my addiction recovery & self-love journal: discovering a greater me
420 posts
77 -
77 -
Today, I am grateful. I had plans with some new friends and I’ll be honest - I get nervous.
Especially doing it sober? I’ve always counted on alcohol or something to reduce the insecurity. To relax my social barometer.
These days, I usually hide out on the weekends trying to muster myself up to survive the week.
Kind of sad to live life this way but I’ve got a lot going on so this is how it is right now.
So I hung out with these two friends and made myself not drink. And it was not bad. I was nervous and felt a little uncomfortable in my own skin, but I did it.
And what was really special, is I was able to vocalize this feeling ^ and share it safely without fear.
I feel like a baby deer learning how to walk, all awkward and gangly - but kind of cute, right?
Baby steps.
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get in loser we’re healing and loving ourselves
T. S. Eliot, from The Complete Works of T. S. Eliot; "The Confidential Clerk,"
At times
I am ashamed
Of how messy I am
Of how broken I am
Of how much I need
And want
And scream
Into voids of people
That don’t seem to care
And despite increasing
Self-awareness
I appear unable to stop
This pattern
Of continuous unraveling
Of traveling a hundred
Different roads
Desperately
And aimlessly
All to wind up at
The same dead end
At this point, I can no longer deny that the only common thread Is me
