Exhausted - Tumblr Posts
Anxiety isn't "just being a little nervous"
It's a mental illness that can destroy your quality of life. Constantly thinking about all the bad things that could possibly happen, all the time, without a break.
Along with all the physical symptoms.
It's exhausting.
Inktober Day 7: Exhausted #inktober #inktober2018 #traditonalart #fox #poison #vile #cute #myart #rvaartist #rvaart #youngartist #tranquil #scorched #screwedup #spell #frog #magician #chicken #friedchicken #drool #drooling #zombie #sleep #sleepy #exhausted (at Henrico) https://www.instagram.com/p/BooxbCmnCHz/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=etfv51506lo8
Inktober day 7: Exhausted! The face I was making while drawing this creeped out my brother
I hate waking up in the morning on a Monday. Especially when im running out of meds and i have to find money to buy some medicine. It's not like ibdo not have money or anything butbi just hate spending my money on stuff like this.
My problem is PAIN. I mean not physical pain but mental pain. I just want it to stop and my doctor says one day it will stop with therapy and medication and that is why i have to keep on taking my medication. I hate it though. This past weekend I was in pain.
Nothing was fun, i was having nightmares, then i woke up tired and then i spent the whole day overthinking and then the cycle continued. I tried listening to music i mean BTS music always gets me out of this but this weekend i could not get out because of the stupid dreams. I have recently started reading fanfiction too so that helped wscape a lil bit. I hate watching movies and series i cancelled my Netflix membership on Friday. I mean i guess season changes is affecting me maybe.
Yesterday i was thinking about how im so alone and no one really knows me, like the real me. Like how im just a shell of myself. The things i go through i have no one who I can actually share with who gets me. My mum is not here and my dad too and my relationship with my brother is strained because we grew up apart because of the death of our parents so we are really not that close. So who can i really show the real me who can understand my journey and what i have been and talk back to me and say I understand.
People tell me God understands and i know He does, Km sure He watches over me, I have no doubt about that at all. But He never is there to hug me back and say its okay you can cry all you want. All i have is a pillow and an empty bed and room that i face and talk to with hopes that God is not too busy to hear me whine again about how Im sad again today. How nothing makes sense and how i just want to sleep forever.
He must be burdened to have a kid like me. In my last appointment with my psychiatrist i did not like how i felt at all. I hate it. But i felt guilty our appointment and started feeling as if maybe im being needy and being an attention seeker and just spending money to have someone talk to me. I guess that's just messed up. So i was thinking of stopping taking the medication and stopping therapy altogether and just let it go. Not die i mean just stop and i don't know. See what else is available as an option for me.
This became longer than i intended but i guess m too emotional today..
We all have those days i guess
Will keep holding on until next time
One of the things that i hate the most is when I die my angel will pity me and say ooooo shame she lived a tough life and was never happy what a poor girl... she has been through too much sadness no wonder her life was just boring and filled with nothing - wasted life🥺🥺 i wanna live a fulfiling life but i do not know how
I like (not really) how from what I saw, nobody is boycotting the new tour…. Like…… really? I mean I get wanting to see them and every ring but, even I couldn’t just watch them preform when they literally look so fucking exhausted. It hurts seeing them so tired, and then there’s people who really don’t seem to care enough and just (enable? Is that the right word) give money to a Zionist. Because let’s be real, Scooter Braun is a Zionist and all of your money is going right into his pockets. (Along with literally belift and hybe..)
Is it just me that feels that way? Cause I really can’t stand it… seeing their company just wear them out like that, have back to back tours, no fucking breaks, constant promotions, have one member (Jay specifically) have an injured knee for a few months and continuously make him preform, suddenly care about said member when it causes you backlash and possibly no more money so that you HAVE to speak up, not because you care about him nor the group, only for money. Have another member faint (Ni-ki), and feel so exhausted to the point where he has to hunch over to catch his breath due to exhaustion (also Ni-ki in that one criminal love performance), have another repetitively wince due to soreness and still let him preform (Jake in again that one criminal love performance), also have said member barely keep his eyes open either in a promotion shoot (Jake again), also have another member get mistreated by a staff/maybe bodyguard (Sunoo) repeatedly and still not do a fucking thing about it. OOP ALMOST FORGOT— have Heeseung very clearly sounding sick while preforming as well, and still not letting this boys rest because their suffering gets you more money.
Call me overdramatic all you want, say “oh it’s their job” all you want. But they’re fucking humans, not robots. They get overworked constantly, along with MANY other groups (but Enhypen is the one I’m talking about because they are the topic of my discussion). And still we have “fans” just continuously either but albums, tickets, etc. when all it does is enable BELIFT/Hybe to overwork them. All they care about is money (hybe not enhypen), all they care about is streams and plays, they don’t care about Enhypen’s well being. As long as they profit off of their suffering everything is ‘all fine and dandy’ when it’s really fucking not. The same goes to fans who are literally going to their new walk the line tour. All they care about is entertainment and watching their favs preform, not their actual well being.
For me, I care about them as people. I love the boys, with my whole entire heart. Don’t mistake me for an anti or anything, because I’m not. But is it really hard to NOT buy any albums? To not buy any tickets? For me it’s not, all I want is for them and possibly other groups to fucking rest for one without getting milked for money. Them (Enhypen) along with many other groups (like txt, etc) are being mistreated either by the staff or whoever is in charge, possibly getting sexualized in some way because it’s fucking hybe let’s be real, or getting severely overworked and have unhealthy dieting issues because image and looks matter so much rather than their actual health.
All I want is for the boys to take a long ass break, not have another fucking comeback after the one they just fucking had that the company had so much problem promoting to begin with.
Is why
student loans and other government bullshit is the reason I wanna die
Why do parents feel the need to listen to Facebook videos on full volume, with no headphones in a room where other people can hear what they’re listening to...? I don’t wanna hear a list of facts about Reba McEntire. I don’t wanna know the recipe for the quiche you’re gonna try forcing me to help you make this weekend. I want you to use the four sets of headphones I’ve bought you over the past few years, specifically so you can listen to shit on your phone without disturbing anyone.
I am, how you might say...✨irritated✨
I like MLB too! Just a little adrienette so brighten up your day.
I am an exhausted pigeon. (humor)
Inktober day 7 - Exhausted