Pansy: Uh Oh! The Printer Messed Up The Invitation! It Was Supposed To Say 'draco's Birthday'!

pansy: uh oh! the printer messed up the invitation! it was supposed to say 'draco's birthday'!

harry: what does it say?

theo: draco's gay

draco: how does one miswrite that?

ron and hermione: it's the truth

omg

i'm screaming

have some drarry because i love them hehe

draco: how tall are you?

harry: height is a social construct

draco: so you're short

harry: listen here y-

-

draco: why would you give scoripius a knife????

harry: he felt unsafe :(

draco: NOW I FEEL UNSAFE

harry: ...would you like a knife?

-

draco: say yes to drugs

ron: say no to drugs

harry: it doesn't matter what you say to them

harry: if you're talking to drugs, you're taking drugs

ron: B R O

-

harry: *gets on one knee*

draco: oh merlin it's finally happening

harry: *ties shoelaces*

draco: he finally stopped wearing fucking crocs

How could you say there are no good people in Slytherin when we have the most iconic character in the entire canon; Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way.

harry potter books as clickbait titles except that it's actually true

philosophers stone: 'I'M A WIHAT? STORYTIME: Got sent to a WIZARD SCHOOL and KILLED a teacher!'

chamber of secrets: 'THE HEIR OF WHAT? STORYTIME: My best friend got petrified so I went down a toilet to kill a SNAKE and a HANDSOME BOY?'

prisoner of azkaban: 'HE WAS THEIR FRIEND! STORYTIME: My teacher is a WEREWOLF?? A murderer that escaped from prison claims to be my GODFATHER!'

goblet of fire: 'I DIDN'T PUT MY NAME IN THAT CUP OK? STORYTIME: Got put in a DEADLY TOURNAMENT! (BI AWAKENING) VOLDEMORT IS BACK AND HE KILLED MY CRUSH! (EMOTIONAL)'

order of the phoenix: 'NEW PRINCIPLE? STORYTIME: Dumbledore wouldn't talk to me! NEW PRINCIPLE MADE A LOCKDOWN?? My GODFATHER is DEAD! (EMOTIONAL)'

half blood prince: 'I TOLD YOU HE'S A DEATH EATER MIONE! STORYTIME: Draco Malfoy was CRYING IN THE BATHROOM so I almost KILLED HIM! HORCRUX HUNTING WITH DUMBLEDORE(HE DIED!!!)'

deathly hallows (pt.1 cuz its too long): 'DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL! STORYTIME: Searching for horcruxes! I stole DRACO MALFOY'S WAND?? IT WORKS PERFECT WTF! Dobby is DEAD! (EMOTIONAL)'

deathly hallows (pt.2): 'BROKE INTO A BANK! STORYTIME: Freed a BLIND DRAGON and sneaked into HOGWARTS! (STARTED A WAR) Saved MALFOY from the FIENDFYRE! EVERYONE STOP FUCKING DYING! (Snape is ACTUALLY GOOD) KILLED TOM WITH AN 'EXPELLIARMUS'! (VERY EMOTIONAL)

cursed child: 'MIONE WHY DIDN'T YOU DESTROY THAT DAMN TIME TURNER! STORYTIME: Voldemort has a DAUGHTER? DRACO'S child and MY CHILD are BEST FRIENDS??? They travel in TIME! Almost died (AGAIN)'

Grindelwald:What makes Albus Dumbledore so fond of you

Newt: This is gonna sound crazy but it maay have something to do with the fact that I wasn't responsible for his sister's death.