Yes Im Trying

yes im trying

im always trying

and no matter what i do it doesnt work

im trying dont u get it

i go to bed. i am consumed by overwhelming loneliness. i stare at the ceiling. i long for something i can’t name. i question if i’m real. i see a funny little meme on my phone and laugh hysterically for several minutes. i get too invested in an unrealistic fantasy. i pass out around three.

My touch-starved ass: Tbh just need a hug rn

My fear of rejection and intimacy: I think tf not bitch

sometimes I see older people and I’m like... how do you do it? how do you cope with the loss of people and places and things as life progresses

i cant find it, grasp it, keep it

not in books, not in series, not in movies, not in my life

there are sometimes, thought, where i have glimpses of it in my daydreams and my soul feels a little lighter for a moment

comfort, its always escaping me and im getting tired of running after it

in a race i can never seem to catch up, so many obstacles that never stop coming that just make me wanna lie forever under a golden sun were i can close my eyes and picture myself laughing, relaxed

it always runs away from me and i cant seem to muster the energy to chase after it anymore

youre correct, i am used being alone; i am used to feeling lonely

its doesnt mean that the hole that, from time to tile, sits on my chests and strangles my throat feels any familiar than the first time it made me choke

youre correct, I would like someone to remind me i am still here