OP's Friend Is Not Wrong.

OP's friend is not wrong. 🤣

i’ve gotten my friend to start reading tgcf (she’s just started book 2) but she struggles to remember character names so when she tries to talk abt nan feng and fu yao she instead refers to them as “the two useless guys with rage” and that about sums it up

How to Be A Sassy Serial Killer

Michael Myers 😄😄 🔪 🔪 😂 😏

"I wish you would write a fic where..."

Where the Juniors are having Halloween storytelling. Or the Halloween costumes for MDZS main characters if they're going to a party or something.

When I saw this here, I got something immediately, bc I'm good at nonsense and dorkness. Here's the thing:

Lan Sizhui and Ouyang Zizhen tell Jin Ling and Lan Jingyi a Halloween Story:

Sizhui: "Once upon a time there was a Green Witch who lived in the forest."

Jin Ling: That's cliché.

Zizhen: The Green Witch was Chinese.

Jingyi: And since when does the witch's ethnicity make it stop being a cliché?

Sizhui: It's a Chinese witch who lives in a Nordic forest.

Jin Ling: Oh. Yeah, it's starting to get a little different… Go on.

Zizhen: The Green Witch was called Nie Huaisang.

Jingyi: Now that makes a lot of sense.

Sizhui: In the Green Witch's wood and stone house, a Purple Ghost lived. Lonely, sad, angry and who used to scare everyone away… well, that, at least, until he moved into the witch's house, since the Green Witch, bold as she was, had…

Zizhen: Had decided to marry the lonely Ghost.

Sizhui: Had what?!

Zizhen: When you said that the Ghost was purple, sad and angry and scared out everyone, I thought you were talking about Jin Ling's jiujiu, so he married the witch.

Jingyi: Why do you have to put romance in everything?!

Zizhen: Being romantic is one of my best qualities…

Jin Ling: I can't even complain about the conclusion that the Ghost is jiujiu. Go on.

Sizhui: Okay, so the Green Witch was married to the angry Purple Ghost. That he was no longer lonely and not so angry, given the circumstances of a good marriage. On the witch's rooftop lived her best friend the Necromancer.

Zizhen: That he was always drunk.

Sizhui: And how he doesn't fall off the rooftop even though he's always drunk was a mystery. Well, the Green Witch knew why, the witch always knew everything. Of course the witch pretended not to know anything because…

Zizhen: Because that way no one would be going to her house to disturb asking for potions and spells for this and that, she already lived in the forest because she wanted peace.

Jin Ling: Wait, is the Green Witch a boy or a girl?

Sizhui: It's a boy, obviously.

Zizhen: A boy in a dress, but he's still a boy. She is. Well, you got it.

Jingyi: I can totally see it happening…

Sizhui: So, the Green Witch lived in peace with her Ghost husband and her best friend on the rooftop and the Swamp Undead Community, which grew turnips and sold it on the roadside to raise funds…

Jin Ling: Why does an undead community need money?

Zizhen: For tomb upgrades.

Jingyi: I won't even dispute that.

Jin Ling: Who is part of the community anyway? It was very vague...

Sizhui: Ahm... The turnip seller, who is Ning-shushu... the brother of the Green Witch, who died with the poisoned apple that the other witch, an evil witch, gave him and... the Evil Witch, who died because of the Deceased came back to pull her foot.

Zizhen: Kind of was the neck and not the foot…

Sizhui: I'm trying to smooth things over here…

Zizhen: Oh, okay. So now that the Evil Witch is no longer a witch but an undead, she has made peace with the Deceased. And she married him.

Sizhui: Zizhen… is everyone going to get married in this story?

Zizhen: No, the ancient supreme Wizard who lives in the far mountain, Lan Qiren, is not getting married, no. Never.

Sizhui: Okay. So the Deceased Nie Mingjue and the Evil Witch Jin Guangyao made their peace in the not-so-dead-afterdeath and got married, and that money from the turnips went well to help with the wedding expenses. And so, peace reigned in the Dark Forest until one day… someone knocked on the door of the Green Witch's house, two brothers sought help because they had been cursed to change into werewolves when the full moon came.

Zizhen: It was the first time the Necromancer fell from the rooftop.

Jingyi: Why?

Zizhen: Because when he saw the brothers seeking the witch's help, it was love at first sight for the younger brother, so he fainted and fell off the rooftop right into the Second Werewolf's arms.

Jin Ling: I've given up on hoping for any “horror” in this story, but keep it going.

Sizhui: This time, the Green Witch didn't really know how to help - not the Necromancer's possible marriage to the Second Werewolf - but to help undo the curse. The witch searched all her books, the oldest grimoires, but there was no cure for the curse. The two brothers were very sad, but the Second Werewolf soon resigned himself, now he was going to get married, so it was okay not to be human anymore, he could live on the rooftop with the Necromancer and everything would be fine - the Green Witch even agreed with that idea, despite the Ghost husband's grumbles.

Zizhen: But the older brother was very, very sad. He was a nice and calm person, being a werewolf didn't seem to work for him, so he went out for a walk in the woods, to unwind a little, as everyone in the Green Witch's house had already started arguing about having another tenant on the rooftop.

Sizhui: As the First Werewolf walked, tearful and so sad about his fate, he ended up tripping over a…

Zizhen: Over a basket. A basket full of mushrooms. Amanita Muscaria. The undead Evil Witch's favorite poisonous mushrooms.

Sizhui: Amanita Muscaria isn't exactly poisonous, it's just hallucinogenic, actually.

Zizhen: How do you know?

Sizhui: Jingyi woke me up one of these days at 3 am to tell me this. Ning-shushu said it's true, so it is.

Zizhen: Okay, so these are the favorite hallucinogenic mushrooms. The First Werewolf tripped over the basket and knocked over all the mushrooms the Evil Witch had picked, but before the Evil Witch yelled at him, she saw that he was crying.

Sizhui: Even though the witch's heart didn't beat anymore - and when it did, it wasn't a big deal either, right... The witch felt sorry for the First Werewolf, because he just looked like a fluffy ball of sadness, lost and hopeless there... So , the Evil Witch called the Deceased, her husband, to help...

Zizhen: They took the First Werewolf to the Swamp Undead Community, consoled him saying he didn't need to devour people, he could feed on turnips instead.

Sizhui: He was grateful and decided to live there with them.

Zizhen: And he became the Evil Witch's second husband too.

Jingyi: Why didn't he marry someone who was single?!

Sizhui: Because the Evil Witch was greedy and… you know how it is. On Halloween night, they all gathered in the forest glade to...

Zizhen: To finally celebrate the Necromancer's wedding to the Second Werewolf!

Sizhui: And from then on, they all lived happily ever after.

Jingyi: They can't all live happily ever after, because half of them are already dead.

Sizhui: Oh, you get it.

Jin Ling: I don't know which is more disappointing: the story itself or the fact that I actually enjoyed this crap…

The end.

Crack fic XD

Wang Yibo is such a good sport! I love him! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Hanguang-Jun Reads Thirst Tweets