Dread - Tumblr Posts
"We shared the same house, not the same memories."
Test one. D+
So I saw him yesterday. He had a piece of mail for me. The dread and anxiety was heavy.
I was worried he was going to be charming or his sadness was going to melt the walls I have sweat blood to build.
That didnt happen.
I was just reminded how bad he makes me feel; that feeling in my chest that I hadn't felt it in weeks returned in full force. The feeling where I can't exhale or drop my shoulders from a defensive position.
I don't ever want to feel like that again. But I'm glad I felt it yesterday.
I do not want to be lured back in.
Next time I won't stay, as planned.
Funny Survivor Stuff
I have an interview in an hour.
You may or may not know that i hate my job and have been desperate to get out for some time.
Plus he knows where I work and if I change employers that will be one less place he can find me.
So this should be a good thing right?
I'm so filled with dread and anxiety i have been standing naked, dripping wet in the bathroom after my shower willing myself to get ready for the last 30 mins.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Oh yeah, I forgot.
I was helping my mother put up a picture not long ago. I was holding it against the wall while she made sure it was level when I lost my balance a little.
The frame scraped against the wall and took off a little bit of the paint.
Dread instantly surged. I began the instachorus of "Oh no, I'm sorry, I'm such a fool, I'm so bad at things, I'm so sorry, you just painted that , I feel so bad, I'm sorry."
My mother gave me a 'calm the eff down' look and said " don't worry about it, these things happen. We can fix it in a minute." Sure enough, after the picture was hung, she sanded lightly, got the remaining paint, handed me a little brush and we covered up the blemish. The whole process took about five minutes.
Oh, yeah. I forgot. Most people don't hit you for these kinds of things.
Today in Review
Me: I have a lot of work to get done today, and people are depending on me. Oh shoot, I have two appointments that will interrupt my day too. I should probably get started.
Brain: Maybe you should panic and do nothing for four hours instead.
Me: ... well, no, if I plan and start n....
Brain: PANIC AND DO NOTHING FOR FOUR HOURS!!!
Oooo. It's going to be a bad one tonight.
Today in Review
Me: I have a lot of work to get done today, and people are depending on me. Oh shoot, I have two appointments that will interrupt my day too. I should probably get started.
Brain: Maybe you should panic and do nothing for four hours instead.
Me: ... well, no, if I plan and start n....
Brain: PANIC AND DO NOTHING FOR FOUR HOURS!!!
Did I mention I have to go back to this fucker to get him to sign things?
Apparently I’ll never be safe.
So. I got sexually harassed by one of my tax clients yesterday.
He’s on disability and CRA (Canada’s IRS - less scary, still irritating) is jerking him around. He’s “not going to file” to solve this issue (it won’t, but you can’t tell some people anything). CRA will probably just cut off his benefits if he doesn’t file, and as I’m a fucking fool with no sense of self preservation or foresight I offered to do his return for free.
So I’ve just agreed to do him a favour, and he starts calling me sweetheart. I’m don’t say anything, and I wish I had because it went allll downhill from there. I roll up to pick up his documents and he’s shitfaced. I don’t know what he was drinking, but I can’t get that sickeningly sweet smell out of my nose.
He starts trying to get me to “feel” his body parts that are “fucking jacked” now that he’s been working out. I’m visibly uncomfortable. He asks me to grab his ass. “No, thanks”
He asked me to come up to his apartment. I said that I was in a hurry to see other clients. He asked me to go out to dinner with him and I told him I had a partner and wasn’t interested (why did I have to mention my partner, isn’t ‘not interested’ enough)?
THEN he says, and I fucking quote “Well you could always come upstairs for a one hour romance.”
“….Nope, I’m not interested. I gotta go.”
“Oh come on, it’s just a sexual experience baby, that’s all it would be.”
*walking away dry heaving into my mask*
“Oh, ok, well thanks anyways!”
For the love of fuck, asshole. I do your fucking taxes. I had half a mind to leave his docs with him, but I am propelled forwards by this self-destructive sense of compassion for people who are simply not worthy of it.
I see a lot of posts that say something like "It wasn't wasted time if you were enjoying yourself."
What if time passes and I don't know if I was enjoying myself? What did I just do for the last 90 minutes?
yes im trying
im always trying
and no matter what i do it doesnt work
im trying dont u get it
Zuko’s Doubts: Or, how I learned the true meaning of honor
Throughout the last half of ATLA’s final season, we see Zuko questioning his honor, and dreading the thought of facing his uncle who he believes will never forgive him (or, if he does, it will take a while for him to be fully forgiven). We see that even though Zuko has redeemed himself to the audience, he is still burdened by feelings of guilt, and shame which have followed him since leaving Ba Sing Se.
Each time Zuko voices his doubts, and fears regarding his uncle, he’s assured of his uncle’s love, and forgiveness by all the members of the Gaang except for Aang. Despite the support of his friends, it’s not until Zuko’s final confrontation with his uncle, and the aftermath of their meeting that we see that Zuko is finally able to forgive himself (hey, there’s a chakra!), or at least that’s what I speculate.
So, let’s begin!
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Don’t give me hope like that/lh
I just finished kid cosmic all at once today
Let's pray meat canyon doesn't get it next/j
A noisy morning bird, a well-worn teddy bear, a rare spaded arachnid, and the bane of every Mario Kart player!
My only safe space turned into a prison;
the cage which I previously crawled in to hide, now won't let me out.
They shove glass shards, from both sides, right into my head;
from the blood pouring out they tie another thread.
And I'm waking up scared, crying in my bed,
my mind swirling a thought "It'd be better if I'm dead."
But that is not me.. That's what I was fed;
the infection, fascination, that dependent dread...
Voices so familiar, they sounded so sad.
"We're here, just come," with opened arms they said,
"we belong together... Do not be misled!"
I did not know it was a threat,
did not see their stare turn mad.
They hugged me, wrapped me, not at all that bad.
"You'll never be alone again, we can promise since we care,
unlike those you need to do so, their attention is so rare."
They took me in, they cradeled me, calmed me, saying "Life ain't fair."
And I comforted, lived with them, breathing without air,
walking 'round that place, where all the doors they mark "Beware".
Yet all slightly ajar, letting demons out' their lair.
They saved me, helped me, gave so much, that I feel guilty when I dare
to think of, or to look at the world that is out there.
Emily Yvonne
The Reluctant Bride by Auguste Toulmouche, 1866
I hate how lost I feel...always invisible.
I can't tell left from right or up from down today...just drowning.
I wish I didn't feel this way. I have things I should be doing, I know it. Family is coming down this weekend and I'm not happy about it. I'm dreading the weekend. Dreading it.
Sitting here listening to sad music lol...I've never done that before.
Just feeling like I fail at everything and nothing will change...I hate it. I used to always believe everything will workout and I know as soon as this feeling passes, I'll probably believe it again. I just wish I could stop believing and I'd be living it. Talking about where I used to be, how things once were.
- Sequoia Red (via Sequoia Red)
Our tour begins before we even enter the Mansion itself in the Magic Kingdom, where you can see some of our guests in their corruptible...mortal...busts.
Pictured here, we have the Dread Family. Uncle Jacob Dread, Bertie Dread, Aunt Florence McGriffin Dread, Wellington and Forsythia Dread, and Cousin Maude (Dread, I'm assuming).
They were a family of six who once inhabited the manor before one day they all met their gruesome fate at each other's hands. Uncle Jacob was poisoned by Bertie for his wealth. Who was then shot dead by Florence as an act of revenge. Who was then smothered by bird seed by Forsythia and Wellington, who were then killed in their sleep with a mallet…by Cousin Maude. Who, as the sole surviving member of the Dread Family, burned to death because she liked to use matches in her hair instead of hairpins (really amazing thinking there Cousin Maude…🙄). And now, the Dread Family is no more and haunt the halls of the esteemed mansion.
WHAT HAVE I BECOME???
As someone who wants to make movies I fucking hate the fact that I love a lot of these but people associate most of them with the whole stupid fucking white hustler crowd because that crowd in particular seems to think you're supposed to idolize the fucking people in them and is arguably the crowd that's the most vocal about them (which really explains a lot about why dudebro shitheels in particular are so genuinely fucking obnoxious). In literally most of these it could only be more blatant that these aren't people you should idolize if the fucking writer just walked up on screen and looked the audience in the eyes and just up and told them that lmao. I think the fact that that association even exists is just a testament to how genuinely braindead those "wow guyz look how much money I made systematically killing orphans or some shit because I'm a cool sociopath" sigma male types tend to be.
Stuff like this also makes me legitimately terrified that the shit that I write is also going to attract the wrong kinds of people and I'm just going to feel like utter dogshit about it because I'd see it as contributing to something that I utterly despise with every fiber of my being. Really makes me question whether or not it's even worth going through the effort to actually write the stuff I actually want to write sometimes.
What a genuinely dread-inducing post.
film bro starter pack or something like that