Nina: Brekker, If You Had To Choose Jesper And All The Kruge In My Pocket, What Would You Choose?

Nina: Brekker, if you had to choose Jesper and all the kruge in my pocket, what would you choose?

Kaz:

Kaz: How much kruge do you have?

Casually checking out Hobie Brown stories, haven't read the entire thing but I am ultimately interested. ;>>

Not Where You Belong List

-Part 1: A New World

-Part 2: An Unlikely Hero

-Part 3: Back In His Flat

-Part 4: A View of the City

-Part 5: Cleaning His Wounds

-Part 6: As 3 Days Pass

-Part 7: Found

-Part 8: Perfectly Welcomed Contact

my blog got rebranded. if anyone cares haha.

hello, hello! will probably delete this post but whatever...

I started this blog last June 2020 and it was a mess back then, I don't know what I should post and what fandom, I should settle with. For the last 2 years, I've written stories for different fandoms, especially anime, but as time passed, my interest changed and I had a hard time overcoming my writer's block in writing anime-based stories. So, I approached writing again by entering new circles and new interests that surfaced on the internet and different platforms.

it was fun, discovering things I never knew I would like. and it was also entertaining writing stories for the things I loved in my teenage years, but, now, I'm officially a person aging (and have no idea how life really works), I'm going to lay low in writing stories for anime, don't get me wrong, I love writing for those characters but for now, I'm going to take a break from them. They comforted me during my teenage years (and probably I'll go back to them, every now and then) but yeah, for now, I'll have fun writing fanfiction and stories in new settings, new approaches, and new fandom. And who knows, maybe I'll publish a book in a year or two (hahaha hahaha) Again, no one will probably read this but thank you!

let's go to the next journey, shall we?

✧.* ​navigation - trinity, 20, she/they ⚘ masterlist 1 | 2 | 3 ✧ 1: tv shows, 2: anime, 3: mcu

✧.* recent works upon a different life - bucky barnes (pt.i) vsego dva prizraka - bucky barnes (pt. ii)

✧.* mixtape : at the studio

-- this blog is meant for readers who are at least 17+ because I sometimes interact with NSFW content.

the trick - kaz brekker. des. angst. shadow and bone (tv) s2 spoilers! kaz brekker saw love as nothing but a mere weakness, a soft edge, an instrument to drown, and then there was you. notes. kaz brekker is bad at love lmao. brief mentions of kaz's trauma (again). pekka rollins (yeah, he has his own warnings). six of crows shenanigans. mentions of hurting, bl##d. jordie rietveld. kaz brekker. enemies-to-lovers-to-idk.

hello, hello! i'm not good at intro lmao. but read it while listening to the night we met by l. huron for more raw emotion??? i remember writing this 3am on monday, so, it might be a lil' messy ;<

wc: 1.4k

The ride back to the slat was painted with the deepest shade of silence, the alarming heart rate of everyone, the tension of everyone’s gaze, the weight on everyone’s shoulder, and the bruise getting settled on Kaz’s face. Jesper looked over at you as he noticed your undying gaze on Kaz. His breath hitched as he whispered.

“He’s okay. Don’t think too much..” You gave a concerned look to Jesper as he gave you a soft smile. The minutes' ride back to the slat was only for a while but for Kaz, it felt like an hour, a decade, it seems like he felt everything, heard everything, and saw everything. He felt the carriage halt as he sensed the familiar noise, as the crows prepared to step down from the carriage, he looked over to your hands and noticed the bruise forming in your knuckles, taking him back to the night when you both met.

----

“Pekka sent me to kill you. You pissed him off after you kept on tailing him, tracking him, watching him. I might say you might be obsessed with him. ” You stated, earning a glare and a concerned look from the sharpshooter and his ‘boss’. As words left your mouth, you felt Kaz’s reserved and fearsome intensity. 

“Then why didn’t you?” Though the question felt a little personal to your liking, Kaz’s tone proves otherwise. You felt as if a crow was watching you, daring you, and judging you. No doubt, Kaz Brekker knew that Pekka Rollins hired you to kill him, the fucking bastard of the barrel knew that, and yet here you are having a fucking drink in his fucking club. 

When Pekka Rollins let you work for him, he forgot one thing and that is checking your background, yes, perhaps he knew how skilled you are in killing, how your step would knock in silence, and how would the knife and guns would bow down in your presence, but what he did know is your past. 

With the last sip of  your drink, you look at Dirtyhand’s eyes, “Jakob Hertzoon..”

Kaz Brekker's eyes widened, he uttered something under his breath and made Jesper leave. 

“I didn’t kill you in any chance I get because… he stole something from me and I guess he also did to you.” Kaz Brekker searches for any misconceptions in your eyes, white lies that will get under his skin, but all he found are eyes that look at him and it seems like they understood him and knew him under all his walls, all his armor. 

“I get what you want from Pekka, you give me what I want..”

“And what is that?” Kaz replied you were taken aback because he was indeed out of character when he replied. You sighed. “...A chance to prove myself.” 

And that’s where all it started, as month dances into years, the withering flame in your heart, starts to fuel and fuel even more, the lingering looks in the slat, the searching for him in every room, the protecting him at any given time, it fueled you. 

It happened to him too.

It made you strong, it made him afraid. It saved you yet it drowned him in his fears.

It was your dream, it is a nightmare that he got himself into. You were the poison and yet he drank it. Pekka Rollins hired you to kill him and Kaz is damn sure that not only you might kill him but also drown him by accepting his deepest fears and secrets, and an emotion that could cloud his judgment.

--

After meeting your bruised and bloody hand he looked at you, a flame burning in his eyes and heart, as he felt it the first six months you talked to him about Pekka’s plan and jobs, he felt it the third night when Jordie’s voice seems too loud to his liking, he knew it the moment he saw colors he hasn’t seen before, he knew it when you stood to stop a bullet for him in Ravka, he knew it the moment he searched for you in every corner of the room he’s into, you flashed him a sad smile while he just stared at you getting out of the carriage, by then he knew, that maybe after tonight, he might lose you.

The slat was once again empty when the crows left it, only the deafening silence was left as well as Kaz’s breathing and your hand that is fidgeting with your left ring. The job was done, everything was at ease, and the barrel belonged to the bastard, so, why are you here?

“We need to talk.” 

Oh, right, Kaz. 

You looked at him, his bruised face was noticeable. He looked at you, your hands are covered in bruises and wounds that is new. He ought to seek the words he wants to say, things that’ll make Jordie’s voice drown in the pit of his conscience, or a word that’ll make you stay forever. But among all the words in the world that entered his mind, it seems like you found the one he need.

“Are you okay, Kaz?” His eyes met yours, and the echoing sound of a candle’s flame drifted into his mind as he saw the distance between you and him, one table apart. 

His office was filled with paintings and trophies he stole from the rooms of every building he find fascinating, and yet the most treasured thing that he do not own was you, that among the most beautiful items scattered in the room would be no equal to the fascination that Kaz gives to you.

A part of him wanted to say everything, every nightmare, every dream, every pain, everything that is about him, but he also wanted you to stay, by him, with him. But the armor he has betrayed every little thing that makes him a human, a man. 

“Don’t. It makes you dull.” Then, you recalled the moments earlier.

“The trick is not to love anything.” His shark eyes met Pekka’s desperate gaze. A little part of you felt brave but the whole part of you was betrayed. You looked at Nina as she heard your heart, and you looked at Jesper as he looked at Kaz. It pained you that when you felt like you were building Kaz, you were breaking him down into something, something you cannot see nor touch.

“Someone you'd sacrifice everything for and it makes you weak.” Then it hit you, Ketterdamn isn’t the place where the string of fate exists, you’d sacrifice everything for Kaz, all of them knew, except for him. Love is a weakness; you learned that the hard way. You fell for the man who you cannot touch, love, or even see. 

You love Kaz Brekker.

“Of course…Kaz, about what you said to Pekka, is it true? The trick?” His gaze lowered, and a sense of guilt woke the soul inside him. As he felt your eyes burning him. He couldn’t fight the right words or the actions he can take, but all he had was his walls and a pair of his broken armor. 

“Silence was never my forte, but please, tell me, those longing stares, those endless nights, those times…was that all the trick?” A shake. A shake in your voice was present. When did you become so emotional, Kaz wondered. He knew the answer because he felt the wave of emotion hit him too, harder that the punch and the bruise. 

“Love is weakness. It makes us weak—”

“I love you…” Then the world was silenced in the wake of your declaration, the sound of the storming sea was silenced in Kaz’s mind, the voices of Jordie were no longer near, and the water in his lungs was replaced by the enticing feeling in his stomach. “Does that make me weak?”

No. That was what he wanted to say, but all he did was to look at you with a shield in his eyes, that moment, he knew, he lost you.

The cold rushed down your head to your feet, you said those words and you read him wrong. Everything was wrong you were wrong. As you met Kaz’s reserved gaze, it took you to the night where you first met him, wishing that you should’ve killed him, perhaps he was right, the trick is not to love anything. 

But the only thing you heard was your footstep leaving the room, the slat, and leaving Kaz Brekker.

“No…It makes me.” He whispered under his breath.

That night, two crows understood something that love is awful, unfair, and unkind. 

That love is indeed and truly a weakness.

hehe. angst. haha, my forte.

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