Again? Seriously?

Again? Seriously?

...and suddenly all the love songs were about them

Da Capo - part 5

( Part 1 to 4 )

"Elegy" (French: élégie)  A piece of music in the form of a lament ; also refer somewhat figuratively to a nostalgic poem.

It was a bittersweet goodbye as harry likes to think, to watch draco get on the ministry train and to go back to london and in that one moment of watching draco going away harry only allowed himself to think about what they had done the entire week and he realized how little he knew of draco, what did he work as? Why had he came to paris ? was he still living in the same apartment or did he sell it and moved into a new place that wasn’t tainted by the glass-like fragile relationship they had? Was he involved with someone or not ? How’s his family back home ? Does he still go on a sunday morning brunch with his mother and plan on what next to do ? Does he still like to take a long walk in the rain in the secluded streets of Britain ? Or how is that plant harry gave him as a first gift doing now or is it dead, long forgotten like his relationship ?

But the more harry walked out through the ministry doors, he realised it didn’t matter because the lesser he knew about Draco, the easier it was to convince himself that he can’t miss someone he didn’t even know, it was easier to say goodbye when he knew so little of him, it was easier to move on and pretend it was just an old friend visiting him and not someone he used to love, or still loves or never stopped loving, harry never allowed himself to go that deep, he’d stop thinking after the one he used to love. It was easier. 

Despite the roaring thunders of that day, harry had still managed to reach back home and settle in after having a long shower and that night when he finally decided to sleep, he realised he didn’t feel what he thought he should be feeling, there was an escape he was searching for from the feeling of hollowness that had suddenly resurfaced after having watched draco leave. He never knew what he should’ve done but tossed and turn until he fell asleep at 4 in the morning. 

Harry suspected it should be easier with him gone and reclining back to his normal lifestyle, picking up eggs early in the morning, taking a shower, preparing breakfast then leaving for work, then coming back from home after strolling for normal grocery shopping and listening to the voice messages and more than often just subside into watching TV or reading while dinner and falling asleep. It was a cycle like a revolving loophole harry had made his life to be ever since he settled into paris, a lonely miserable life as though it was a punishment he was unaware of. 

It was exactly a month after draco had already left and harry had almost gotten used to being lonely again when he returned home to hearing a voice message. 

“ hey, harry, we don’t know if you’re home or not but Arthur just fell sick and it’d be terrible if you didn’t visit, can you atleast try to, i understand you don’t want to come back but just once for ron, ginny, molly, me. Give me a call back when you recieve the message, bye" it was hermione, harry recognised very easily having grown up listening to her. Harry sighed looking at his bedroom then remembered all those time harry had said to call him only in emergencies, he never knew why he wanted to be cut off but he thought that’s what wanted, thought at least. 

Harry did call her back and in 3 hours he was leaving paris to go back home once again. He sighed. 

He reached the burrow by exactly 9 in the night and was immediately met with worried faced sat at the table, ron’s arm around hermione in a casual comfort. 

“ harry, dear “ molly shrieked and immediately wrapped her arms around harry “ you need anything, food, water? Anything “ she asked. Harry gave her a smile almost having forgotten what it was like to be in her embrace. 

“ how are you ?” he asked her, emphasising on you and she immediately broke into fits of crying almost startling harry. 

“ mum, i think it’d be better if you just took some rest” ron said and helped her into the small bedroom. 

Hermione immediately approached harry with a small plate of pies, harry only shook his head “ how’s arthur ?” 

“ heart attack, he’s still in the hospital, ginny’s with him” 

Harry’s face immediately turns to grimace just to think of how horrible it must be on everyone and he arrived when it was too late. 

“ he’s doing fine right now but it’d be good if you visited him tomorrow, he’s pretty conscious “ hermione added and harry nodded thinking it’d be the first thing he’d do tomorrow morning. 

“ listen harry, thanks for coming, it really means a lot to Ron even if he doesn’t say anything to you “ hermione lightly brushes her hand over his cheek then grab him a firm hug then let go. 

“ i’ll talk to him, i understand he needs me “ harry mutters and hermione nodded. 

Hermione takes him to her place and he crashes there for the night but it was more weird to be back than he has assumed to be. If there was one person who was more mad at harry than even draco was ron because of how harry had just fled and harry worried ron probably wil never forgive him for it. 

In restlessness harry offers himself to sleep and finally it comes to him at 3 in the night. 

When the morning arrived, harry wanders out of the guest room, to get some breakfast before he’d meet arthur, hoping he’d have a chat with hermione before but much to his surprise Ron was standing around the kitchen counter reading newspaper and a coffee mug in his hand. 

“ morning “ harry awkwardly said as he stood on the opposite side of the counter. Ron only nodded as if telling him at least he acknowledged him, which was a progress somehow, harry thinks. 

“ i was wondering when i could visit arthur, like what’s the visiting time?” harry asked scratching the back oh his neck. 

“ now you’d like to visit, when he fell sick “ ron snaps and leaves the room. Harry’s eyebrows spiked up, perhaps he was wrong. 

Just then as a rescue Hermione walked and judging by Harry's face she gave him an apologetic smile.

" he'll come around "

" if It were me, I'd do the same " harry muttered.

Harry soon asked her the same question and hopefully didn't meet with a snap as Ron had done but then again Ron deserved to be angry with harry, although a larger part of harry wanted Ron to just be a little understanding, because perhaps harry needed Ron as much as he needed Harry.

Meeting was Arthur was rather pleasant, he was still the same man who adored the muggle artifacts in an adorable way and enjoyed little quips every now and then.

" it's good to have you back harry, we missed you" Arthur had at last said with a warm smile. Whilst harry was leaving the room with the image of Arthur's smile, he wondered was going away ever even worth it? Was leaving behind people disappointed worth it ? Harry knew Hermione was mad at him too but she was too sweet to ever point it out, she still looked at harry as the same boy who needed saving and perhaps somewhere it was an additive reason why harry had left, among many other huge reasons he never allowed himself to ponder on anymore.

" hadn't you said you left because of Draco ?" Ginny has asked him while they were walking back to the burrow as a little detour to get more fresh air and just sharing thing's. He sort of missed this, he realised.

" I did " harry replied

" you know when you left, I thought you'd come back like in a month but when months went by I realised you weren't going to " Ginny had a slight edgy tone and harry understood it, he really did, he had left her too, she deserved to be mad at him.

" to be frank I thought so too " harry replied narrowing his eyes at the sunlight hit him hard in the eyes after having walked from under the shelter of trees and into the open field not a few more miles away from the burrow.

" why didn't you ?" Ginny asked walking along kicking the rock as they walked.

Harry exhaled, running his hand through his hair " I don't know "

Ginny didn't ask anything more. What was left to ask anyways anymore. He hadn't talked with anyone in such a long time, it paid him well that nobody cared to ask anything.

The burrow was already set with lunch tables and Hermione already being present but busy writing a mail and harry immediately took his cue to sit down next to her.

"duties " Hermione offered him a little smile.

Harry chewed the inside of his cheek fidgeting with his fingers when he finally dared ask her " aren't you mad at me ?"

" mad at you ? " She laughed as if it was humourous " why would I be mad at you ?" She asked with a soft laugh turned into smile.

" because I left. Everyone else is " harry shrugged.

She tied the letter to the owl's leg and leaned back into her chair then looked at harry " honestly, I was mad at you "

Internally harry thought, she deserves to be.

" but I don't anymore. I forgave you a long time ago. When you didn't return after a month, my thoughts ran wild and I was very angry at you but you're a young man who's capable of making his own decisions. I understood you wanted to leave, but I can't say I wasn't upset that you chose to reply 3 months later, but I knew you were fine and I know you must've had a reason " she added.

Harry thought why was she being nice to him but somehow it didn't matter, all that mattered was she forgave him when nobody else seemed to.

" they're all just mad because they care about you, not because they hate you for it harry. Ron would kill me if I told you but he's always dead worried about you " Hermione smiles fondly.

Harry's lip turned into a little curve as he thought of all those times Ron and harry had a fight and always ended up resolving, but it soon dissolved into a frown when he realised they weren't teenager's anymore and harry hadn't talked with Ron for more than a year.

When molly announced the lunch had been served, harry only nodded and stared outside the window.

" you coming !?" Hermione asked after a while when Harry didn't join the table.

Harry immediately stood up and joined the table and had the first afternoon lunch he had with a family in a long while.

Was all of it ever worth it ?

Harry chose to stay till the evening after very strong arguments or commands to say by molly until he begged to leave and when molly realised she didn't had any other option but to let him leave, he did leave, only not knowing where.

He strolled across random streets, leaky cauldron, old robe shops, passed by ollivaders, then in Muggle suburbs and before he could've even taken anymore systematic or thoughtful steps, he realised he was standing in front of 12 Grimmauld place.

It still as bold and strong as ever and it still resonated screeches of portraits when the door Hinges creek everytime he opened a new door. In his lonely times when Harry has often stood on the balcony watching a very similar looking bungalow across street like Grimmauld place, he was thought about selling it but no matter how many Times he had tried to pick up the phone to call estate agents, he has failed to dial the last of the number and would rest the phone back. There was something that would cling onto him, something he could feel inside himself that would make him realise how incredibly wrong it would be to sell the place, it was always a reminder of what he's been through and what yet he have to go through but most of all he didn't think he could ever sell the place no matter even if he died, he couldn't, it'd be taint on Sirius's tribute. It reminded him of the past sometimes, past he couldn't move on from.

Harry dusted off one of the rooms and Decided to run one last time to Hermione's place and pick his stuff and stay in the Grimmauld place for as Long as he was here.

" but harry it's a dingy place, it's not even been cleaned in ages, god knows what's inside the house anymore. We can perhaps clean it tomorrow-"

" mione, if he wants to stay there let him, not like he'd listen anyway " Ron had Snapped.

For a moment, Harry's blood boiled and he wanted to snap back but he decided he deserved this.

" you will listen to me harry, I don't care. Until and unless I see the place after its cleaned you will not stay there and it's an order " Hermione sternly said. Harry had always been slightly Afraid of her wrath, it was dangerous sometimes but he knew inside the exterior she would always be someone who cares for him and then he just simply obliged, not having enough energy to fight back anymore.

When finally the night came and they had dinner in silence at their place, Harry had left much before he could've been involved into small talks, he left as soon as he was done with his food, quite sadly, Ron didn't fail to notice, however neither of them stopped harry when he slumped back inside the guest room.

Was any of it even worth it!? Was it worth this loneliness ?

followed up Part 6

Thanks @drarrywords for beta

(Missed last night update because I was reading running on air, I should be excused )

I think I should bring it in light that is unknowingly becoming a longer fiction than I had planned.. I'd hope you people still enjoy it nonetheless.

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For Anyone who found it pretty late and/or is unable to keep up with the reblogged posts- i have updated on AO3- LINK.

Da Capo

Dialogue Prompt 16- " because I love you, is that what you wanted to hear " requested by @sunflowerishdolphin ( your last remaining request ) | TW- NONE |

Da Capo-(Italian: from the beginning); at the end of a piece of music or a section of it, means that it should be played or sung again from the beginning.

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3 minutes

Microfic sentence given by @hopeless-romanticsclub | TW- ANGST

Ashes and dust raised in the sky like a hot steam emerging from a hot stew, the whole Hogwarts was getting dismantled, turning into fragments and perhaps them too in their little stolen moment for 3 minutes. Harry was walking towards the forbidden forest when draco had followed him and asked him for just 3 minutes. He rested their foreheads together, their fingers intertwined against harry's chest and the large droplets of tears had made draco's collar wet.

" I have to go draco " harry had said.

Draco nodded but didn't loosen his fingers with those of Harry's. He couldn't even if he wanted to.

" I don't want you to " draco choked on his sobs.

" But I have to " harry replied closing his eyes and for one last moment enjoying the cradling warmth. He couldn't tell him that he's walking to death, that it was the only way but somewhere harry knew draco knew and perhaps that's why this was so hard. That's why letting go seemed so hard even for him.

" Just one more minute " draco sobbed. Harry bought his hands into his hair, holding him by the back of his neck in a soft touch, their eyes closed, little drops of tears running down their faces. It was intimate in its way.

" Perhaps in some distant reality, our love would not be so battle worn " harry whispered, softly.

" In some distant reality, you and I will always be together. We'd have our forever till infinity " draco whispered back, a little smile curling at the corner of his lips to just imagine the other two of their versions being happy.

" I need to go " harry said after a while. Draco nodded and in one last moment, kissed harry for one last time, promising him a forever. Harry kissed him back in all the forever he couldn't give him and then he ran away.