Its Really Weird To Me That My Life Is MY Life. Like, It Could Have Been Someone Elses Life, But Instead

it’s really weird to me that my life is MY life. like, it could have been someone else’s life, but instead it’s mine. so what am I gonna do with it?

I Used to Write

I used to write. I used to have paper and pens and pencils and crayons and markers stuffing my purse to bursting, and I used to USE them. My purse would be full of character ideas and dialogue and descriptions of lights and sounds and emotion. There were words in everything I did, my mind narrating my every action as if I were in a parallel fantasy world.

And now my purse is full of pens that don’t work, pencils with no lead, and half-filled papers with faded words that will never know their fate. My mind only speaks my fears. I feel nothing but regret and longing for a time where I could feel more. I used to write.

I love my friends. I love them all so much. They make me so happy, and they make life seem like a wonder. I spent time with them yesterday and it really made me feel so much better about myself, and we got to talk and laugh and hug. I just really love my friends. I never thought this would be possible. Five years ago I thought I would be dead before I ever got to college and yet here I am, living and loving. It’s all for them. It’s all because of them 💜

currently creating an AMV in my head about characters that will probably never actually be part of the stories I’m writing and therefore wouldn’t have any visuals that I could actually make an AMV out of

I’m still frustrated at my last therapist because she really insinuated that asexuals don’t have feelings. She was trying to explain the difference between romantic and platonic relationships and kept saying it was about the sexual attraction, but I brought up that asexuals can still have romantic relationships, and then I had to explain what that was and then she was like “oh yes, I know about that” and I was like “clearly you don’t”. But she continued and said “If a person brings their partner flowers, their partner will like it, but asexuals won’t have that same feeling.”

“What if the asexual likes flowers? Wouldn’t they still be happy with it?”

“Asexuals wouldn’t be able to feel that because they can’t feel like normal people do. They don’t have emotions.” Or something along those lines. I repeated it slowly back to her, and she quickly backtracked but it didn’t seem like her response was very different.

My little brother would honestly make such a good media star.

Podcast host? Yas queen, he got the voice, he got the humor.

TV show star? Obviously. He’s got the looks and the friend group. His hair, his style, his monologues, his creativity.

YouTuber? Believe me, everyone would be simps. They’d be making TikToks rating his laugh and his singing and make “out of context” clip channels.