Youre Suffering Alone

you’re suffering alone

prompt: “kageyama knows you as his little ray of sunshine, but what does he do when he finds out how you really feel?”

pairing: kageyama x female! reader 

word count: 3k

warnings: MAJOR tw!!! depression, again major tw self harm, reader cries a lot when kageyama finds out, reader’s mom is dead lol i went all out 

genre: fluff, angst

you were always their little ray of sunshine

when you first joined the school a year ago and introduced yourself all excitedly

hinata ran to tanaka after that class

“we need to convince her to be our manager!!!!”

tanaka was down lol

it didn’t take long to convince you, you were looking for extracurricular activities to engage in anyway 

the conversation went a bit like this

“y/n-san! do you want to be karasuno’s volleyball team manager?”

“sure!”

“we swear it- did you just say yes?”

“...yes”

cue tanaka and hinata screaming 

after you became their manager it didn’t take you and kageyama too long to fall in love either 

he adored the good vibes you brought with in any room you stepped in and you enjoyed the calmness that came with him (except when hinata’s around to annoy him, pretty boy radiates ᵃⁿᵍʸ energy then lol)

poor boy didn’t know that what he felt towards you until he had the whole team screaming at him to ask you out 

so he did 

and so you ended up here, 10 months into dating kageyama and 12 months into being karasuno’s manager along with kiyoko and hitoka 

everyone found it a little weird that you were always the one to stay the longest out of everyone, but everyone assumed it was just because you genuinely enjoyed being there

which you did, don’t get me wrong

that just wasn’t the only reason.

no one actually knew why you had changed schools in the middle of the year

every time someone asked you pushed it off, claiming your old school just wasn’t working out and started babbling about how much you love being at this school and how glad you are to have found real friends like them

“time for a break, i brought food!!”

you held the bags of food up, getting tackled in a gross sweaty hug by nishinoya 

“it’s like you heard my stomach calling out for you, y/n!!! you’re my saviour!!!”

you immediately laughed 

“i know, noya, now get off, you’re sweaty” you cringed a little and he got off, a little offended but he quickly forgot about it and snatched the bags 

you were all sat on the ground, everyone eating quietly when hinata started complaining about his mother nagging him to focus a little more on studying 

that’s how everyone started talking about their mothers, somehow everyone having a little to complain about 

“what ‘bout you, y/n? you have nothing to remark about your mom like our little crybabies here?” daichi looked at you

everyone whined at that,, “we’re not babies!!”

you tensed up at the question before relaxing and smiling 

“nope! my mom is perfect.” you giggled

“woah, i wish!! you need to introduce me to your mom, y/n!!” 

noya was very invested in your mom being perfect, lol

you see

kageyama here is very observant, whether it be on the court or just, well, people in general

he saw you tense up for that split-second, not pressing it further 

he knows you most likely aren’t ready to talk about it 

now that he thinks about it, you never talk about your family

he’d love to know but he understands that you’ll come to him when you’re ready to tell him and he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable by nagging you about it

“i’ll introduce you to her, noya” you giggled

his face lit up and he nodded before the topic changed again and you could now also speak to them about how annoying and hard math class is

fr tho i hate math 

after they were done eating no one could move anymore, let alone practice

hinata tried

keyword tried 

he threw up....

no one else even wanted to practice after that - opting to clean up and end practice for today instead

“kageyama, ill head out a bit early today, i’ve got some stuff to do” you said

you startled the shit out of him because he was just bringing the last volleyball to the cart

“HO- oh.” he stopped himself from screaming and turned to you 

“alright, just take care..” he mumbled, ruffling your hair which made you whine and fix it 

you hate when he does that 

he thinks your reaction is adorable

you scoffed and pulled him down to your height to plant a little kiss on his cheek 

he blushed, pda isnt for him

you loved his soft side so much 

nonetheless he smiled at you and straightened up again 

“call me if anything happens” he cleared his throat 

baby was a little awkward with stuff like this 

you didn’t mind though

you nodded and smiled “will do!”

and off you were lol 

hinata then popped up infront of kageyama 

“what’d you do to her!?!?!?! she never leaves early!!!!!!!”

kageyama pushed him away by the head 

“she just has stuff to do, shut up.”

“hey, mom..” you smiled lightly as you sat down 

“nishinoya is really looking forward to meeting you! the whole team asked about you today.. today was an ok day, i was pretty distracted all day so i didn’t have the time to feel sad again.”

...

you sighed

“but, you know, it’s been getting harder lately. it seems that getting out of bed to get to school is getting harder.. i love making everyone happy, but it’s hard being the provider and never getting something in return. sometimes, when things get hard, i just want to drop everything. i want to stop acting so bubbly and happy, but i know you wouldn’t want me to lose my smile.”

you stood up 

“i’ll get going then, i love you.”

you placed the flowers down on the grave before you, staring down at it with a sad smile before making your way home, yet again 

the next day you showed up to school as you usually did, taking your seat next to kageyama after greeting him like usual 

you were having a conversation with hinata

it was too early for kageyama to speak 

everyone was confused when you didn’t show up to practice that day

kags(｡◝‿◜｡) , 2:47pm: are you not coming to practice?

y/n, 2:49pm: no baby, i’m sorry :( i really can’t tODAY, im so upset over it 

kags(｡◝‿◜｡), 2:50pm: did something happen?

kags(｡◝‿◜｡), 2:53pm: y/n?

y/n, 3.26pm: nope, i just have some stuff to do at home  (╥﹏╥)

the next day you showed up like usual again, this time attending practice too

just like that the days seemed to go by in a blur for you 

day by day you felt yourself breaking more 

day by day the scars on your hips multiplied 

and day by day it got a little harder to make the room light up when you stepped inside 

it was after practice and it was only you, nishinoya and kageyama left 

“hey, y/n, can i finally meet your mom today??”

he was pressing around so much about it 

you smiled and shrugged,

“sure, i bet she doesn’t mind a visit”

“can i come too?” kageyama asked timidly and you nodded 

“of course.. it’s about time.” you smiled 

your eyes were a little glassy 

he frowned

nishinoya was too busy getting excited over meeting the first ever perfect mother to notice and he began dragging you out “let’s go then!”

he was pulling you to the direction of your place before you abruptly stopped

“ah-ah, i didn’t say i still live with her, did I?”

you had both boys confused now and you started walking into the right direction

you intertwined your fingers with kageyama’s

he squeezed your hand a little 

he knew you needed a little support 

only did he not expect you to lead them to the cemetery

nishinoya’s smile dropped when you actually entered the cemetery 

he saw it but he expected you to walk past 

you stopped in front of your mothers grave 

“there she is.” you let out a sigh 

kageyama felt his heart drop 

“wait, y/n, i’m so sorry for pressing this so mu-”

kageyama pulled you in a tight hug, shaking his head at the boy, who now went quiet 

he felt so horrible

you were trying so hard to hold your tears back, looking at noya

“don’t worry, you didn’t know.” 

you still smiled at him 

kageyama then spoke 

“it’s best if you go home, don’t you think?”

he didn’t even sound angry at this point 

nishinoya nodded and left 

he really felt so bad 

you couldn’t hold back and broke out in tears after

this was the first time you cried in front of your boyfriend 

he didn’t expect it to hurt this much 

hearing your little sobs break through you 

he could feel his own heart breaking as he tightened the hug 

neither of you said anything

he just let you cry into his chest 

he didn’t need to tell you he was there for you with words

he told you through gently patting your back as you cried

he told you through not judging you when you cried like this 

even when it started raining and the rain was slowly seeping through both of your clothes he didnt loosen his grip on you 

he let you finish crying 

however long it took 

and when you finally looked up at him, only the moon’s light illuminating your face, he felt his heart break, again, at the sight of your puffy eyes and red nose

he wanted to protect you from all bad things, forever.

“gosh, i’m sorry, it took me so long to stop crying..” 

he shook his head and pecked your forehead quickly “no. you didn’t.”

“..is this why you always avoided talking about your mother?”

you nodded, looking down at her grave, the flowers you placed there two days ago already droopy

you then looked up at him again 

“thank you, for.. supporting me..”

nishinoya apologised about 27 times when he saw you 

you kept reassuring him that it was alright but he felt so bad 

he felt so bad he couldn’t even properly play that day 

daichi sent him home early

“come back when you dont have two left legs!!!”

practice ended soon after that anyway 

you sat on a bench, filling out the last bits of your homework so you didnt have to do it at home, not even noticing that it was just you and kageyama left until he called out to you 

“hey, y/n, mind throwing me some balls? i’m not tired yet and i want to keep practicing”

you happily helped

you admired his determination to get better daily

it was refreshing, seeing him so passionate about volleyball 

how couldn’t you help when he asked like that

that’s how he was now practicing as you were talking 

“can you come over tonight?”

you furrowed your brows

“but it’s a school night?”

he shrugged “i don’t care. you haven’t been at my place for three entire weeks! i only see you at school, i miss you.” he was honest

he really missed you and he wanted to know what was up with your lame excuses every time he asked 

you then nodded 

“alright then, i’ll come.”

whilst he was busy drinking water you tried ‘passing’ the ball (at which you horribly failed)

“look, i’m a better setter than you!”

he chased you down lol 

you took him by surprise when he finally caught you, grabbing onto your hips, followed by a loud intake of breath and a wince from you

fuck

well

he obviously immediately let go

“y/n. what’s wrong?”

you sighed and turned towards him

“um.. i.. hit my hip earlier today..?” you trailed off and he immediately knew that you were lying 

honestly, he kind of had an idea of what it was 

he just didn’t want to think of that possibility

he might be a bit slow, but he’s not stupid 

he has a slight idea why you haven’t been coming over

he notices how the circles under your eyes have gotten darker 

he notices how you sleep in classes, which is something you never do 

and he’s so, so worried 

but he’s scared to approach you 

he’s scared to confirm his worst fears 

he shook his head at you “don’t lie.”

you sighed softly “kageyama, it’s nothing.”

you avoided his gaze and he shook his head again, now unable to hold back from speaking 

“no, y/n. you’re not okay, i know you’re not. i know that you struggle every day and i know you don’t like speaking about it, but i just can’t keep watching you suffer in silence, i do give you your space, but not when it truly concerns your well-being to the point i cant touch you or see you as often as i’d like to!” 

he stopped and took a deep breath, shaking his head 

“let’s go home first, i want to talk about this in a place i can do more for you.”

you were speechless

you never had expected him to notice anything, let alone speak up about it 

you were so lost in thought you let him drag you to his room quietly 

you snapped back to reality when he was unlocking his door, walking inside when it was open - you following 

you sat on his bed, still not knowing what to say

how the tables turn, usually its kageyama being the quiet one and you being the one to fill the silence with unnecessary babbling lol 

he looked at you, uncertainty swimming in his eyes

“can i see?”

you immediately knew what he was talking about, looking down 

you pondered over it a little before nodding

he crouched down before you, looking up at you 

“you know you can trust me, right?”

you furrowed your brows “of course”

“you don’t need to hide your feelings from me, baby, i love you through all of your emotional states, i love seeing you happy but i like comforting you when you feel sad too, you mustn’t hide your feelings.”

your eyes filled with tears at that one sentence

i love you through all of your emotional states

“thank you..” you sniffled

“i mean it. it hurts me when you hide it, it makes me feel so helpless, i don’t want to watch you crumble before my eyes, please, talk to me..”

“i just feel so hopeless, kags.. my heart feels so dull lately.”

you finally let in

“it feels like every single day repeats itself and all of my responsibilities are so hard to fulfill..it’s so hard turning up to school, bringing positive energy with me when all i feel is my sadness taking over my entire self bit by bit.”

he was listening, now sat on the floor before you, chin resting on your knee as you spoke

“but you’re not responsible for anyone’s happiness except yours. i don’t like when you prioritise others before yourself, y/n.. i don’t say it often but you’re truly so important to me and i don’t want you to lose yourself only because you try to make others happy.. it isn’t worth it, we love you for you, i can assure you, no one from our group would judge you for feeling down, we all have bad days, gosh, we all have bad weeks or even months! hiding these feelings will only worsen your pain and lead you to.. do irrational things..” he said, fingertips tracing over your hip gently

“let me see first and then we’ll talk about how we’re fixing this, ok?”

you sniffled and nodded, letting him pull the side of your pants down enough to reveal to him what he feared most 

seeing the cuts scattered on your skin broke him, truly.

he gulped and stood up, leaving to get you a pair of his shorts

“put these on, this way i can tend to them better.” he said, wanting to clean it up first before telling you his thoughts about it 

you nodded and changed into the shorts, him trying not to break down there and then as he left to get some stuff

when he came back you were patiently waiting for him and let him clean the cuts with some alcohol (not without complaining at the stings) before he bandaged them up as best as he could

he then laid down and pulled you with him, hugging you

“oh my precious y/n..” he mumbled

he was hugging your head to his chest to hide the fact that he was tearing up 

he wanted to help you so bad but he knew exactly that he couldn’t just end your suffering and it hurt him 

“but why? why do you do that to yourself?”

his voice cracked when he asked and you looked up, realisation hitting you 

you hurt him so bad by doing this.

the person you loved and cherished most 

“it felt like the only escape”

he caressed the top of your head

“pressuring you into stopping won’t help and isn’t worth it, but please, when you feel like.. doing that, call me instead. i’ll be at your place in no time and- even if you don’t want to talk i can just hug you and keep you company-”

you cut him off by pressing your lips against his

“i will, baby. i’ll call you whenever i feel down from now on”

he nodded “thank you”

he was thanking you as if he wasn’t the one helping you right now

you now hugged him back, “i’m sorry for not saying earlier..”

he hummed “lets just lay here. you’ll get better, i promise.”

he kept his promise

ever since that day, he’s been calling you morning and night, making sure you felt good waking up and going to bed 

he often called you through entire nights

he made you slowly start to understand that your purpose wasn’t to make anyone happy but yourself

he made you realise you were more than a mere person that’s always happy

and he made you understand that showing your feelings wasnt something to be embarrassed about 

(the entire team was very supportive too when they found out you were struggling! kageyama didn’t explain the details though)

so yep.

you had kageyama and a bunch of friends that were supporting you 

and for the first time, you felt hopeful for the future, your mother watching over you proudly after years of struggling and even having to move schools for a fresh start

she could now rest easily, knowing your guardian angel found his way to you and won’t ever leave you.

a/n: YALL I MADE MYSELF EMO WITH THIS ONE:( i hope you enjoyed it & please leave comments about it! 

you have an eating disorder

prompt: “you never had issues with food - that is until your boyfriend makes a remark about your weight.”

pairing: katsuki bakugo x female! reader

word count: 1.6k

warnings: MAJOR TW!! anorexia, there’s swearing

genre: fluff, angst 

NOTE: this is not proofread at all and it’s kinda short, i was struggling to finish it a lot, sorry :(

you were never one to pay special attention to your diet or anything

life is short, why spend it worrying about how your body looks?

food is food man, and you need it to live 

there was no fun in dieting either, it’s not like you were ever fat anyway - with daily training you were in shape!

sure there were thinner girls, but like i mentioned, you just liked enjoying food without having to worry about losing weight all the time 

your boyfriend, bakugo, just does not know how to express himself 

he’s not the type to really pay any mind to your figure, he finds you pretty anyway 

and its a plus anyway - whenever he feels full he can just push his plate towards you and you’ll gladly finish it for him 

that is until one day

you were sitting with the baku squad at lunch

mina was telling you about a new tiktok trend she had stumbled upon and found hilarious 

denki was currently fighting for his life against bakugo after saying his hair looked like he was just hit by an electricity quirk before he proceeded to zap him lightly 

kirishima was regretting all of his life decisions when he decided to try and help denki 

sero was just sat there,, recording it so he could show them just how stupid they looked afterwards

kirishima finally managed to pull said angry-boy away from kaminari 

you always said he’s like a little angry pomeranian when angry lol 

back to the plot omg i got carried away

after bakugo was calm enough to take his initial seat beside you, he was already too full and just overall not hungry

so he pushed his plate towards you 

“eat up, fatass.” he grumbled out

you just looked up at him with wide doe-eyes, not expecting an insult to slip off his tongue

it was bakugo, what’d you expect lmao 

you looked down at the plate, suddenly feeling very not hungry anymore, instead pushing the plate away as you grabbed your bag to stand up

“actually, i’ll head up to my room, i feel a bit sick”

you immediately left after that, not seeing the confused glances the table exchanged, mina smacking bakugo’s head

you went to your room and laid down, not knowing why bakugo’s comment had made you feel upset

you never get upset when he makes dumb remarks!!

so why now!!

oh 

you realised it when you were stood in front of the mirror, shirt lifted, staring at your own body

you did gain some weight.

you were upset at yourself because you usually didn’t mind!!

you know weight fluctuates, you know the small amount of chub you have will eventually pack it’s little bags and leave again 

but it hurt because you wanted to be pretty for your boyfriend.

how could you be when he says you’re a fatass?

eventually, you ended up scrolling through your phone, looking at thin girls all day

you also looked up a few diets that worked very fast 

by the time bakugo was aggressively knocking at your door you had closed all of the pages you were previously looking at 

as soon as you swung the door open he strutted in, seating himself on your bed

“what was with you running off at lunch today?” he looked at you 

you were still stood at your door like.... mm ok i guess make yourself at home 

“huh? i told you, i felt a little sick.” you mumbled, closing the door again, it was getting late and you were not looking to be beheaded by aizawa

he scoffed “if you say so.” he laid down, kicking your blanket to the side

“i brought you some snacks - incase you got hungry..” he said, his face looking like >:( 

he didn’t get them because he knew you liked them and wanted to make you happy! not at all!!

he just didn’t want to put up with you being whiny

that’s for sure the reason 

you giggled, throwing yourself ontop of him - sounds of protest coming from him but he did wrap his arms around you 

“since when are you so nice, katsuki?!” you teased

lol wrong move 

in 0.01 seconds you were flipped over and held down as he started tickling you 

“i’m not nice!”

the next morning you left extra early to avoid getting breakfast with bakugo

he didn’t seem to be bothered by it, he also has days where he just doesn’t feel like eating early in the morning so 

it does start to bother him when that one day of skipping breakfast turned into every day

his google search bar is like 

‘why does my gf not eat’

‘do girls not eat breakfast’

but this bitch is also too scared to approach you at first because he doesnt want you to know he truly cares 

his ego is still too high for that 

but you know better

you know he cares but sometimes you don’t feel good enough for him

you can’t help but compare yourself to other girls at your school

you distance yourself unknowingly, lost in the counting calories and exercising every day

everyone but you notices that you’re literally spiraling 

you don’t notice that you look sick, skin paling and cheekbones getting more prominent every passing day 

you don’t notice the growing eyebags under your eyes 

all you notice is other pretty girls and how you want to look like them.

at first, your friends decide to give you some space, thinking that maybe you have to fix this within yourself and need space

and you do, but someone needs to snap you out of your little bubble 

that someone is bakugo 

so it goes like this 

during training, he noticed your legs being a little more wobbly than usual 

and he noticed that you were unfocused, not being able to dodge all of the enemies attacks 

but something inside of him snaps when aizawa has to stop the fight because you were not even fighting back anymore

before aizawa even arrived in front of you, your world went black and you collapsed

bakugo was so angry at your training enemy 

didn’t they fucking see your struggle?? 

did they really have to be stopped by their teacher??

would they even have stopped if it werent for aizawa?? 

probably not

but he didnt have time to go and yell at them because he was running towards you 

aizawa let him pick you up

“bring her to recovery girl.”

of course he did 

everyone watching was so shocked 

because bakugo didn’t let out a sound the entire time 

his face was pulled into a frown, as usual, but he wasn’t speaking- no, yelling

he showed past his classmates, walking towards recovery girl’s office

“ribbit, why was he so quiet?”

recovery girl was like ?!?!?! what the fuck happened when was the last time she ate

she had to give you a total parenteral nutrition

(that means nutrition/fluids are delivered into your body via a catheter placed in a vein of your body, usually lower arm)

when you woke up bakugo was sat next to the bed, reading the back of some medicine bottle he found there

when he noticed you awake he perked up a little, shoulders visibly relaxing

“what happened?” 

he narrowed his eyes, wondering for a second if you were serious 

“you’re starving yourself to near death, that’s what happened.”

you immediately grimaced

“did i pass out in front of everyone?”

“is that seriously what you’re worried about?!”

you remained quiet, looking away

“y/n, look at me.” he gently guided your head to face him

“i don’t know what drove you to do this to yourself, but i need you to stop. you’re going to die if you don’t stop. what idiot made you think you need to do this to yourself?! i’ll kill them!”

..

“you told me i was a fatass”

his jaw dropped

fuck

“you know i don’t mean when i insult you! i hide the fucking fact that i WANT you to eat by using insults! i’m so sorry..”

his voice went soft at the end

he truly felt so bad :(

he was the one that was supposed to protect you from others hurting you yet here he was, being the one that caused you to hink you weren’t worthy enough

“i know, but there’s so many much more prettier girls than me, i was afraid you’d lose feelings if i wasn’t thin enough.”

“are you kidding?! you’re the only one i have eyes for! all those other extra’s can fuck off, i don’t give a single shit about them!”

you were kinda tearing up

“do you promise?”

god, he felt so bad.

he sat on the edge of the bed, reluctantly pulling you in a hug 

“i promise”

from that day on he made sure to remind you to eat meals, even if it was just something small

he ripped everyone’s heads off if they made a comment about your eating habits and/or weight

and he made sure you were the only one he loved

the day he saw you collapse something broke inside of him

it opened his eyes that hiding his emotions from you wouldn’t help you in your relationship

so while he supported you to build your feelings of self-worth and eating habits, you helped him start to open up, teaching him that showing emotions wasn’t embarassing

no one else knew how soft he could get with you and it should stay that way

you had a long way to go but it was all worth it in the end

he was your little angry pomeranian <33

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masterlist

disclaimer! since i do not have a lot of works yet, i will be separating the works based on anime/game, when the works pile up, i will update my masterlist and every character will get their own section.

haikyuu! masterlist 

genshin impact masterlist

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SEND HELP IM IN A ZOOM CALL AND THE TEACHER PICKED ON ME AND I PANICKED AND LEFT THE CALL?????

yooo i literally JUST posted my navigation and i already have like ?? 50 new notes ??? D:

hi everyone!!!

my masterlist is due an update lol, i now write for the boys of bnha, haikyuu and genshin impact! i now also have an ask link in my bio & i’d greatly appreciate it if you were to send in requests :-)