This Whole Situation Is Very Funny

this whole situation is very funny

credit to @cryptvokeeper for the idea!

"Love is such an awful thing. It provokes dread jealousy, gut-wrenching anger, unbreathable anguish, sick sadness, painful happiness, cheerful despair, obsessive hunger, insane longing, throbbing loneliness in me when I see you.

Yet, the Sun shines harder, searing my skin, warming my body. Akin to Icarus, I fall down, fracture my skull, smash my bones and light still mocks my ambition, the whole universe laughs at my dream and I die and reborn by the sole grace of your glimpse over my decaying figure.

Thousands moons of hope and an eternity to say 'I love you'. I ache, fall and break but I still smile at the very sight of you"

Headcanons Jojo's Bizarre Adventure Stardust Crusaders (+ GN! Reader)

Main plot : you and the Crusaders are on the road to Cairo and you have to rest somewhere for the night. Financial issue or whatever reason you want, you find yourself sharing a room (and a bed) with one of the boys.

Jotaro Kujo

Not really a light sleeper

Not a deep one either

Just... Neutral... I think

Yet very alert about the attack he might go through

He remains very still when it comes to slumber, something that's foreshadowed in his personality the first time you've ever met him. Doesn't take that much of space in the bed either. The dude is muscular but when he is completely lying down he is not that impressive.

Once he is totally lying on the bed, I guess he doesn't move for the rest of the night –another reflect of his stiff personality– or he doesn't move enough to disturb you while you're sleeping

Quite the contrary actually. Watching him letting his guard down even a little is always a sort of silent compliment. He feels good enough around you to let rest take him

Jotaro is someone who's very comfortable to sleep next to. He leaves enough space to breath at least, keeps his distance, a little bit too much for your liking sometimes but it's only detail

Actually, the perception of the distance between both of your shapes in bed is judged according to the relashionship both of you share

If you two are romantically involved with each other, don't be afraid of these strong arms sneaking to you to make you encounter his chest even though, when you would have pointed out this small detail, he may deny everything but surely mumbles an eloquent yet puzzling "Yare Yare"

Of course, you wouldn't mind having a little bit of Jotaro's body warmth, because, yeah, it's always surprisingly nice to be next to him

It's even better than Avdol's presence due to a stand which is literally not living fire.

Let's talk about Stands by the way

Star Platinum would probably ask you a goodnight kiss, or cuddles, or just a normal hug. Goodness... The soundless "ora" the stand breath out like a secret is too much for your tired little heart seeking for rest

You might think at the moment that Star Platinum has his own personality. An embarrassing fact for Jotaro who gets free kisses on the cheeks and hugs–of course it might be slightly different if he has a crush on you or if you two share an established relashionship but you literally met each other's path last week–

Star Platinum might like to interact with your stand depending on the shape it gets, which is obviously a wholesome yet weird scene.

"Yare Yare daze"

A LOT of Yare Yare daze. Even though he will tell anyone it annoying, he may appreciate it nonetheless.

If you respect each other's boundaries, it won't be any issues.

Joseph Joestar

Jotaro's grandfather is quite nice actually. A big bear when it comes to the field of sleeping –even more than he is with you already–

A lot noisier than his grandson that's for sure

Sleeps always deeply and snores. You could have sworn you heard him mutter "oh my god" in his sleep.

If it is only muttered it is quite nice actually. One night, you weren't with him but Avdol said he shouted it at 3 or 4 in the morning making jump the Egyptian and fall from the bed.

You could have killed someone to be a little mouse that night and watch the whole scene

For the roar of your elder as much to see Avdol fall from the bed. The image in your mind seemed priceless

Goodness... You have slept next to Joseph a few times already. He is not as still and stiff as his grandson. Quite the contrary actually. Arriving to the end of the night without having been slapped is rare enough to be highlighted.

While you were walking in a street, you considered the idea of buying straps like they used in insane asylum. Maybe a little bit too harsh but Jotaro understood your action. Making the younger Joestar smile under his hat.

Though, under normal conditions, for lack of better words, Joseph always keeps his distance while he was resting next to you.

Because... Boundaries... you know... He appreciates them as time goes on. Or maybe it's aging that makes him this way. Older people likes to have their little comfort, sharing but with privacy. A whole mood.

He is way more cautious with his than he was when he was younger. At least a little bit more. But when he sleeps, Joseph doesn't control everything.

Jean-Pierre Polnareff

Both Joestar are a thing.

Polnareff is another

You appreciated to sleep next to the French man. Even though he had no idea about boundaries. (Joseph's style for emphasis) OH MY GOD

Considering the kind of relashionship and the way you both are close, it might differ somehow but not that much

I guess Polnareff isn't the kind of guy to leave you only one minute alone

He's always talking, or more likely babbling his nonsense cut with French words. Which is fine to you but it seems you don't always get what this damn Polnareff would mean

'Mon Dieu Y/N ! I have something to tell you! You won't believe it'

Okay... Why not? But please Polnareff could you tell your story slower and try to organize it? Nobody understands a damn word. "Tu passes du coq à l'âne" as the French idiom says.

And definitely you encountered a week ago, so why the rush? Do you think our dear Y/N is going to vanish with the next rain?

I guess Polnareff is quite a deep sleeper. Sleeping beauty... you know how it is...

He moves a LOT. Turning and returning on his back, belly, shoulders. A whole mood when it comes to rest. A little bit like Sid in the first episode of Ice Age when the sloth tries to find a comfortable way to rest, less theatrical though... Or not.

Of course, it happens when he doesn't slide his arms along your hips, keeping you prisoner of his soft but tight and almost authoritative grip.

Not that you're uncomfortable but... Boundaries...

You understood very well that the road to Cairo would be quite the hardship to overcome. Maybe he needed some relief. J. Gail has raped and killed his sister, he might feel down sometimes.

I guess you just leave him hug you from behind, as weird as it sounds and thanks to the night's natural mystic power to enhance or soothe emotions.

Even though Polnareff is taken within rest's arms, I guess he is the kind to mutter while his eyes and closed and his hair down. You would think he was kind of the man to make big speeches yet he was more the type to say chivalrous pick up lines, may be flirting with his dream person literally, or just mumbling about toilets or food which probably be more realistic. His dreams are definitely a weird place, more than most as you can observe.

Kakyoin Noriaki

Rather complicated to imagine how it would be to share a room with the cherry boy. I think we'll have to take a bigger and general frame to distinct how it would happen while you share a room with Kakyoin

As always, it is mostly about what your relashionship is about. A crush? Real love? Friendship? It has been barely a week that you're with the boys but you feel as if you've been with them your whole life, as if nothing happened before and mostly thanks to Kakyoin's presence

I guess he is quite the guy to try to make you feel comfortable around all the other Crusaders and being a part of them as well.

He is very sweet, welcoming and tries to tell you everything you could have missed since the start of their journey, first, how they ended together to chase Dio. First, the illness striking Jotaro's mother so as to not make an undelicate remark in the future for instance.

Kakyoin loves to talk to someone able to listen to him as much as he would be able to listen to someone.

He would also like to hear you talk about your country and customs or places where you have been. He firmly believes that you can see the heart of a person and their interests through the places they went for any reason.

These little talks would surely take place in the room you share.

Kakyoin likes to share stories too. It doesn't have to be serious ones but you could come to share what made you laugh, dream or anything else in any situation.

Kakyoin has a lot of boundaries. Might blush a little when it comes to privacy. Because, yes, it is a question that doesn't come first with the other boys and cherry boy is really concerned about it. He is the one that cares the most about respect with Avdol.

As for sharing a night in the same bed, he is quite normal I guess. Although, if your relashionship goes a little further, his unconscious being might be slightly clingy if you are close to each other.

Also, if you have a TV in your room, he will leave you choose what you want to watch. Something that could end into a battle with any other guy of the team.

Kakyoin might be the most accepting among the boys as long he can relax a little bit between the steps of your journey to Cairo, which is not so obvious with anyone else in your little team.

Muhammad Avdol

WAY TOO WARM !!

If you don't like being cold Avdol is your man. Though, is you don't endure well heat, you'll probably curse him every second of a night spent next to him.

His body irradiates already of some warmth, if Magician Red comes in the room, prepare yourself to go in a sauna.

This being said, Avdol is quite nice actually.

Likes silence and long talks. If he's not in the mood, he might read a book while enjoying this short break. He'd like to know your taste in these by the way. It's even nicer if you can share about a story you both read or if you are able to recommend him something.

All this little talks takes place in the room you share. Even in the bed sometimes when it's 1 or 2 in the morning because nights are difficult due to the eternal pressure of time and the threats ahead lying in the shadows along your trip.

Avdol is also quite the stiff man when he sleeps so don't worry too much about boundaries. He's also very polite and respect you pretty much as a person with privacy.

Actually, the Egyptian mostly shares a room with Joseph so as to have a plan in case and anticipate potential next hardships. So you don't share a room that much. Ten times at most along the trip to his homeland.

Avdol is also a quiet man and very cautious. He's also learning to apprehend you and to trust you. And behind the shut doors of your room, you are yourself in your most human way.

His little hobby is trying to predict your future but as any people of his kind, he doesn't make it direct enough to be clearly understandable.

And yourself, whether or not do you believe in his talents, you ask him sometimes to see what's going to happen according to cards or palm lines. It relieves you or not but at least you keep you ready to what your going to face in the future. Even though it remains awful or not.

Hi sashiii ❤️ I saw your recent event and I was wondering if I could request Ace x fem!reader with a Romeo and Juliet kind of trope? (But with the happy ending of course 😉) Forbidden lovers planning on running away together and they finally meet but can’t seem to keep their hands of each other? And it can be NSFW please 🧚🏼‍♀️❤️ thank you so much I hope you find this prompt fun 🙈

Hii beautiful!! of course!! I did actually not just use the "Romeo and Juliet" torpe, but also made a little adaptation of it!! I hope you like it!! thank u for requesting! 💖

👑 Oh, Royal Lust Event ~ Royals AU event.

𝐧𝐬𝐟𝐰 ~ 𝐏𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐠𝐚𝐬 𝐃. 𝐀𝐜𝐞 𝐱 𝐅! 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 ~ 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐓𝐨 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬

tw: inspired on Romeo & Juliet, it's my own adaptation to Shakespeare's work of art, with a good ending (or maybe not, who knows, maybe both died and they find themselves in the after life... is up to you to decide which path chose). nsfw. oral sex, romantic and fluffy vag sex.

wc: 2.9k

Want more? visit the masterlist

The freckled boy, the son of your enemies. The sun that shines always on his beautiful noble manor and his gardens. His wavy black hair flows with the wind, and his shirt always ends up in the ground when he trains during the afternoons. And he knows, the daughter of his father’s enemy looks at him from her own room, high, high in a stone tower.

His eyes sometimes meet, and the pupils burn, burn in desire…Because they are enemies, yes. But they are also lovers. They love each other.  But nobody has to know.

The sun sets, the night comes and as the stars form constellations on the sky, his freckles do over his cheeks. Cheeks you got the chance to caress, so soft, so sweet.

“Name! Name!” he calls you from outside your windows. You widen your eyes, is that… him? The flowy fabrics of your night gown shine with the moonlight that filters in between the curtains as you walk towards your balcony.

"Ace? Ace! Where are you? I can't see you!"

Suddenly, him. He is quick and strong, and you suspect he has been training hard his body just to be able to climb to your room.

“Hi…” Ace whispers, always so respectful of you. “Ace… I told you we shouldn’t do this! What if our families find out?” you whisper back, so happy, and so scared because he has crawled up your balcony in the middle of the night. “If we broke the truce the Prince put for us, we will have to pay with our lives at sword point”

Ace sighs, it’s painful for him to be so close and yet so far from you. And frankly, your heart aches too. But you know you have to wait because love always wins, right?

“I’m really sorry, (Name)… I couldn’t look at you from my garden any longer, I needed to have you in my arms” he says, coming closer to your lips. His slightly tanned skin, his mouth so tempting.  “Let’s run away. They will never stop hating each other, (Name)” he urges, as you go dumb just by the warm breath over your lips. “I don’t care about dying, as long as I can be with you”

You have to stop yourself from kissing him, and from crying. How is he planning on running away? They will notice, you will be found by the guards.

“Do you remember the first time I saw you?” he asks, remembering that banquet that he attended uninvited to find his brother’s lover and try to convince her to go back to Sabo. You nod, how could you forget the dance where it was announced you were looking for a husband. A husband you weren’t allowed to choose. “I do… you were the one who illuminated my life, Ace”

Ace sits properly on your balcony and pulls you closer, your face rests on his chest and his arms surround your frame. “Since then, I wanted to marry you… would you marry me?” he says, kissing the crown of your head. If there is something this man masters is beautiful romanticism without even trying.

Your eyes become watery, and there is nothing you would like more in this world than marrying the man you love instead of a random Count of your Kingdom. “A-Ace… of course I want to” you mumble, grabbing his clothes in tight fists and crying over the teared cravat of his shirt.

His hands land on the small of your back, pushing you even closer against his body. Then, warm fingers graze your chin up. His blazing eyes fix in yours, and the tip of your noses touch. The sweetest kiss follows, star-crossed lovers that have so much passion ready to be unleashed.

Will it be tonight? Will it be this, a beautiful hot summer night, the night where their bodies melt?

“(Name)!! Is everything all right?” your nanny’s voice echoes from outside your room, the noble young girl has to be monitored, she is a lady that must be respected and taken care of until you are walked down the aisle to another disgusting noble man.

You quickly break up the kiss, your face inspires true terror. But Ace knows how to ease your fear so easily… “Calm down, I got a plan! Wait for me, tomorrow night I will help you scape. Do you trust me?” he asks, brushing your hair back and earning a nod from you, putting blind faith on him.

He crunches over the balcony, grabbing his fancy burnt orange beret. “See you tomorrow, I love you” he mouths. And just when your nanny opens your door he jumps off and disappears into the night.

“Is the lady ok?” you nanny asks, coming towards a startled you. The warm breeze of Verona kisses your cheeks, and your heart pumps faster than ever. “I- I am…” you barely mumble, with eyes fixed into a marine blue velvety sky.

You server turns you around to discover some tears running down your face, she cleans them and sends you to sleep. “Still thinking on that young child of the Portgas, right?” she asks, helping you get into bed. “Tomorrow night will be a big night, Lady (Name). You will meet your future husband in the banquet” she says, tucking your sheets under your armpits.

But… I’ve already met him…

A new day has started with many servants getting you ready for the big night, you were made even to take a bath in milk and roses. Your hair, your nails, everything should be perfect for the party. Your beauty should be enhanced to the maximum… what a futile attempt to make you happy.

And as the night came, with your eyes always looking at the gardens of your manor, you never once thought Ace’s promises will be empty ones…

The banquet was noisy, violins, cellos, and everybody would wait for the tarantella to be played just to dance with their future lovers. And there it is, the man that will marry you… but Ace… where is Ace?

“Come on, (Name). Smile a little, we have accepted your request to wait a few months to get married. Now show some gratitude” your mother tells you, annoyed at your sadness. “Yes, mother…” you answer back, forcing a smile that’s painful and not real.

But, like a sun through the door, a little funny clown appears to animate the nobles and riches getting their bellies stuffed of the most gourmets preparations. “I’m the God of the sun! of laughter! Please, those drums of liberation!! Play that song for me!” the buffoon says, stretching himself and jumping all around.

You smile, it’s inevitable not to do so. He indeed looks like the Sun, a Sun in the middle of a night… and the drums of liberation? What does he mean?

Dancing to the sound of the barrels he comes closer and stands in front of you. “SHI SHI SHI! You must be the young lady, the star of this night!” he says, and quickly snatches some meat from your plate. 

You can’t help but laugh at such lack of respect, he is too cute not to do so. He stretches his cheeks and shows you a big smirk, his eyelids have paintings and in his forehead the word meat.

“You like the stars when they form galaxies in the sky, (Name)?” he asks, all of a sudden. “Do you know I have a brother who has them all over his face?”.

You quickly understand what he meant… is this Ace’s plan? “I love them, I love the stars” you tell him, Ace is a true star.

“Cool, then, you should go to the kitchen after the party, I’ve heard you will find the way towards the stars if you eat something sweet! I did find the path towards the sun eating your meat! Thanks!” he whispers and jumps away to keep entertaining the party.

You are left startled. Ace…

You couldn’t wait much longer, of course you couldn’t. And right after the last person left the place and everybody was wasting his time fawning on a Count way older than you, drooling and waiting for a couple of months to pass to have you in his arms, you ran to the kitchen.

“Chef Sanji!” you find the blonde chef of your mansion smoking in his workplace after a long night of hard work.

His blonde locks move when he turns around to you, a sweet smile and a cigarette hanging from his lips. “Beautiful (Name)-san” he salutes you.

“I have come for something… sweet?” you ask him, well aware one of your guards is waiting right outside the window. Probably he had been chatting with Chef Sanji, even though they don’t usually get along.

Sanji lets a little chuckle out; his expression shows how much he understands what you just said. “To find the road to the stars?” he asks, opening a little wooden cabinet from the kitchen. “Uh…” you think twice about saying yes, the guard is looking at you with his single eye.

“Calm down, he is here to help you too… Lady (Name)” he sweetly whispers, putting in your hand a little truffle and looking at the guard with a cute smile. You observe the little dessert over your palm, and then to the cook and the green haired guard.

You open your mouth and close it again several times, what is that supposed to do? How is it going to help finding Ace?

“Eat this, it’s as sweet as spicy. It may burn a little, but then, the sweet chocolate will ease it. Just like love, (Name). You will fall asleep for a day; you will be safe. You will be taken to Dr. Marco. You know him?” Sanji asks.

You nod, Dr. Marco has always been your family doctor. But it was also the Portgas family’s doctor too… “Thank you guys…” you whisper, taking the truffle and letting the burning sensation in your tongue numb your life as you run through the halls of your home.

A new Sun awakens the cobbled streets of Verona, the heat of a summer over Italy make some flowers still shy to open after a long night.

You lay on your bed, completely unconscious. No response, even the strongest knocks on your door does not wake you up. Door that’s open by your nanny and mother, to find an inert body resting over your bed.

“My dear (Name)!” “Call Dr. Marco right away! She is not breathing!”

Doctor Marco fixes his glasses as he tries to find a little bump that would indicate your heart is beating on your cold wrist. But he says he cannot find it. You are gone, for ever…

Left over the stone of your future grave, your family members cry heartbroken. How did that happen? Why have you passed away? So young, so beautiful… Roses surround your body, all around that stone where your back rests. Your hands crossed over your belly and your hair let down framing your peaceful façade.

A dying sun caresses your cold skin with orangey rays that filter from the garden, the sky is tinted in lilac and the summer breeze plays with the silky fabric of your dress. The night slowly comes, and with that your family leaves your grave to rest, perhaps, a little.

“I’m here…” you hear, a whispering voice that warms your heart. “I’m already here, I’m sorry if I made you wait”

Soft hands over your cheeks, the warmth of his lips on your forehead. Slowly easing the comatose state, you were in by kisses and caresses, loving touches, full of hope and liberation. “A-Ace…?” you mumble while trying to beat the heaviness of your eyelids. You feel your mouth dry, but that doesn’t matter because the first thing you see is the galaxy on his cheeks.

“Hi” he whispers, tucking your hair behind your ear. “Hi…” you utter, smiling so happily. If this is a dream or if this is reality, it doesn’t really matter.

Ace’s lips slowly reach for yours and closing your eyes you receive them. The first kiss of the new rest of your lives, along with his fingers interlocking with yours. Kiss that turns into the most passionate session of tongues dancing. It’s been so long, how many days you have waited for his kisses, for his hands?

“Should we get married first?” he asks once he lays next to your still a little weak body. “Let’s get married under the stars, right now” you tell him, sure marriage is nothing but sealing your love in an eternal promise.

Ace smiles, for the first time so sincerely, happiness fills his heart, and does yours too. “Do you take me as your husband, (Name)?” he asks, kissing your hand. “I do, (Ace). Do you take me as your wife, Ace?”

“I do, love of my life”

He pulls you up, sitting over the cold stone but surrounded by a blazing love, by a blazing desire. The freckled young man hand’s rest over your shoulders, slowly sliding your sleeves down them. Sweet pecks over your neck, down to your collar bones. None of you could wait any longer for this, you simply can’t.

Over the stone that would close your tomb, you will seal the deal that makes you free. The love that will lead you to a new life, what a beautiful paradox.

His kisses slowly makes you lay over what is now your bed, he takes his beret off revealing the wavy raven locks framing his galaxy face. You help him take his shirt off, barely ripping it with your own nails. Finally, his body, all for you.

Tan skin from a hot summer, from endless days training on his garden under the sun. His fingers buried on your hips, lifting your right leg. Leg that ends around his, carving your heel onto his calf. Hardness against wetness, his kisses don’t limit to your lips. Desperately nibbling your neck, and the little valley in between your breasts.

Ace, like an unstoppable beast, begins devouring you. Sucking, licking, biting, pulling. Getting drunk on your whines, you in rapture. More, more, I wanna feel you even closer.

The freckled man, goes down, tracing a wet path from your chest to your belly button. He stops right there, after kissing around your navel. His fire eyes fixed on yours, lust has taken his body host and you won’t stop him. His fingers squeezing your hipbones tight. “Spread, (Name)… please” he commands, showing you what he wants to do with his watering mouth.

You do, lifting your legs and spreading them so he can fit in the middle. His smile turns into a smirk, a dark smirk. Ace plays with your fine lingerie, first touching the dampness of the lace that covers your sex. His nose buries them on your sex, still covered, but feeling every sensation his lips create. He kisses first, and licks then.

“Can I?” he asks, still waiting for your permission to take your underwear off. You only moan and nod, you need him to do so, you really need it to. He smiles, kindly this time, kissing first your inner thigh and then sliding your panties off.

The white lace slowly goes down your legs, getting to your feet. Ace plants a loving peck over the arch of your foot and then the clothes are finally off. He pounces back in between your legs, with the utmost care he only tastes your dripping arousal with the tip of his tongue, breathing warmly over your anatomy. It makes you squirm; it makes you arch your back.

Yet, this is just the beginning because when he spread your labia with his finger and attacks your button of pleasure, you scream hard. Your moan echoes through the night, and you are pretty much sure everybody had listened.

But, frankly, you don’t care.

Ace, Ace keeps eating, nurturing from your sex, taking you to heaven so sweetly and sinfully. Hi trace circles, he sucks, and he even uses his fingers. Fingers to which your walls get used to, as they open their ways inside of you.

Climax, that unknown sensation finally taking over your body for the very first time, warming and taking you to edge of glory from the loving actions of your husband. The freckles that sprinkle his rosy cheeks now, peek up your core to simply enjoy the beautiful expression of your ecstasy.

“Ace, keep… going, please. Come here” you mumble when your breath normalizes, you need him inside of you, you can’t wait any longer. “Sure, my love” he accepts, crawling up to you, planting a honey kiss on your lips.

Ace wipes the little drops of sweat on your forehead and looks at you with the softest expression you’ve ever seen. His adoration towards you reminds you of a goddess worshiper. And indeed, he is, he considers you as his goddess, precious divinity.

“Do you want me to make love to you, my dear?” he asks, with his forearms at each side of your face. “Make love to me, my lover”.

Bellies touching, breathing into each other. Himself invading your insides with care and soft motions so you get accustomed to him. Slowly moving in and out once your clenching walls allow him to do so.

Resting his body weight over his left side, he makes love to you with eyes fixed on yours and his right hand caressing your cheek. “I love you” he repeats on and on, until words aren’t needed or can’t be said. Moaning and confessing how much both love each other, seal your first encounter with raptured feelings as if you had finally found the path to the stars...

“Let’s run away and never look back” 💖~

One Piece headcanons (+ GN! Reader)

Main plot : What if Reader gets a private moment with the Shichibukai and maybe a kiss? How and what might happen?

Additional information :

It is based on the first we encountered (Mihawk, Doflamingo, Hancock, Jimbei, Kuma, Crocodile, Moria)

I'm not originated from an English speaking country so my way to write names and facts are probably not the same as yours.

Crocodile

Handsome, f*cking classy man first. (Don't mind me in my little corner fangirling on the ultimate DILF)

Let's settle this now, Crocodile has the ability to express emotions as well as a spoon. As stoic and stiff as his hook. It's part of his charm but he is often unreadable and hard to understand (he's not the only one though)

You never knew if he appreciated you. You were working with him, being the chief of some part of the men recruited by Baroque Works, so you were one of the first to know who your supreme commander was.

Although, Crocodile wasn't a kind man. He was only considerate about the ones he really cared about. Well... At least a bit more

Don't get me wrong. When a job is done even better than what he what he was asking for, he really takes time to utter his appreciation. Crocodile is a man of few words but knows how to congratulate someone.

Yet, with you, the story seems different. He finds you skilled, useful, and obviously a crucial tool in his conspiracy.

Sometimes, after work, you had some private time with Crocodile. This happened more often than we could imagine, and yet, not on a regular basis either.

He felt more relaxed, calm within the silent of his office. Quite the particular atmosphere, I must say.

You weren't always at ease with him. Crocodile wasn't a comfortable host. As if he seeks your presence but not yourself. It led you to wonder if you were a sort of green plant so as to decorate the room.

Your talks were light. Casual. Classic. The principle of secrecy within the organization made you distant with each other. You found topics, or course, but they weren't relevant. As time goes on, the obligated discretion fades away. You both open up slightly, just enough to keep interest alive like a flame.

Do you like cigars ? If you were to turn out to be someone crucial in Crocodile's entourage, you had to know his tastes in cigars. Also, the man is curious about yours. If you don't smoke, it'll also be alright. You must have some guts, rather lungs actually, to smoke those ladder rungs.

In case you'd like them, Crocodile would use it to get closer to you without sounding suspicious and keeping distance. You also might not be a stranger to this tactic either.

Once, after a very long day, Crocodile came next to you while you were peacefully sitting on a couch, and came close to you. You had one of these expensive cigars between your lips and were waiting for the lighter. You didn't expect at all to watch your boss get on the couch and put his hand on your neck, drawing you to him. His lit cigar seemed to transfer his heat, for lack of better words, and smoke appeared.

You blushed heavily. "Or you could have lent me your lighter". Crocodile hummed softly as an answer, "it was more interesting to watch you become a whole mess"

Well... I digress. Though, Crocodile would probably share the smoke of his cigar within your mouth. Leading to a sort of kiss.

Smoke is burning your lungs, you want to cough and release the thick cloud within your chest. Although, Crocodile didn't agree with that. He leans in, bringing you closer. His grip is firm, authoritative. Whether or not you thought you were able to flee from him, your plan is compromised now. You wouldn't escape.

Crocodile's lips are firm, chapped due to the sand. Your body melts and surrender to the Warlord's touch. You look for a place to grasp and hold tight to the reality of the scene. But everything you reach crumbles. Crocodile stops your relentless moves and deepens the kiss. A hurricane devastates your soul and, leaving you as is you were shattered. You refused to realize what has just happen.

"S-sir Crocodile..." you mutter, touching your lips, apparently shocked by the crucifying kiss and the way the man was scrutinizing you indifferently.

The Warlord didn't say anything. No apologies, nothing, you didn't want any of these by the way. But you were so flustered, embarrassed. You may have to say something but no word came to your mind.

Despite the fact you were so embarrassed, a smile crosses your face and lit your eyes.

Crocodile stares at you, waiting patiently for you to regain a clear mind. He doesn't say anything. Eventually, his patience disappears and he turns his back.

"Did the cat get your tongue? Considering how you answered to my kiss, I guess you kinda liked it" he inquires with mugging irony. He knew you were flustered but he demanded an response. He had an idea about what you were thinking. Yet, he wanted you to utter it with clear words.

"I... Well... You... You meant it, right?" you hesitate, fearing it was either all a dream or a joke. The truth would have crushed you.

"What nonsense are you spitting?"

"You are Sir Crocodile, the Warlord, Mr 0, my boss. What am I to you?"

"A partner, a useful one" Responded the man, not even bothering himself to think twice.

You were speechless. Crocodile got closer again and lifted your head with his hook. His burning gaze settled within yours. His moves are gentle, or they seemed to be like it, but firm and still authoritative.

Both of you have a lot to talk about but still, you feel undoubtedly happy knowing your boss likes you this way.

Hancock

Depending on your gender, it might be only slightly easier to have such private moments with your Empress.

In any case, you have been blessed by some god to obtain a glimpse from the lady.

If you're a man, consider yourself lucky. It's a miracle that you were able to cross Hancock's path and get out of it alive.

If you're non binary, I guess it is according to your looks.

If you are a woman, you are probably a Kuja.

Hancock is particularly stiff when it comes to talk with people. She doesn't like them and her being royalty is a perfect means to have the distance she demands.

When she met you, she considered you as if you had no relevance, nothing to yourself that might keep you as a person worthy of her attention.

But you, you fell in love immediately. Not only for her body but also for her voice, her charisma, her strength and everything she is. Within a second, you felt as if you had been marked with white-hot iron. The invisible scar left was driving you insane.

Then, after trying to prove your loyalty by every means possible, Hancock noticed you. Yet, you tried to keep your distance so as to retain Hancock's attention.

If you behave differently from how people act everyday, maybe you could have your chance to make an impression

And... Well... You get it.

Hancock is taken aback, but barely. You raised her interest. You are just out of the rank for her, meaning different from what she's used to.

And then, the Warlord makes of you her personal place of peace and safety within a comfortable unchanging routine. Even though she is so proud that she is certainly not going to admit it

Man, most likely woman or non binary, she would call you to rest upon you as if you were a pillow. Hancock appreciated your warmth and your presence as long as you remained silent. Overbearing? I don't know what you're talking about. Empress orders, Empress obtains. Even more when we are talking about such a woman

Sometimes, Hancock asks her snake to surround you both. The illusion of hug made you smile that managed to echo on the Warlord's face, pale and small as the sun in winter but a smile nonetheless.

Mihawk

Getting a private moment with Mihawk? It might be very simple or very complicated. But since the man is known as being alone all the time, our perception of being in private with him can appear distorted or wrong.

Since the start of One Piece, Mihawk is known for a subversive behavior towards people he may encounter. Shanks's pirates, World Government... We don't really know who he follows. Even though it is understandable that he obeys to a certain level to the latter since he is affiliated to them.

Eventually, I guess the group whose you come from doesn't matter. Whether you are a Navy soldier or a pirate or just a normal person, it doesn't bother Mihawk. It is no importance to him as long as he keeps his beloved quietness and nothing goes too strange.

Even though, creating links around what you have both encountered facilitates a lot your bounding.

But let's get back to our case. Not that the man wouldn't appreciate that events turn out a little funny but he would have probably never said that but he found routine boring now. Something he appreciated before, as well as loneliness, was, from now on, something he didn't like.

You arrived like a fresh wind in a dusty old room where the sun rarely drilled through heavy curtains.

He found your spirit more attractive than others. Different in your own way, nuanced, perfect. Although, he would never admit it. He's like a shell, only opening when he wants to.

You'll have to be patient I guess. Let the man get used to how lively you are.

Time with you is no privilege. He has all of it as he pleases.

Not of the touchy-touchy kind, as it is expected from Mihawk but, sometimes, he likes to take your hand in his while reading. He might draw you closer. You are so far away, sitting on the other side of the couch.

Eventually, all of that privilege thing is a question about how and how quickly you understand each other. It's no bigger deal than that I guess. At least for your case.

You are living, or at least resting for some time, in the same place together. What else could happen between two people when they are alone and get as many possibilities to build a relationship as you do?

Sometimes, you also accompany Mihawk in his trips. Yet, your strength is likely to be the mere variable with that habits you may create.

If you are a weak person, not a warrior or anything, Mihawk will leave you at home where you are safe even though his mansion is no more than a remote area but you know... The biggest danger that might happen here would be the unexpected visit of a redhead with 3 scars on his left eye and some jokes about you staying at his place.

Although, if you can handle yourself in battle, Mihawk may accept more easily to have you with him on his boat.

Ennemies are also something he wouldn't be able to allow you deal with.

Don't mind his overbearing behavior on that point. A lot of people wants him dead and losing you is simply not possible.

Eventually, you spend some quality time with the Warlord. Your relashionship is getting stronger and stronger as time goes on. Both of you share the idea that it's just really nice to have someone else with whom one another is close to, as much as it might be hard to admit.

Jimbei

Jimbei being a Warlord is hard to imagine since the first time we met him he was chained, with Ace, in a jail at Impel Down.

He's not a pirate that attend reunions with the other Warlords for the simple reason that he might be enslaved, I guess. (Shiraoshi vibes here)

Moreover, I don't think he appreciates being linked in any way with the World Government's business, it's just diplomatic somehow.

This being settled, I don't think that a Marine, a human or an agent of the Government can match his tastes.

The best you could hope, if you are part of Navy, WG or anything related, would be friendship from him. For a human being, it might depend. I'd say that if you are ready to have a relashionship, friendship mostly, you'll have to be brave. Racism being the main cause of the resulting fuss.

This being said, you are likely to be a mermaid, a merman or a non-binary creature of the sea.

Though, getting Jimbei's friendship is not that complicated I guess. Show him that you don't hate his kind.

He remains a pirate and a warrior, hence his wariness about people he meets. However, it lasts until your prove your worth.

Jimbei's trust is invaluable, as well as his respect.

Let's get back to the matter at hand.

Getting a private moment with the Warlors is not easy.

He's always far away, probably kicking some asses for Whitebeard or for himself. Moreover, Jimbei surely is never in your vision range everyday. You might not have the possibility to see him for years.

Last time he did something so foolish, people were able to hear you from the royal palace.

(Well... Maybe not that much but everyone knows that Jimbei would have never been able to pretend he was deaf that day, considering how perfectly you made him understand that it wasn't wise for him to forget you)

Being with Jimbei is not always a quiet moment. The Sun Pirates are a cheerful bunch of Fishmen guys that have a lot to tell.

Yet, the atmosphere might be heavy with all the racism that is part of each corner of the Fishmen Island.

Discussions are never totally free. There is a lock on you. As if saying everything would attract upon you a sort of divine punishment.

– this statement is out of the subject but I guess that this lock, for lack of a better word, has sort of exploded when Staw Hats Pirates came on the Fishmen Island. A small glitter of hope to see the sun light managed to be enough it seems – (Fishmen sociology over)

In this context, obtaining some time with Jimbei is so rare, it is almost impossible. As well as getting closer emotionnally, even though it might sound a little bit selfish. The only possible way to obtain something would happen if everyone makes an effort. Either if the Sun Pirates consider you worthy of it, and so leaving Jimbei by excusing themselves and walking away with a smile on their face. Or Jimbei gets himself the space to be able to see you.

Eventually, that works. Jimbei manages to share a little bit of time with you. He appreciates it, since he made a lot for it. It wasn't much but you both enjoyed some private time alone and the thought that it wouldn't happen in a long time made of it a time to cherish and appreciate as a treasure.

Doflamingo

Second biggest DILF here, and a very toxic one.

Man, woman, non-binary, transgender... I guess Doflamingo doesn't care with whom he spends time with. Your origins matter though. Whether or not you are a pirate who came with him, and your rank, or if you are a courtier or a WG-affiliated agent (Navy included in the last option)

Be careful, His Highness is a very busy man. He doesn't have time to dedicate to such a small detail as your little self. Your beloved King must not be bothered, he has a lot of work to attend to.

Getting a bit of time with Doflamingo is tricky. And you'll have to be brave because keeping your own dignity is an intricate task.

If you're too straightforward like busting in his office or being a little bit too clingy is a direct way to be painfully rejected.

Yet, if you don't try to see your Waka-sama because of a lack of audacity and boldness, you will regret it.

Being part of Doflamingo's crew doesn't give you the right to disturb your captain and your King as you please.

A fair middle between these two options is clearly a sort of no man's land, it doesn't really exist. Moreover, Doflamingo making an effort is definitely something you shouldn't even start to consider.

People come for him, not the contrary.

You'll have to play on a sort of psychological level. Doflamingo is known as a sadist. He likes to play with his toys and gets rid of them when tired. He appreciates a good hunt, somehow.

Although, the toy, mostly a human being, might end up broken. The strong grip of this old child is painfully devastating when he literally managed to insinuate his poison within your mind.

The more a prey resists to him the better.

That's the reason why you have to be fearless if you want to keep a stable dignity. – that might also mean that the seduction and the charm Doflamingo is made of doesn't have made you completely drunk and craving for his attention –

You will make yourself heard in the royal palace. Or more precisely, you will get Doflamingo to hear your name.

Regularly, like a rythm on a drum, you will make other courtiers to spread rumors about your behavior in Dressrosa's Royal Court.

Your name, being repeated constantly, will automatically attract Doflamingo's attention, out of an unhealthy curiosity.

He will play along with you, will talk to you so as to pin down your personality. Eventually, it turns out it's a risky bet since the Warlord will use your potential weaknesses, try to know everything so you are not an opponent, just an amusing toy. Your astute resourcefulness being refreshing.

If you are a Navy soldier, your situation might be slightly different since it happens you have to meet frequently enough so as to not raise the Government's attention upon Doflamingo's business.

Why not setting here a premise that a soldier is always devoted, somehow, to a Warlord. Like a link agent.

You know your duty and leaving Doflamingo flirt with you is no part of it.

Depending on how you are serious, the King will tease you first then getting deeper and deeper into your soul.

You definitely can't say that the Warlord is disgusting. Always a killer of style, usually a whole mood, often an unsufferable whimsical child, and yet, handsome as hell.

"As surprising as it sounds, I'm trying to get my job done. Now, for the third time, I'd like a list of the pirate crews which passed by Dressrosa." you uttered, another different way this time. "The World Government doesn't need this data. You're just doing the dirty tasks of some bureaucrats. What do you think about you inviting me to your room?" "Order of my superiors come first, now get your ass on your chair and don't make a more embarrassing fuss than what you are doing of yourself right now"

How harsh your answers might have been didn't matter at all for Doflamingo. He was stubborn in his decision to have some fun, even though it was despite your best intentions.

Eventually, no matter what kind of people you were among courtier, Navy soldier or just someone, you end up within a room, sitting next to Doflamingo.

You feel yourself trapped against a broad, strong chest. The Warlord's intoxicating perfume exhilarating you. He was talking to you, in your ear. He knew you were finally under his whole influence. You couldn't move, not even get a few centimeters away from him. Stoic as if you were carved in marble.

Doflamingo was flirting with you, his arm surrounding your shoulders, a glass of wine on his other hand – if his hand is free he'll use his devil fruit powers over you –. His lukewarm breath brushed your cheek while he tickles your neck. His lips are caressing teasingly your skin but the words coming out of his mouth doesn't have any meaning.

You could imagine but it was pointless. And then, his mouth stick to yours in a languid but cold and overbearing kiss that calls for more.

But beyond that, Doflamingo's sincerity is highly questionable.

Kuma

This character is so forgotten and underrated and yet, we can feel he stands among the most crucial ones of OP.

Yet, it remains understandable that the small number of times we see the gigantic guy leaves place for imagination. You can count his apparitions on the fingers of only one of your hands.

If you are a WG-affiliated agent, a Navy Soldier or a Revolutionary one might lead to several conclusions.

And I think Kuma is more into women. No proof, just gut feeling.

Every possible endings cannot be happy, I'm sorry to say it like this but it's the truth. Except if we get a sort of come - back from the dead of our dear Warlord but we all know that it's not an option.

In that way, being a Navy soldier or any WG-affiliated agent will automatically lead to a failure in the field of getting to know each other better to the point of enjoying some time together, which is the first step.

Moreover, since Kuma is probably the biggest emotional turnip among the Warlords, only getting attention from him is an achievement in itself.

Although, the man spends a lot of time to observe things around him. Even if it doesn't sound like it.

So, you were both in the Revolutionary Army. He was kind of an executive or a manager, somehow. Someone crucial for you all.

Your rank will allow you to get more easily in touch with him. There nothing to say anymore about that side of the issue. Obviously, if you are ranked as well as he is, the chances to be able to talk to him will increase spectacularly.

We don't know, team up against over-confident recruits such as Sabo and Koala might be beneficial.

It would be nice if you had to help Kuma with some of his tasks.

It seemed sometimes that, in the headquarters, tragedies were hanging in the air like heavy gas. It weighted and loomed upon everyone's head.

Like Jimbei with racism, an unhealthy crave of freedom and the necessity of it at all cost was a whole topic. It's mostly the aura of unavoidable sacrifice and imminent death that was uncomfortable, literally screaming somehow "We'll all die to free people from tyranny even if it's not needed anymore"

Yet, not similar to Jimbei, Kuma is a little bit more accessible. Because he actually is more present in the headquarters. Then, you can just pass by with a strong reason to get in touch with him.

Probably won't make an effort for you to encounter.

If you do, it's about paperwork. Some reports about things. It might drift to some revolutionary soldiers' shenanigans but not beyond that.

Though, you perceived several times a timid smile on Kuma's face. It happens rarely but remains a detail that needs to be highlighted. You might bother him in a good way

Finally, it's around a cup of tea that you manage to share some stories. The Warlord doesn't say anything, or barely react. You know that he listens carefully, though.

But time is now counted. Kuma gets slowly away. His gait turns stiff and robotic, his behavior more distant than before. The fragile link between you two broken before its slow construction.

Moria

This character is probably the worst to write headcanons about. I mean, Doflamingo and Crocodile are so easy because you can find ideas easily and in every field possible. For Hancock, Jimbei and Kuma, you need to have a little bit of imagination with informations you have which are not that much. And for Mihawk, you take the same ideas that it has always been made from what we know about him but you change the setting. Making headcanons that are different might lead to be out of character. – "I'm hard to apprehend and I know it" vibe – (this attempt of joke is not related at all to the fact that "I'm sexy and I know it" of LMFAO gets its ten years anniversary in 2022, I'm so old damn)

Moria... Such a tricky character.

Getting time with him. Not an issue. Thriller Bark is large. Zombies run freely, that's definitely scary

Perona the same as always, a psychopath. Even though you wondered if her teddybear wasn't the dreadest one.

Moria would probably receive you in his room. With an abnormal-colored drink, whatever it is, it's not water.

The fact that the Warlord can't cross his legs gives him a nonchalant position on the cushions were he sits.

Self-praise my dear. You won't get to the end of it. Complimenting himself is what the Moria stands for. Annoying and ironically laughable, an intricate mix of emotions that comes out of it.

Discussing with you will become a habit.

Moria, the perfect host he is, will allow you to get comfortable in his mansion. Meaning that Absalom will watch you do whatever you want.

Yeah. If the mansion and all the horrendous surroundings were already a mood. People living here are another.

Good luck to stay sane here, dear Reader. You'll be stuck for a long time since Moria took your shadow.

i hate when other people are funnier than me.