The Ewan McGregor Screentime Percentage (EMSP) List

The Ewan McGregor Screentime Percentage (EMSP) List

I thought it'd be helpful to make a list for the movies that I've reviewed so far. I will update it as new reviews are posted. Unfortunately, I'm not yet able to add links to direct you to the full review. The letters EMSP stand for " Ewan McGregor Screentime Percentage" which is how long he spends on screen in a given movie. It is ordered from his highest screentime percentage to lowest. I hope this helps those looking for a new Ewan movie to watch!

1 Rogue Trader (1999): 69% (65 / 1 hr. 34 min.)

2. Nora (2000): 56% (60 / 1 hr. 47 min.)

3. Trainspotting (1996): 55% (52 / 1 hr. 34 min.)

4. Nightwatch (1997): 51% (52 / 1 hr. 42 min.)

5. A Life Less Ordinary (1997): 51% (53 / 1 hr. 44 min.)

6. Eye of the Beholder (1999): 47% (48 / 1 hr. 42 min.)

7. Down with Love (2003): 46% (47 / 1 hr. 42 min.)

8. Shallow Grave (1994): 44% (41 / 1 hr. 33 min.)

9. The Serpent's Kiss (1997): 42% (44 / 1 hr. 46 min.)

10. Moulin Rouge! (2001): 40% (51 / 2 hrs. 8 min.)

11. Brassed Off (1996): 24% (26 / 1 hr. 47 min.)

12. Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002): 23% (33 / 2 hrs. 22 min)

13. Blue Juice (1995): 22% (22 / 1 hr. 39 min)

14. The Pillow Book (1996): 22% (28 / 2 hrs. 7 min.)

15. Nothing but the Truth (1995): 21% (21 / 1 hr. 41 min.)

16. Velvet Goldmine (1998): 17% (20 / 1 hr. 58 min.)

17. Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999): 17% (23 / 2 hrs. 16 min.)

18. Little Voice (1998): 14% (14 / 1 hr. 37 min)

19. Doggin' Around (1995): 11% (10 / 1 hr. 29 min.)

20. Emma (1996): 11% (13 / 2 hrs. 1 min.)

21. Being Human (1994): 2% (2 / 2 hrs. 2 min.)

For the last week, I've been working on an Oliver x reader fanfic and tonight I finished it! I'll be posting it tomorrow. A wonderful coincidence that this came across my dash. 😁

Ewan McGregor & Mélanie Laurent

Beginners (2010)

3. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Doggin' Around (1994)

This is Ewan's third and last movie of 1994. Three movies in one year is impressive for a burgeoning actor and that's not including the television series and short film he was in that year as well. Unfortunately, his last project of 1994 didn't end on a high note for me.

Movie Review: Doggin' Around is a television movie starring Elliot Gould and Geraldine James. The movie is about Joe Warren, an American jazz pianist, reluctantly performing a tour short notice in England's less than desirable venues after the main act suddenly dies. He is put in the care of ex-jazz singer, Sarah Williams, who has sworn to never sing on stage again. Though they don't get along at first, the duo slowly open up to each other as they work through problems from their past. On paper, the movie sounds fine, but the truth of the matter is this movie is so boring and the acting is god awful! First of all, Joe Warren is an insufferable character. I kept saying to myself "No one talks like that!" The delivery of every single line out of the actor's mouth sounds stilted and manufactured. He sounded like he wanted you to know he was acting which just takes you out of the movie because of how unnatural it is. For a character whose charm is supposed to come from his witty and sarcastic humor, there was not a single joke that landed for me. There was only one joke that got a positive reaction from me. Mind you, I didn't laugh. I just thought "that wasn't a bad joke." The movie is slow. Even though we follow Joe Warren on tour, the sets all look the same so it feels like we stay in one place the entire movie. Also, the visuals are grey and dull. The one good thing I will say about this film is that because it's about a jazz musician we get to hear a lot of jazz in the score and the selections are enjoyable.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays a minor role as the character Tom Clayton, a double bass player who still has a lot to learn about show business. He accompanies Joe Warren on tour as his bassist and is eager to make a name for himself even if it means stepping on Joe's toes. Ewan doesn't have a lot of lines in this role though it is fun to watch him energetically pretend to play a bass. He also has long silky hair which was becoming his staple hair style during this era. His performance was good though short.

Screentime Percentage (All numbers are rounded to the nearest whole number): Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 10/89 minutes making his SP 11%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is this movie worth watching for Ewan content alone? No. Is it worth watching in general? No.

Where to Watch: Doggin' Around is currently uploaded for free on YouTube through the account "Ewan McGregor Vault". Just search "Doggin' Around 1994, with Ewan McGregor". Be warned that the quality isn't great. There are a couple moments where the sound cuts in and out as well as one moment where the visuals briefly cut out.

Conclusion: This is my first really negative review so I want to remind everyone that this is just my opinion. This movie is a skip for me but others have given it some very positive reviews. Don't be afraid to give it a watch and come to your own conclusion. If you do, I'd love to hear your opinion! But if what you're looking for is Ewan content, then I'd suggest you look elsewhere.

Puppy Break

Movie: The Island (2005)

Character: Lincoln Six Echo/Reader

Synopsis: You bring Lincoln Six Echo with you to the dog pound and he has a grave misunderstanding of what the purpose of a pound is.

A/N: I absolutely adore this character and see myself in him a bit. It’s a shame that he doesn’t receive more love in fandom. This story took longer than I expected and evolved way beyond its initial idea. Still, it was super fun to write! Hope you enjoy!

Your eyes snap open from peaceful slumber. You could have sworn you heard scratching at your door like a mole trying to dig its way into your room. You contemplate investigating the sound but the bed covers lull you back to its warm embrace. Obviously a mole isn’t trying to get into your room. The sound was probably just the remnants of a dream. You settle back down to rest and begin drifting off to dreamland when-

Whineee bark bark!

Okay, you definitely aren’t dreaming and that definitely isn’t a mole. You begrudgingly exit your bed to see the critter that found its way into your home. As you make your way to the door, you hear your housemate and friend, Lincoln Six Echo, urgently shushing, "Please be quiet, little one! My friend does not like being woken up so early."

You open the door and ask, “Lincoln, what on earth is going on out here?” You catch Lincoln crouched with his back towards you halfway from your door trying to make a sneaky exit.

“Uh-oh, too late” Lincoln says sheepishly. He slowly turns around and smiles proudly while holding out a small puppy cradled in his hands. “I have a new friend!” The puppy barked as if to confirm what Lincoln said as true.

“Uh, where did you find a puppy, Lincoln?” You question. You love puppies but at this moment you’re worried that it might belong to someone missing their furry friend.

“He found me! I went outside to take out the trash and he was sitting in front of the door. He kept following me and wanted to come inside so now we are friends!” The puppy interrupted Lincoln with a whine and squirmed wildly to get out of his grasp. Upon setting the pup down he immediately went to squat and your eyes widened in horror as you realized why he was so fussy.

“NONONO!” You cried out and picked up the pup mid poop to run outside where he continued his “business”. You rubbed your temple in exasperation. You loved Lincoln. You really did. But he somehow had an uncanny ability to bring chaos to your mundane life. The pup began sniffing around the yard and you cooed at him to get his attention. He bounded over to you and you scratched his tiny head. Lincoln sat next to you and you showed him how to gently pet the pup. The puppy seemed to enjoy all the attention and rolled over on his back with his tail wagging energetically. You then noticed that “he” is actually a “she.”

“Looks like your new friend is a girl.” you chuckle.

“Really? how do you know?” Lincoln asked with a puzzled expression.

“Well, uhh, you know- look, I’ll explain later just trust me on this.”

“Oh, Okay! So, can we keep her?”

You scratch under the puppy’s chin. She has a stubby tail and is white with a brown spot on her back, a white muzzle, and brown face and ears with a white stripe between her eyes. You recognize her breed as a Jack Russell Terrier.

“First, we have to see if she belongs to anybody. Someone might be looking for her. You don’t want to steal someone’s friend, right?

"You turned and looked at him.

“No, I don’t want to do that” he said slowly. “But, if no one is looking for her, then can we keep her?” he looked at you optimistically.

You didn’t want to ruin his enthusiasm. Sure, puppies are cute and fun to play with but they are also a huge responsibility. However, it was difficult to tell him no considering the hardships he has faced. Plus, your heart was warmed seeing Lincoln be showered with puppy kisses. Maybe it would be helpful for him to learn how to take of something else. But is a puppy the right thing for such a task? You were already taking care of Lincoln and helping him get acclimated to life outside the Institute. Adding a puppy to the mix might be too much mental strain for him and financial strain for you. There was so much to contemplate and you didn’t yet know how to explain all this to Lincoln. So, you decided to let him down gently when the time was right. For now, you give him a simple “I’ll think about it.” Surely by tomorrow he will have found another new friend. You and Lincoln play with the pup outside for a bit and feed her some bits of leftover chicken before walking around the neighborhood asking if anyone was missing their dog. To your dismay (and Lincoln’s relief), no one had lost a Jack Russell puppy.

“Yay we can keep her we can keep her!” Lincoln chanted triumphantly.

“Hold on Lincoln, I said I’d think about it. Besides, there’s one more place we need to go. If there’s any information on this pup, then it’ll be at the dog pound.”

“What’s a dog pound?” Lincoln queried.

“It’s where lost dogs go so their owners can find them.”

“Huh, ok.” You could see Lincoln mulling over what you just told him. You expected him to ask another question until it seemed he decided against it with a quick shake of his head. You both got into your car with the puppy sitting in Lincoln’s lap and drove to the local pound. When you got there, the two of you went inside and walked to the front desk to talk to the receptionist.

“Good morning, how may I help you?” the receptionist greeted you both with a warm smile. She was wearing scrubs with puppies and kittens on them which seemed to put Lincoln a bit at ease.

“Hello” you began, “my friend here found this puppy in our yard earlier today. We’ve asked our neighbors if she belongs to them but we’ve had no luck so far. I was wondering if anyone has called or come up here looking for a lost puppy?”

“I’m sorry, I haven’t received any calls or heard anything about a lost puppy thus far. But, if you’d like, I can take her to the back and see if she’s been chipped. If she has then we can pull up her owner’s information and contact them right away.”

The receptionist finished explaining and held her hands out to Lincoln to take the pup. Lincoln protectively wrapped his arms tighter around the puppy and looked at you with worry in his eyes.

“Can’t I go with her? What if she gets scared?” he asked.

“It’s okay, Lincoln.” you reassure him. “You need to let the nice lady do her job so she can help us. She won’t be gone long.” this time, you hold your hands out. Lincoln sighed and relinquished the pup into your hands then you turned and passed her to the patient receptionist.

“Don’t worry, sir. I’ll take good care of her and be back before you know it.” She flashed another smile then walked through the door behind her desk.

You patted Lincoln’s shoulder and gave him a soft smile. “How about we take a look at the other dogs here while we wait?” you hoped that this would provide a nice distraction for Lincoln.

“There are other dogs here?” Lincoln looked at you quizzically.

“Yeah, remember, I told you that this is where lost dogs go. According to that sign up ahead they’re just down the hallway.” You motion to Lincoln to follow you and begin walking down the hallway. The sound of dogs barking grew louder and you soon see the first of several metal gates that line the corridor on both sides. You walk up to an elderly golden retriever who lazily wags its tail and ambles toward the gate. You kneel down to let it sniff your hand. You were so focused on the dog that you didn’t notice Lincoln frozen in place with a look of fear plastered on his face.

“Why are they locked up? Who did this to them?” Lincoln’s voice is soft and quivering. Looking at these sweet animals, he was reminded of his life at the Institute and being locked away from the world. Even the metal bars preventing the clamoring dogs from being pet reminded him of the ever watchful guards telling him to “watch his proximity.”

You look up at him with confusion written on your face. “They’re not locked up, Link. This is just for their and our safety. Trust me, the staff take very good care of them. You stand up to walk toward Lincoln and he takes a step back. “Lincoln, what’s wrong? What are you thinking about?” You were concerned for your friend. He doesn’t talk much about his life at the Institute but sometimes when he has a nightmare or a panic attack over something that seems normal to you, he opens up a bit. You feel that this is one of those moments that he is being reminded of his past life. You just hope that he will confide in you so that you can put his fears to rest. Before he can answer, the receptionist peeks her head down the hall and calls to you both. You make a mental note to continue this conversation later and head back down the hall into the main entrance. You cross your fingers that the puppy has a home somewhere.

“So I scanned this sweet girl and it doesn’t look like she’s registered to a home. Sounds to me like she was meant to be with you.” She looked at Lincoln and gave him a playful wink. She continued, “Would you like to be her forever home or would you rather leave her with us?”

“Yes, we’ll take her!” Lincoln thrust his arms out to take the puppy back when you step in front of him.

“Actually, could you give us a minute to think it over, please?” you ask.

The lady nods and says, “I’ll give you two some privacy. I’ll be back here whenever you’re ready.” and walked back through the door.

“Hey! you said-” Lincoln starts but you interrupt him.

“I said I’ll THINK about it, Lincoln. That doesn’t mean yes!” Lincoln lowers his head and you mentally kick yourself for your words coming out hasher than you wanted but you know it’s time to rip off the band-aid.

“Listen, Lincoln” you say with a softer tone, “I know you want this puppy very badly, but you don’t understand how big of a responsibility they are. If you want a pet, I’ll get you one, but we need to start smaller than a dog.” you tenderly place your hand on his shoulder and hope he understands where you’re coming from. Instead, he catches you off guard with a question.

“What does chipped mean?” Lincoln slowly meets your eyes. “The lady said that if puppy was chipped then they can contact her owner. What is a chip?”

You’re a bit surprised at his question and why he’s thinking about that right now but answer slowly, “a chip is a very tiny tracker that is inserted under the skin of an animal. It contains their information like where they live and who to call if they’re lost. It’s for their safety.”

“Just like my tracker was for my safety?” Lincoln looked at you with a new resolve and wrapped his fingers around his wrist mimicking a bracelet. The one he and all the other clones were forced to wear so that their movements would always be under surveillance. The one that ensured no one ever escaped. The one that you removed when, just like this lost puppy, he wound up on your doorstep searching for a friend. Just as it dawns on you why he was so tense earlier and the significance of what you just explained to him, Lincoln exclaimed, “This is just the Institute all over again! We can’t leave her here! We have to help them before it’s too late!” and with that Lincoln burst through the receptionist’s door, ran to her, and snatched the puppy out of her hands. The poor woman could do nothing but shriek in surprise. Lincoln turned toward the entrance door to escape but something caught his eye: a big red lever on the wall beside the receptionist’s door that read “Pull for Emergency.” Unfortunately for everyone, Lincoln could’t read, but he was hoping that this big red lever hidden behind the door was just what he needed to free his doggy friends. With one hand he cradled the puppy and with the other he pulled the lever.

You were taken aback by how quickly Lincoln moved to rescue his puppy friend. “Lincoln, STOP! What are you doing?” you shouted! But it was like he couldn’t hear you. As he ran back toward you, you saw him briefly hesitate while staring at the wall in front of him and then pull something. Immediately, alarms started blaring, lights flashing and the overhead sprinklers drenching you in water. Pandemonium ensued with the all dogs barking, jumping, and howling. The cold water seemed to snap the receptionist to her senses and she yelled “GET OUT OF MY BUILDING NOOOWWW!”

You and Lincoln bolt out of the building and jump into your car. You were so shocked at this turn of events that you couldn’t even say anything until the puppy stood up on Lincoln’s lap and shook water everywhere. You slammed the brakes and yelled, “What on earth was that?! Are you crazy?!”

“I was j-just trying to f-f-free them!” He stuttered. The cold water soaking both of your clothes was taking its toll.

You took a deep breath to calm down and tried to see things from his perspective. “Lincoln, they don’t need to be freed. I know you see similarities between them and you but this is different. I would never bring this puppy or any animal to a place that is going to harm them. Besides, even if you were successful, now there would be hundreds of dogs running loose with nowhere to go, no food or water and most importantly, no way for their families to find them.”

“I g-g-guess I didn’t think about that...I’m s-sorry.” he apologized through chattering teeth.

You drove the rest of the way home in silence. When you parked the car in the driveway you paused before getting out and let out a chuckle, “I can’t believe you pulled the fire alarm trying to break those dogs out.”

Lincoln timidly chuckled as well and within seconds you were both laughing uproariously till tears came out of your eyes. Or was that just water dripping from your hair onto your face? Either way, you wiped your face and turned to exit the car when Lincoln meekly asked, “So, have you thought about it?” You turned to look at him and were met by four pairs of puppy dog eyes. You sighed.

How could you say no?

Only the Shadows Know

Movie: Mortdecai (2015)

Characters: Inspector Alistair Martland

Oneshot / Yandere / Drabble

Word Count: 100

Synopsis: While her husband is away, Martland pays Johanna a secret visit.

A/N: So of course the moment I said that wanted to write at least once a week, I didn't touch the computer for a full month 🤦‍♂️. Well, no better time than the present to start again! I wasn't feeling any inspiration and didn't know who to write about. Finally, I realized that inspiration isn't something that's always there. Sometimes, you have to just sit down and start writing. Otherwise, you may be waiting for inspiration for an eternity lol. This is my first yandere. I've become interested in the genre and wanted to give it a shot. This is only drabble so it's very short but dang! Writing exactly 100 words was way more challenging than I expected lol.

Martland gazed lovingly at the woman deep in slumber before him. His desire to see her, to protect her, outweighed the risk of being caught. Besides, the sleeping pill he encouraged her to take was doing its job well. How could Mortdecai roam the world and leave his most valuable treasure defenseless? “I would never leave you, my love.” He softly muttered to himself. One day, he will confess his devotion to his angel and she will understand her place is with him. But for now, as he hides in the dark recesses of her room, only the shadows know.

Bought my first Ewan McGregor movie at the thrift store!!!

I randomly decided to look through the DVDs today and I saw this gem! Here's to the beginning of my Ewan McGregor movie collection🍻 @palfriendpatine66