A Worse Pill To Swallow: Second Litter (part Two Of Three Of A Old Blueshipping Pokmon Fic)

A Worse Pill to Swallow: Second Litter (part two of three of a old Blueshipping Pokémon fic)

The sequel sure is a thing.

Part one is here.

This fic contains:

-Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (warning because some people might be disturbed by it, even though Meowth can consent in this story)

-unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy (I think mpreg is fine, just explain it maybe)

-bizarre anti-abortion overtones (the views expressed in this fic by twelve me do not represent the views of adult me)

-general angst

-swear words

-shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy

-possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth and extreme out-of-character moments for Brock (I don't even know why I made him a super douche; I actually liked Brock)

-random "Jessiebelle does dark magic" plotline

-weepy!James (even moreso than he is in canon), dickish!Jessie, and generic boyfriend!Meowth

-no, seriously, Brock is just the worst in this fic

-odd ideas about romance

-ellipses abuse

-O-o-O-

*James wakes up on the couch.

James: What happened? Meowth: You fainted. James: You mean I fell asleep. Meowth: What are you talking about? James: It's not yesterday? Meowth: Did you hit your head when you fell, Jimmy? James: I dreamt you told me I was going to have more kittens. Meowth: That wasn't a dream. You fainted and I dragged you onto the couch. James: May I be excused? Meowth: Sure.

*James goes into the bathroom and starts vomiting. Meowth goes in with him. James finishes vomiting and just sits next to the toilet, crying.

James: (sobbing) I just can't stand it. Meowth: You can always take the pills…. James: (sharply) No! (folds arms)

*Meowth is a little surprised by James's tone of voice.

Meowth: Okay, I won't make you do it. James: You better not.

*James's voice is as cold as the snow falling outside Team Rocket's cabin. Meowth decides not to say anything else about the pills.

*A few weeks later, a snowstorm occurs. Team Twerp is wandering around the forest.

Misty: Hey, look, a cabin! Maybe we could ask to stay there.

*They go to the cabin and knock on the door. Jessie answers it.

Jessie: What are you twerps doing here? Misty: We're stranded and we need a place to stay. Jessie: Sorry, we can't. Ash: Why not? Jessie: Because….(gets a Pikachu-stealing idea) I changed my mind. You can stay.

*Ash and friends come inside. Meanwhile, in the kitchen, James is drinking milk. The kittens are asleep. He looks up and sees the twerps entering.

James: What are they doing here? Brock: You're looking a little fat, James. James: Shut up. Brock: Well, you are.

*James shoves Brock up against the wall.

James: You understand that I can sit my so-called "fat" self on your skinny little twerp butt, right? Jessie: Get off the twerp. You'll scare him.

*James backs away from Brock, letting him slide down the wall and onto the ground. Jessie takes James aside and whispers the plan to him.

Jessie: It may interfere with your kittens, but you can probably bear it.

*James looks shocked at the deviousness of Jessie's plan.

Brock: What is your problem? James: (folds arms) Why do I have to tell you? Brock: Just answer the damn question! James: (smirks) No. Brock: What is your freakin' problem?! James: You're my problem! You bug me! Brock: If you think you aren't fat, then why does it bother you? James: Because I'm pregnant, not fat!

*The room is silent. Then Team Twerp starts laughing.

Brock: That's the stupidest thing I ever heard! Who would even want to do it with you? James: Why, you little punk!

*James grabs Brock by his shirt and is about to double slap him.

Meowth: James, calm down! It's not good for your kittens if you're like this! James: (to Brock) How do you think you'd feel if you were going to birth a whole litter of kittens in a week and someone kept bugging you? Brock: Put me down! Put me down! Meowth: Put him down, James.

*James drops Brock. He then storms out of the room into the bathroom, where he slams the door.

Meowth: What did you do to him? Brock: I just asked him what his problem was. Meowth: Never ask James that question. Especially when he's having kittens.

*Meowth goes into the bathroom. James is sitting with his head on the toilet seat. His hair is messy.

Meowth: Are you sick again? James: No. But I think I'm going to be. Meowth: Is it the kittens again? James: Yes. They keep kicking. I tried eating only bland foods, but it's not working. It's been like this since the start. It's almost like the kittens are purposely trying to hurt me. Meowth: They wouldn't be. They don't know any better and why would they want to hurt you? You're giving them life. James: Maybe you're right.

*James shifts slightly, which earns him a kick from the kittens. He winces.

Meowth: James! Are you okay? James: I'll be fine. (feels another kick) Ow! It's just getting worse. (winces) Maybe they're….coming early. (clutches stomach)

*The kittens stop kicking James and go to sleep.

James: I think they're finally asleep. Meowth: Maybe you should go to sleep, too. James: Good idea.

*Later, James is awakened from sleep in the early morning by the kicking of the kittens. He drinks a glass of warm milk and goes back to bed. James's departure from the bed and return wakes Meowth.

Meowth: You okay? James: I feel like they're going to claw their way out of me. Meowth: It must be Jessiebelle. She did dark magic to them. What has she put inside you instead of normal kittens? James: (crying) They're hellcats! All ten or twenty of them! She's put demon kittens inside of me! They're all demon kittens! (sobs)

*James feels a lot of kicks from the kittens. He cries out in pain, cursing his pregnancy.

James: (strained) She's mad that I wouldn't make an heir with her, so she's punishing me, using my body to create demons. That bitch.

*Team Twerp has been listening from the other room.

Brock: So he's really got a jelly doughnut in the oven. I guess he really is well-bred.

*The door they're leaning on swings open. James and Meowth see that they're being spied on.

James: What are you doing spying on us? Brock: I should take some of your "demon kittens" and breed them. Then they'll grow into pretty good battlers. James: Stay away from my kittens when they're born.

*Team Twerp goes back to bed. James turns over.

Meowth: Are you all right? James: Where did I go wrong? I was happy at first, but I don't know what to feel now.

*The next morning at 7:00 AM, a falsetto scream is heard.

Brock: The James trap worked.

*James comes out of the bathroom. His face is flushed and there is a glue trap stuck in his hair.

James: There is a glue trap stuck in my hair. I suggest the person who did this come over here and remove it. (puts hands on hips) I'm not leaving until you do.

*Brock comes over to him and takes out a pair of scissors.

Brock: This will be easy.

*Brock holds the scissors to James's hair and is about to cut some of his hair. James grabs Brock's arm.

James: Drop the scissors.

*Brock drops the scissors.

Brock: How am I going to remove it without scissors?! James: (sugary sweet voice) Well, then, I guess you'll have to find another way, won't you? (folds arms, smiles sweetly) Misty: He does look pretty cute like that. Brock: Whose side are you on?!

*Brock is about to get a handful of James's hair and pull it out of the trap. James flips his hair out of Brock's reach.

James: (giggles innocently) Lay one hand on my hair and you'll no longer have a hand. Brock: So what am I supposed to do? James: I don't know. (giggles a little too sweetly) Brock: First he's a brute, now he's an innocent ditz. James: (steps into Brock's space) What did you say? Brock: I said….There's no dispute! Yeah, we totally need to get that glue trap out. James: (steps out of Brock's space) That's better. (smiles sweetly)

*Brock reads the back of the glue trap.

Brock: It says "comes off victim in warm water." Okay, come over to the sink, James. James: Like I said, I'm not moving until you remove the trap. Brock: God damn it. (under his breath) You can lead a whore to water but you can't make him put his head in the sink. (gets an idea) I know what to do.

*Brock gets a small pail and fills it with water.

Brock: Want a shower? 'Cause I should pour it all over your dirty ass. Cool down the kittens. James: (sugary voice) I wouldn't do that if I were you.

*Brock holds the bucket up to James's hair. James puts his hair in the bucket. The glue trap dissolves and falls off.

James: Now behave yourself. You wouldn't want me to get ugly, would you? Brock: (sotto voce) You're already ugly. James: (ominously) What was that? Brock: Um….nothing! James: (smiles sweetly) That's better.

*James walks back into the bathroom and closes the door.

Brock: How did he possibly hear that?

*Later, in the bedroom….

Meowth: Ash is so annoying. James: It's not Ash, it's Brock. He keeps messing with me. Meowth: All Ash talks about is being a Pokémon master. Give the subject a rest. James: If I hear the word "fat" come out of Brock's mouth one more time….(goes back to bed) Meowth: (surprised) You just got up and now you're getting back in bed? James: (sighs) I'm just tired. Cats sleep for thirteen hours and I guess I should sleep that long for the kittens. Meowth: Actually, kittens sleep for sixteen hours. James: The longer the better. (yawns) Meowth: Are you sure you're not sick? James: I'll be fine.

*In a few seconds, James is in a deep sleep, snoring. Meowth watches him for a while.

Meowth: (thinking) He's so cute when he's sleeping.

*James has a dream where Jessiebelle comes and tries to take his kittens. He wakes up screaming.

Meowth: What's wrong, Jimmy? James: (shakily) I dreamt Jessiebelle tried to kidnap me and make me give birth to the kittens in her dungeon.

*Brock bursts into the room.

Brock: Are the kittens ready to come out?! James: No, and even if they were, you wouldn't be getting any of them. Brock: Oh, come on. You don't mean that. James: I believe I do. Brock: I can heal your pain. James: How? Brock: Give me the kittens and I'll tell you how. James: No. First of all, you're not getting any. Second of all, they haven't been born. Brock: I can heal your pain and help you birth them at the same time. James: No. (backs toward bedroom)

*James runs out of the room. Brock chases him through every room in the cabin. Brock finally traps James behind the couch.

James: (looks up, sees Brock) AHHH! Brock: Won't you let me help you birth the kittens? James: First, you insult me, then you threaten me? No way. If you want kittens, get your own two Meowths, and let them screw each other.

*James gets up and starts pushing Brock backward.

James: I'm going to birth them, and I'm going to keep them. (shoves Brock against the wall) Got that? Brock: (scared) Yes.

*James backs away from the wall, letting Brock fall to the ground.

James: Good day.

*James walks into the bedroom, after shooting a kind of flirtatious smile at Team Twerp.

Misty: Cute smile. Brock: Whose side are you on? Ash: That's the second time today he did that.

*Later that day, they're having lunch. James cooks meatballs and puts chocolate on his portion.

Brock: Why are you pouring chocolate on your meatballs? James: Because I like it.

*James eats every meatball on his plate and every last drop of chocolate. he drinks four glasses of milk. Brock stares at him.

Brock: Are you feeling okay? James: What's it to you?

*James puts his plate in the sink. He begins washing a spoon.

Brock: This fell off of your Pokéball belt. (holds out Pokéball) I'll give it back if you give me a kitten. (waves Pokéball in James's face) James: (slowly, ominously) Give me Victreebel's Pokéball. NOW. (holds up spoon)

*Brock walks over to where James is sitting and gives him the Pokéball.

Brock: (mockingly) Here ya go, Sugar-tits.

*James grabs Brock by his shirt and pulls him close to him.

James: (narrows eyes, smiles sweetly) Don't call me Sugar-tits.

*Victreebel comes out and bites James on the ass.

James: Let go of my sweet ass! (puts Victreebel back in the Pokéball)

*James smiles sweetly at Brock before getting up and walking back into the bedroom.

*Later that day, there is a telephone commercial on the TV. James bursts into tears at it.

Brock: What is your problem? Why are you crying at a commercial? It's just a friggin' commercial! James: You're getting on my last nerve! I'll bear the kittens, but I won't bear your constant harassment! Brock: Why are you even having kittens? Humans don't do that. James: This one does. Brock: Well, you're a Pokébestial freak. James: That's it! I may be a lot of things, such as irritable, hormonal, and emotional, but I am not a freak! Brock: Take a chill pill. Or maybe an anti-pregnancy pill. James: Maybe I will!

*Everyone looks at James, who has just realized what he's said.

Brock: You monster. Do you realize what you just said? James: You're right. I'm a monster.

*James runs into the bedroom, crying.

Meowth: What did you do that for?! Couldn't you see he didn't realize what he said?! Brock: I broke him. (yelling) Hey, James! Do you still have your Moltres personality now, kitten-murderer? James: (from bedroom) Shut up! (screaming) Just shut up, okay? (kicks door closed)

*Loud cursing while crying can be heard from behind the door.

James: That bastard! He knows I plan to have the kittens! He just wants them to come out all fucked up! He just wants an excuse to ridicule me! I hate Brock! I hate Brock! (crying) I am such a fiend for hating! I can't believe I almost considered taking the pills!

*Outside the bedroom door, Meowth is listening in.

Meowth: I better go in and talk to him.

*Meowth goes in. James is kneeling next to the bed with his face buried in the covers.

Meowth: James, what's wrong? James: It just hurts. (sobs) Meowth: That's a good sign. It means they'll come out soon.

-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Nobody is safe from the out-of-character plague.

The Book of Moltres James: He's Going to Need Burn Heal for His Soul (the fourth and final fraction)

He'll probably also need burn heal for another part of his body, but I'm not going to say which one.

Parts of this story are....very 2002.

Part one

Part two

Part three

This fic includes/will include: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (but since it’s the human form of the spirit of Moltres, maybe it’s okay?); mpreg/male pregnancy; shaky understanding of religion, cults, and the occult; lack of medical knowledge (especially when it comes to "natural medicine"); bizarre focus on James’s virginity; mentions of blood; general angst; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; definite out of character moments for the twerps; Butch and Cassidy are probably out-of-character, too; unrequited blueshipping from Meowth; original characters; bad ideas about romance; birthing scene; JAMES EATS THE PLACENTA (offscreen); ellipses abuse

-O-o-O-o-O-

The next day, James found out something he really shouldn’t have to deal with in his condition.

He found out who had been driving the truck that hit Moltres.

He was at the convenience store with Jessie, buying diapers. There was no one in the store except for the girl working there and two old ladies.

Butch and Cassidy walked in. They saw James in the diaper section and couldn’t help tormenting him.

They didn’t know Jessie was nearby.

“So, James, how does it feel to not be a Moltres?” Cassidy said.

“Actually, you’re wrong. In the real fortune-telling book, I was still a Moltres. So how does it feel to know I don’t care about your insults?” James said.

“Well, you will care—after we tell you about the death of Moltres,” Butch said.

“What do you know or care about the death of Moltres?” James retorted.

“You know that truck that ran over Moltres? What was on the truck?” Cassidy said.

“A black ‘R’.”

“Haven’t you figured it out? We didn’t know until it happened. But we looked back and saw this giant yellow fiery chicken,” Butch said.

“You didn’t….” James said.

“Oh, yes, we did.”

“And you’re proud of it.” James’s tone was dark.

“Yeah, we sure are.” Cassidy laughed in James’s face.

Then Butch and Cassidy walked out, laughing evilly and somewhat hysterically. The two old ladies stared at them.

James was left in a state of shock. He paid for the diapers.

“Jessie, we have to leave the store, now,” James said. He saw Butch and Cassidy hanging around outside.

“Why? What’s the rush?” Jessie said.

“We just have to.”

Jessie thought Officer Jenny was there, or James was about to go into labor, so she followed James out.

“Where are you going?” said a froggy voice.

They turned around and saw Butch and Cassidy. Jessie realized why James wanted to leave.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk. Trying to run away. That’s not very Moltres-like,” Cassidy said.

“And what were you doing in the diaper aisle? Do you wear diapers?” Butch said.

“Wait, he doesn’t. But I bet he and Meowth got together and did it and the kitten needs it!” Cassidy said.

“I knew you looked like you gained weight,” Butch teased.

James turned red.

“Leave him alone. Does he really need you to deal with? He lost Moltres and he’s going to have a baby. Don’t you think you should just piss off?” Jessie turned to James. “Let’s go.”

“Coward!” Cassidy screamed.

Jessie turned around. “Who are you calling a coward?!”

James tugged on Jessie’s shirt sleeve. “Jess, we should go.”

They got in their unmarked van and drove away.

“They ran over Moltres,” James said flatly.

“They did?!”

James nodded solemnly.

They were silent.

“Why does Cassidy have to be such a bitch? Like, who does she think she is, insulting you like that—”

“Jessie….”

“What is her problem? She needs to just shut the fuck up.”

“Jessie….”

“Maybe I should give her a good beating next time she does that.”

“Jessie! I think it’s time!” James cried out.

Jessie sped up. “We’ll be home in a second,” she said.

They got to the cabin. Jessie got out the van. “Can you walk?” she asked James.

“I think so….” James got out of the van and doubled over.

“You can’t walk,” Jessie said.

She tried to help James, but he resisted. “I want to do it myself,” he said.

Jessie ignored him. She picked him up and went into the cabin. She put him down on the bed. Meowth walked in.

“What’s wrong with James?” he asked, sounding worried.

“He’s in labor. Call the doctor,” Jessie said.

She went back to James. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” James was almost in tears.

“Maybe the doctor could give you some painkillers when he gets here.”

“No, Jessie.”

Jessie looked at James. “You don’t want painkillers?”

“I’ve never needed any unnatural medicine in my life.”

“What?”

“Not all medicine is man-made, Jessie. Most of it is made out of plants. But I’ve only taken medicine that has no chemicals in it.”

“What about the times when there wasn’t any natural medicine?” Jessie said.

James’s eyes glazed over. “I managed without it.”

Jessie remembered all the times she called James weird for running out to get all those weird plants. She wouldn’t help him find the plants because she was working on their plans. Meowth, who thought dandelions were flowers, wouldn’t have been very helpful. So James had to go out alone and find the plants himself, while he was in pain. If he didn’t find the plant he needed, he would just come back and suffer. Meowth would try to comfort James, but Jessie made them both work, so they hardly had any time to rest.

If Jessie had known James was so uncomfortable, she wouldn’t have teased him.

“Natural medicine is better for him anyway.”

Both Jessie and James turned to the door to see who spoke. It was the same doctor who gave James the check-up.

The doctor went over to James, who was having another contraction. “Just breathe,” he said.

James was breathing, but it sounded more like sobbing.

“All right, you’re ready to push!” the doctor said.

Meanwhile, the twerps heard a scream.

“What was that?” Misty said, scared.

“I think it was a scream,” Brock said.

They ran, following the screaming.

Back at the cabin, James was experiencing childbirth.

“You’re almost there! I can see the head. Now, just push really, really hard this time!” the doctor said.

James screamed and pushed. That last push did it.

“Congratulations!” the doctor said. Everyone heard the baby cry.

James cried. “I wish Moltres was here to see his child.”

Unknown to James and the others, a yellow-clad figure with red-streaked yellow hair floated outside the window.

“Worry not, James,” the figure said mentally. “I did.”

James got the telepathic message and looked toward the window. The figure smiled at him. The next thing James knew, the figure turned into the spirit of Moltres and flew off. James’s eyes filled with tears of joy as he held his child.

The doctor went into the other room to talk to Jessie and Meowth. James sat in bed, feeding the child from his breast.

Team Twerp had watched the whole thing through the window.

“What the hell?!” Ash screamed.

“Shut up, Ash! He’ll hear you,” Misty said.

James looked up. “What are you twerps doing here?”

“James….What did you just do?” Misty asked.

Ash climbed through the window.

“Take another step and I’ll slap you with the umbilical cord.” James’s tone was dark and ominous.

“James, please don’t tell me you just gave birth to the child you’re holding,” Misty said.

“Fine. I won’t tell you.”

“I don’t think you should become a parent,” Ash said. “Maybe you should give the child up.”

“You’ll get this child when you pry her from my cold dead arms.”

“Who’s even the father?”

“Why would you care?”

The doctor came back in. “Who are these three?” he asked.

“No one important,” James said.

“Did he really give birth to that child?” Misty asked.

“Yes. I helped him,” the doctor said.

“Maybe you three should go now,” Meowth said.

The twerps left.

“You should get some rest. You’ve been through a lot today,” Jessie said to James.

James put the child in a basket.

“He’ll be a good Moltres Witness,” Meowth said.

“It’s a girl. Her name is Twilight,” James said.

The doctor took out a dried plant, a pestle, and a mortar. He ground the plant up and mixed it with water.

“Here, drink this. It’ll help get rid of the pain,” he said.

James drank the potion.

“Natural medicine never fails to do its job. It lasts longer than synthetic medicine,” the doctor said. “And I saved the placenta. You can eat it for strength later.”

“No wonder you was always so healthy,” Meowth said.

They were silent for a while. James finished drinking the medicine.

“I just realized something,” James said. He must’ve been feeling better. “I don’t think I can fit into my Moltres costume.”

Everyone but James face-faulted.

“Well, at least I can lose weight by catching Pokémon,” he continued.

“You can’t, at least, not yet. You should try not to do anything that physical for six weeks.”

“Six whole weeks?” James exclaimed.

“Six to eight weeks. And you should try to stay off your feet.”

James lay back down, sighing.

“Get some rest, James,” Meowth said, tucking James back into bed.

Then the doctor left and James went to sleep.

-O-o-O-

James sat, nursing the tiny blue-haired baby.

He loved his daughter, Twilight. “If only Moltres could see her….”

He suddenly got the urge to look at the window.

He looked and saw the spirit of Moltres, in human form.

“Hello, James,” Moltres said.

“Moltres! You’re here!” James cried.

He went over to the window.

Moltres noticed Twilight. “Is she our child?” he asked.

“Yes,” James said.

“She’s beautiful. Just like her man-mother,” Moltres said.

“Look, Twilight, this is your father,” James said, showing Twilight to Moltres, but not in a Michael Jackson-ish way.

“Now you don’t have to be sad about her not knowing her father,” Moltres said. He hugged James. “I must go now. Goodbye, James.”

“Goodbye, Moltres.”

-O-o-O-

Epilogue (editor's note: PRAISE THE MIGHTY MOLTRES THIS SHIT IS ENDING)

Jessie, James, Meowth, and Twilight live happily in their new house.

Jessie, James, and Meowth got a new job where they get paid $1,000 a week so they have money to buy a small house. They all quit Team Rocket to set a good example for Twilight.

The twerps are not at war with Team Rocket anymore. They live next door to Jessie, James, and Meowth and visit them regularly.

Butch and Cassidy will probably feel the flames of Moltres and not in a good way.

James still goes to the temple of Moltres. He takes Twilight there, so she knows how great her father was.

James is an official Moltres Witness convert. He hopes Twilight will follow in her parents’ footsteps.

And as for Moltres, well, he’s out there. Moltres may just be reincarnated. James was never sure of that.

But he’s bound to find out!

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Eat the placenta.

E A T ~ I T ~ F O R ~ S T R E N G T H

The Book of Moltres James: The Annunciation to the Virgin Moltres James (part two)

In which our Man-Mother of Everlasting Blaze is born anew in the purifying flames of the fire chicken. We're getting real weird with this one.

Part one is here.

This fic includes/will include: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (but since it’s the human form of the spirit of Moltres, maybe it’s okay?); mpreg/male pregnancy; loose understanding of religion, cults, and the occult; lack of medical knowledge; bizarre focus on James’s virginity; mentions of blood; general angst; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; unrequited blueshipping from Meowth; original characters; odd ideas about romance; ellipses abuse

-O-o-O-o-O-

(James's point of view)

I wanted to die.

I knew I was Pokébestial and in love with Moltres. I wanted to be with him, but he was dead. Even if he were alive, I couldn’t do it with him because I valued my virginity.

I didn’t know Moltres was in love with me until one fateful day.

I was fine until Jessie, Meowth, and I got in the van. I had been driving for about five minutes before I felt like I was going to vomit. Jessie and Meowth noticed.

“Why are we driving so slow?” Jessie asked. I pulled over.

“Hey, you okay, Jimmy?” Meowth asked.

I grabbed an empty paper bag and threw up in it.

“Jessie, I think you better drive,” Meowth said.

Jessie and I switched places.

“Maybe it’s just carsickness,” Meowth said.

“No, I never got carsick. Why would I start now?” I said.

When we got home, I went to the bedroom to lie down. I overheard Jessie and Meowth talking.

“No way! That can’t be what’s happening to James!” I heard Jessie say.

I went to the hallway so I could hear more clearly.

“I know the signs,” Meowth was saying.

“What signs?” I thought.

“After what happened while we were on the Shuckle potion, it wouldn’t be surprising if James was pregnant.”

Oh my gods.

“You did that with him?” Jessie said.

“No, not like that. I mean, I didn’t do it with him. But maybe some magical Poké-force was attracted to him and did it.”

You are crazy, Meowth.

“That could be possible,” Jessie said.

Please stop talking about that! I silently screamed. I ran back to the bedroom. A few minutes later, Meowth came in.

“Want any water?” he said, holding up a glass of water.

I just stared at him, dazed.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

He knows! He knows I overheard him and Jessie, he knows what I’m thinking. I just know it, I thought.

“James, there’s a special doctor you can go to,” Meowth said.

-O-o-O-

“A midwife?!”

“It’s just for a checkup,” Meowth said.

We were standing in front of a small building.

“They check for interspecies pregnancies in case anything really weird happened,” Meowth said.

We went inside. We were the only people in the lobby except for the receptionist. We already had an appointment. The doctor came out. He led Jessie, Meowth, and me into the exam room.

“According to what the receptionist told me, you’re here to get a pregnancy test,” he said.

I nodded.

“Okay.”

I had to lie down with my legs spread. The doctor used his machinery to look around my nether regions. When the test was done, the doctor looked over the results of the test. He looked completely surprised.

“Would you come in my office for a minute?” he said.

I went into the office with him.

“Have you had sexual intercourse with any Pokémon?”

“No, I’ve never even had sex. Why?”

“Because these test results are positive.”

I was shocked. “But that can’t be….”

“The test results are positive and you show all the signs. Also, my machinery detects that the child is of legendary Pokémon ancestry.” Then, he leaned in closer. “I think a greater force did this to you,” he added.

“What…?”

“This isn’t just a regular hospital. We study magic here, too.”

“Oh.”

When I walked out of there, I still had questions, but the doctor probably couldn’t answer them.

When we got home, Jessie and Meowth went to talk privately. I went into the bedroom, dazed.

Then, suddenly, a voice called me over to the window.

It was Moltres!

“Moltres!” I whispered, running over to the window.

“It’s me, James,” Moltres said. “I returned to tell you I did this to you.”

“You mean I’m…? O Mighty Moltres, it is an honor,” I said, bowing.

“I chose you because you were the purest Moltres Witness. Also, you are a virgin and still will be after you have the child.”

Then, just like that, Moltres disappeared. Just before Moltres disappeared, I saw a ghostlike figure of a person. The person had red-streaked yellow hair and was wearing golden robes.

Could they be Moltres’s human incarnation?

I told Jessie and Meowth the whole thing.

“Moltres did it?”

“The spirit of Moltres came back and told me.”

“Moltres? It would be okay if Meowth did it or even one of the twerps, but if Moltres did this to you, it might be some sort of evil spirit.”

“Jessie, don’t preach. Moltres isn’t evil.”

It wasn’t easy, but I finally convinced Jessie that Moltres wasn’t evil and he did it because I was a virgin and I was pure.

-O-o-O-

(Meowth’s point of view)

James was seven months pregnant with Moltres’s child.

He got emotional at times.

He seemed to be getting weird cravings for chicken blood.

We had found out James’s child wouldn’t be a Moltres, but a human.

James still worshipped Moltres every day.

One day, James got a fever. Jessie and I took care of him so his unborn child wouldn’t be harmed. We later found out that James was feverish because Moltres was a fire Pokémon. That’s also why the child was unharmed by the fever.

Once, I saw James streaking his face with blood and chanting to Moltres under the full moon. It was pretty weird, because I thought James wasn’t the gothic type.

Another time, I saw him crying in bed.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Why did Moltres have to die? Who would be so cruel to run over the Mighty Moltres?” James sobbed.

At that moment, I wished I knew.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Apparently James's conception was an Immaculate one.

I can't even say "Damn you, autocorrect."

Me: types "mpre" instead of "more"

Autocorrect: "Mpreg"

Me:.... no that sounds about right

you might want to check out the antishippers vs proshippers debacle

I don't think I'd like to get caught up in that sort of imbroglio.

Fascinating to observe from the outside, though.

don't threaten me with a good time

(flashy gif below i don't know if it's enough to cause seizures but behind cut just to be safe)

okay hear me out

What if there's blueshipping, but James and Meowth are the tougher, gay version of Jessica and Roger Rabbit

And Jessie is Eddie Valiant