Problems - Tumblr Posts
until when do i have to fake a smile when we all know i can't do it anymore?
FML! i never thought this day will come. it is so depressing and heart breaking. i feel so lonely and so weak. it seems like i spend my time everyday crying and zoning out. whenever i get a chance to laugh, i feel so guilty coz i know she isn't happy today. i try to not make my family worried about me. i try to smile, yes a fake smile, a smile without a meaning... but it is the best that i can offer to them as of now. i try my best to look happy in front of them. i try not to let a single drop of tear fall from my eyes... i guess it is working.
but what about when i am alone? when i am all by myself?
i still try to hold back my tear. i still try not let a muffle of cry escape from me. i try my hardest to be and to act strong even if no one is watching... even if i am all by myself... even if no one can hear me or see me.
right now, i am really scared. i don't want my worse fear to happen at all. i don't want to lose any of my loved ones. i don't want any of them to feel any pain. i don't want any of them to suffer. i am so scared of what tomorrow has to offer to me. if i can stop the time, i would definitely do it.
i can't always put on a fake smile. and tonight, i asked myself until when am i gonna put on this smile? i am on the point right now where i am so confused, so hopeless, so weak and ready to cry my heart out. but i can't. i can't coz i don't have any right to cry, to be weak and to feel relieved.
until when do i have to fake my smile?
I hate that I am completely capable of helping everyone else figure everything out. But not only can I not figure my own life out they never have the inclination to assist me with figuring it out.
Sequoia Red (journal) WWW.sequoiared.tumblr.com
Okay, idea. Well, question.
Humans are known for repetitive behavior. Throughout history we see themes that persist to modern day. But my question has to do with objects that look like they glow, like.
A light hits something and it looks like it glows and we think "Oh this is a quest object" or "This guys gonna send me on a quest to get exactly 342 radishes" and shi like that but, like, what did people think in the olden days?
Were they walking around thinking "Yeah thats how lighteth w'rks" or were they like "Ah yes, this guys gonna sendeth me on a quest to collecteth exactly 342 radishes! ha! what excit'ment!" and they chortle along their way.
How did video game logic work without video games?
When you really wanna look at fanart and read fanfiction, but you know you gotta do your homework.
I keep on falling in my fav pajamas
My knee vurts
I hurt
My back hip hurt
Waaaa
as someone who identifies as being fat (with no negative connotations - it’s a fact of life not a death sentence) i agree with the above statement.
fat people are more than just their bodies and most people unfortunately focus on the body first, especially when it comes to romance. there isn’t anything inherently sexy about having a flat stomach is there? do people have fetishes about that shit? no. then why have them about fat people?
i’m not saying that people can’t appreciate the chub - i encourage it! but when it’s the only thing that people appreciate about fat people or when people demonize us for it it becomes a problem.
Tip to writers who write chubby/fat/plus sized reader fics/headcannons as a plus sized woman:
If someone- doesn't matter if I'm dating them or not- the first thing they reach for is my stomach? That's a major red flag that they find my body a fetish. That's my sign to run like hell.
Most of us don't like it when someone squeezes our stomach, or wants to focus on it during romance/sexy times. (That I've noticed. If you don't mind, then good for you.)
A lot of us bigger people do not want to associate with those who fetishize our bodies. They make us feel gross on so many levels. And people can absolutely be attracted to larger people without it being a fetish!
Moral of the story: we are people first and foremost. We are not "sqwishable softness uwu", and we have more to our bodies than our stomachs.
If you, personally, are alright with the above, then good for you. But there are a lot of us that aren't.
(Fetishists and fatphobes will get blocked and reported.)
Yet I will go on with my futile efforts. I want to be a poet, so I will try my best <3
I'm so tired,
So fucking tired.
I want a reason to change
Because I can't change myself.
I loathe myself.
And refuse to treat it better.
I've never known to do anything,
But self destruct.
So give me a reason to change,
For the better.
Please!
Without hurting anyone in the process.
Stages of Finding Someone to Collab With
(At least the stages I go throughout)
1) Stress of finding someone
2) Sharing My Idea When I do and Awaiting a Response
3)Then They Think I’m Weird
4) Well I Tried
5) I’ll Just Keep My Idea to Myself…I guess😩
(Wanting to to do something awesome for Avengers but not having anyone to collab with. I’m good with idea not so much writing and I’m friendless)
Planning to get a tattoo based on my fav literary piece and aptly I forget every single thing I've ever read
My friend and I started hitting the gym since November and I've lost 12 pounds so far. The weight I lost isn't really obvious if you'll look at me but I feel SO MUCH BETTER that at least I am doing something to be fit.
I am not doing this to please other people. I am not doing this because I wanted to be SKINNY. Skinny and fit are two different words. I may deprive myself from food sometimes but not to the point that I'll starve to death. Duh. Wanting to lose weight is not a death wish.
I am sick of not being able to do things because I am fat. Really. It's not easy to find clothes that fit me. I get tired easily.
ANYWAY. My goal for now is to lose 10-15 pounds before April. I hope I will make it O.o
You are worthy ❤
Listen and look at the way people respond to your happiness. The ones who are toxic will always demean you about your achievements. They will always point out the flaws and drawbacks in your happiness. They will always put you down. They will always bully you. They will always make you feel inferior and worthless and not enough and sap out your happiness. Subtract them from your life. Throw them away. They are not worthy to be in your life. You are not worthless. You are not inferior. You are not flawed. You are enough. You deserve good people in your life only.
My Issues...
This goes out to all the people with "issues" physical, mental, and emotional...all of it.
I have been diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I also have an intense fear of driving and I worry about EVERYTHING! Had a mental breakdown in the middle of Chemistry in High School. I was almost expelled for my subsequent "episodes." I do my best to work through these issues on a daily basis. Sometimes I kick ass and take names with them, but other times I just want to curl up into a ball and drown out the world. It sucks, but you deal with the cards you're dealt.
Physically, I was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure last year. Before I was told this, I was trying to live with over 100 lbs. of fluid. I could barely walk or do basic chores. I couldn't even bathe myself. I had to have my mom help me. I could hardly breathe without wheezing because of the fluid in my chest. I couldn't even sleep in a bed because it aggravated my breathing, having to sleep in a recliner so I could breathe at night.
Some of you who see my obsessive posts may think I am just some sorry-ass moron that lives in their parent's basement because I'm lazy or a good-for-nothing, hopeless piece of shit (trust me these thoughts cross my mind daily.) However, my fandoms and ships and being able to talk about them on here without feeling weird keeps me grounded and sane. I NEED to share what I share because I want to make friends here and be able to talk about my interests.
I am saying this to lay my heart open. I also want to reach out to people who also have "issues" and "problems" that may have been put down for things they have said or done on here that caused people to ridicule them.
To those who ridicule people like me or those like me, please note: You don't know what someone goes through or has gone through on a daily basis. Your words can hurt more than you could know or even intend. Just be careful out there, okay?
Sorry for the rant!
This problem almost cost me my job
autism problem #59
when you accidentally say the opposite of what you mean
People that use the term " several" when I ask "How many?" of something give me trust issues