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kies jou. - kaz brekker. des. shadow and bones (tv) s2 spoilers!. kaz brekker didn't let hope cloud his judgment, however just this once, he lets it because it's you. notes. angst. ooc(?) kaz brekker. brief mentions of Kaz's trauma. kaz and Inej do not have a romantic link. to establish a relationship. mentions six of crow's shenanigans.

hello there! i suck at summary but here you go an angsty yet fluffy kaz brekker this is my first time writing for the fellow, so he might be ooc. enjoy!

wanorde - chaos kies jou - choose you wc: 956

Kaz Brekker wanted something, something more than the kruge he could bury with his dead body, more than the gold he could hang on his walls, more than the paintings he could hide in his room, Kaz Brekker wanted something more. He wanted you.

He watched everyone look at you whenever you entered the slat, how their eyes would linger on your face and hands. Some say you’re a dream built to see paradise but to Kaz, you were a fucking chaos. The chaos that might drown him someday and maybe save him one day. He saw you as a weakness, not for the crew, but a weakness kept within himself. 

But saints, if you were the chaos then why do you keep caring, why do you keep looking at him with eyes that calm him down, why do you always there in plain sight, and why do you always pull him up whenever the water in his lungs looks for ways for him to drown. He never saw it coming, he just realized that one day, he didn’t want to lose you. 

Maybe it was the night when you let him see a little bit of you in your safe place or maybe the night where he let you break a little part of his walls or maybe the time you looked at him with care even if he is in his armor. Or maybe the time when you bled to protect him. It made Kaz numb, he loathed this emotion, this feeling, this chaos brooding inside him. To some, it’s hope, a hope to make things better, to make things okay but Kaz learned to hope the hard way, when he was a kid, Hope drowns you and clouds your judgment. 

But hope is a word of luck dipped in the honey of chaos, that was hope for Kaz when you express it. It feels so foreign yet so raw, it scared him yet it also became his salvation and perhaps, a secret language that only he can decipher. All the heist, all the thrill, lead to this, lead you to him, always to him. 

—

The fold was now only a myth, the weight of the gold filled Kaz’s pockets, Inej has gotten her freedom, Jesper and Wylan were okay, Nina and her slab of fur will unite once again, and then you. 

As you tell your prayers to the saints of Ravka, a man with a cane watched you in the corner of the room.

“Did you get the payment, Brekker?”

Kaz looked at you and the wound on your forehead, then he recalled the moment earlier when you protected him from a volcra. He looked away and in the back of his mind, Jordie’s voice resurfaced.

You will always cause harm, Kaz. You are the chaos, you are!

He clenched his jaw and weave a deep sigh. “Everyone will get their cut once we're back in Ketterdamn.”

He looked at you once again, and to his surprise, you were staring at him, your caring stare for him. The voice of Jordie and the waves of the sea were cleared again, and the only thing he heard was your voice. 

“What now, Brekker?”

With that question, he held his cane a little tighter, and his breathing become rigged.

“Settle. Inej isn’t the only one who got their freedom.” 

You nodded your head as you stood up and walked up to him.

“Tell me something…Kaz.” His name fell out of your lips like a hymn he wishes to bottle as if whenever he hears your voice, all he wanted is to let hope to cloud his judgment. “I know you saw something, you…you’ve never been the same since that time, Brekker.”

Of course, you noticed. How the number amount of times he called your name, he stood a little closer to you, he looked over to you, protect you, something happened in Shu Han, you knew it. Kaz knew it.

“Please…Kaz.” 

He looked at you and he knew your voice was much scarier than the poison he inhaled in Shu Han, he never knew that chaos would be so beautiful and so…hopeful. Hope clouds judgment, Kaz knew it.

But this time, he lets it.

“Jordie was there…” He watched your expression be different when you looked at his eyes and they looked bitter as he spoke his brother’s name. Perhaps a misunderstanding or fear but his words suck the air in your lungs. 

“And you, my wanorde.”

Chaos. 

You stared at each other for a moment. As he breaks the silence, with his walls and armor again.

“Why…why didn’t you run away when the volcra was in front of me?”

You sighed and gave him a knowing look.

“Because I promised. I promised myself to take care of you. May I?”

You gestured your hand over his hand and at this exact moment, his walls and armor betrayed him as hope pushed him through his loudest thoughts: to have you.

He grabbed your hand as you softly examine and traced the markings of his gloves, and his whispers slipped from his mouth. “It’s rotten work..” He was mad and disappointed.

But his tone was also sad, relieved, and somehow, it was like a plea. You inhaled deeply, as you held his hands, now with both of your hands. You smiled at him.

“Not to me, Kaz.”

His hand in yours was something that scared him, he fears that it would drown him but just this once, he let it be, for your hands never drowned him, somehow it saved him. Upon touching your hands…

“Not if it’s you.”

…he felt alive.

a/n: i actually based this story off : “Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.” ― Anne Carson, Euripides

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⚘ ɴᴀᴠɪɢᴀᴛɪᴏɴ

𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 includes: steve harrington, edward munson, jonathan byers, robin buckley, nancy wheeler

𝘀𝗶𝘅 𝗼𝗳 𝗰𝗿𝗼𝘄𝘀 includes: kaz brekker, inej ghafa, matthias helvar, jesper fahey, nina zenik, wylan van eck

⚘ masterlist 1 | 2 | 3

✧.* ​navigation - trinity, 20, she/they ⚘ masterlist 1 | 2 | 3 ✧ 1: tv shows, 2: anime, 3: mcu

✧.* recent works upon a different life - bucky barnes (pt.i) vsego dva prizraka - bucky barnes (pt. ii)

✧.* mixtape : at the studio

-- this blog is meant for readers who are at least 17+ because I sometimes interact with NSFW content.

⚘ ɴᴀᴠɪɢᴀᴛɪᴏɴ

𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗽𝗶𝗲𝗰𝗲 includes: strawhats pirates, torao, ace, etc.

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my blog got rebranded. if anyone cares haha.

hello, hello! will probably delete this post but whatever...

I started this blog last June 2020 and it was a mess back then, I don't know what I should post and what fandom, I should settle with. For the last 2 years, I've written stories for different fandoms, especially anime, but as time passed, my interest changed and I had a hard time overcoming my writer's block in writing anime-based stories. So, I approached writing again by entering new circles and new interests that surfaced on the internet and different platforms.

it was fun, discovering things I never knew I would like. and it was also entertaining writing stories for the things I loved in my teenage years, but, now, I'm officially a person aging (and have no idea how life really works), I'm going to lay low in writing stories for anime, don't get me wrong, I love writing for those characters but for now, I'm going to take a break from them. They comforted me during my teenage years (and probably I'll go back to them, every now and then) but yeah, for now, I'll have fun writing fanfiction and stories in new settings, new approaches, and new fandom. And who knows, maybe I'll publish a book in a year or two (hahaha hahaha) Again, no one will probably read this but thank you!

let's go to the next journey, shall we?

the trick - kaz brekker. des. angst. shadow and bone (tv) s2 spoilers! kaz brekker saw love as nothing but a mere weakness, a soft edge, an instrument to drown, and then there was you. notes. kaz brekker is bad at love lmao. brief mentions of kaz's trauma (again). pekka rollins (yeah, he has his own warnings). six of crows shenanigans. mentions of hurting, bl##d. jordie rietveld. kaz brekker. enemies-to-lovers-to-idk.

hello, hello! i'm not good at intro lmao. but read it while listening to the night we met by l. huron for more raw emotion??? i remember writing this 3am on monday, so, it might be a lil' messy ;<

wc: 1.4k

The ride back to the slat was painted with the deepest shade of silence, the alarming heart rate of everyone, the tension of everyone’s gaze, the weight on everyone’s shoulder, and the bruise getting settled on Kaz’s face. Jesper looked over at you as he noticed your undying gaze on Kaz. His breath hitched as he whispered.

“He’s okay. Don’t think too much..” You gave a concerned look to Jesper as he gave you a soft smile. The minutes' ride back to the slat was only for a while but for Kaz, it felt like an hour, a decade, it seems like he felt everything, heard everything, and saw everything. He felt the carriage halt as he sensed the familiar noise, as the crows prepared to step down from the carriage, he looked over to your hands and noticed the bruise forming in your knuckles, taking him back to the night when you both met.

----

“Pekka sent me to kill you. You pissed him off after you kept on tailing him, tracking him, watching him. I might say you might be obsessed with him. ” You stated, earning a glare and a concerned look from the sharpshooter and his ‘boss’. As words left your mouth, you felt Kaz’s reserved and fearsome intensity. 

“Then why didn’t you?” Though the question felt a little personal to your liking, Kaz’s tone proves otherwise. You felt as if a crow was watching you, daring you, and judging you. No doubt, Kaz Brekker knew that Pekka Rollins hired you to kill him, the fucking bastard of the barrel knew that, and yet here you are having a fucking drink in his fucking club. 

When Pekka Rollins let you work for him, he forgot one thing and that is checking your background, yes, perhaps he knew how skilled you are in killing, how your step would knock in silence, and how would the knife and guns would bow down in your presence, but what he did know is your past. 

With the last sip of  your drink, you look at Dirtyhand’s eyes, “Jakob Hertzoon..”

Kaz Brekker's eyes widened, he uttered something under his breath and made Jesper leave. 

“I didn’t kill you in any chance I get because… he stole something from me and I guess he also did to you.” Kaz Brekker searches for any misconceptions in your eyes, white lies that will get under his skin, but all he found are eyes that look at him and it seems like they understood him and knew him under all his walls, all his armor. 

“I get what you want from Pekka, you give me what I want..”

“And what is that?” Kaz replied you were taken aback because he was indeed out of character when he replied. You sighed. “...A chance to prove myself.” 

And that’s where all it started, as month dances into years, the withering flame in your heart, starts to fuel and fuel even more, the lingering looks in the slat, the searching for him in every room, the protecting him at any given time, it fueled you. 

It happened to him too.

It made you strong, it made him afraid. It saved you yet it drowned him in his fears.

It was your dream, it is a nightmare that he got himself into. You were the poison and yet he drank it. Pekka Rollins hired you to kill him and Kaz is damn sure that not only you might kill him but also drown him by accepting his deepest fears and secrets, and an emotion that could cloud his judgment.

--

After meeting your bruised and bloody hand he looked at you, a flame burning in his eyes and heart, as he felt it the first six months you talked to him about Pekka’s plan and jobs, he felt it the third night when Jordie’s voice seems too loud to his liking, he knew it the moment he saw colors he hasn’t seen before, he knew it when you stood to stop a bullet for him in Ravka, he knew it the moment he searched for you in every corner of the room he’s into, you flashed him a sad smile while he just stared at you getting out of the carriage, by then he knew, that maybe after tonight, he might lose you.

The slat was once again empty when the crows left it, only the deafening silence was left as well as Kaz’s breathing and your hand that is fidgeting with your left ring. The job was done, everything was at ease, and the barrel belonged to the bastard, so, why are you here?

“We need to talk.” 

Oh, right, Kaz. 

You looked at him, his bruised face was noticeable. He looked at you, your hands are covered in bruises and wounds that is new. He ought to seek the words he wants to say, things that’ll make Jordie’s voice drown in the pit of his conscience, or a word that’ll make you stay forever. But among all the words in the world that entered his mind, it seems like you found the one he need.

“Are you okay, Kaz?” His eyes met yours, and the echoing sound of a candle’s flame drifted into his mind as he saw the distance between you and him, one table apart. 

His office was filled with paintings and trophies he stole from the rooms of every building he find fascinating, and yet the most treasured thing that he do not own was you, that among the most beautiful items scattered in the room would be no equal to the fascination that Kaz gives to you.

A part of him wanted to say everything, every nightmare, every dream, every pain, everything that is about him, but he also wanted you to stay, by him, with him. But the armor he has betrayed every little thing that makes him a human, a man. 

“Don’t. It makes you dull.” Then, you recalled the moments earlier.

“The trick is not to love anything.” His shark eyes met Pekka’s desperate gaze. A little part of you felt brave but the whole part of you was betrayed. You looked at Nina as she heard your heart, and you looked at Jesper as he looked at Kaz. It pained you that when you felt like you were building Kaz, you were breaking him down into something, something you cannot see nor touch.

“Someone you'd sacrifice everything for and it makes you weak.” Then it hit you, Ketterdamn isn’t the place where the string of fate exists, you’d sacrifice everything for Kaz, all of them knew, except for him. Love is a weakness; you learned that the hard way. You fell for the man who you cannot touch, love, or even see. 

You love Kaz Brekker.

“Of course…Kaz, about what you said to Pekka, is it true? The trick?” His gaze lowered, and a sense of guilt woke the soul inside him. As he felt your eyes burning him. He couldn’t fight the right words or the actions he can take, but all he had was his walls and a pair of his broken armor. 

“Silence was never my forte, but please, tell me, those longing stares, those endless nights, those times…was that all the trick?” A shake. A shake in your voice was present. When did you become so emotional, Kaz wondered. He knew the answer because he felt the wave of emotion hit him too, harder that the punch and the bruise. 

“Love is weakness. It makes us weak—”

“I love you…” Then the world was silenced in the wake of your declaration, the sound of the storming sea was silenced in Kaz’s mind, the voices of Jordie were no longer near, and the water in his lungs was replaced by the enticing feeling in his stomach. “Does that make me weak?”

No. That was what he wanted to say, but all he did was to look at you with a shield in his eyes, that moment, he knew, he lost you.

The cold rushed down your head to your feet, you said those words and you read him wrong. Everything was wrong you were wrong. As you met Kaz’s reserved gaze, it took you to the night where you first met him, wishing that you should’ve killed him, perhaps he was right, the trick is not to love anything. 

But the only thing you heard was your footstep leaving the room, the slat, and leaving Kaz Brekker.

“No…It makes me.” He whispered under his breath.

That night, two crows understood something that love is awful, unfair, and unkind. 

That love is indeed and truly a weakness.

hehe. angst. haha, my forte.

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stop. you're losing me - eddie munson des. angst. eddie munson is man with a lot of things; you’ve stay by his side for so long, for too long. notes. stranger things s4 (minus you know what), established relationship, heavily inspired by madam t.swift song, through the years of loving eddie munson, rockstar!eddie, eddie being mean, dramatic, curse words, 17+, sad, sad, sad, (no jason here ;>)

hey! hey! I was supposed to post this last march but I had a thesis paper to finish haha, n e way, please enjoy angsty yet sweet love story of eddie munson! hihi, listen to 'you're losing me' by mama taylor swift while reading this. slay!

w.c: 2.4k

Eddie Munson was a lot of things, he was kind, brave, misunderstood, chaotic, and creative, and Eddie Munson is also your love, perhaps all the things that people see in him that make them look away makes you stay. All the things they hate about Eddie Munson are the things you loved, his long hair, his club, his band, and all of him. But Eddie Munson is a lot.

He was a lot.

And maybe sometimes too much.

Too much.

⟴ DECEMBER ‘86

It started on the third subject, chemistry, your first fourth year, and his second fourth year, he sat next to you with all his glory, rings, and his noticeable Dio battle vest. He was hypnotizing, alluring, and scary, yet the moment he sat next to you familiarity sets in. He was warm and kind, and he was an open book, for you to read.

“What page are we…?”

His voice echoed in your ear as if playing a soft hymn.

“It’s Biochemistry, page 35…”

You looked over at him, his rigged book, his button eyes, his rings, and him.

“Thanks, sweetheart…”

Your heartstrings felt it, his soft voice, the nickname.

It was scary and yet…

You let him in.

— “you say i don’t understand and i say i know you don’t”

⟴ JULY ‘87

For seven months you talked and laughed with him, but you and he didn’t have anything in common and yet here you are wrapped in his bedsheets with him practicing his guitar next to you. The soft strings of the acoustic guitar met your ears it was soothing, and relaxing, you gazed into his eyes and dip your lips into his, to which he gladly respond, After a few moments, you two pulled away. 

As his eyes met yours, he whispered.

“What was that for, babe…?”

A chuckle left your chest. “You looked nice playing the guitar.” 

Eddie laughs and continues to play a song for you. Eddie gazes at you as he sings the softest song he knows. Then a knock was heard, outside his trailer a loud knock was heard.

“You gonna get that..?”

He stood up and worry settles in his eyes, he was hiding something from you, something that would break you. As he opened the door, a man in baggy clothes shows up next to the man three grown men with dilated pupils and slouched shoulders. You glared at Eddie from behind as he hands them a plastic in return with money in his pocket.

As he closed the door, he looked down.

“I thought we agreed...you would quit selling them?”

He rolls his eyes, somewhat annoyed and ashamed. 

“Come on, babe, I need to help Wayne with the bills...and shit. I can’t just rely on what I earn in gigs…I need to earn for Wayne…and me.”

“So help Wayne in the right way..” You stood up as you walked close to him. “Do shit in a right way.”

He replied with a scoff.

“Of course, that’s easy for you to say, babe. Because…” He walked past you and grabbed a beer from his fridge. “You’re not the town’s freak.”

Air left your lungs as you carefully studied his expression, he was annoyed but somehow he looked sad. You weave a deep breath as you walk towards him and grab the beer in his hands as you drank. You stared at him, gaining confidence from the alcohol you had just drunk. “Munson.”

You don’t call him by his last name unless you’re telling him something serious. He was aware of that, he stiffened and straighten his posture.

“You’re graduating in a few months or so, you need to fix habits, create new ones.”

He listened intently.

“It’s the society’s belief in success... Why would I if the whole town–”

“Because I want you to. I want to see you out there, Eds! I want to see you strive...I want you to prove to them that you’re not the town’s freak, you’re more than that!” Your voice echoed in the trailer. 

He was surprised by the sudden burst of voice, but he knew you weren’t mad, you were worried.

“I love you, Munson.”

That hitches his breath as he stared at you. He held out his hand and grabbed yours as he kissed your wrist.

“Okay..”

– “every morning i glared at you with storms in my eyes”

⟴ AUGUST ‘88

His voice echoed in the trailer, it was loud and he was angry. 

“Fucking shit! She is just a fucking friend!”

You two were fighting, screaming, and breaking. 

“You never introduced me to her, hell, Eddie, your hands were all over her!”

He stomps out of his room and continues to tell his reasons.

“(name)! Are you even hearing yourself? You’re being selfish right now. It was a fucking gig, in case you forgot! So, shit, if people are having fun and my hands are all over them that’s because it’s fucking part of the show! I’m the fucking front man of our band for crying out loud!”

You scoffed in disbelief.

“And me dancing with what? Jonathan? Steve? Billy? Is not okay?”

“That’s fucking different.”

You shook your head. “No–it’s not fucking different. Because they are my friends.”

“It’s different because…they might fucking like you.”

As you bit your underlip and stared at his eyes. 

“I’m the one being selfish? Great.”

You sighed and sat on the couch as you tell him what you saw earlier that night. A girl backstage was dancing with him, his hands on her hips, his hand on her cheeks, as his forehead was leaning into hers. As his cheeky smile appeared.

And when the show started, he kept looking at her.

“You didn’t even look at me, Eds.”

On the third set, you left. Eddie was drunk, he was feeling the crowd, and he was dancing the spotlight, while she stared at him, with everything they have in common, you felt tiny, and it seems like you were slowly getting replaced.

He knew about your past, the failed marriage of your parents, and the failed first love of high school. He knew about it and here he is with his balled fist making you remember all the shit you went through.

“...I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

His voice was soft and a whisper, as he sat next to you he moved his hand to hold yours but to his surprise, you flinched. It made him pull away as he realize you were fighting the tears spilling from your eyes. Without saying anything, he hugged you as he vowed and whispered the sweetest things he can think of. 

As the night dived deeper, you two fell asleep on the couch. As you stirred awake you looked at Eddie’s face as you caressed it words left your mouth.

“I hope I never lose you…”

— “how can you say that you love someone, you can’t tell it’s dying?”

⟴ DECEMBER ‘88

As the years pass by, Eddie and you grew differently, together, but not quite. He and his band were discovered on the very edge of America, Corroded Coffin was in the news. And the next few months, the band was offered to sign a recording contract with a recording company. Eddie was getting busy. As for you, you were slowly building the steps on your dreams: dreams that include, Eddie. 

But as the world notices Eddie Munson, you were hidden. Little by little all the things that people see in him that make them look away finally made them stay. All the things they hate about Eddie Munson are the things they finally loved, his long hair,  his band, and all of him. While you finally, little by little…

Hate them…

“It’s just not that simple Eddie! You told me you would come and pick me up! You made me wait there like an idiot! Why–” You groaned as you ran your hand in your hair. It’s been weeks, months since Eddie seem to forget everything about you. Slowly, you were dying, you two were dying. Slowly, he is slipping away from you; as you were slipping away from him.

“Fucking shit! Not everything is about you…” He whispered but loud enough for you to hear. A ring in your ear was heard; yet it didn’t stop. “I am trying everything damn thing to give you the life, I fucking promise! But I can’t do this if you keep holding me back! In the next month, I’m signing the contract, and there are times I won’t  be able to be by your side, I thought you want this for me–”

“I want this you, Eddie. This is all you’ve ever dreamed of.” You stared at him with his chocolate brown eyes. You walked close to him, as you put your hand on his cheeks. “But I can’t recognize you anymore.” You took a deep breath. “You forgot my birthday, our date, picking me up, sleeping next to me, and…looking at me.” 

“This. This is actually the first time you finally looked at me for a long time.” Desperation, Guilt, and Bitterness hit him. You were grey and it was his fault, he took time and looked down. As he pulled you into a hug, muttering sweet apologies in your ears, promises to keep you holding, and actions to keep you at his side. 

That night, you slept next to him, as you stared at him. Eddie Munson was a lot. But somehow, you still want him, you still love him, but it was killing you. Loving him was killing you.

— “how long could we be a sad song, ‘til we were too far gone to bring back to life?”

⟴ FEBRUARY ‘89

“So, what did they say?” You two are currently in New York, Corroded Coffin is currently having a tour. For a while, things are going great, fine, somehow fine. “They will be able to die down the pictures of you and Eddie leaving the hotel, but in the meantime, I suggest you guys…should take a break for a bit.” 

As Garrett dropped the news, I looked at their manager she just gave me a nod.

“Eddie and I would not want–”

“That’s maybe for the best.” 

The air was thick, it was choking you. As you glance at Eddie sitting on the couch. “Garrett can you–um–leave us for a bit.” Once they left, Eddie stood up. 

“For the best…?” You whispered. 

Eddie nods and stares at you. “Well, that’s different from what you said in Highschool..” As shakiness hit your voice.

stop—

“Am I holding you back, Edward?” Oh, now, you’re angry, sad, and confused. You suddenly calling him by his name broke him out of his trance. Then, he faced you. 

“....Yes.” 

It was so simple, so little, and so fucking empty. Somehow, New York is no longer the brightest place, the noisiest place, the loud place, rather it was a place for empty promises, faded lovers, and unwanted wishes.

you’re losing me.

“Since when did I hold you back?” Your voice got a little louder. “Since when did I fucking hold you back, Munson?!” Now, he hears you, finally, he heard you. “January 1987, you wrote the first song you sent to the radio station, 2 weeks from that day you received a mail. Three weeks from that day, Hideout was full of people wanting to hear your songs. And in a month–you wrote another song, and finally, a company notices you…”

You looked at him. “And you couldn’t sleep that night, you were afraid, you were hesitating because–because you said if you accepted it, you might lose everything and maybe get everything you want. That scared you. But I told you, you should..” You walked closer to him.

“You should follow your dreams..” You pushed him using your index finger as you point him out. “Say something, Munson. When did I hold you back?” You asked coldly.

The ringing was heard in his ear. 

He heard your voice, your sweet voice, your hand carving into his body, your mouth leaving marks on his chest, and your hair making a mess on his bed.

He’s losing you.

“What do you want me to say…?” He couldn’t–don’t want to look at you, because if he looked at you, he would fall apart in front of you. He would beg, apologize, and fix everything but somehow, he hesitated, at his hesitation.

He lost you.

A ghost sigh left your lips.

“Goodbye, Eddie.”

— “i can’t find a pulse, my heart won’t start anymore for you.”

⟴ DECEMBER ‘90 

The crowd went wild as the entire stadium sang and jumped along, among the crowd was Eddie Munson. He is currently watching Metallica perform in California, all the songs gave him familiarity and connection. As he was also surprised people recognized him and got his autograph. He had this huge grin on his face, he looked like a kid, felt like a kid. 

Yet, he feels empty. 

And unknown. 

On the other side of the world, you sat and watch the sunset in Hawkins as Steve pulls you out of your trance. 

“We got the tickets. Robin and I were wondering if you wanna come with us…” He waved the ticket in front of you, Corroded Coffin’s world tour. “Didn’t  Dustin wanna come?” Steve raised his eyebrows.

“He does, but he is busy…” Steve chuckles as you also got the note. “With college.” 

The crowd was loud and jumping at their song, as Eddie was in his element. Steve, Robin, and you were watching from afar. As the two criticize the show, while you had this small sad smile on your face. As the show reaches its final leg, the camera on the concert hits you. 

Eddie stared at the screen for a long period.

As he stared at where you sat, you were so far, so far away from him. As his heart starts to pound louder, the cheers of the crowd meant nothing, you were there. The message of each band member meant nothing, you were there. As he heard his own heart, you felt…

Nothing. Your heart did not beat as fast as his, Your eyes did not sparkle as much as his.

And then, he knew. He knew.

As the camera left your seat, you wore a sad smile that matches Eddie’s defeated eyes.

In the bliss of the moment, he had everything, his dreams, his wish, his dream guitar, and the crowd that loves him. But upon gaining everything, he also lost everything.

He lost you. 

-- fin.

the ending was a bit rush but atleast it's done HAHAHA, n e way more eddie fic is coming on the way including a short series, the following stories are written last year but I wasn't able to post it due to school stuffs. ;> hope you guys love this angsty stuff. i promise i will give you guys fluff!!

⚘ masterlist 1 | 2 | 3

Luffy: Oi, Sanji, what’s for dinner tonight?

Sanji: Tonight? Tonight, I’m serving ✨✨LOOKS✨✨

Zoro: *slams fists on the table* WE HAVEN’T EATEN IN THREE DAYS!

in all the seas - sanji vinsmoke. des. fluff. post-timeskip!sanji. the one time sanji left baratie: led him back to you. notes. sanji might be ooc. this is a test fic, i just miss my boy so much. fluffy! fluffy! fluffy! sanji meets enemies-to-lovers troupe, poor boy is nosebleeding again, mentions of smoking (don't smoke too much, guys!), mentions of the straw hat pirates shenanigans. i miss sanji, i want to kiss his forehead and give him a hug! ;<

hey! it's my first time writing for op (gosh, i remember when i said i won't write a fic for anime anymore but here i am now enjoying skypiea zoro ;P what a clown) n e way, sanji might be a little ooc here but i miss him so here you go, a fluffy sanji. i wrote this around 1 am so, please enjoy! happy holidays!

w.c: 2k (and i oop--)

Sanji was indeed a man with a lot of tricks up his sleeves: he’s from the family of mercenaries, part of the famous Straw Hats Pirate, and of course one of the greatest chef in all the seas, with his handsome face, strong kicks and talent in the kitchen, one could assume he’s everything a person can wish for, and that he is.

You’ve been working at the Baratie for years ever since the restaurant found its place on the East Blue, as a kid you were raised by Zeff along with a blonde kid who hates putting artificially made flavor on a dish. You cooked something with something artificially made, he hates it. He cooks you something, you hate it. It was a game of cat and mouse but somehow, Zeff saw this a familiar scene and a everlasting promise between two kids that somehow will always find each other.

“Sanji! I’m hungry!” The voice of Luffy woke Sanji’s staring into space, as the cook of the straw hat stood up, the sharpshooter of straw hats watches him intently. “Sanji, is there something wrong?” Then, he met Usopp’s wondering eyes, as in the back of his mind, he is back in the Baratie, back to you. He lightly shook his head, ignoring the sharpshooter’s question: was it the empty space of the kitchen that made him wish he was with you, was it the vast sea that made him wish you see the lovely view too, was it his new family made him wish that you should’ve met them too, instead of speaking out his thoughts and secrets, he gave Usopp a smile, perhaps a reminder to the sharp shooter that their cook is alright. 

The lingering look of longing is still on Sanji’s face until their next voyage on the vast sea, it made the straw hat worry, hell, even the swordsman is now giving Sanji a look of worry, but somehow, when the crew has met a nearby island, they hoped that their cook would have a peace of mind, a recollection of what he longs for, what his face wishes for. As the reached the shore, the crew pushed Sanji out of the ship as they gave him a reassuring look to take all the time he needs to fill the void that’s slipping in his emotion, face, and his cooking.

As he walked to the island’s market, a familiar scent danced in his nose, a cooking that smells like his first home, as his feet lead the way into a fully packed restaurant, a familiar sight of food greeted him. He immediately sat somewhere on an empty table as he scans the menu.

The time pass by faster than he expected, as for once, he ate the food with a smile on his face, perhaps, realizing that he may have a competition in being the best chef in all seas: but this trivial things did not bother him, until, he tasted an articially made flavor on one of the dishes. Instead of throwing his anger like he always do when arguing with the straw hat’s swordsman, he clicked his tongue and requested to talk to the main chef of the restaurant.

Clink. Click. Clink.

Empty Dishes after empty dishes came into the kitchen, with a smile on your face you were happy with the unending order in the restaurant, until your new waiter had come bearing news about the blonde guy at table 19, with a tired sigh, you removed your apron and went outside to talk to the blonde guy at table 19.

Clink. Click. Clink.

“What seems to be the problem–Sanji?” Your eyes widened as your eyes seem to betray the sight infront of you. The blonde man then catches your surprise gaze as he was about to light his cigarette. “Oi–your..” he stopped at his words as he catches and drowned himself into a familiar sight. You’re here. You’re here infront of him. 

Instead of saying anything, the both of you seemed to memorize each others faces. 2 Years is indeed a long time, you noticed his growing beard, he memorized the length of your hair, you noticed his new suit, he noticed the tired yet happy look on your face.

“So, you left Baratie.” The both of you uttered the same time, as a chuckle left your lips: Sanji felt like crying—he missed you so damn much. “Bet Zeff didn’t let you go that easily.” He commented as he gestured you to seat. “He actually did, telling me to look for you and kick your ass as we saw your new bounty.” You laughed as Sanji bottled that laugh in his ear. 

“Did he now…” He countered as he lips curved into a soft smile. “Stop looking at me like that.” You immediately notice his gaze, making him look away. “Looking you like what?”

Clink. Click. Clink.

—----

Clink. Click. Clink.

“Heard the Straw Hat invited you to be in his crew..” You stated as you sat next on the deck with Sanji as he lit his cigarette. He looked away as you asked the question. “He did. I don’t want to.” He openly sighed and filled the space with smoke, as you click your tongue, you grabbed the cigarette on his hand, and inhaled the smoke yourself. “So, I guess you’ll be here in the Baratie in all the end of time.” I laughed. 

“What? Do you plan to leave?” He wondered as you meet his knowing look as you just laid your head on his shoulder. “Depends. Your cooking sucks.” He chuckled as he glared at you. “You use artificial flavors in your cooking!” He sounded so offended. 

You nodded as you gave back his cigarette. “Go.” He knows that look, he’s way too familiar with that look. “Zeff can handle Baratie himself, that old man can be anything he wants. So, go.” 

Clink. Click. Clink.

“I’ll be fine, Sanji.” His voice seems to blend with sea and the seagulls. “It’s not about you.” He looked away as he hid his blush. “Is it?” I chuckled as you stood up and knelt infront of him. “I’ll be alright, Sanji, and besides, didn’t you say you’re going to prove to me that All Blue is real, how can you do that with you staying here.” 

“You’re really making this hard for me, you know..” He grumbles as you gave him a look. “I tend to make you suffer until the end of time, Sanji.” You smiled.

“Stop looking at me like that.” He softly uttered as he leaned in. “Looking you like what?” You replied as you closed the distance feeling his warm lips on yours, as the noise of the sea seem to silenced at this moment, seems like the seagulls have found a place to rest, seems like the warm rays of the sun has bit put on rest. As you pulled away, you met his eyes. “I’m still a better cook than you, you know.” He chuckled.

“Oh, I know. I know. Get out there, Sanji.” You smiled as you stood up, walking away from him, leaving the blonde boy with a distinct nosebleed and a lovesick smile on his face.

—-------

“So, you’re here.” He said with a smile. “Good to see, you still have your both feet on the ground.” You smiled as you saw that his bangs have changed its position. “You changed your look.” You commented as he just stares at you. 

“What?” You wondered as he just looked at the food: “You used artificially made flavors.” He complained as you rolled your eyes and just snickered. “You never really got over it, didn’t you?” you laughed. “Why don’t you walk over our kitchen, Mr. Sanji.” You teased as you stood up and lead him to the kitchen. 

The tour in the kitchen was just short and subtle; it surprised him that the artificial flavor he hates was actually made by you: he find it funny and continue to tell you that he is the best cook in all seas. By the time the tour finish, he caught a familiar wanted poster hanged on the wall. A poster that he hates so much.

“Seriously, that poster?” He rolled his eyes at you. It was his first wanted poster with no picture attached but an illustration. You chuckled at his antics: “What? The artist took your beauty really well.” You chuckled, as you stare at him.

“I miss you too, by the way.” You stood closer to him as he walked towards the wanted poster hanged on the wall. He blushes as he looked at you. “Does your miss kinda works its way on you giving me a ki–”

“ORDER UP!” Before he can continue, orders came in like a wave from the sea, Sanji frowned at the timing. “Oi, loverboy, talk to you later.” You tapped his shoulder as you left him on the corner, with a smile on his face. He hid his blush and walked back to their ship.

—-----

A familiar straw hat greeted your eyes as you walked on the shore. “OI!! SANJI!!” He shouted happily, as you noticed Sanji walking down excitedly as you approached their ship. As he ran towards you, he gave you a tight hug. “You’re acting like we didn’t talk earlier.” You grumbled in his hug, as you return it. “I had to keep my appearances, there were bounty hunters in the restaurant, after all. If they knew I had some connection on you, they might–”

You punched him lightly on his stomach. “I can handle myself, Sanji.” You sighed: “We’re both raised by Zeff, you know how he is.” you ran your hand in your hair as you looked at Sanji’s face dancing the sunset’s rays. With a teary-eye he looked at you: ah, they’re going to leave again. 

You nodded as you just offered your hand to Sanji as you both walk, quietly and appreciating the fondness of the gift of time in the shore. As you two walked, Sanji noticed that you never let go of his hand. “You actually missed me.” He said in such proud tone. He waited for a teasing remarks instead, you just nodded which surprised him.

“Missed you so much, ‘Ji.” You admit as he stopped his tracks and looked at you. Without saying anything, you embraced him as you hid yourself in his chest: god, he missed you too—so damn, much. He just nodded and hugged back your deep embrace. As the sun continue to bathe in the sea, you whispered the stories on how you got to the island and leaving Baratie. He listened intently as he drew circles in your hands, as the moon slowly reveal itself in the sky. He kissed your hand.

“Will you be here, ‘till I find the All Blue?” He asked, but his tone was pleading and full of hope. And just like before, you lay down your head on his shoulder: but this time, you grabbed a cigarette and lit it up as he muttered. “I’ll come back, you know that right?” He smiled as he grabbed the cigarette from your hand as he inhaled the smoke. You just nodded as you held him a little closer: for once, he thanked the past that you let him go—not only because he met an amazing crew but for once, you looked at him: not as a rival in cooking but someone—as your person. 

He thought the kiss from the past was just a mere kiss of heat of the moment, but here you are next to him and you looked so gorgeous—as if he was made to see you in all your shining glory—the lingering looks, the bickering, it all leads him back to you. “Go.” You muttered as he smiled as he kissed your hand. “We’ll be alright, Sanji.” That’s it, he leaned in and gave you a knowing kiss, a kiss that bears a sorry for the two years he wasn’t able to hold you and a kiss that carries promise of the upcoming and untold stories of the both of you—and by all the pirates in the world, he can’t wait to spend the rest of his days next to you in all eons, in all times, and definitely in all the seas.

fluff is like a new ground for me lmao, angsty-fluffy zoro and luffy coming right up!

⚘ masterlist 1 | 2 | 3

⚘ 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗽𝗶𝗲𝗰𝗲 --

in all the seas - black leg sanji. des. fluff | fluff. post-timeskip!sanji | w.c 2k

abala - roronoa zoro. des. angst-fluff | establishing a relationship. classic straw hat shenanigans | w.c 2.4k

pasilyo - black leg sanji (18+) des. fluff-angst-fluff. | you and sanji's relationship is bound for a heavy turn. | w.c 1.7k

anatomy of hands and sake - roronoa zoro. (18+) des. angst-fluff-smut | wano!zoro, porn with plot. | w.c 3K

abala - roronoa zoro. des. angst--fluff, pre/post-timeskip. they like each other but are too idiot to notice. situationship with zoro?! establishing a relationship with zoro!! classic straw hat shenanigans. fem reader. notes. soft!zoro is canon zoro (argue with the wall ;P) I just finished enies lobby, ily usopp. n e way, happy holidays everyone. this was supposed to be a full blast angst but i changed it midway nyahahaha.

hope you guys will love this, as much as i loved writing it. this is a bit experimental because it is my first time writing for that mosshead. happy holidays!! "abala" is a Filipino word (ayeee) meaning "bother" so, yeah. excuse for any typo

w.c: 2.4k (yays?)

You’ve been part of the Straw Hat Pirates since it was just Luffy, Zoro, Nami, Usopp, and Sanji. They found you and your small boat drifting across the vast ocean. At first, you were cautious, puzzled, and quite tracing your step on why a pirate would help someone like you, as you tried to fight or figure out what they were planning the captain, Luffy, offered you to join him on his ship: just for the short time but when you rode the waves with them, you grew to attach.

Especially, with the certain swordsman of the crew.

As the year dances in the tip of your hands and you ride the secrets of the sea, the pirate hunter and you begin to conquest the edge of the ship together: training, napping, sitting, and taking a walk together, despite the swordman’s short for words he finds it comforting that you were listening, you were talking to him, you were there. So, it surprised him when he saw you again for the first time in two years, he felt like breathing again, like a part of him was lost but then it was here again.

You were there again. 

As Surprise engulfed the emotion in your heart, all you did was give him the softest smile he could imagine as he walked closer to you, he just stared at you. “Did you get stronger, Roronoa?” He chuckled as he glared at Sanji, of course he did. He did get stronger. 

A nod was given to your question as he tried his best to ask about you. “Did you…?” The silence and the proximity were highly noticeable, despite the crew having a full-blast reunion it felt like it was just him and you. You and him, it made him smile that a tint of red was seen in your cheeks as he asked the question, he felt like he would die to see you blush again, laugh again, and smile again: he didn’t believe in gods nor kneel with them for a plead, but just this once, he thanked the gods you were here and you were okay. You then just gave him a thumbs up and he knew: you’ve gotten stronger.

–

As the crew continued to voyage and learn the secrets of the sea in the morning, the nights belonged to you and Zoro: how you would hold his sober soul, how he would carry your head as you drifted to sleep, and how he would tightly grip his sword the moment your sleep showed you discomfort, he wanted you to be safe, to be okay, to be by his side. 

But among other things, Zoro was a man talking with no words coming out of his mouth. How could he speak when your tears reached his wounded arm, how would he wipe your tears as you held the cloth to stop him from bleeding, was it just his hallucination?

No. You were crying as you tended his wound, he wished he didn’t make you cry. “I’m okay.” it came out in a whisper as he uttered it. “I’m okay..” He repeated as he hoped it reached your ringing ear. “We’re safe.” And there you were again, he breathed as the moonlight met you. You were there again like you’ve always been. Zoro stared at you, letting you shower his thoughts, letting you drown in his dreams, without meaning to he rested his head on your shoulder as he continued to utter things that made you okay. As the night dipped unto the darkest shade, you stared at the moon and him: and thanked the goddess that he was fine and you met him.

You slept next to him that night, memorizing his heartbeat, feeling the warmth of his breath, his soft mutters when sleeping, it remained in your ear like a tattoo. “Will you stop staring…?” He uttered when he met your longing gaze as you lay your head on his chest. You shook your head “I want to keep seeing you, I’m scared that if I close my eyes you’ll go away.” You chuckled lowly.

He smirked as he nodded. “I won’t go away, you won’t get rid of me that easily.” It was an honest statement and you knew that but nights like this make you wonder if Zoro wants to put an acknowledgment on this, on whatever this is, the stares, holding each other every night, kissing in the corners of the ship, getting warmth in any time of the day: what was it? You never made it clear and he also didn’t, you just accept what comes in this game you two created. You kiss his cheek as you two sleep in each other's arms.

–

“Uh, you finally decided to help us!” Nami groaned under her breath when you entered the room with Franky and Usopp, working on Nami’s updated clima-tact. “Sorry, Zoro needed something,” You confessed as the three nodded, the time passed by and it was late in the afternoon when Usopp and Franky left you and Nami; in the beat of the silence, Nami turned to look at you.

“You and Zoro, huh?” It was way too quiet, it was getting uncomfortable, the quietness. You covered it with a chuckle and shook your head. “Me and Zoro, huh…not sure.” Nami immediately got what you meant. As you looked at the ceiling and talked about your concern. “We do things that most people would think only couples would do, it’s fun because I got to see Zoro the way you guys haven’t seen him.” you teased as Nami rolled her eyes. “But he never made it clear.” The air turned serious Nami just nodded, and as you continued your concern, Nami made a comment that made you think.

“Don’t you think you’re being a bother to Zoro?” Nami immediately regretted the moment those words left her mouth. “I mean not that kind of bother but a bother in which he doesn’t know that you want to be more with him like he thinks it’s normal to act like that towards each other but—” But the more she explains the more find yourself spiraling at the question, was it you? Were you being a bother to him? Sure, he never planned to break down his walls for someone like you but…maybe you were being a bother to his dreams that’s why he never said anything. That must be it.

You were a bother.

Unbeknownst to you and Nami, a certain cook and a swordsman was having a conversation in the kitchen, one that only occurs when the two decide to set their pride aside. “So, what do you plan?” Sanji asked as he continued to cut onions and garlic. “That’s why I went here, to talk to you about telling her how I feel..” Sanji blew some smoke and turned to look at Zoro. “Just tell her what you feel, stupid Marimo.” Zoro glared at him and nodded.

“What if she–”

“You’re really that dense if you think that she doesn’t look at you the way you look at her. It’s annoying at this point, I mean, what did she even saw in you–for crying out loud.”

“You think…?”

“Shitty swordsman, I see. If a lady likes someone, her eyes tell. It actually surprised me that you two aren’t dating yet…” Sanji shared as he nodded and pointed a knife at the green-haired swordsman.

“I–I wanted to, I’m just—whatever, this is bullshit.”

“Don’t you think you’re being a bother to her, mosshead?”

“A bother…?”  Sanji nodded as he blew some smoke. “You kept leading her on, don’t you think that you’re bothering her?” The cook repeated leaving the green-haired man confused and quite frustrated. As the hour pass by, Zoro was left alone in his thoughts in the deck of the ship, as Brook played something from his guitar, he noticed you laughing, singing, and talking along the crew: you were a breath of fresh air and he wants to orbit around you. A little sigh left his mouth but before he can even wear his well-known persona, a certain ship archaeologist has stood beside him. “Been staring at her for a long time.” Robin commented as she looked over at Zoro.

He just nodded and continue to watch you laughing with whatever Usopp have told you, singing to what tune Brook was playing, agreeing with god knows what Luffy do, and listening to whatever Nami had to say. He was in trance as he look at you, he was being pulled closer, like he only wants you. “You should tell her.” Robin said, as if she knows what the swordsman was thinking.

Instead of saying anything, he looked at you as he tried to make the words that he wants to say to you but as his mind travel closer to what he wants to say a lingering loud voice was riding behind his head: that you’re all that he dreamed of but is he the one you wish for? That you were kind, calm, and you felt like home but he was broken, distanced, and impatient, is he even worthy to hold your hand like he did before, to kiss you, to hold you? He wasn’t sure if he did deserve you, but as the loud voice overthrown by the laughs and waves on the ship. He said something to Robin.

—

At the corner of the ship you catched Zoro uttering something to Robin, it seems like the two are having a serious conversation, taking what kind of expression Robin was wearing, but after Zoro’s utterance to Robin, she have this determined look on her face, as if she finds out something she already expected. It made you curious, but as you look away, Usopp noticed that you seem so out of focus despite the fact that you’re hanging out with the crew. “Oi, why?” Usopp asked.

You played the ice in your cup as you inhaled deeply. “If you’re worried about Zoro, don’t. That guy may be stupid be he’s not stupid enough to not notice what’s going on with the two of you.”

That took you off guard. “What if he is stupid, ‘Sop?” 

“Well, he’ll figure it out.” Usopp smiled as he poured you a drink. “That’s what he always do, right? Especially when receiving a direction.” With that, it was your turn to laugh as you gave Usopp a nod: a thank you.

The moon have finally distanced itself to the sun and the creatures of the world have gone to a slumber but not for the two members of strawhat. “Did you had fun today…?” You asked as you watched the stars glimmering at the night sky. Zoro turned to look–no, stare at you. “It was something.” You laughed and turned to him. 

“Something?”

He nodded. “You were hanging out with Brook and Usopp all the time.” 

“I’m sorry.” You laughed as you heard his reasons. Without meaning to, Zoro leaned closer to you as you just let him be. “I don’t want this.” He whispered.

You felt your eyes tingle a bit, as if a tear was leaving you eyes. 

“I don’t want being a bother to you.”

Is this what heartbrea–

“I want this to be real, woman.”

Oh. 

OH.

Before you can say anything, you felt a taste of booze in your lips along with a so-familiar lips. As you returned the gesture, he smiled at the kiss. 

“You’re not being a bother…” You whispered as you hold his cheeks. “I also thought I’m being a bother to you but, you makin’ this move. You never fail to surprise me, marimo.” You teased as he just looked away and nod.

"Seems like the crew caught up in our mess." You laughed as you snuggle closer to him. "I told Robin about this, it seems like Nami and her had a bet on whatever this is." He hold out your hand and kiss it lightly.

He never said anything, instead he just kissed your forehead. “Mine.” He whispered. For once, he thanked all the things that aligned because he met you, that even though you’re everything he’s not, he can finally call you his and call him yours.

— FIN.

finally a story about the loml! hope u guys like this!

⚘ masterlist 1 | 2 | 3

pasilyo. - black leg sanji (18+) des. fluff-angst-fluff. you and sanji's relationship is bound for a heavy turn. notes. pre and post-timeskip, mentions of wci and wano island, f!reader is related to zoro, heavily referenced marry my husband (kdrama) at the end. smut (if you squint--minors go away, pls). small mentions of violence. the straw hats shenanigans pt 99999, i miss sanji 24/7.

hello ppl! 'tis i. i just finished my midterms so, here you go. I heavily referenced a scene in marry my husband on this one like the moment I saw the scene i immediately went--what if we make it as sanji--then bam, here it is. the story contains smut (if you squint) and it's my first time writing one, so yeah. enjoy!

Pasilyo is a Filipino term that means corridor or passageway. -- it is also a popular song in the Philippines: PASILYO - SUNKISSED LOLA

w.c: 1.7k

You and Sanji never had anything in common. He likes to smoke, you like to drink tea–he loves  to cook, you love to eat, he uses his legs and feet to fight–you use your hand. You and him never had anything in common, yet the way you called his name–send shivers on his back, the way he calls your name calms the storm in your mind—yet despite the differences and in the deep sea of all blue—you and him have something in common. 

The day you met him at Baratie, it gave away that Sanji wears his heart on his sleeves–the way his eyes lingered at the table where you and Nami sat, the way his hands ghostly shadows your plate as he served the food–he was mesmerising and breath-taking. As he continues to unravel everything about him, he fits perfectly as the cook of the crew. With him being the best cook in the East Blue, it’s not doubt that the future pirate-king needs someone like him in his crew, it’s not doubt that a pirate demon hunter finds the blonde’s cooking amazing, it’s no doubt that the certain liar of the crew praises his cook, it’s no doubt that the great navigator finds his cooking remarkable—and there’s you, it’s funny, how you kept quiet when he waits for your reaction–hell, everyone’s waiting for your reaction, as you gave him a small nod and a laugh.

He wore your laugh in his mind—wishing he could make you laugh every time he cooks. As the days passed by like the straw-hats voyage in the sky, land, and sea; he would notice himself looking for your presence–yes, he falls for every woman he sees, but something about you is pulling him in, that despite him making Nami and Robin smile, he yearns for yours, he wished he can see yours.

He watched in the deck as you spar with the green haired swordsman, how he chuckles to himself that you’re making Zoro sweat and thrive hard yet a part of him was mad that you’re spending time with the marimo and not him. But a part of him is quite warm as he saw you dance in the presence of the crew, that none of them knows that in the middle of the night–you told him stories he never heard off, he made you tea you never knew existed. That side of yours–he’s thankful, he’s the only person who can see it.

So, it surprised him, when he saw your eyes fill with relief when you saw him again at the edge of Skypiea, at Enies Lobby, at Thriller bark. It baffled him, when he saw you looked like you’re about to cry as you saw him–damn, if only he knew who gave you the wound in your head, lips, and arms, he would’ve kicked everyone, including Zoro. But it washed away, when you were alone with him on those nights–as you mutter that you’re thankful he’s okay. That you both are alright. 

With all the fights and wars the crew had faced–the thing that scared Sanji and you the most, was the time when the crew didn’t see each other for two years–he wondered if you have eaten yet, wondered if you sleep okay, and wondered if you would still be the same the next time he sees you; you wondered is he’s doing okay, you wondered if he ever muttered your name, and you wondered if he still remembers the way you like your tea.

–

“You’ve grown taller…” You whispered as you saw each other again after two-years, with a nosebleed, he chuckled. “I did.” 

He loved that he’s back, you’re back. As the night deepens, you’re there with him again.

“How was it?”

“Hm?”

“Two years.”

“I don’t know, it’s great that I got stronger but it sucked.”

“Why does it sucked.”

“You weren’t there, Sanji.”

“Oh.”  He swore to his dickhead dad, he died right there. You chuckled as his red cheeks reached his ears, as he grins deeply.  But before he can say anything in your words–he felt your lips on his as you leaned on the counter as he prepared your tea.

He felt the cup become warm as he stopped pouring your tea. You’re about to pull away as you want to drink your tea–the cook leaned closer, he missed you and he had you, you smiled in his kiss. As you two pulled away for air; he chuckled loudly. “Wipe that stupid grin and nosebleed on your face, curly brows.” You teased as you took the cup and drank your tea. 

That night changed everything, the crew didn’t missed the way he treats you differently the way he treats Robin and Nami, the way he would sit closer to you while enjoying the bliss of sunset in the ship–how he would not let Brook, Franky, and Usopp stare at you for too long. He hates how you still choose Zoro to spar with—

“You know we’re related, right?” 

“You and marimo?!”

God, he missed that.

—

But—his heart breaks as remembers how he stood there in aisle at whole-cake island, he hated it–how your eyes breaks the moment he sees you again: how his heart breaks when he hears you sobbing in his chest when he came back–how you slapped him across his face when you found out that he let Luffy starve–how his chest tightens when you pulled him into a kiss: the deepest kiss you gave him.

As your soft breaths reach his lips–he knew you thought you almost lost him. In the room where it’s just the two of you, his clothes were on the floor and so was yours. As you mutter his name as if he was a saint sent only for you. How his hands marks and caress every part of you as you kiss every inch of him as you memorise everything in his body. You kissed him again, again, and again–how you wish you would still taste him as you close your eyes.

You looked beautiful as he stared down at you, he felt tears as he placed his hand on your cheeks yet you muttered that you love him under your breath, he blamed himself as you cried in this sacred moment, he wanted to stop and hold you but–you want him. 

“Please…’Ji..” You muttered again as he moved with your body in sync, at that moment, his breath got rigged, your breaths were catching themselves, his hands were holding your hand tight, as you felt the heat of the room. He whispered a praise or somewhat a prayer to you.

“I love you too.” He chuckled as he ghostly kissed your neck as you nodded softly. You left some kisses on the crown of his head as he collapsed into you. As your hand dances in his golden hair–he continues to utter his apologies to you in which you forgive him.

—

Things turned differently after that time–after the whole-cake island–and fighting side-by-side in Wano. You felt the sunlight enter the room as your eyes fluttered, you saw Sanji’s sleeping state. With a smile on your face, you listen to his heartbeat as he sleeps, while looking at yours and his intertwined bodies inside the blanket–as the events of last night lingered when you saw your hand marks on his chest.

“Mon amour, what’s wrong?”

You placed your chin on his chest. “Nothing. We won.” He smiled sheepishly and nodded as he gave you a morning kiss. “We won.” He nodded once again. You two laid there for a while as you heard Franky cheering that Zoro and Luffy are awake–with a cheer, the entire city of Wano threw the biggest banquet there is–cheers, beers, and food are present everywhere.

A swamp of girls fell into Sanji’s arms–his eyes lingered to yours. He chuckled as you just raised your cup and gave him a flying kiss. In which, he melted into. As the night dips deeper in the moon, he notices that you and Franky are guiding back the drunk ass of Zoro and Usopp in their room, with a smile, he stole you from Franky.

When he stole you—he walked with you in the forest of Wano as lights of fireflies guided the two of you. You two enjoyed the presence of each other in silence. 

“What’s with the stare?”

“Nothing. You just look pretty, my love.”

“Me? I look like a mess, Usopp was holding dearly for his life on my shoulder as we walked him and Zoro.” you rubbed your temples. In which he chuckled.

As you two sat down and found a nice view of Wano–you leaned your head into his shoulder. “I’m glad we’re fine. You and I, and the crew.” You admitted. In which, he just hummed. As he ghostly kiss, your hand.

“Zoro told me what you told him to do…” There’s a hint of disappointment in your voice. In which, he was about to speak but you cut him off. “If you still think you’re going to lose your mind—just know I’ll pull you back and please, don’t wish for death.” 

In your words, he finds himself not being able to breathe. He just nodded. “I finally found my family in the sea, ‘Ji, and you’re part of them–so, don’t think you’ll get rid of me that easily…” He enjoyed you being like this, being able to take the words out of his mouth. 

“I don’t plan to, darling.” He kissed your head and held your hand tightly. 

“We should get married.” You responded as you turned to look at him. With a smile, you were surprised when you heard him sigh in disappointment—”What?” it left you confused, he pushed you off him.

“You’re unbelievable.” He uttered as he stood up and walked away. You were confused and on the brink of tears. “It doesn’t need to be now! I mean I want to marry you–just—did he hit his head so much?” You asked yourself, as you sigh in defeat and a pout. 

You were surprised to see him walking back towards you with a small flower in his hand. “You always surprise me…” He said as gave the small flower to you.

“You can do anything to me–whatever you want.” You stood up and stared at him as he knelt down on one knee.

“Just don’t ask for marriage–that’s my queue. So, mon amour…”

You felt tears stinging yours and his eyes.

“Will you marry me?”

— FIN

i am having a hard time if i should post angsty luffy or not huhu

⚘ masterlist 1 | 2 | 3

anatomy of hands and sake - roronoa zoro. (18+) des. angst-fluff-smut, wano arc. zoro finally woke up after the fight with big mom and kaido--he missed you. porn with plot. clothed sex. make up sex. unprotected sex (practice safe sex ppl) marking and biting>; soft sex, established relationship. soft!dom zoro, people being inlove, aftercare!! nsfw

notes. my propaganda: soft!zoro is canon zoro-again this contains smut (minors dni, pls) zoro big cock energy, mentions of wounds and stitches. F! Reader

hello. i had this idea for a while and yeah, here it is. it's my first time writing smut so, bear with me--n e way he might be ooc here but zoro is zoro and iluvhim. hiyori is mention as well tho-no hate to hiyori-luv that girl--livelaughlovemarimo

w.c: 3k (damn, zoro)

The infamous swordsman of the Straw Hat is known for his ability to stand his ground in any battle and situation, with one foot in front of him–he doesn’t hesitate to draw his sword if someone pisses off the crew. Saints forbid those who pissed off the swordsman because he will show no mercy and no hesitation, until it’s the captain’s orders—and an order from you.

            It’s no secret that you and the straw hats were once against each other in the fight at skypiea but that fight is the fight Zoro hesitated to hold his sword—maybe because he’s finally facing a right hand of the so-called god or maybe you were fighting against your will or maybe—just maybe—he didn’t want to hurt you. He still remembers how you gripped your sword with such anger and shouting at them to leave the island to protect themselves—call it a warning or a sign but at that moment, Zoro wanted to save you; he was glad he did.

            That was two years ago and here you are now waiting Zoro to wake up from his slumber after fighting Kaido and Big Mom. You reached for the damp towel as you wiped his worn-out body and slow heaving chest—Zoro looked peaceful when he sleeps, he always does, but moments like this you wish you can just see him working out at the crow’s nest, hear him argue with the cook, look out for Chopper, or just seat and listen to you.

            This is what you hate the most every time a battle ended, the silence of waiting, hoping, and wishing that all of the crew members are okay—the unwanted fast paced heartbeat as you wished for them to be okay. You sighed deeply as you caressed Zoro’s face and continue to wipe his cheeks and dance your fingertips in his hair.

            “Please, wake up…” You whispered lowly as you stare at this sleeping state and replace his old bandages with new ones. Once you finished cleaning him up—a small smile left your lips as you kissed his forehead. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

            Morning after morning, the green-haired swordsman and the future king of the pirates are still asleep—with no luck, you decided to spend the night looking out for the two; which Chopper didn’t agree at first, but as Chopper felt the tiredness catching up in his body—he agreed.

            Then, it was a week: a week of looking out for the two whilst also switching watching duties with the straw hat; but most of the time: you stayed there not wanting to switch with Sanji nor Nami as you hold Zoro’s hand muttering and wishing that he should wake up.

--

            Usopp rushes in the hallway and knocked on the room where you stayed—with a loud voice he announced that Zoro and Luffy are awake. You two immediately rush into the room—your pounding heartbeat and the ringing in your ear didn’t stop you—he’s awake, Zoro is awake—you kept on repeating on your head—the two of them are alive and okay.

            Hesitation floods in your mind as you stood by the door but soon was replaced when you hear cheers and a familiar laugh coming out from the room—as Usopp opened the door: there you saw him and Luffy.

            You didn’t know when or how but Chopper was clinging and trying to stop Zoro as he chugs a huge bottle of sake. A smile escaped your lips as Luffy called your name in such glee, with a last chug, Zoro finally locked eyes with you: saints, he missed you. You gave him a relieved smile but somehow covered when Hiyori placed a bottle of sake in front of him in which he groaned. He moved the sake aside and watched you talk to Luffy—he should speak to you­­—but before he can speak, he felt hands of Hiyori creeping from behind.

            “You were out for a week.” Brook explained as he drank and ate next to the crew.

            “We aren’t dirty though.” Zoro stated as he eyed his hands.

            “I cleaned you up.” Hiyori announced from behind him, earning a choke from Yamato, as Yamoto looks at you, as you catch his look—you chuckled in your cup as you drank sake. As Sanji and Zoro banters about Hiyori—you laughed at the sight—everything is okay, Wano is free, the crew are laughing, and Zoro is okay.

            “We should have the banquet, today!” Momonosuke announces.

            ---As the entire people cheers, Zoro locked eyes with you once again, as you raised a cup signaling him for a cheer in which he nodded and gave you a cheeky smirk. For the time being, Nami have decided to take a bath, inviting you, Robin, Hiyori, and the others as well.

            You leave the room as the boys continue to drink and eat—that until Zoro noticed that you’re no longer in the room he’s in—he stood up and left the room while also removing the bandages on his body because it restricts his movement as he walked.

--

            You were preparing for the bath when you entered your room until you felt a familiar arm holding you from behind. It didn’t make you flinch nor scared, somehow, it comforted you. You hummed at the person who’s hugging you from behind.

            You felt his chest on your back he holds you tighter. “You left early.”

            “Nami invited us for a bath.”

            “You didn’t talk to me.”

            “You were busy drinking.”

            He then let you go from his grasp and hold your shoulder to make you look at him. “Thanks for cleaning me up.” You smiled softly as you eyed him.

            “Hiyori did.” I teased innocently.

            “She did but you did it every day…”

            “How can you say so?” He then holds your hand and placed it on his cheeks. “I know how your hand feels when you hold me, woman.”

            As he placed your hand on your cheeks—he leaned in at the contact. “I’ve missed you, Zo.” You whispered lowly as you pulled him into an embrace, you settled in his chest as you listen to his heartbeat, beating pretty fast.

            He hummed as you said those words as he fiddled with the strand of your hair as you hugged him. “That was pretty dumb, you know.”

            That left him confused. “Law and Sanji told me what happened—that was dumb, Zoro.” He pulled away from the hug and noticed that some tears are threatening to fall from your eyes.

            He wiped them away as he waited you to continue what you’re about to say. “You almost died.” In that moment, his heartbeat begins to beat faster: you were that worried.

            “That was dumb because the way Law told me, it seems like you were ready to die---”

            “I wanted to protect Luffy and you—”

            His heart breaks as you shook your head. “Protect yourself too. I know you care about the crew but I don’t want to face this again—the fear of you not waking up, like in Thriller Bark? I know you don’t want to lose anyone but—I don’t want to lose you too.” Your hand shakes as you cup his cheeks again.

            He grips your wrist and gave your wrist a ghost kiss, uttering a soft whisper that he can only hear. As he kissed your wrist, he just stared at you. He kissed your hand, fingertips; he kept staring at you.

            As he looked at you with a soft gaze, he pulled you closer to him.

            “I’m sorry.” He only follows Luffy’s orders but—somehow, even you’re not the captain—he follows you. “I’ll get stronger so, you won’t feel like you will lose me again.” He kissed your temples and wiped your tears, as you nodded.

            He stared at you for a while and his eyes lingered in your lips. Without a warning, he placed his lips into yours as you taste the sake he drunk from before. He hummed in your lips as you reciprocate the kiss, he placed his hand on your nape as he was eager to pull you closer to him if that was possible, while your hands roam around his body.

            His chest, neck, abdomen, arms, and biceps—it was explored by you—he pulled away as he settles his lips on your neck muttering your name while he does. Your hand fumbles his hair, as you hold him closer. He kisses and left marks on your neck, while indulge himself with your scent.

            You tilted your head as you gave him more space as his hand traveled in your kimono, pulling it down softly. He pulled away from your neck as his hand travels in your kimono—slowly untying its knot. He whispered your name as low as he could: “Can I…?”

            Your hand travels into his nape as you nod. “Use your words, doll.”

            “Yes…Zo.” You hummed as he let his hand let loose of the knots in your kimono. “I fucking missed you.” He whispered lowly as his lips travel from your neck towards your collarbone.

            “I was just here, Zo.” You felt goosebumps as his hand travels every inch of your body. As his breaths shallows and his lips relaxes on your collarbone and chest. You whimpered his name so low; he’s the only person hearing it. He let his clothes fall on the floor as he lay you down on the futon. But he clicks his tongue as he felt a sharp pain on his chest in which you immediately pulled away.

            “We don’t have to---” He stared at you with flushed cheeks and half lidded eyes: as his eyes travels at everything that is you, he groaned and shook his head as he grabbed you by the hips switching your positions—making you straddle him. He smirked as he saw you on top of him with pride as he pulled you down for a kiss.

            “I fucking want you.” He holds your hips as he moved you in a rhythm. He hummed as you gasped at the pace. “Been looking for you when I woke up.” You felt him so close, despite the small clothes keeping you two apart.

            “You sure it wasn’t the sake?” You teased as you stopped your hips.

            “Take it off…” He whimpered.

            You never thought for a million of years that the pirate hunter would whimper under you—in hearing his plea: you take everything off your body including his: for a moment, the world seemed to stop as your hand travels into his new wounds. Your hand shakes as you saw new stitches.

            Before you can say anything—he grabbed your hand that was tracing his new wounds. “Eyes up here, doll.” He said into your fingertips—but unknown emotion filled you as your lips find his wounds, you carefully kiss them as blush continue to travel around Zoro’s body.

            “Oi…” He continues to repeat as you kiss his wounds. His gaze locks into you as you kissed him on his lower abdomen. He gave you a knowing look: “Come kiss me, woman.”

            So, you did. His hand travels into your clit as he continues to kiss you—as he pulled away: he stared at your expression whilst you stare at him, breathless, blushing mess, and muttering his name every chance you get. As he finds the right time to slip his finger inside you and it made you gasp. “Fuck—so, fucking warm.” He whispered in your ear as his fingers continues to mark your inside.

            He was slow in pace as if he was memorizing your sound, voice, expression, and your look. He kissed your temple as he feels you tightening up. “Great job…baby.” There are times where he lets himself be vulnerable and call you names, he thought he would never use.

            But as your hips meet his hands—he groaned as he moved his hand in a pace where you find yourself gripping his biceps—with one last move, you came undone into his hand as he kissed your temple; “My girl…” he whispered as he felt you shiver in his touch—he pulled his hand away and he kisses his hand while staring at you.

            You smiled and kissed him in his lips: tasting yourself in his mouth. “Better than any sake…” He whispered with a smirk as he continues to kiss your lips. He stared at you as his hand take hold of your hips once more as you aligned yourself into him—he slides his cock between your folds, he felt warm and you felt full.

            “Relax…” You didn’t know how or why or maybe because of the orgasm you had earlier but at the same time he felt bigger. As you settle into his cock, you stayed there as he looks at you. “Babe…” He called you like a prayer—without saying anything, you knew what he wanted. He flipped your over so, he’s now on top of you.

            “I got you—relax, doll.” He whispered in your ear as he stared at you. You pulled him for a kiss as he moves his body to meet yours. “Move…” He takes a short and slow thrust while he stared at your expression which let a small and deep growl out of him.

            As his impatient character caught up to him—he starts to get faster; your head thrown against the futon as you moan his name is if that’s the only word you know. Your hands find his shoulder as you pulled him closer. You’re too perfect for him, your walls were made for him—he finds your neck as he continues to suck and bite on it as you hold onto his shoulder as his make your inside fit for him and only him. At this moment, your name was the only thing leaving his mouth as breathless pleas, whimpers, sound of skin, and moans left the room—tears were stinging in your eye, Zoro noticed it he stopped with the fear that maybe he was hurting you but—it’s different, he saw your tears and you were smiling, you pulled him again for a hug but this time your hips met his. “I really thought I lost you.” You whispered in your embrace.

            That was his call—he holds you’re his hips as your legs wrapped around his waist—as his name left your mouth in a high-pitched whimper; he leaned in and kiss you once more. As he felt your walls claiming his cock again—he knew you were close and so was he; he reaches for your clit and move it with his thrust—without a second, you’re bound for the second orgasm from the hands of the swordsman. Your legs tighten up at his waist, as you arch your back and you feel yourself shakes. Your walls tighten around him as you keep saying his name.

            As you keep saying his name, Roronoa leaned in and kissed your shoulder—for a moment, he swore, he wants to keep you like this; only like this. He fills you up with his cock as his bite into your shoulder; he twitched inside—but he didn’t pull out, reliving and enjoying the warmth settling inside you. His heaving chest and your breathless state; you stared at each other.

            When you two catch your breaths, he pulls out as the both of you hiss at the loss contact. He kissed your inner thighs, chest, hand, head, and lips: uttering a thank you. His hand caress your inner thighs softly, as he kisses your temple over and over again.

            Before you can say anything—he leans down and kisses your lips as you smiled at the kiss. “Still better than sake?” You teased at his kiss.

            He nodded and kissed you deeper. “Still better.” You noticed that one of his stitches on his biceps were getting red—you’re scared that he can get infection— but he just laughed and pulled you into his chest. “I’ll get Chopper to check on it—in the meantime, let’s stay here.” His hands play on your hair as you listen to his heartbeat.

            “I was supposed to be in the bath with Nami.”

            “Hmmm…You could’ve push me away.”

            “You’re lucky that I like you.”

            “I know.” He nodded as he heaved a deep sigh. “Robin told me you didn’t went to sleep, when you’re looking out for me while I was out—don’t do that again, okay, doll?”

            “Just promise me you won’t get yourself killed.” He nodded as he placed your hand on his chest and gently kiss it.           

            “You always kiss my hand…why is that?”

            “I just like it. My hands are like filled with wounds and yours are soft, warm…” He kissed it again. “Mine…” He whispered. “You always hold me so softly.” He admitted.

            You looked at him as you rest your chin on his chest. “Any person should be hold softly and nicely.” He chuckled and shook his head. “With these wound and the swords, I highly doubt I’ll be considered as a person.”

            “What makes you think that…?” You frown.

            “I’m a monster, woman, so, sometimes it surprises me that you stay—"

            “Why do you think you’re a monster?” This time you sat up—he looked at you with a surprise look on his face a parallel to your caring look as his eyes travels on the marks he left in your body; he placed his hand on your shoulder.

            “I don’t see any monster.” You hold his hand that is placed on his shoulder. He always kisses your hand—so, this time, you kissed his.

            “I only see the person that I love.” You kissed his hand, in a delicate manner—as if he was a porcelain glass, a gift from above; he felt his eyes sting as he cleared his throat fighting the blush trying to settle on his cheek.

            “The things you me feel woman—The things you make me feel.” He muttered as he pulled you down for a kiss. You smiled at the kiss as he places his hands on your cheeks, without a sign or a signal; he muttered those three words and eight letters with a small tint of blush on his cheeks.

            “I love you too, Roronoa.”

-- FIN

holy shit--my first ever smut; if it sucks--i'm sorry :,> zoro the man that you are! trafalgar law is next and it's fluff--wano arc has me gripping all story ideas lmaooo

⚘ masterlist 1 | 2 | 3

fighting side by side with zoro! (fluff) - wc:386

fighting side by side with zoro is part of being a loyal member of the straw hat and a mutual respect brewed between with him and you.

he cleans his sword and you would try working on some fighthing stance. he would spar with you and you would throw jokes along his way. you would watch him practice his new skill as he guides your stance.

he would also let his hand linger on your waist when he fix your stance, he would spar with you with intent of getting close to you, he would practice his new skill with the intent of showing off.

that's zoro when he's with you.

your hand dances in his scar as you hum soft music in his chest. he lives in moments like this. he chest vibrates as you told him it took him too long to confess. both of you laughed.

god, he loved your laugh: he wishes to bottle it, treasure it, and protect it and he would.

as his hand ran in your hair, he watched the scene unfold earlier, how his blooded hand reached into yours and your eyes showing relief when you heard him breath.

"were you always that worried about me?" he asked as he drew circles in your shoulders, getting drunk with your scent.

memories came back; two years ago: alabasta, skypiea, thriller bark--and sabaody archipelago-- "i was always worried about you."

in that he felt his heart a bit more warmer than usual, a bit more warmer when he works out. he nods as you listen to his heartbeart

"you were always worried, huh? all those damn years ago, and now...but there's a much more worse part in your worry..."

you wondered as you rest your chin in his chest.

"there were times, i thought i wouldn't be back to you. and i hate that." your heard his heartbeat pounding a little louder, as he smiled as he placed a hand on your cheek.

he loves you so damn much. with a soft smile, he grabs your hand and kissed your knuckles.

"well, let's not leave each other's side then.."

fighting with zoro side by side is something, but loving zoro is another--because that man would let you unravel pieces of him like he was only made to be understood by you.

i love that boy sm (softzoroiscanonzoro)

upon a different life - james bucky barnes des. barnes never trusted you, not once. but upon a different life, he would. notes. angst/comfort, establishing relationship, slow-burn, enemies-to-lovers, i miss bucky, avengers being siblings (and weak for plot),mentions of violence,

hello! it's my bucky fic! i had a bucky fic back then but I deleted it anyway, this was supposed to be a one part but i got carried away, enjoy barnes knowing you! *i wrote this around 3am so, if i have some mistakes, i'm sorry!!*

(part i) (part ii) | w.c: 3.5k

James Buchanan Barnes is slowly getting used to in living with Avengers and the era he is in, in general, he enjoys the slowly yet steady step to forgive himself and earn forgiveness to those people around him as well familiarizing the more advanced world, but nightmares and remarks of his past action come and go; everyone notices it, especially his friend Steve Rogers, but despite this minor setback, he still move forward because it’s not every day, that you die in the 80s and woke up 75 years later. 

In terms of forgiving, the sergeant doesn’t know if the genius, billionaire, playboy, and philanthropist have forgiven him—it’s not a secret Stark gives the money and sponsor on the compound they live in but despite his hesitation to live with them, Stark still offered him—it might be a silent agreement with Rogers but somehow, Barnes hopes Stark acknowledges how sorry he was. 

But among other things, he wishes he can finally get used to. He finds himself not getting used to you. Even the entire team knows how much James hates you; to you, it’s no secret: you’re his last handler afterall and if the tables are different, you would hate Barnes too. Before Zemo took control of Barnes as Winter Soldier, you were his last boss, a menace actually, you would let him be used. He gets used by someone, you get rich, a simple deal between HYDRA and you. But that changed, when the Winter Soldier regained his memory; with no leverage in making a deal with HYDRA, the Black Widow offered you a place to stay.

It was a nice place, really, a lot nicer than the one you lived in, except, maybe for the fact that you’re still under someone jurisdiction: while the sergeant is able to roam around the city, you keep staring at the wonderful electronic tag in your ankle: in your deduction, you believe that the Avengers are only keeping you alive because of what you know—it’s not even sympathy why the Black Widow offered you stay with them, it’s more of a business. 

From the moment you receive glares from everyone in the room, you know damn well that this is just another business. So, it is indeed a surprise, when the A.I enters your room.

“Ha, did Stark send you to check on me again, Vision?” You asked as the artificial intelligence gave you a look. Despite the team’s lack of enthusiasm with you, Vision, Clint, and Thor are the only ones who seem to talk to you. You have talks with Natasha, Tony, and Bruce as well, but it is more of a business than a talk. 

“No, I was wondering if you wish to join me, Clint, and Wanda to watch Dick Van Dyke, she seems very excited about it.”

“What makes you think she wants me to join you guys?” You asked hypothetically.

Vision nodded as he glanced at your electronic tag. “If it makes you feel better, they don’t really hate you that much. In my defense, I think you only did the things you have done because you want to survive.” You scoffed as you said that. 

“Well, tell that to Sergeant Bar–” but Vision cut you off. “People won’t always use you. The sooner you learn that, the sooner you realize you’re more than just a HYDRA pawn.” You stared at him, as he continued. “At least, that’s what I observed with Sergeant Barnes.”

“Thanks, Vision.” You gave a bland smile, as he left your room. A part of you wants forgiveness, but for someone who learnt life in a hard way, you’re hesitating to give this one a try. Yet for once, a robot was more human than you.

A year after an endless discussion between the Avengers, they decided to remove the electronic tagging and let you roam freely, but still under their jurisdiction. Somehow, Stark and Banner acknowledge your knowledge while the rest give respect to your fighting ways and quick judgment; well, all of them are getting used to you. Well, maybe except for Bucky. Steve told you it takes time, but to your knowledge, it won’t take time because it won’t happen. You accepted the terms that Barnes will not and never forgive you, you don’t blame him though, mostly you blame yourself.

In this scene, you finally learn to adjust, not going out of your room if he was outside, not training–the same time as him, and definitely not talking to him; even a spare glance, felt like a struggling pain of unforgiven lingering. The team respected Barnes more than they respected you, but somehow, it felt like you finally belonged to something. Well, atleast, that’s what you thought.

Their mission to infiltrate HYDRA failed terribly, despite the information you gave them, they weren’t prepared and outnumbered. Despite their failure, they were able to take a hit on HYDRA’s camp, it’s not much but still affected HYDRA. As the quinjet landed on the hangar, the medical team supported those who were injured. A lot of them were, including those who sometimes get out without a scratch.

In the med bay: you saw Clint and Sam—they somehow, took a toll, as you walked further, you saw the entire team taking care of their small cuts, with them helping another, they were able to close the wounds, well, maybe except for the Winter Soldier—or as they call him the White Wolf. On the back of his right shoulder, he was bleeding badly, despite having all the needed things to tend his wounds around him, he sat on the bed feeling out of place, besides it’s only a shoulder wound. 

Due to the lack of people in the med bay, you offered help in the team. As you finished to tend some of the team’s wounds including Rogers’ and Romanoff’s. Your eyes met a struggling Bucky Barnes, grasping his right shoulder with his metal arm. Your footsteps were slow as you walk towards him.

“...Do you need help?” He wanted to say no, everything part of him says no, but as he glanced that there’s no person who can help him in his injury, he nodded. Afterall, you’re also the one who patches him up whenever he gets injured in his missions back then.

You carefully clean his wound as you tend him, you wipe the dirt and the things visible that might infect the wound, as you try to start a talk. “Was it bad out there? In the mission, I mean..” He just let out a grunt, which you expected, but he replied with. “They have three more Super Soldiers and one enhanced, just like Wanda.”

You didn’t respond, just continued stitching his wound. As you finish, you put on some bandages as he asked. “Did you know?” Barnes asked.

“Did you know about the Super Soldiers?” He asked again, for a quick moment, you realized that he is still an assassin, you felt his anger and bloodlust. At that moment, you wish you didn’t work with HYDRA. In truth, you didn’t know where they were but you knew HYDRA didn’t stop making them. But your stuttering left the Sergeant furious even more.

“I–I..” That was the only thing you could say when you suddenly felt his metal hand around your neck, at other times this can be hot and daring, but at this time, you were damn sure that the Sergeant would be able to crack your neck: he could kill you. The team in the med bay immediately sat up. 

“Buck, put her down.” You assumed it was Rogers who was talking to the Sergeant. As it was getting hard to breath, James starts to explain that you knew there were Super Soldiers, in that Rogers asked you. 

“Did you actually know?” Barnes shook you, as you met the Captain’s eyes. “I did.” Before James finally kills, you continue. “I didn’t know they were stationed there.”

If this was a HYDRA facility, they would’ve shot you despite you telling the truth, Wanda nodded, a confirmation that you were telling the truth. Steve asked Bucky to let go of you, with an angered stare, he let go. As you try to catch your breath, you notice some of the bandage of Rogers came off. You reached your hand to help him but a metal hand covered your wrist. 

“Stop pretending to be a good guy, we know you’re глупая игрушка of HYDRA.” He grabs your wrist tighter. “You’re not even part of the team.” That was the last straw, you pulled your wrist away, as you searched for someone to stand with you but all you saw was them looking away from you, even Vision. You nodded as you felt some tears sting. You never actually belonged in the team. Just like Barnes said, a глупая игрушка. 

A stupid toy.

Stark spotted you, making tea in the middle of the night. “So, you’re the one that’s drinking tea.” His voice echoed in the empty kitchen. You nodded as you asked him if he wanted some, as he nodded. “Heard what happened.”

“Of course, you do.” Stark eyed you as you finally sat down and Stark rolled his eyes. “I forgave Terminator a while ago.” You looked at him.

“I know he took everything from me, but, I guess it’s just the way it is…Pepper is really good at convincing , I give her that, well, maybe because we–”

“Are pregnant…?” You asked, in which Stark immediately shook his head and chuckled. “Well, no, but, I just want peace, you know.” 

“That’s a bit out of character.” You commented. “Ah, the secret service have their humor.” The billionaire chuckled. As he glanced at the stair towards the rooms. “You did not know about the soldiers but, the information you gave was really helpful. We can start with that.” As Stark stood up. He added.

“Oh, and next time, make sure you suit up. You can tag along in the mission if you want, secret service.” Stark walked away with a smug smirk. “You sure, they’ll allow me in the field, Mr. Stark?”

“Maybe not. But, we have a higher chance of winning if they don't know what they’re up against.” He said as he left. But, when the morning comes, there’s no trace of you—only the cup of tea you shared with Tony and a room filled with your stuff, as well as, a folder with all of HYDRA’s information and coordinates in sticky notes. As the team assembled, they wondered if you were stolen from them or you were actually planning to betray them a long time ago.

And there’s only one way to find out.

As the Avengers rode the quinjet, Stark drove peacefully as Romanoff shared her side. “Steve, if we do this and see her there, we can’t save them like we did back then.”

“We didn’t save her, Romanoff. We used her…” Steve added. “But, you guys cared for them too.” His eyes fall on Bucky. “Buck, I know this is—”

“It’s a mission. As long as we’re done. I don’t care what happens to them.” James added.

As they reach the base of HYDRA, with the coordinates in the folder, they immediately search for you, but to their mistake, they fall right into a trap. Not even their strongest and the witch was able to see the trap, as they sat and chained in chairs, Natasha cracked a joke.

“This is probably their revenge.” In which none of them find them funny. Especially the guy with a metal arm. As the time passes with the endless blabbering of the man on the computer, lights and warning signs alarmed the area: as the Avengers look for an escape. It was an unfamiliar site, even for Bucky, all of the soldiers on HYDRA are getting deployed, what could possibly be the reason? As the chain, holding the Avengers finally loose, they stood up immediately, they ran in the door meeting you.

“ROGERS?!” You asked breathlessly. They were all confused but much more concerned about the blood painting your entire body. “Oh, it’s not mine.” You said in a smile. “We have to run, quinjet is outside the building.” As the team sprinted outside, surprise to see the number of bodies you took down. 

“You took them all down?” Natasha asked as the quinjet was finally visible. “Ah, yeah. I was raised by them so, nevermind, we have to go.”

It was going so well, but in the escape, a lot of missiles were aimed at the quinjet, as you, Sam, Tony, Wanda, and Sergeant Barnes fought the trailing jet in the back of quinjet, James rode a jet that is about to crash with another, he dodged the explosion but fell unconscious. Without thinking, you jumped out of the quinjet to save his unconscious body, hoping it’s water underneath all the chaos. 

As the cold temperature of water hit you, you swam to get the sergeant’s body. People in quinjet knew what happened, but in the height of the situation, they had no choice but to continue to flee; hope to save the sergeant and you, tomorrow.

The sergeant woke up in a bed made of leaves and an open night-sky. As he familiarize with his surroundings, he saw the heat radiating from a bonfire and you sitting by the shore. It was as if you sensed him.

“You’re finally awake.” You said as you walked towards him; he immediately tensed up. “Oh, right.” you placed the sugarcane on the sand as you sat down. “Tony would probably search for us tomorrow, once the sky is cleared.” You added but he is still weary of your presence. 

“What’re you playing at?” He asked, as you looked at him.

“What do you mean?”

“You being a goody-two-shoes, you know, none of us trust you.” He added finally, grabbing the sugar cane munching it. “And now, you leaving and suddenly appearing at the HYDRA facility, makes you more of a traitor than a help to us, so, what’s really your play?”

“...I want to help—”

“You have a funny way of showing it…” He grumbled as you replied. When you hear him grumble, you grab a swiss knife in your pocket, as you did when he was on guard but then, you place it on the sand and look at him. “I wasn’t there because I wish to betray anyone, I was there because…..” 

You sighed and looked at him. “I wanted to apologize to you. What I did in those years is unforgivable, hell, even I would be angry if I was in your position. I wanted to apologize to you and your family, the one you grew up with. I want to see if HYDRA knows about them, in that way, I can apologize for manipulating Winnifred’s only son and Rebecca’s only brother.” 

Bucky stared at you. “But who am I kidding, it is full of shit..I just really hoped because—I finally felt like I was part of a team. It’s a bit much, right? I was ahead of myself.” You chuckled. As you stare at the sea, you continue. “The swiss knife will be there, do whatever you want with it. Whether you used it for survival or against me, it’s up to you.” You smiled at Bucky.

“This probably will make you hate me even more but it truly means everything, I am really sorry, Bucky.” 

That was the first time he heard you mutter his name. His first time seeing you smile. His first time hearing you say sorry; his first time seeing you.  As the night grew deeper, you fell asleep, except for the guy with a metal arm, he fidgeted with the swiss knife and kept glancing at you. He has you, he can kill you, revenge. With a lot of contemplation; balancing his morals, he stood up, gripping the swiss knife tightly and went to your sleeping body.

He was really thankful that you were asleep.

You watch from upstairs as you see the God of Thunder, the White Wolf, and Captain America struggle with their new phone given by Stark.

“10 Bucks says Barnes will break it.” Sam told you as he stood watching the three as well. “20 Bucks says Odinson will be the one who will break it.” You added; to anyone’s surprise, it was Steve who made the screen crack. 

“Dammit.” Sam muttered as you noticed his suit. “Got a date or something?” Sam just nodded and said something about meeting his sister in the bank, as he left, you called Barnes out. “Sergeant, we’re losing daylight, let’s go.” You said as he ran upstairs, leaving the compound as well, with you next to him. 

He grips the swiss knife tightly, as he walks to your unconscious body as he shakes you awake.  “Hey.” he muttered slowly: “Did you find them? Rebecca, I mean…” In your state, you would have said something random but as you met his eyes, he was just pleading as you nodded, he retracted the knife and handed it to you. 

“Go say your apologies to them then. Bring me to them.” In that he awkwardly smiled but was sincere. “Okay.” As he went to his side on the sand, he then sighed, “It means everything, Thanks for saying that.” With a soft heart, you slept soundly and Barnes did too as the sand felt more like the best bed in town.

As you drive, Barnes asks how you find his family. “It was more of how HYDRA hid it, what surprised me is that—they don’t pick dead bodies up in the 40s?” In that, Bucky eyed you. “What do you mean? I fell of the—”

“If I was like one of the bosses, I would’ve.” Bucky sighed. “It was war back then, it was better to leave them, I guess.” You sighed and acknowledged his explanation. As you two reach Brooklyn, his eyes wander. “First time back in Brooklyn?” he nodded as he explained how different times were. He wasn’t talkative much, but you saw how his eyes lit up when the corners of Brooklyn hit him home. As we reach the cemetery, you glance at the grave.

“This is Rebecca’s and your Mom’s. I couldn’t find anything on your father, I’m sorry.” As Barnes walked out the car with flowers in his hand, you watched him but then he opened your door, “Aren’t you going to apologize to them too?” You smiled and got out of the car, “I did say that.”

We stayed there for a few minutes, as Bucky walked to get something in the car, he heard your voice talking to them as if they were still alive, it felt new to him, this side of you, it’s more warmer than before. He walks cautiously as he slowly hears a bit of your words. “Rebecca and Mrs. Barnes you have an amazing brother and a son.” 

Despite everything and hate lurking in his chest towards you, his painful experience, he was willing to give this forgiveness a shot, because he was a human and not a machine. 

As the two of you drove back to the compound, the silence was now replaced with a calmer one, which Bucky glanced at you. “Something wrong?” He asked you. 

“No, it’s just, I don’t know what we should talk about, I’m still getting used to this too. Food that is warm, going to places that don't require guards, a bit warmer home, and bright home, and a house full of people, still getting used to it, I guess.” You explained.

“Well, me and you are on the same boat.” He added assuring you. The ride back was more of a relaxed one, as you heard Bucky’s stomach growl. “We should eat something.” Before he could protest, you parked the car and you two went inside a diner. 

As you two sat, you kept glancing at the machine on the edge of the table, as you saw Bucky eyeing it as well. “What is it?” You asked him, as he cleared his throat. “A Jukebox.” but your lack of response made him look at you. “You don’t know what—”

You shook your head. “Well, with HYDRA raising me I only know the static radio.” You explained, looking away awkwardly. “Oh, it’s a music box, like a vinyl but you need a quarter to play a song.” He explained as you nodded. “I have a quarter.” As you give him the quarter, he signals you to press a button to play music.  As you two eat a meal in the diner: the low volume of Chet Baker’s I Never Been In Love Before plays, it is safe to say that two people felt more human than before and a lingering warm feeling in their chest. Safe to say, they’ve never been in love before.

⚘ masterlist 1 | 2 | 3

vsego dva prizraka - james bucky barnes des. barnes never trusted you, not once. but upon a different life, he would. notes. angst/comfort, enemies-to-lovers, mention of violence, curse words, idiots-in-love, sharon carter is a meanie here, trauma, torturing and avengers! shenanigans

hello! it's my bucky fic! part ii of upon a different life is here! thank you for supporting it, means a lot! anyway, here's part ii, uh--sharon carter is higkey unlikeable here so, i'm sorry! enjoy loving bucky!

(part i) (part ii) | w.c: 7.8k (got carried away, mb)

As you trace the track of living the endless cycle of you and the White Wolf stumbling in this much different life, James Barnes slowly learns fragments and side of you that were covered during the time in HYDRA’s grasp, don’t get him wrong, part of him still navigating in living and breathing around you but somehow, he doesn’t mind learning more about you, he somehow find himself tangled in your webs: in which he rationalized that maybe the words of HYDRA never left his head or maybe, just maybe, he felt a sense of familiarity with you, a reminder that he wasn’t alone, that in the corners of the Avengers compound, someone understands him.

You, on the other hand, slowly make amends to the people you caused trouble when you were still HYDRA’s living leverage: some of them thanked you for apologizing while some did not take any apologies from you. Despite the hardship of earning people’s forgiveness, a part of you was grateful that the bed was even warmer than before, people actually smiled at you, talked to you, and you built the idea that the world isn’t always red and bruised. 

For another, you finally see the Sergeant that fell off the train in 1945, how his life is ultimately different to the one you previously known, how his attention is relatively closed-knitted with books rather than guns and knives, how his grumpy old gaze was just him being confused, and how his metal arm is for carrying Banner’s stuff rather than a weapon to be used. It is refreshing to see things in a different light, but there’s still a present guilt on how you stole these simple things from the Sergeant, a lingering disgust within you was still present. How you wish HYDRA didn’t use him; how you wished you didn’t use him–despite his given acknowledgement of forgiveness: a terrible little you burns the edge of your mind. Yet, as you meet his eyes while sparring, in missions, in the kitchen, and at night, it keeps you grounded that what you have now is a chance to prove yourself—that you’re more than just HYDRA’s stupid toy.

After a few months of the events of you and Bucky sharing a moment in Brooklyn, you two find each other’s presence more grounding, call it sharing a trauma or trauma-bonding but what is certain, the each of you became each other’s compass in wandering the softer edge of the world.

The mission was executed properly and Tony Stark, being the man he is, decided to throw a party at the compound: with close friends, workers, family, and the Avengers–as the people went through the party, you stayed at the bar and challenged drinks with Yelena and Sam.

Sam and Yelena are on their fifth drink as their visions start to betray them. It was a stupid challenge, really, but it was amusing to join. As you drank your fifth drink, you winced at the bitterness and warmth coursing through your throat. “You two okay…?” You asked, basically indicating that you are still in the right state of mind, body, and soul.

“Absolutely…” Yelena uttered but her words were shaky and unstable as Sam just nodded and tried to sit up straight. In another point of view, it seems like you poisoned the two, but in this challenge: pride was on the line. “You know, you two should take a rest…” 

The Falcon immediately protested his dislike at the idea of taking a rest, but before he could argue, he fell off his chair, causing Yelena to fall as well. “Told you…” You uttered under your breath. As Rhodes and Wanda helped the two go back to their room, you were left alone in the bar as a familiar metal arm tapped the table.

“You finally decided to show up.” Bucky nods and sits on the stool. “I heard that Sam fell flat on his face, so I had to see it.” You shook your head and nodded. “Anything I can get you?” Bucky decided whiskey on the rocks, as he was just taking a sip every now and then.

You asked the White Wolf why he wasn't joining Steve and Thor sharing drinks at the other side of the room, his eyes looking over the God of Thunder and Steve as he just looks back at his drink. “Just not feeling like talking to other people, everyone’s here is so different from the 40s.” You nodded as you sip your drink as well.

“Well, I’m not from the 40s, so, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” you replied as you watched the people having fun. “But I guess, I do get where you’re coming from. I mean, people are actually…talking, not ordering me around.” You chuckled unsure, yet Bucky knew what you meant. 

As you sighed, you looked over at him. “How’s your trip with Peter? I heard the kid practically dragged you around Queens for his project.” A small sigh and smile left James’ lips. “Parker was talking a lot, he introduced me in the corners of Queens, it was nice. But I still choose—.” you continue his words.

“Brooklyn.” You both said in unison, as he nodded. After a while, you two just watch the party in the bar. In the scene of soft music and chattering noises, it was quiet on your side. As if there was another world being built there–a look of adoration of the people around the room is present in the eyes of two former people of HYDRA, call it a look of longing or even hoping; in the back of Bucky’s mind he remembered the days where he dance with girls in the 1940s while you wonder if being in a party means being happy in people’s company.

Bucky was about to say something when he saw people dancing on the dance floor. Despite the uplifting mood, some people swayed to the music, calmly, not out of rhythm but still a form of slow dancing. His eyes darted to you as he saw how intrigued and focused you are in the people dancing.

“First time seeing people dancing?” He asked, as you spared him a look and you nodded. “Would it be weird if I said yes?” Bucky shook his head a ‘no’. He knew what you went through as he took a sip and said: “It’s not weird. But, it’s surprising..”

“Why is it surprising?”

“Well, when you and Natasha went to the ball for an undercover mission, didn’t you two dance with people to blend in…?”

“Oh, the mission in Budapest.” You nodded. “I didn’t dance that night, not once in my life, I think…” He glanced at you, as you asked if he danced. The Sergeant had this nostalgic look in his eyes, as if he tried to remember the soft hands he held as he danced in the 40s. With a last sip of his drink, he had a smug look on his face. “1943. Her name was Connie.” You listened intently. 

He shared the Stark Expo, the memories he has as he danced with Connie before the war. As he grabbed a beer at a nearby table, to his surprise, you’re actually listening to him: He also told how he gave Steve a date that time, a double date, as he mentioned. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe the ambiance, but Bucky couldn’t stop talking to you—especially, when you’re looking at him as if he’s the only person in the world. Listening to him as if the music isn’t filling your ears.

He should not let the soft smile appear, yet he loves this. He loved being listened to. Despite, his demeanor and adjusting behavior around you; getting used with you, he let it slip—he hoped it was the alcohol, god, he hoped it was—he smiled at you, not an awkward one nor a smug one, it is a smile reserved for the times he felt at ease: the smile he had when he stayed at Sam’s hometown, the smile he had when he saw the flying car in Stark Expo, the smile he had when he was saved by Steve, and a smile that made his ears warm when he was dancing with Connie in 1943.

You smiled back, the Sergeant looked so handsome. A pretty man. In the moment, you two are like teenagers down the block or somewhat two strangers finally see each other eye-to-eye. As James ignored the warmth in his cheeks—pretending it was from the alcohol—he breaks the smile. As you question: “Was it nice…?”

Moments like this, James realized that you two are not far from each other; he got to experience becoming a human, before mess happened. While you lived in the mess, not knowing what it means to be a human—he pity you sometimes, he often wonders if you’re just making this up, waiting for a moment so, you can fuck him up but moments like this, he somehow recalls you had this look of ingenuity, as if you have no clue: how to live. 

And he knew, for he also had the same look in his eyes. So, he nods and looks at the people sharing a slow dance. “It felt nice..” As you sip your drink, the Sergeant wants to ask you something, yet a bitter voice in his head holds those words back. In that he settled with that answer, as he drank the beer while you watched the people dance. A simple breath left you: “I’ll figure it out how it feels..” 

If things were different, the bitter voice in his head would have not bothered him—but for now, he settled with whatever he had with you, as he left it at that.

You walked in the compound and smelled the spices in the kitchen, with a book in your hand—you saw Vision and Wanda cooking. Since the Redhead A.I has heightened senses, he welcomed and invited you. You felt like a trash third wheel, but as Wanda gave you a smile and offered what they cooked, it was more than welcoming. 

A look from the outside was watching the three of you, or perhaps, you. The blue eyes watched you, as if he was analyzing how different you look: you looked at ease, your shoulders aren’t tense; you looked so…calm. “Are you going to run or are we gonna be staring at them until it gets weird?” Sam eyed the Sergeant as he glared back.

“Shut up, I’m almost done with my lap.” He grunted, going back to the stupid running bet with Sam. As Sam catched up with the grumpy old-man, Sam snickered. “That cyborg brain of yours is functioning in a new gear.” The Falcon teased, to which Bucky ignored–but he couldn’t help but wonder why he felt different around you: it was wrong, at least, that’s what he tells himself—he firmly believes, it was nothing but a mere heat of the moment perhaps, a little assurance for the trauma that you two share.

It was a normal day, to say so at least, the rest were doing their own things—enjoying the uneventful day, when afternoon arrived, some found themselves seeking to shut-eye: but not the former secret service of HYDRA and White Wolf.

“How about George Owell’s books?” You asked the Sergeant who was reading a book as he sat on the library’s couch. He raised his head and looked up at you at the loft of the library. “Haven’t read it but Dr. Strange said it’s a good one.” you nodded as you continued to scan the books in the library of the compound.

After a few hours of Bucky reading, he realized you’re not back in the seat where you promised to sit after you find the right book for you—that was an hour ago. He placed the book, The Hobbit, on the table as he called out your name. Your lack of response was a little jitter in his head, it’s unusual, or maybe it is usual, but he couldn’t help but check on you. As he climbed on the loft, he found you, reading a book on the floor.

He was bewildered as he saw you, reading a book on the floor as he sighed and sat next to you. “You finished your book?” You asked as he just shook his head; he didn’t say anything, letting you read in silence. In that moment, maybe, he was reading it all wrong—not the book, but you: he longs to be near you, whether he admits it or not, he stole glances as you read the book.

He should still hate you, you stole everything from him. But, his heartbeat quickens when you two share a soft moment, his ears ring when he does something that makes you laugh, his hands shake when you don’t respond to his comms when you two are on a mission, he doesn’t get it. He should still hate you, but he can’t help it—maybe, he’ll get it, once you do too.

As you read thoroughly, you felt a head on your shoulder. Typically, you would push it away, but as you heard even breathing as a relaxed state, you let it be. You didn’t move an inch, as you let the Sergeant sleep on your shoulder. It’s not the first time you served as a pillow to your new home, it was mostly Wanda or Yelena; sometimes Thor, when he wants to annoy you—but this felt new and raw. Your heart pounds louder, god, you hoped that the White Wolf won’t hear it. 

It was scary to feel this, the loud banging on your chest, the tensed shoulder you had, yet as you looked over your shoulder, you saw his closed eyes and relaxed eyebrows—your memory drifted to the time you hear his screams when HYDRA removes his memory, you tensed as you remember how he bear the pain as you just watch across the room, and you remembered how the his furrowed eyebrows in the cryo-sleeping machine. The guilt was seething pain in your neck, it tasted bitter, but for once, you ignored the bitter taste in your lips, you found a better position, as you lean back, Barnes fell further in your shoulder as head touched the side of your neck.

You smiled softly—the one you gave Barnes at the party, the one you gave Barnes as you apologized; the smile you gave Bucky at the diner, a few months ago. With a heavy feeling, you leaned in his head as you rested your cheek.

You are damn sure, this will result into stiff neck, back pain, or even cramps—but just this once, you’ll bear it, just this once you’ll let your back and muscle scream, and just this once you let James Buchanan Barnes sleep, with a relaxed eyebrows in the warm presence of the library.

It wasn’t long when you feel sleepy too, it was an afternoon hit afterall, but a part of you wishes to stay awake, you want this to last, yet, you found yourself closing your eyes, relaxing in the library. You knew you’ll figure it out one day, whether it’s right or wrong to long for this, you’ll figure it out how to pour your heart to the person who has a broken heart because of you—you’ll figure it out, you know it—you just hope, Bucky will figure it out too.

Everything was doing fine with you and Bucky; the entire team felt it too—the sudden change, the loosen tension, and the given knowing look. You and Bucky did too but the trip to the destination wasn't an easy one, most of the time, Bucky steps on things he was not sure he can step on, other times you bit off things more than you can chew. Stark and Steve saw what was going on, the three steps forward yet four times back. 

But little things keep you on arms length with the Sergeant: it’s not easy to look past with what you’ve done to him after all; it’s not easy for James to just forget everything that was stolen from him—for another, a part of you was new to this, the unknown butterflies when the Sergeant would do something as he glance at you, the red ears but not from the cold but when you hear James laugh, and the fast-paced beat: it was new to you, you know this feeling, you’ve read it in books: one to many times already but feeling it was another level, one you cannot help yourself but deny.

A bitter taste fell out of your mouth as you listened to the comms as you sneak in inside a control system for a mission, you could hear it—in the comms how Stark, Barnes, Romanoff, and Carter were blending in naturally in the crowd: it was a common hideout, to be honest, a terrorist stealing vibranium and having the operation under a bar-party casino, what a common hideout, it wouldn’t bother you; in reality, it should not bother you—you were HYDRA’s weapon once, undercover and sneak in mission is nothing but a piece of cake.

That would be the case, if you don’t feel a conflicting emotion in your chest—god, you hear it, the little chuckles the fell out of Carter’s mouth as you heard Bucky’s line on the end, he sound so out of character, out of touch, way different as he interacts with you. Cursing under your breath, you entered the camera room.

Without warning to the team, you successfully put the camera in your control, protecting Wanda, Sam, and Rogers from the security’s grasp. In that, you heard Tony’s chuckle.

“There you go, Secret Service, everyone..” He compliments you as he continues his comms. “Told you, you’re fit for the role—I’m great at role assigning after all.” In some cases, you would thank him —but your mind brushes things as Romanoff’s response to the comms was blurry as you recall the planning earlier.

“It’s set in Europe.” Sharon Carter's voice informed the team, as you, Yelena, and Natasha were preparing the things for the mission. As the information was given by Stark and Carter, you waited for further instruction—thus, leading to assigning roles. It wouldn’t matter actually, you were a spy, this would be a piece of cake: but then again, you bit off on something you can’t chew.

“Carter and Barnes, you two will be the undercover Mr. and Mrs. Williams, when we get control of the camera systems, that’s when Rogers, Wilson, and Wanda can come in. That leads to Yelena for going in the vault as me and Ms. Romanoff along with Williams taking charge of what’s in the casino.” Stark looked at Natasha and Rogers for confirmation, they both nodded. 

But you scanned the fake invitations made by Stark for him and Natasha; for Barnes and Carter: The Williams—a new feeling burns within you, but you carry on—for all you see, was Barnes already talking to Carter after the planning—moments like that: you find another reason why you should deny the wanted warmth spreading in your cheek when you talk to Sergeant.

“Hey, secret service, talk to me–” Stark’s pull you out of your trance, you immediately replied. “Yeah? I’m here..” Stark chuckled, as he informed to prepare for a change in plans. 

“Copy that.” A sigh left your mouth and a familiar voice—a softer one than what you once heard in HYDRA’s—”Everything okay, сахарный тростник?” 

Everything okay, sugarcane? In different circumstances, that would have the cheesiest smile out of you, how a stupid toy turned into sugarcane. But things are different, way different—everything was out of touch, instead a monotone left your lips. “Everything’s fine, soldier.” 

“You were not responding for a minute, you sure?”

In his words, you knew Steve wasn’t joking when he shared that Barnes have girls lining up for him in the 40s, knowing damn well, if you existed that time—you would too but as you listen to him, you notice the subtle different tone he uses with Carter, way different when it comes to you, it stings but you already foreseen this: it’s never gonna work, you stole everything from him for fucks sake. It will never work out. Bucky will never figure it out.

Before you could respond, a security breach alarm was ringing the entire place, it was from Yelena’s position—the things happened too fast, you immediately went to Yelena for back-up, which you two gladly got out. Everything was a mess, as far as you can remember, you and Yelena took some enemies, it was an odd pairing as Stark teased in the comms but as you fight, a lingering and gnawing feeling broods in your chest, it wasn’t the fight nor the team’s safety.

It was you, you’re worried about you and the damn stupid butterflies in your stomach. Your mind drifts that even in this different life, you still can’t have what you want to have—unprofessional, sloppy, neglectful, and hideous: as you heard a gunshot and a seething pain in your abdomen, so much for HYDRA’s favored leverage. 

As you felt the pain, the adrenaline coursing to your body made you fight more of the enemies, but the ringing in your ear never left, maybe it was the anxiety or maybe it was the comms, or maybe it was Yelena begging the team to go back to quinjet because you’ve been shot—it would be tolerable, the pain would be tolerable until in the comms you heard a pleading, longing, a lost voice.

“Has anyone seen Carter?” It was Bucky, god, he sound so worried, so distress, that made you wince even the bullet’s pain was nothing, this was much worse, you stumbled your walk as you throw the comms away, luckily Yelena was with you, after a moment, the Falcon and Iron Man carried you and Yelena back to the quinjet, as a limping Sharon Carter and getting assisted by Bucky met your view as Sam made you sit.

Wanda immediately used her ability to heal you but you pushed her hand away. “I’m okay, Wanda. I can take it—look over Sharon and Yelena, yeah?” You smiled at her but as she was about to protest, Steve nudged her shoulder as Steve sat next to you. “My bad, Captain..” You gave Rogers a smile, a masked one—god, you’re in so much pain.

“...You okay?” Stark snickered as Steve sent him a glare. “Rogers, I am fine. You should see the other guy—” but before you can continue, Natasha cut you off.

“You were distracted out there. You were not responding for a minute; you got shot. Want to tell us, what happened?” There she is, the Black Widow, you play with air in your mouth as you look at Steve and glance at Barnes talking to Sharon as Wanda heals her injury. Normally, Natasha would tease you about it but as she notices the subtle glance. She waited for your answer.

“Was not used in that set-up, I guess.” Natasha gave a look to you, call it pity, sadness, but as you stood up, watching as the fabric that Yelena tied in your abdomen was pooling red, you used Steve's shoulders to lift yourself up. “Sorry, was distracted, it won't happen again.” 

Steve was about to guide you but you shrugged him off as you walked in the little bathroom in quinjet. Not-knowing an emotion filled eyes was longing behind your back—how a pair of cerulean colored eyes is watching behind you. The jet was quiet, not because of the tight tension, but a worried one. So, Yelena carried the mood: reminding everyone that the mission is a success, but it wasn’t for Bucky, you were bleeding; he wasn’t there—for him, the mission would rather fail than to see you wincing in every step you make.

You removed your clothes as you removed the cloth that Yelena used to stop the bleeding, you eyed the injury as you knew this was a bit worse than you expect it, with running water, you cleaned it—scrambling the medicine cabinet behind the mirror, applying gauze—-you can ask Banner or Maximoff to look on it, for now, this’ll do.

Few weeks back in the compound, it felt like the time didn’t move. You were pissing off at HYDRA wishing they inserted the serum at you too—so, the healing process would be much faster than you bed-rotting in your room—but you guess, that was better; with Yelena being the closest things you have in sister–she told you everything. Especially the blonde woman hanging out with the terminator. 

She tells stories about them as she sometimes passes out in your room—you love Yelena, there’s no doubt, you thanked her every time she and Natasha would look at you as if you live with them. In the middle of the night, you got out of your bed as you fixed Yelena’s blanket next to you—-your light footsteps left your room, as you went to the kitchen. 

You wanted to make tea, but the heating pain from your abdomen, your movements were slow—it would take—“Sam would’ve ran sixteen laps and your tea is not even close to done.” Of course, the Captain’s voice. He was in his night outfit as you chuckled and nodded. “A little hand, then?” you asked the old man. 

That night, Steve Rogers made you tea as you watched and sat on the counter. “I can feel you staring at me…” Rogers uttered as you shook your head. “I never got to thank you…” You added as he placed a fresh tea on the counter as he also has one too. 

As you sip, a smile left your face—you liked the tea he made. “Peggy taught me in the 40s.” You nodded as he told you how Peggy taught him—before you knew Steve, you thought he just got lucky being Captain America, but with him sitting and studying your look: he’s also a human being that falled in the wrong path of time. With that, you looked at him.

“Does it get easier?” You asked him, it was a broad question. But, somehow, all the speeches he made for the team had the same weight when said: “I lived on ice for 70 years, it’ll eventually get harder.” Not the answer you wanted, but somehow, you knew.

“....but you have us. Eventually, it’ll be okay, not easy, but okay.” He sip his tea as he pulls the picture of Peggy in the compass he carries. 

“You must’ve really liked her…” You added–as he nodded, acting shyly—as he tells his story, but not the one written in the museum, somehow, the longing feeling in your chest was bigger, how he talks about Bucky, is so different from the Bucky you know, it was painful—but at this point, you mirrored Rogers, not missing how his eyes shimmered when he thought of Peggy. With a cup of tea on your hand, you figured it out: you absolutely, without a doubt:

You love James Buchanan Barnes.

Your heart clenches as you settle with the realization—“I’ve seen how you look at Bucky..” Cases like this, you would wanna talk to Natasha first, but, knowing Steve would not let it go, you continued—it’s your way to thank him for the tea, afterall.

“I do, I felt that, months ago—realized it, now. I saw how you talk about Peggy yet I think about how I talked about him.” You chuckled. “Guess his 40s charm never left, but, who would take me—why would I bother with this? I hurt him, stole everything from him and now we're a bunch of agents and icons, there’s no room for that—especially ... .especially with me.” Steve listened intently.

“Pepper and Tony would say otherwise.” You raise your head and meet his gaze. “Barton and his wife would not agree too. Parker and MJ would argue with you about it. Wanda and Vision would explain themselves to you—” You laughed, as you get his point.

“It’s not the same, Rogers—I hurt him. A million times, stole who he is, used what he is—how would he take me?” A bitter chuckle left your lips as cleared your throat, you stood up not wanting to talk more. “Thanks for the tea…” As you closed the door in your room, Steve sighed as he looked at the man standing in the dark corner of the room. 

“You heard her…” Steve got the cups and placed them on the sink, as the man in the corner stepped out. “How would you take her..?” Steve quotes your question. The man lingered his blue eyes in the door of your room. 

“All of her.” 

 It’s true, Barnes should still hate you—but, all at once, next to you, he feels like a child. Like, all the things he felt was damaged within him, felt undamaged—felt like you seen him in his bullshit: the 40s one, the Sergeant one, the Winter Soldier one, the White Wolf one, the James—the Bucky: you take them all, so, he would be a fool not to take all of you too.

Maybe, in the height of it all, 40s Bucky would never forgive you but—in his heart, a growing hope—thanking the stars, the pain, the stitches, the loss—for all of that: he thanked that he was still alive in hope for this love.

Steve nodded and looked at his friend— “Talk to her, Buck.” Bucky nodded, not saying anything but feeling everything—with a soft look at Steve, he realized that he got it—he understood it, that in your shoulder at the library: everything felt right: you hurted him, that is true, god, he hated you.

But in the dreaded past, meeting you, knowing you was the tattooed dream etched in his mind, that inside of the Sergeant, White Wolf, grumpy old man: was his inner child, wishing to spend the rest of his days until the time lets—god, he loves you.

The next day, alarms were all over the compound, you walked out of your room—seeing Tony and Steve in their suits; a missing cerulean eyes. “Where’s Bucky?” Sam immediately went to you, as he tried to push your back into your room.

“You’re still injured, let them handle–this–” You pushed his arm. “Don’t bullshit me, Sam—I am fine, where’s Barnes?” you repeated but as Sam was about to say something, Stark was at your room’s door. “Power Broker got him—” Without a word, you grabbed your stuff and changed your clothes to the uniform Stark made for you.

“Hey, hey, what do you think you’re doing?” Sam’s voice was louder as Tony did his best to stop you too. “Secret Service, listen to me, you’re still injured—you have to stay–”

“Stay?! I will not stay here, Stark, Bucky is—he’s not here—I’m not gonna stand here and hope you guys get him back! What if Zola found him! What if—” Stark cut you off. “We’ll bring him back—your Barnes.” In that you calm down, as you nodded and sat on your bed. As Stark left your room, Sam looked over at you.

“Sam?” 

“Yeah?”

“...I’m gonna follow them..” With that you clutched your bed sheets and begged to all the heavens of the universe to bring him back. Your love back.

James Barnes was sitting in a familiar chair, a chair that reminded him of his past, reminded him of all the blood—it’s happening again, he’s gonna lose all his memories again, he wanted to fight the doctors surrounding him but the drugs in his system were blurring everything. 

His metal hand was strapped as well as his chest and feet—he felt helpless. “Ah, you’re awake.” A voice, Sharon—she visited Bucky’s room last night, for whatever reason, Bucky thought Sharon needed help but as he turned his back, all he felt was the cold floor and woke up with the doctors all over the place with him tied up on the chair.

“Sharon, what the hell is wrong with you?” His voice is bitter, in pain, god, it’s all coming back— “Wrong with me? I am this, солдат.” Soldier. It is different when you say it, that’s the first thing Bucky noticed. “And I am selling you to the market. You are a great deal, Winter Soldier.” 

Of course, Bucky would be used again—the machine starts to produce a sound—a distinct familiar sound, is it always gonna end up like this? But in his throat, he can only plead—he felt like a kid, not the same kid that wishes for you, the kid that was begging to be freed, it felt so weird, familiar, painful, to be back here.

As the machine covers his left eye as he grunts in pain—he thinks of you. He wished he memorized you, he wished he knew how to make your tea, he wished he would remember your words, he wished he was back in the shore again as you ask for forgiveness as he eats the sugarcane, how he wished he was eating at the diner with the jukebox again; how he wished he took you to a dance. 

Then, it was nothing. 

“Солдат?” Sharon called out a name—Soldier?

Against the dark room, a soldier spoke: “Я готов ответить.”  The Winter Soldier was ready to comply.

“Tell me, it’s not you on the comms, Secret Service.” As Stark and Rogers rush inside the building, which was supposed to be a duo-mission, they hear a crackling noise on their comms. “That would be so boring if it wasn’t, right, Stark?” You chuckled, before Rogers can even argue about it—Stark already did.

“You stubborn–You just had your stitches! We’ll handle this! Stay put in your location–you—” But you cut him off.

“Even if you have stitches, Stark! If Potts is there—you’ll do it too, so, let me help…” Stark and Steve sighed, they knew they couldn’t stop you. After Stark sorting you out, you get on the other side of the building while the other two lurk on the other side. It was a dark building, as you successfully sneak in: you immediately scan the area.

The dark room makes you think of HYDRA years ago: it was triggering, your skin feels cold—if you’re feeling like this, what more to Bucky. You need to find him fast, but the pulsing in your head, also doesn’t help, maybe it was the anxiety or maybe when Sam tried to stop you earlier.

“I told you, I won’t let you!” Sam groaned as he blocked your path, for a thousand times. “Sam, please, Cap and Stark need us! They need me, we have to help them!” You fought him, but you knew he was holding back because of your stitches. 

“Work with me, Sam, please..” You pleaded but he got you in a headlock, as you calmed down. He loosened when you tapped his hand. “Please….It’s James. I don’t want him to go through that again, it’s the only way—only thing I can do, Sam—” 

Sam cared about Bucky and you knew that, at this moment, Sam hates that he cares about you too. “Fine, but—” You smiled at him— “I won’t tell Steve.” In that Sam just nodded and let you go. 

Never in your life, thought you would let your feet touch the casket for a man—a man whose heart and past are all broken because of you. You never thought you would see the day why people fought lively in the war because they have someone to go home to, you never thought you would see the day where all can be damned—just not you and Barnes.

The other side of the building is thoroughly occupied by fights: Stark and Rogers are really pushing through—while you see a laboratory, you immediately sneak inside. As Stark updated their situation of being occupied in a fight, you entered the lab. You finally saw Bucky, in the same chair, the first time you saw him. You were angry, pissed, and everything is being in the last line of your moral defense. 

“Oh, Bucky..” you immediately went to the buttons and let the machine let James go, but he remained seated. “Barnes, we have to go—come on–” You checked his face if he was injured, or even concussed, but all you met was a familiar eye, an unwanted one, the one would burn in your guilt—In his dilated eyes, the Winter Soldier is back. It’s not Barnes, not Bucky—HYDRA’s favorite: the one that killed people without blinking. With such hope, you pulled him up but to no avail, Carter’s voice broke through.

“Soldier, attack.”

The Winter Soldier immediately slapped you away, causing you to hit the wall—if it wasn’t for Tony and Shuri’s invention in your suit—you would’ve died but you met the Winter Soldier’s eyes again, this time—you stood at the same spot of his victims before, you knew what they meant: for the first time, you were scared. As Stark had scanned the area from his location, he asked you to stand down and wait for them—but the comms he was giving was meeting the cold floor.

You look at the Winter Soldier. “You really wanna do this, Sharon?” Sharon snickered as she cockily revealed her plan selling the Winter Soldier to the underground. “You’re nothing like Peggy, not a bunch.” Sharon scrunched her nose.

“Because Peggy never stepped up—she could have all this and yet she stayed at the stupid camp. But me, after the government go up against me, I finally find the purpose—”

“What? Like a criminal dealer?” Despite you tensing up, to fight against the Winter Soldier up—you snarked up a reply to Sharon. “That’s lame, you know, if I were you, I would go bi—”

“Shut up! Like you know better, you better stop pretending to be one of them because…you are just like me.” You stared at her; back at the brooding Winter Soldier. “Or not. Soldier…kill.” In that The Winter Soldier immediately attacked you.

For a while, you were able to keep up with his fighting style, you were once a HYDRA after all but a lingering warm feeling scattered in your chest: you can keep up with him because you spar together, you catch up with his speed. Despite the Winter Soldier’s attacking skills, you didn’t fight back, you just put yourself in defense and you tried to whisper words that would trigger his memory. You hoped Steve would arrive and pull the Soldier out of trance, as the Soldier pinned you to the wall, you finally attacked back—you kicked him as he stepped away.

“Soldat, ты меня бесишь.” The soldier grunted, he knew what you meant—he was pissing you off. In that his attack became more aggressive; You tried to recall all the memories, even the one Steve told you but none of them reached the Soldier. He kept punching and kicking you, until his hand hit your stitches, you fell on the ground as you clutch yourself in pain—the soldier reached for the gun, with the last strength you kicked the gun away. 

It fell on the floor as you grabbed it and aimed it at the Soldier. “Stay back, Soldier.” Yet, for the first time, your hand shakes holding a gun. Without abandon, the Soldier still charged, pushing you down to the floor—with an intention to kill,he grabbed a knife but instead of you pulling the trigger, you felt the knife getting deeper in your shoulder, the Winter Soldier twisted the knife, but he flinched when he heard you:

“Full circles…” You winced. “I am really sorry, Bucky…” Suddenly, the Soldier heard the shore, the sweet taste was familiar on his lips, your swiss knife on his hand—Bucky. 

He pulled his hand away as he stared at you. “....Sugarcane..” In that a bitter chuckle left your mouth as you nod. “Barnes..” You felt yourself tear up as you reached his cheek and caressed it. “You’re back…finally, you’re back..” Bucky was tense, he knew what he did but the way you looked at him, melted his inside. He was about to say his apology but a loud explosion occurred. He used his body to shield you as he carried you to the side.

He saw the blood in your suit, as you slowly got dizzy. “Hey, hey, don’t you dare. Sweets, come on–”Bucky tapped your cheek as he saw in the explosion was Stark and Steve, Steve threw his shield to Bucky as Bucky catched it he warned: “Steve! We gotta go, she lost a lot of blood.” Even Tony felt Bucky’s panic. 

“The quinjet is up north the mountain.” Steve said as he and Stark went to catch Sharon Carter. Bucky’s hand was dipping in your shoulder and waist as he carried you back to the quinjet, he kept checking if you were still breathing—he prayed, he was shaking in fear: he can’t lose you, especially not like this. His breathing was ragged as he reached the jet. He was hoping Wanda was there but all there were the buttons of the jet. 

He placed you on a chair as he grabbed the medical kit in a cabinet, he immediately sat on the floor and remove the suit—your stitches thorn and a bleeding shoulder, he was mad at himself, how did he even let it happen, he should not have hurt you, he should—

“Calm down, James…” He felt your hands on his cheek again, grounding him in his panic. He immediately shook his head. “No, no, I did this, I was—”

“You didn’t have a choice…” you smiled. “Besides, I think we’re fair now.” You joked but the giggle didn’t leave Bucky’s lips—-is he going to lose you too? His hand reached for your head as he ran his hand in your hair. “I should’ve asked you to dance with me, that night….” He whispered slowly.

As you nodded, relaxing in his touch. “I guess you owe me…”

“I do, I definitely do, sweets.”

Bucky was reading George Owell’s 1984—despite being a great book: it seemed a tale of HYDRA, he read intently in the library. After a while, he looked over the loft, recalling the memory when he fell asleep next to you. 

“Hey, sweets?” His voice called out, noticing the afternoon turned into night, knowing they drifted in the loft, next to each other. “Yes, Barnes?”

“We’ll read 1984 tomorrow?” He asked but neither of them moved, the proximity within them is warm, it’s home. With a chuckle, a reply left you: “If you’re up for it…”

After a while, he left the library with a longing look on his face as he carried the book, adoring the shared memory, longing for it, wishing he can experience it again—

— Suddenly, he met you carrying new bandages and band-aids. “Didn’t Banner tell you to stay on the bed?” He asked, immediately rushing to you.

“....Did he?” you asked, as you looked like a kid that stole a candy bar. “Well, Banner and Stark went out and my bandages are getting itchy so—I kinda, need to change them.” 

“Couldn’t Natasha or Yelena help you?” You nodded. “I can’t find them and they’re really itchy, Barnes.” You walked away from him as he held your shoulder. “Let’s change it then, sweets.”

Barnes made you sit on the sink of the bathroom as he changed the bandages in your abdomen, as you winced lightly. “This okay, sweets?” You nodded as he purely focused on the bandage. Later, reached another batch of bandages, as you see the guilt look in his face: as he changed the one in your shoulder. “Barnes…” You knew he wasn’t listening, he’s probably blaming himself in his head again.

“Bucky?” you called out, this time, he looked at you. As you reached for his metal arm, he pulled away but then you pulled it as you felt the metal texture. “I’m sorry…I hurted you.” He sighed as you held the wrist of his metal arm. “Guess we’re even—” He shook his head, not liking your humor.

“There could’ve been worse! I could’ve killed you—I could’ve lost you and it’s gonna be my fault–” In his panic, his right hand lightly hit your shoulder—but as he was about to say sorry again, you grabbed both of his cheeks. “We’re alright, Bucky. We’re okay…” You muttered, as you rested your forehead into his. 

“We’re okay.” You both muttered, as he calmed down, he continued to change your bandage on your shoulder, as his body heat was radiating into you. As he wrapped and cut the last bandage—you both stared at each other. His eyes were blue like you remembered, as his eyes linger in your eyes yet longer in your lips. 

Suddenly, it’s just him and you—above anything else, he kissed you. 

To which you smiled as you kiss him back, in the soft edge of the compound, it’s just him and you, his hand rested in your waist as you hold him in his shoulder—you kissed him as if you were memorizing him and he kissed you like he would want to keep your lips on a bottle so, he can get addicted and taste you anytime he wants. 

He pushed further as you pulled away and you chuckled. “I thought the 40s were supposed to bring them on date first…” Bucky eyes glistened with joy— “My bad, sweets, you looked like you wanted to kiss me.” 

As he kissed you lightly again, lingering a little longer—as he pulled away he tucked your hair in your ear. “I suppose I owe you a dance, sweets?” You smiled as you nodded, as you opened your arms for embrace as he indulged in your warmth. “Only if you change my bandages, until I get better?”

He nodded as he kissed your forehead: “You don’t have to ask me, sweets, I got you, always.”

“....You always call me that, after I said sorry to you…sweets, I’m not sweet, I’m a spy like Natasha and Yelen—”

“The sugarcane, sweets. The sugarcane, I still remember that was the only thing we ate that time—yet, even when I was mad at you, you still got me sugarcane, it was really…sweet of you.” He whispered as you laughed. “Steve wasn’t lying when you got your words.” 

He lightly kissed your injured shoulder and muttered a sorry to it. As you two hugged again, you can’t help but hum the song from the diner—playing in the jukebox: I’ve never been in love before—but as you smiled and relaxed at the sink—it felt different, it felt more human—warmest than ever been. 

Upon in a different side of life, you never knew it will turn out like this, watching stars with Barnes, holding hands, dancing in the rhythm, planning what’s for dinner with him;—despite the guilt brooding in each of your chest about what could’ve been in the past the future remains uncertain, as the old man said it will eventually be okay; maybe there was hate or maybe regret: but for a man who woke up 75 years later, he was finally certain as he decided that in each time he will fall in love..

— it's always going to be you.

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Y/N: Can I have a bite of your food? Bucky: Absolutely not. John Walker: Wow. Some great couple. He won’t even share his food. Bucky: It has peanuts on it. They are allergic to peanuts. Are you so jealous of our relationship that you want Y/n to die? John Walker:...