I Hate My Parents - Tumblr Posts

tw: asshole parents, ED mention

i love how when I was a kid, my parents would just make breakfast and not tell me, using the excuse of "you already ate!" ok well you shouldve still told me you had food? and I was working out a lot so I was hungry basically 24/7.

then when I didn't want to give them some of my food (because I have an fearful obsession of starving due to prior eating disorders), they'd get all pissed off at me.

All you have to do is actually praising me

Loving me

Saying you're proud of me

For giving effort even if I don't want to do it

Not mocking me

Hating on me

Saying that my efforts is nothing

Only because I've been doing it differently than my siblings

I know that I'm just doing it slowly and there isn't much differences

But in my eyes, it looks different

Something that I can be proud of

I look at it and think that I've done a good job

Stop saying my efforts is nothing

I'm trying my best to live up as your child

I know I'm lazy, but you should have encouraged me

I know I'm just overreacting and wanted attention

But it's your fault too

I'm starving

Starving for your touch

Your love

Your praises make me feel happy

I always looking forward to it as a child

But since I getting that bad exam result and starting to act like a 'bratty' teenager

You look at me like I'm just another problem

Problem to be solved

Even if you don't ever asked me about my feelings

All you said is that I'm lazy, selfish and overreacting

IM LIVING FOR YOU

I'm trying to live my life as your child.

Trying to be a decent child that you can say at least one good thing

But you only mocking me when they talked about their child

Lazy, lazy, lazy

All over and over again

You know what?

You can never get your child back

Father.

You can't get your girl back anymore

Mother.

You can't get your daughter back anymore

I can no longer say I'm a father's child or mother's child

I'm neither

You heard me

Neither

Why?

When I'm sad, the only thing that I'm seeking comfort to is my teddy bear

Not you, mother

Not you, father

You both never are my comfort place to vent to

All of my tears are shed because of you

I don't care for a fact that I'm still hugging a bear

You forced me to be like this

You've gone too far at the moment I noticed that

I don't feel anything when you hug me

I don't feel the warmth of it

You're cold

Why can't I feel the love in it?

Why can't I feel it?

All my fucking life my "parents" have been saying that we need to help others....

Okay, I got it.... let's help others....

And today, when I sent my classmate photos of homework they are so shocked and mad that I did that....

Ofc they cursed me a bit...called me a liar and some other things....

Funny thing ...

I hate my parents pt. I don't fucking know because there were too many reasons to hate them

So we were having breakfast and I looked at my wrist and said : "You know my wrist is 17cm (that's a lot but I was proud of it that moment) ?

And my mum was like : "You know that my wrist is smaller ?

I just nod but I was hurt. Like I'm trying to show you something I'm proud of and you easily destroy that by telling me you're better.

Thank you so fucking much

My mum finding my cuts on my arm: oh no....you can't hide it whole summer.... people will see...why can't you stop ?

My mum finding cuts on my thighs: oh no...people will see....you can't hide it whole summer....people will see ...why can't you stop ? If you really have to do something like that them go running or yell at me....

Me thinking: I hate running and I don't yell at people...even at those I hate....

Also me thinking: what about my mental health ? Guess it's not important

My "dad" is so weak....

He can't handle conversation about my self harm. He had left in the middle and now is mad at everyone.... My "mum" is sad about that....

And I'm the younger there but the strongest....

Funny

My "parents" struck again....

So I have holiday now after my finals and I'm doing shit....like for real, I'm just sitting locked in my room, watching series and I am not leaving until I have to go to the bathroom or I am going to eat... anyways...they are mad at me because of that...they expect me to talk to them and spend time with them....

And I am like: guys.... you still don't get it ? We have no fucking connection....I don't feel like your kid (well...I am not, never had been and never will )

Also they're asking what was I going to do tomorrow or the next few months of my holiday ? And I say "I don't know" because I don't fucking know ....

And they are: They who will know ? You need to know.

Well.... I don't who I am so knowing what I am going to do tomorrow is not the right question here, is it ?

I can write them a long ass list about things they don't know about me....I think they will have fun

I really hate it when my "mum" keeps looking at my scars and says "I can't look at them."

Then stop geezz..... it's not that hard

And her nagging about "what will you tell the doctor if he/she asks ?" (I am preparing for a driving licence course and I have to meet the doctor first) What can I tell her ? The truth what else ?

I hate that my "dad" wants me to get rid of the scars no matter what... He says that I should use collagen to get rid of them....I don't want to....

Them being scared of other people and their thoughts....

My "dad" calling me "stupid, weird, crazy and psycho" hits a bit different especially during the argument about me using too much computer....

I just realized that my "parents", especially my "dad", 'trained' me....

The front doors open, I run downstairs

They call my name, I run downstairs or to them without any questions

Whatever they say, I agree and nod

They trained me really good so if someone in the future decides to make me their dumb puppy know that I am already well-trained, just change some commands

Hah.....I just had a talk (not on purpose) with my "parents" about being hit and my "mum" don't remember any of the situations....

What the fuck "mum" ? You were there at least once

My dad telling me that he weights less than anyone in our household when his weight is only 0,5kg less than mine.....

Wow dad....so mature

I am done. My mum, while we were coming back from the stable, decided to talk with me about my cuts and sh so she parked the car somewhere and said "Tell me honestly, do you still cut yourself ? You know that your cutting is so hard for me to handle."

I said that I stopped cutting (what is a lie)

She "You've changed, I can see it and I think you still cut yourself."

"No, I don't."

"Can you please give me your every blade and razor?"

"Sure"

"You won't hide any?"

"No" (ofc I did)

"It's so hard for me to handle your cutting."

I don't think I've changed but okay....I will give her my blades but I've already hid few. But my mood ? Totally dropped....I don't know anymore....

My "dad" is mad at everything and everyone so he played his whole anger on me....ofc it made me feel bad, guilty....I don't know why but I got used to that already

My "mum" is probably thinking about divorce (she said that they have to talk seriously without me)

I don't know if it's good or bad...

I don't know anything now

My "parents" don't believe that I've lost almost 2kg a week

They're like "that's not possible"

It's fucking possible!

I've been restricting myself to eat only max 650 kcal a day and now it shows!

And they tell me to stop dieting

Oh no

I have a goal

I need to achieve that

My "dad" made me feel awful this morning

And after that he acted so surprised

And later my "mum" said she suspects that I want to do something....and by something she meant kill myself

I mean she's not so wrong but yet wrong

It's not like I am preparing something but I am thinking about that every day

I hate them so much !

I want them to die

They should suffer as I am suffering

They should feel my pain they give me

They don't get it

They blame me for everything

They are mad they pay for my meds, all my doctors and more

They don't see that I'm an adult

They treat me like a fucking child

I've never been a child

I don't want to be here

I don't want to have anything to do with them

They are not my 'parents'

They will never be

I want them to die

To suffer

Yes, please!

Get me out of this house

Sleep is good but have you ever been treated like a real child and haven't been called stupid by your "parents"?

Can't relate