An Alien Desires To 'court' Another Alien, Of The Race Called Humans. The Human Is Desirable In Every

An alien desires to 'court' another alien, of the race called humans. The human is desirable in every way: talented in multiple skills, professional and domestic, with soft, squishy flesh and an eagerness to learn - the alien could go on and on, but people complain when the alien talks about their 'crush', as other humans call it

The problem is, the alien's species relies on scents and pheromones for communication. Their first meeting with the human was during a crisis, and their natural scent was strong, sweat mixing with that fabled human instinct to survive with all members of their extended pack alive, too. No other human smelled quite like this one. It sent the alien's hearts a-flutter, and shivers through their many wings.

But now? The human smells different, and not in a normal human way. One week, citrus and palm fruits from the black jungles of the planet Cerib. Another week, exotic vanilla from their origin planet, with something warm and spicy the alien can't place. Lavender and honey from Blackcurrant bees. Something juicy like apples. Something this, something that, and they're all beautiful scents - but it's not the human's scent, and they can't really smell their emotions through it. Frustrating.

One day, the alien sulks, watching their desired one rush past, tablet in hand. They smell like sweetened coffee and chocolate - the latter a romantic treat to humans, and a reminder of how far they are from that romance to the alien. The human next to them breathes in the scent, and smiles.

"Man, (name's) got some great perfume on today," they say.

The alien lifts their head. "Perfume?"

A little research later, and things suddenly make sense. They'd heard about perfume before, the human wasn't the only one to wear scents, but they'd been so lovelorn they hadn't used their brain. But that wasn't important. What mattered was that humans used perfume and similar products to draw in desired partners.

Two can play at that game.

Three days later, the alien walks in to their normal location. To their surprise, the human their hearts are set on rushes towards them, calling their name.

"I'm so sorry!" They apologize. They aren't wearing any scents today. "I didn't realize my perfume might be messing with your senses. I've switched it out with another type that you'll find easier to deal with. I was just trying to..."

They trail off. The alien waits, hopeful. A new scent spikes from the human.

"Is that... Cinnamon?"

"With a little bit of Ophelion flower, and Soljoiner lemon," the alien says, smiling like the humans do. "I got inspired by your choices."

A hesitation. "Do you like it?"

The human breathes in deep. From them, now the alien can sense what they've wanted. Interest.

"You smell amazing," the human says. The glow in their eyes as they look at the alien, well, the alien adds that to their list of all the reasons they want the human as a partner.

"Are you sure you know what you're getting into?" Another alien says later, at the communal garden. "Humans are hardcore."

The alien looks across the way to the human of their hearts. They are smiling, they smell a bit like the alien now, from their hug.

"For that one? It's worth it."

Do ya'll ever think about how every character in MDZS is living in a radically different genre of story?

Cause yeah, sure Wei Wuxian is living in a danmei fantasy novel with strong romantic comedy elements, but if you slide over a bit Lan Wangji is living a serious and heady drama about regret, loss, yearning, the passage of time, and ultimately atonement.

Scooch on over to Xichen and your in a straight up Greek tragedy, right down to the parable about hubris and trust. Jin Guangyao is living meanwhile in a political dark fantasy al'la Game of Thrones, Nie Huaisang is in a Gothic moody Monte Cristo-esque reflection on revenge and deception, and while Lan Sizhuhi and Jin Ling are living in two VERY different YA fantasy books ('magic boarding school/secret orphan of destiny' and 'Steven Universe style coming of age/discovering all your family are some flavor of evil and magic' respectively).

Everyone connected to Yi City is living inside a dark psychological thriller/horror flick, except for Xue Yang who is in a Found Family/Enemies to Lover fic right up until he isn't.

Jiang Cheng's entire life has been one long soap opera, and it is showing no signs of stopping anytime soon.

i love naruto hes so pure but he is not on luffys level

Alright fine here is my obligatory won't-let-me-sleep dc dp idea

Enter left: Immortal Ghost King Danny who's made peace with having to stay in the Zone fulltime to keep the place from going to metaphorical hell, but that doesn't mean he can't visit Amity every now and then for some basic human pleasures like coffee, soda and a burger

Thing is, with no basic income and unwilling to mooch off his friends' and parents' money for the rest of their life, he comes up with the brilliant idea of a gofundme which circulates on tumblr every few months and literally just says "buy a coffee and burger for your local king of the dead, any help is appreciated :)"

Enter right: One Tim Drake whose fatal flaw is not something as simple as posting rants or online-shopping when sleep deprived, oh no, no Tim instead clicks on any crowdfunding posts he comes across and throws money at them from his anonymous bank account, then forgets all about it after a full night's sleep

This guy has slept 7 hours in 2 weeks and just busted the unholy drug ring child of the Maroni's and Black Mask, he is ready to die in his sleep and scrolling tumblr instead. He sees a signal boost post with 1 note and the keywords 'dead' and 'any help', promptly dumps a random sum on it and drops off

He is woken from his sleep by a guy literally squeezing himself out of his phone screen like a cat through a mouse hole except so much worse, yelling at him about selling his kidney through a PHONE not even a COMPUTER screen, and asks him if he is Tim Jackson Drake

Tim, still waking up, replies yes, because yes he is Tim Drake and not someone else like a vigilante haha no, and then in the next hour becomes coherent enough to understand that this guy is the actual King of the Dead, doesn't know his secret identity and literally ghosted several firewalls and offshore accounts, bypassed all that and travelled digitally through to him because he left him 50 grand on his gofundme for a burger and that is just not okay please ask for a refund i'll find you a new kidney pLEASE

Tim refuses.

Hell if he knows why but he's not taking the money back, he has enough anyway so Phantom can keep it and buy himself a life supply of Coca Cola or something

Phantom refuses.

Because what even this is non-negotiable

So they're at a stalemate and have argued through Tim's morning routine, through breakfast for two and the drive to work which Phantom spends invisible while in public, and halway up the WE elevator before Danny falls silent and after Tim closes his office door says:

"You're rich."

"Yes I am."

"You're like, stinking rich. Billionaire rich?"

"Pretty much."

"..."

"Will you keep the money now?"

"...Nope, now I'm even less inclined to."

But the King of the Dead stops harassing Tim to make him poor again and leaves, and Tim has a whole day of peace before he gets home, where he is immediately slobbered up by a two-headed dog the size of his Ducati.

"If you're giving me all that money for free then have this hellhound, rich people need bodyguard dogs right"

"I refuse, also why does it have two heads"

"My rottweiler met a Cerberus and the rest is history, also come ON I can't just accept this much money pLEASE tell me your PRICE"

"50 grand"

"oh ha ha"

Somehow they agree for Tim to accept a blob ghost that will be invisible most of the time, completely invisible on any surveillance, and will only serve as an emotional support cheek-rub and an emergency call if Tim's ever in trouble, Tim is reassured he'll go get Phantom personally if that ever happens, and only on Tim's orders which will never happen

Except one time he really does need help because he and all his support structure is captured or incapacitated, so he asks Phoenix for help and promptly finds out why she insisted on that name when she explodes in a spray of green all over his face and now everyone and especially Jason is staring at the green goo

And then the ground cracks open to a lime green pithole, the lights go out and the place turns cold, and out of the hellhole rises Phantom wreathed in flame and shadows, rising his finger at the enemy and intoning softly

"Where is he?"

"W-who?

"Where's my sugar daddy?"

someone explain the jewish holidays to me like i'm 5 years old