in the rough. You don’t throw the precious stone away, but you chisel away at it with determination (Mars), until you can in good conscience feel that purity of absolute truth (Pluto).

The 8th house, as a water house is very sensitive to natural rhythms of the Earth and cyclical changes, that also reflect in human beings. The transformation that occurs here is not a one time process, but an experience we are always forced to return to, being a very necessary step to the feeling of enlightenment and divine presence, that occurs in the 9th house. 

Our minds and souls are always gradually, yet constantly changing and evolving, so to truly remain united with another person, both parties must continuously purify themselves from any insincerity, and stay in tune with themselves and each other, in accordance with the personal growth of both parties. For people with personal planets in the 8th house, this purging process lasts a lifetime.

Thank you again for taking the time out to respond to my question about Maladaptive Daydreaming! I’ve been doing it since I was around 6, I can remember being in the car with my mom and looking out the window daydreaming. Or even when I started school, I would daydream on the school bus while listening to music. Making up all sorts of scenarios to entertain myself with. I feel like I use it to escape my present surroundings or to pass the time by? I always find myself doing it when I’m bored or unstimulated.

Part of me also thinks it could have something to do with the fact that I’m the only girl, I have two older brothers and as a kid I felt lonely a lot like I didn’t have anyone to play with so I would daydream. It felt good. Drifting off mentally to another place where I get to choose the outcome, the narrative.

I mostly daydream about being the main character. Like I’m always at the center of attention and I’m daydreaming about ppl showering me with attention or compliments. I worry too much about what ppl think of me. It causes anxiety a lot of times. I’m trying to teach myself to stop wondering about what ppl think but it’s so hard. I grew up a people pleaser as I’m sure you can relate us 7h suns! And then other times I’m daydreaming about my fantasies like being married and having kids, my career, going out with friends, fun events. Things I really want to happen.

I have a 8h Pisces mars (I do consider myself intuitive and I feel like God sends me premonitions through my dreams! I’ll dream of something and a few days later it’ll happen in real life!) but other than that I don’t have much water in my chart. I’m a 6h Capricorn moon and a Leo rising! I don’t have any planets in my 12h but there’s Cancer there and then my Leo north node not sure if that matters.

Fantasies are creativity

Somethings stand out to me because I have done them too and a lot of people with similar placements can relate to these feelings. Being important, center of attention, somehow knowing the inner thoughts of people about me, only wanting to be known for good things and accomplishments, having fantasies of grandiose success/perfect partner who loves me a lot/wanting to be everything to everyone and befriend everyone in the world. On the surface, these may look like narcissistic tendencies, but on deeper exploration, we find that it is our psyche that has not adapted to society yet. Yes you do live in the physical world but also not? Because you are living a life which is both physical and imaginary. Dr. Carl Jung has talked about the importance of fantasy as the source of human creativity. Do you see how the kind of fantasies we have are also the same as portrayed by Hollywood movies, aren't they similar? But we are not movie directors and daydreaming is distracting us from living a life.

How is your ego?

At the same time, in real life, you may be someone who is easily hurt by words and criticism, perhaps you are also sensitive to emotions of people and can intuitively tell their intentions by way of feelings (8h Mars). Are you also envious of those who have it better than you? Somewhere in some place, perhaps because of sun 7h or otherwise, the ego is not fully formed. It identifies with the main character in fantasies, maybe you also identify with people in TV show and movies. If my guess is right, MDD is rooted in having low confidence, weak identity and undeveloped ego. Maybe lacking a certain self knowledge too. By MDD, do you mean that you also walk in spaces, along with physical movements and expressions, really engrossed in the daydream like it is an alternate reality which feels very real to you - and you are confused why real people do not behave like they do in your daydreams? Certainly, people in MDD are much more nicer, calmer, loving and kind than in real life.

Long term solution

In short term, there are things that people suggest like mindfulness, being grounded, writing it out that helps them. But it did not help me. I really psychoanalyzed myself and each emotion, it felt like opening a portal to the psyche that changed the way I look at life. This was my path; if it feels like something you can connect with then perhaps reading about deep psychology, metaphysics, how reality is structured will transform your life. Though I have also read in these communities that some people learn to live with their MDD because it adds value to their life, some use it for creative writing, some stop daydreaming suddenly for no reason, while some keep struggling forever.

I have a 7th house Aquarius sun mercury and Uranus. I also struggle with maladaptive daydreaming. How do you stop? Any tips? Thanks!🩷

7th houser and daydreams

What do you mostly daydream about? Relationship and married life? Maybe you love talking to your imaginary partner as if they are really there

Losing hours of your days to this addictive, compulsive and extremely satisfying problem is really a struggle. Maladaptive daydreaming is as powerful as drug addiction, it seems you can't resist and distract yourself with anything. You may not even know why you are doing it and when it started, but you do realize you are different from people around you in some ways

You clearly have hyperactive imagination! If you are not in therapy or cannot afford it because you are student, then really digging soul deep into yourself will eventually stop the daydreams. You can come back to earth from the fantasyland only when you have "substance" which is your core concept and knowing who you are. How do you get there? That is only you can figure out or let destiny unfold, when the time changes, life will send something or someone who turns things around

Do you have a lot of water elements in your chart? Daydreaming is also an intuitive ability, you may feel like you are manifesting a future by daydreaming because it seems that convincing and real to your mind

What seems like a conflicting problem today b/w daydreaming and losing life, 5 years from now may look like the bigger picture you were missing. MD Daydreaming is seriously something your psyche is trying to catch your attention to. It is imbalance for some deep wounding in your personality. Hope it makes sense. You are already on the path to recovery and healing, this question is proof that your psyche is making all attempts to figure things out. 👍

To 8th House Synastries,

So many people in this world, but you happen to meet only those who make a difference in your life. How a stranger in the bus that means nothing to you is so important to somebody else's life. How the person you hate so much is so important in someone else's life.

Although we may hate them so much, but they were a part of our life because they were a part of our mind somewhere. They lived inside our mind before they entered our life.

Not just romantic but otherwise, 8th house synastries make you question the reality itself. They make you question that space between you and them, that void where chaos happens.

How the things they said don't align with your understanding. How the love they showed don't align with your expectations. And if you happen to have it with one of your parents, how difficult it is to accept that the parent is not a stable image in your life.

We question, question and question. We question them, who they were, why they came into my life and why the heck were they so cruel and evil with us? But do we question ourselves, perhaps they were only a reflection of our own faces.