Is Anyone Else Ever Genuinely Shocked When You Find Out You Have An Impact On Someones Life? A Coworker

Is anyone else ever genuinely shocked when you find out you have an impact on someone’s life? A coworker can be like “I’ve missed seeing you” and I’m just like “???? you?? missed me????? My presence has an effect on your daily experience???? I affect things??? W h a t ? ? ?”

i cant find it, grasp it, keep it

not in books, not in series, not in movies, not in my life

there are sometimes, thought, where i have glimpses of it in my daydreams and my soul feels a little lighter for a moment

comfort, its always escaping me and im getting tired of running after it

in a race i can never seem to catch up, so many obstacles that never stop coming that just make me wanna lie forever under a golden sun were i can close my eyes and picture myself laughing, relaxed

it always runs away from me and i cant seem to muster the energy to chase after it anymore

you know what i want the most?

i want that in ten years time i am able to say that i am happy and content without an ounce of doubt, to say and feel that completely and purely

i want to be able to build a life for myself that makes me proud, content and makes my wildest dreams seem pale in comparison

10.26.20 // Transcript under cut

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yes im trying

im always trying

and no matter what i do it doesnt work

im trying dont u get it

why cant we just appreciate the passing of time?

why must we always rush tp the next thing? the next zoom meeting? the next family gathering? the next test?

why must my soul go back into my body to suffer an experience i never asked for?

why cant i just stop existing in this material stressful world?

i would gladly join the stars in the universe

go somewhere i can just admire beauty and art, reading tragic classics and enjoy life through the eyes and words of hundreds of authors in the comfort of the love of someone who cares for me