Oh, For Fuck's Sake.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

@solostinmysea 🥲

we do not talk enough about the moment right before crowley puts his sunglasses back on. the "nothing lasts forever" is devastating and if you're like me your eyes were so full of tears you couldn't see the screen the first time you watched it (just like crowley, look at us all twinning in sadness!).

there is a shift that happens in his eyes and i think it is absolutely fascinating and heartbreaking at the same time.

we begin with crowley averting his gaze from aziraphale's face and staring off into the distance instead, and you can see his spirit break. that crowley just lost the one thing in the world he cannot live without and we can see it written across his face like a neon sign.

then, as you'd expect, he gives into the need to cover up his pain, to try and make himself less vulnerable, and even before he lifts his glasses he looks down so aziraphale can no longer see his eyes.

now, the next part is what would not let me out of its grasp all day. we know it happens because of his demeanour afterwards and up until the kiss, but you can actually watch as crowley makes himself numb to the world.

i am intimately familiar with dissociation as a trauma and stress response, and while you can never fully control it, you do eventually find the switch in your mind that makes you snap back into the haze. crowley has had six thousand years to get really, really good at leaving reality behind when he needs and/or wants to.

that's exactly what he does.

he still looks sad, and yet there's just something distinctly distant in his eyes, the shift from openly heartbroken to "i don't want to feel any of this let me leave".

glasses? on

emotions? off

hotel? trivago

i have stared at those four frames more than any person probably should and i don't know if it's the light, if i am going insane, or if there is a single tear sliding out of his right (our left) eye. i'm probably insane and the light is a bitch so if anyone has some high resolution shots or anything that could answer that question without a doubt PLEASE do add it.

by now you are probably ready to threaten me with a knife in a dark alley but before you do that or drive your car off a cliff, let me tell you the best part:

aziraphale notices.

they might be communicating on two different frequencies but aziraphale knows crowley. he knows and loves him, and, most importantly, over the last few years he has gotten used to seeing crowley without his glasses. aziraphale could probably write a book on the expressions in his eyes alone and watches that shift happen and is devastated.

look.

he tries to make himself hope the same second, tries to convince himself crowley is putting on his glasses so they can leave together, but he knows.

aziraphale sees the light leave crowley's eyes, sees crowley leave, knowing that he is quite literally running away from him. you and me against the world, angel, but in that moment crowley firmly pushes him back to "the world" (or tries to, anyway).

the entire season we see crowley take off his glasses whenever he enters the bookshop to the point where he's running around without them on in broad daylight with jimbriel right there.

can you imagine how hurt and confused aziraphale must be?

because what crowley is telling him, if we really, really break it down, is that aziraphale is no longer a safe person for him. and repairing that trust is going to take time and work, no matter how much crowley loves him, how badly they love and need each other.

anyway to seal this off and really rub in the pain - how it started vs. how it ended. <3

oh one last thing: now crowley no longer has a single person he can be himself around, no one that knows him, no one he trusts. no one in whose presence he can take his glasses off.

and outside of the bentley and his own flat, he no longer has a place to do so either. the bookshop was theirs. with aziraphale gone, is it really a safe place anymore? is it somewhere he can just let himself be knowing he will be looked after and protected?

easy answer: no.

alright, off i go. see y'all on the next angst post or in the tags.

I love this! Thank you so much for sharing! 🤩

I didn't fully understand what Paul says though, can some native speaker help me out? 🥲

Just uploaded this TV segment about S&G featuring a short interview. It's a bitter one. Check it out!

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Happy Bisexual Visibility Day to my tribe. Today’s feature: showcasing our Bi Uncle and his babygirl, resplendent in bisexual lighting.

with love, ✨d.o.c ✨

Note: I do not own these photos, just added bi lighting to them.

🩷💜💙 🏳️‍🌈

#our artie, we love you #if this is news to you, read his memoir and poetry books #the memoir: “what is it all but luminous: notes from an underground man” #the poetry book: “still water prose poems” #read these and you’ll see it’s obvious #read between the lines #metaphors are everywhere #most of you already know this though #our boys #paul and artie #love

Art:

These are simply amazing! 🖤

Look @solostinmysea , the whole collection!

The Gods of Asgard (17th century Icelandic manuscript COLOR edition!!!)

Thanks for the help @iosonounapersonamiao ! :)

Odin

Ingvi (aka Feyr)

Hoenir

Thor (looking damn cute!)

Baldr

Heimdall

Njord (I think?)

Freya

Feyr (Again? I smell favoritism! XD He looks so nice :D Like someone you would 100% trust.. He's just not good at keeping magical swords, I guess? XD)

Hodr (Run, Baldr, RUN XD)

Tyr

Vidar

Forseti

Ullr

Vali Odinson

Bragi

Loki (Lol. I love how they just KNEW he was the horny one XDXD)

Gunnlöð (No Frigg, but one of Odin's mistresses ^^' Damn XD)

Þökk

This is perfect. ❤️‍🔥

Great One who rattles the sky, I honor you!

Strong One whose voice I heard from within the sandstorms of my mind, I call to you.

Mighty One who stands at the front of the barque as I row & row towards the light, I praise you.

(Fearless One who is strong enough to do what it takes, I admire you.)

May I remember You in the faces of strangers whom others so easily shun & misunderstood. May I remember You as I wander & leave what is familiar.

May I remember You in the stretch & the scrapes of falling on unexplored terrains.

(May I remember Your un-judging offer of hand; the counsel that yes, the desert tends to do that.)

But may I also remember the ease in swinging staffs & the power coursing through veins, Strongest of Gods. May I remember the amusement & the joy, even, in taking life with a stride. The laugh that turns frowns upside down.

(May You love me, as I love You.)