Time

Time

more time

more time

more time

greedily grabbing it

just to throw it away

i need more time

i don't have time

things are piling up

i look the other way

just runnin' away

runnin' again

what's your address

i'm just up in my head

my eyes follow the blaring screens

noise drowning my thoughts

before they can breathe

the music's loud

i don't even understand it

avoiding my language

so the lyrics don't get to me

i don't wanna feel

anything; it's too much

my eyes are glazing over

my mind's gonna explode

it's all too much

so I shut it off

shut it off

just get stuff done

but off I go

cause I've found another one

another distraction

it's pulling me in

everything's great in my head

the real world briefly flashes

before my eyes

until I face another screen

and pay it no mind

complaining about time

till I have none of it left

now the consequences

of my actions

they're chasing me

but I'm runnin' again

runnin' away.

Curious Fear

i'm dreading it

i can't wait

i want time to slow down

i want it to hurry up

Future holds me in her hand

the strands of my hair

entwined around her fingers

and my feet glued to her palm.

i stray to Past sometimes

longing for her knowing embrace;

the comfort of her certainty.

but my hair only reaches my waist,

and the hands of the clock move fast.

so I look through the gaps,

watching the Sun

plunge below the horizon,

hiding its colours except

a pitying pink trail in the sky.

the following darkness is unbearable

until the Moon proudly shows off

it's blemishes in monochrome.

yet if their beauty were measured,

the scales would be left balanced.

i crave more,

hoping a new sight will find me through the spaces.

i look on with curious fear,

not knowing what shades of the sun

will paint the clouds tomorrow,

and which leaves will bathe in silver moonlight.

or if any of it will happen at all.

curling my body

into the ridges of her palm,

my lashes entangle to welcome sleep.

it comes with dreams of warm orange,

cold grey and midnight skies.

idc

I don't care

I draw hard lines in the sand

Only to watch them swept up by waves

I don't care

I say to myself as I watch you

And her do the same things we did

I don't care

I tell myself as I see

your name on my screen

I don't care

I think as the songs fill my ears

And your face fills my mind

I don't care

I tell my friends

when you come up in a conversation

Because to admit

the opposite is weakness

It's giving in to you

It's disappointing myself

It's all the times

I went running back to you

when I knew exactly how it would end.

In a twisted knot

begging to be untangled

In nothing more than grey,

nothing more than ashes and dust.

I don't care

I don't care

I don't care

I repeat

Until the words lose their meaning

Until you're nothing

but a faded photograph

Until I can't remember

the exact sound of your voice

Until I can't recall

the things we used to talk about

Until you're nothing

but an afterthought.

I should have left

when the kisses moved from my lips to my cheeks.

I should have left

when the warm hugs

turned into quick brushes.

I should have left

when a cold shoulder replaced

the one I leaned on.

When a few words

sparked arguments

and hour long silences,

I should have turned my back on you.

But I didn't

And that's my mistake to bear.

You were bitter

so, so bitter,

but your sweet aftertaste

had me coming back for seconds

and more.

I should have left when

my name on your lips stopped sounding like music

and your eyes

no longer held all the stars

in the night sky.

I should have left you

the moment we fell out of love.

i ignore you for months

barely sparing you a glance,

rarely acknowledging your presence.

you've been by my side for years

saying nothing

as i break parts of you,

replacing them soon enough.

And when i fall asleep on your side,

you silently let me.

allowing my fingers

to dance down your neck

playing out melodies;

tunes sung on my command.

and when i scratch at your surface

out of sheer boredom

there is not a single word of protest.

the callouses on my skin

are a small price to pay when

i leave you for months

fascinated by someone new.

you watch soundlessly

as i hold someone else in my arms;

a new temptation this week.

but you know I'll come back

and i know

that when i do,

you'll welcome me with open arms.

This is about my guitar lol

trying

they say you’ll know

when someone loves you.

but I love you,

yet you don't know it

i fail to tell you

over and over.

the words are at the tip of my tongue,

threatening to pour out,

but what comes out instead

is venom that scalds your skin.

i swear im trying

my best; this beast

is terrifying. More so

than the thought of you

disappearing. It appears

that im just afraid

to admit it–

to you, to myself.

and I'm hoping,

that your love

will be sustenance enough

for you and me both.