. [08.11] Whispers

𓆩 . 𓆪  [08.11] whispers ˚｡⋆ 𓍊𓋼𓍊

TW: ED

I triggered myself back into my eating disorder. It's been gnawing at me for weeks and I finally decided to bite the bullet and do the trigger. I hate it, I hate myself, and I hate how easy it is to slip back into old habits. Yet it's so addictive. The hunger, the numbers dropping, even the triggering material itself. Please never do what I did, please avoid this life. It's like a drug, you always want more. It's nearly impossible to fully recover, at least for me. I've been clean for months and now I'm back, I feel like such a failure, yet it feels strangely good. I hate it. I hate it here. Everyone is gonna be disappointed and upset with me.

As someone who's working with Aphrodite and worshipping Apollo and has been struggling lately a lot, I really needed to read this and be reminded of it

Your deities love you.

Haven’t tidied their altars in forever? They understand.

Don’t have the motivation to give them offerings? They get it.

You haven’t left bed for a long time? They still care about you.

Aren’t devoting time to them lately? They don’t mind

Forgot an offering? That’s alright. They forgive you.

Fucked something up? They’re not going to ditch you for your mistakes.

Decide to take a break from deity work? Totally cool, they’ll still be here for you.

Your deities understand your struggles. Even your mental health related issues. They get it, and they love you regardless. Just do your best for them, and they’ll appreciate it. 

Day 1

starting a daily sorta blog to track my progress.

Me and my partner (let's call him Niani, for privacy sake, not his real name) decided we both have some issues we need to improve on in ourselves, and we're going to take til the end of the month, which is 21 days, to see how much progress we can make in that time.

My list is:

Try to work on developing a more healthy attachment style

Become less obsessive over my ex (lets call him Adolpho)

lessen my self destructive tendencies

Be less rigid/emotional about small things (hence doing my part to bring down the amount of bickering we do.) Niani's list is:

Communication/openness

Attentiveness

Showing love/affection

Shifting language to avoid bickering I think that this is really gonna help us. And I have to remember that while I am doing this for myself, and for the forgiveness of Adolpho, it is, most importantly, for Niani, because he deserves the best version of me possible.