My Head Is Pounding

My head is pounding

I don't wanna be here anymore

I wanna throw myself under the train

Or hung myself

Or just kill myself

I can't be here anymore

I can't

My baby 🖤

I mean she's not mine but she owns my heart

And she's so similar to me

We both don't like physical touch

But with time we let small kisses and cuddles pass

And she enjoys them, she asks for kisses sometimes, and she gives them as well🖤

Waiting for a meeting with a psychiatrist

We will see what will she say

We will see if she finds out about my cuttings

I'll try talking her into doing a diagnostic test

Maybe we will know something

I'll keep you updated

Wait about 40 minutes for the news!

I hate them so much !

I want them to die

They should suffer as I am suffering

They should feel my pain they give me

They don't get it

They blame me for everything

They are mad they pay for my meds, all my doctors and more

They don't see that I'm an adult

They treat me like a fucking child

I've never been a child

I don't want to be here

I don't want to have anything to do with them

They are not my 'parents'

They will never be

I want them to die

To suffer

Why talking about diagnosis makes me sad? Why I wanna cry when I mention diagnosis to my psychologist and psychiatrist?

Why?