"why Did You Cry When I Told You I Loved You?"

"why did you cry when i told you i loved you?"

because i knew eventually one day you'd stop

"I love you. why can't you accept that?"

I want to believe you

I really want to

and I'm trying

God I'm really trying

but I can't

for some reason

I can't

I can't imagine anyone could ever think of me that way

and I know if I keep pushing you away you'll end up leaving

and I take full responsibility that it would be my fault

no matter how hard I try I can't accept your way of thinking.

Why do you love me?

How could you love me?

I could list all my flaws

you cannot tell me you would still love me

and if you did

I don't believe it

I can't

no matter how much I want to.

You'll leave I know you will.

You will see that I am not worth it.

I'm not worth all the time or the effort.

You will realize that I am too much work.

I'm too complicated.

I need you to understand.

You can keep trying

But I can't guarantee I will ever accept that anyone could love me.

Ilook at my ex best friend

We make eye contact in the hallway at passing timeW

hen I saw her I just wanted to hug her

Just once give her another chance to apologize

Or at least give me the closure on why she did what she did

Just one more chance

Even when I know she doesn't deserve it

I had the feeling that she never cared about me or our friendship

She definitely cared even less now if at all to begin with

But when I looked in her eyes I didn't see any anger

I didn't see the indifference on her features like I expected

I'm not entirely sure what i saw

I ask myself why she changed?

As if I know

Or ever will

I don't know if you ever truly loved me.

I think you wanted to love me.

before I actually got attached.

after I did you realized a relationship was something you actually had to work at.

you love bombed me.and you can't take it back.

even if it wasn't intentional I believe that's what happened.

I don't want to paint myself out as a victim.

I know I wasn't the best either.

but give me a little credit.

I was the one who still started a conversation.

even though I'd be left on delivered for hours or opened for days.

I guess you were always too busy to make that time for me.

Which is fine.

live your life how you want to.

do as many things as you want to.

You deserve to focus on things that matter.

but you couldn't just expect me to wait around for you.

Especially when you couldn't even express anything towards me.

Other than your annoyance to my nagging or anger to my need.

That's not how a relationship works.

But I really wanted us to work.

You were my best friend.

My person. I

know you already know this but I still think about you.

I really know I shouldn't but I do.

I cant help it.

The heartache is still there.

but it doesn't hurt the same anymore.

My world doesn't revolve around.

I don't think about it as often.

But it's still there.

Maybe it always will be.

I really really really really wanted it to be you.

I guess I just wasn't good enough.

Was I?