Self Empowerment - Tumblr Posts
Time to let go of the fear push through th past I'm ready to make my life my own bitch again fear is something I'm punching now not bargaining with
I has a "sad." I have been blocked by a talented artist here on Tumblr- after hours to days of fawning over their contributions, and providing thoughtful, positive and profound feedback on their art. 😔 I sent them a cheeky message once I realized they didn't come back to any of my comments, and as I was looking over the conversation minutes ago I realized that it said I "couldn't respond" in the chat interface. Upon further investigation and clicking the link to their Tumblr, I saw a blank page, as if nothing had existed. 😮💨 I am hurt, but pretty inflamed- after all that positivity and art worship you're just going to block me for one comment..? A teensy, more kawaii than malicious message from my heart made to connect? A poor play, in my opinion, and very bad taste. I love art, and my fandoms, and I cam procliam that I am a caring, empatheic, understanding, passionate intellectual person, who has lots to give, and always tries her best. It is sorely *their* loss for choosing to eliminate me from their contacts, because they cancelled out a great friendship that could have been. 😊 TL;DR: somewhat famous and talented artist blocks me when things get person. 'Twas a dick move, and it is their loss. I'm awesome!
I love to talk with people on Tumblr. If you're feeling the love, then why not extend a virtual, friendly hand, and let's chat! I promise that I won't "slam-block" you, and I can guarantee we'll have some fun together. 😊😘💖💗💓💕🌠✨✨✨
Me ft. That One Filter because I'm bored and my blog is dead so might as well post some selfies for a self confidence boost ayyyy
17 -
I’m starting to really see how my drinking and my substance abuse hurt those around me. There are the obvious instances (saying things I shouldn’t, volatile mood swings, being unreliable etc.), but there’s also subtle things. Things like not being present for my friends, not remembering details about their lives, disappearing on/off, not being honest about my addiction issues or putting those first, pushing people away, chasing popularity and appearances, constantly being wrapped up in all of “my” stuff, taking people for granted, victimizing myself to justify my choices, assuming their worlds revolved around me.
My friend told me that she needed some space. She’s going through a hard time & she doesn’t really know what to say to me. I fucked things up with us on my last bender.
I hold myself responsible and am doing the work to change. But sometimes people aren’t ready or need time to process. That’s okay, that’s life. It’s not necessarily a reflection of me.
I guess I don’t understand that part of being human because I’ve never taken time to understand my feelings. Why bother, when I can just drink about it?
In a way, I have the emotional maturity of a 14 year old. Relearning my feelings makes me feel like a little kid, not in a fun way.
Just because I made a mistake, doesn’t mean I am a bad person.
In the past, a friend saying they need distance from me would have driven me straight into a shame spiral. It’s all my fault. Everything is. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy where I feel this way about myself, so I drink and then I behave in ways that make people upset with me and the cycle starts over… huh. I wonder when I got on this hamster wheel.
A lot of people have left. But a lot of people have stayed. And not everyone knows their feelings and can articulately express them, like I’m not alone in this. (um, duh right?)
I have a tendency towards black-and-white thinking. Gray is challenging.
Today though, my mind started to go down that path. And then I was able to talk myself out of it, to rationalize it out. To remove my character from the equation. I also called a friend and told them to tell me what I needed to hear because I wasn’t listening to myself. A BIG WIN THAT DOESN’T FEEL THAT BIG BUT IT SO IS!!!
My therapist told me to start treating me (my inner self) as my friend. She *might* actually know what she’s talking about after all :)
I feel better. It’s still there but it’s not all consuming right now. It’s still there, but I can go about my day a little bit. It’s still there, but I’m also still a good person.
I am trying, that’s what’s important.
Relationships/friendships, they ebb and flow. Ride the waves bruh
Each day, a little better and brighter.