Da Capo - Part 9

Da Capo - Part 9

Part 1-5 | part 6- 8

Arpeggio – a broken chord, involves playing the notes of separately and consecutively, rather than all together.

“ ça fera 1 euro “ 

“ ici”

“ merci “ Harry handed over the money, taking the bag of fruits with him and walking away. The winter had started settling in lightly, Harry could feel the cold air slapping his face as he tugged his jacket tighter to his body and took slow steps in hopes to wander off and spend more time on the streets. It was hard for him to not notice the gay couple discreetly walking before him, holding hands in secrecy so no one could watch them hold hands but he saw it, the way their fingers were twitching to meet others, the way they would link their pinky finger together and the smiles that didn’t leave their lips each time they turned to each other. Harry wondered how long had they been together for, one week, a couple of weeks, a month or a few years because whatever they seemed to have had sparks, a look of irresistibility to keep hands off each other; he remembers his first few days when he started Draco and how it was all about the sparks and the kissing and the making out in bed for long hours, against the walls and sneaking kissing from each other during work hours because it was so hard to resist another but there was also the sweet dinners, the rush for everything to be perfect and those outdoorsy dates and the fun part of the relationship that somewhere along the way had become less fun or more tedious and more like serious where they would have to decide who to have over for dinner and what time should Draco’s parents come by for the Christmas dinner. Harry remembers it all, every phase he went through and he remembers the night he had decided to leave, feeling like being stood between heavy traffic with no sense of direction, everything seemed like a rush, a blur and the feeling of desperation to walk along the sidewalk and be safe with the bicycle riders or the walkers or just nothing but him, he hated to feel like that but he did. 

He walked a couple more miles wondering about the phase the couple was in before him and thinking about if they knew what lied ahead of them but somewhere he questioned what if they already knew what lied ahead of them or what if they had been dating for longer than he presumed or if one of them was planning on proposing. He couldn’t help but wonder if they already knew what harry only thought of knowing. 

“ comment vas-tu thomas ?”

“ bien, bein. Encore des oranges ?” 

“ oui ils sont bons pour la santé “ Harry chuckled as he turned open his doorlock 

“ tu es un vieil homme, Harry “ Thomas laughed and then ran after the ball he kicked down the stairs. Harry shook his head laughing then finally entering his apartment, locking it behind him. He put the oranges over the kitchen top, then turning on the voice messages whilst he washed his hands off. 

“ Hey, Harry, it’s me, Draco. I don’t know if you received my messages before since you haven’t replied, call me if you can or- if you want to. I don’t know if your phone broke down or you’re mad at me or something but- just- call me. Take care “ 

Harry stared at the machine, breathing in sharply and almost called him back then changed his mind,

“ message erased “ 

He breathed, wiping his hand by the side of his pant then going into the balcony away from where the voice had echoed. 

Harry smiled remembering the first day he had stood on the balcony with the broker and immediately hated the view, it had nothing but chaotic traffic to be seen far ahead, kids running around the street, the building before his, much shorter and painted pale blue, the old car on the right somewhere far below his floor standing there abandoned, but it took him a few months to realize that it wasn’t a perfect view he wanted, it was the feeling of home he looked for and the moment he had come from a very tiring day, he’d stand there and gaze over to a long-distance where he could see the lights of Eiffel tower glimmering, very faintly but there was and the sun going down and he remembers that at that moment how much pulled down to earth he felt, the smell of bakery down there, the cheering of some kids winning a football game playing down and that abandoned car, he felt at home. But now as he stand where Draco had already stood tendering his plant, the balcony had more than just all those things, it had memories of Draco laughing and trying to learn some french he had forgotten, memories of him smiling at the view, the memory of him spilling coffee all over the turf, the memory of staring at the dying plant for far too long, those memories had scraped there like the names of the many visitors who scratch their names on a tree as a sign they had been here. Harry thought of all but at the end of the day his dying thought always ended with him deleting his messages, he wonders if Draco is more worried than he sounds in his voice messages, he wonders if he had figured it out yet that’s why he thinks that Harry is mad at him, he wonders if Draco is actually worried about wherever they are that he might do anything to make everything right but Harry knows he won’t, he knows he doesn’t know what wrong he had done, hell even Harry doesn’t know what’s wrong but one week ago when he had found that page which stated Draco’s research ended, something went wrong inside of him that left him restless, uneasy, confused and suffocating. He remembers the night vividly how he had tossed and turned in his sleep who didn’t visit him that night and all he did was welcome the thoughts that did no good. Harry had panicked the day after thinking that it was what Draco was doing to win Harry back and his overthinking turning into a spiral leaving him stranded in a place of circles with no end, he didn’t sleep for three nights until he fell sick and sleep came to him like an old exhausted friend. He slept for the first time in 3 days and when he woke up he knew only one solution, distancing. He didn’t know why did he freak out so much or why it suffocated him so much, maybe it was the past that haunted him, maybe it was all those things Draco used to do before they had ended their relationship, maybe it was the blur of emotions harry felt before he felt like running away or maybe it was that he knew he hurt Draco once and he couldn’t bear the thought of hurting him again and being him, he knew he might. He does not understand why he felt like he had to runaway, why was it so absolutely necessary but there was something in him that told him to get out before it all started to hurt so much that the damage may seem irreplacable. He does not remember what it was like being a kid, when he was a 7 year old kid waiting for the ice cream truck to pass by but he likes to imagine about how during those times when he did not fear the change, he likes to imagine about the Harry for who the cupboard was his whole world, to whom the biggest responsibility was cleaning his plate before he slept so he wasn’t worried about getting scolded, he likes to think of those times when it was easier, when he was 14 and his biggest worry was knowing how to deal with the next task, he imagines how easier it would be to just turn back time and go back to those times when it was sunshine and daisies but then he remembers his 19th birthday and how it was so easy to be with everyone and just be embraced in Draco’s warm hug and going to sleep with his arms wrapped around him. He

wonders where did it all go wrong? when did it all change so much that harry felt like running away? When did all of it seem like suffocation? 

He hated how he felt right now and how he had been feeling the last few days, ignoring Draco but he was worried for him, for himself, and somewhere he knew he was fucked up and he wasn’t ready. He wishes he could say the words out loud that he’s not ready but he couldn’t, the world would laugh at him, his family would laugh at him, his ex-boyfriend would laugh at him but all he hopes is that if one day he finds the courage in himself to say it out loud, they won’t laugh at him and embrace him in a hug and tell him that it’s alright, he hopes that one day wasn’t too far. 

When he finally went back inside and dwelled in a conversation with Ron, all he could hear was those soft giggles in the background of Hermione probably. They talked about taxes and the new car ministry launched and Ron told him all about the witch weekly’s new face being Hermione as the most successful youngest witch of the age and how had the shittiest brownie, Harry had laughed, he had congratulated him for Hermione and told him how proud he was, he told him a lot of other things but he was doodling on a pad. When the call had finally ended, he noticed the doodle to be awfully familiar and then he remembered Draco drawing those doodles when Harry and he used to talk on a call in the beginning of their relationship, he wondered when did Draco stop doodling.. 

Saying everything was fine was a consoling lie he told himself every day he woke up to but he knew the moment he would open his eyes, it would fall upon the piece of paper that said how long ago the research ended and all he’d think about is why Draco kept that from him. 

The next day he came back home to two messages, one was from Ron telling him how he was really excited to see Harry this time for Christmas that is if he could come, and the next from Draco, 

“it’s another day of me not hearing from you, can you just tell me if I did something wrong? If I had unintentionally hurt your feelings by saying something wrong because all I can think is how that late-night conversation was the best conversation I had in a very long time and I feel like you think that too. If I did something wrong, I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I’m coming to Paris this evening, if you’d like to talk, you know where to find me” and then there was the beep. 

Harry stared long at his phone, then blankly stared at the magazine and then the empty fireplace, his mind running in circles. It wasn’t Draco’s fault was it, or what if it was but it was Harry’s decision to keep away but then again somewhere it was Draco’s fault, keeping something like that from Harry. It was his decision to hide it from Harry but at what benefit, it only resulted in making Harry taking his steps back and pulling his walls up high again, in making him distance himself from Draco. It was partially Draco’s fault, a blame to bore but it was easier to make him bore the blame of something he didn’t do. It was so easy to make it all Draco’s fault, all of it, the relationship, the breakup, this but it took a lot more for Harry to realize that it was he to be blamed, that it was he who was wrong, it was he who was the monster, a monster running wild in the oceans looking for answers but doing everything wrong. 

It was easy for harry to yell that “ it was all your fault “ but it was a lot more to look into the mirror and point at himself “ this was your fault “ 

And so he walked out of his apartment, hearing someone whistle the song of the Huon of Bordeaux as he ran down his stairs clutching the jacket tighter to his body, his breath releasing sharply and his hands turning cold in his pocket. He walked and he walked until he was there, right where he was supposed to be. 

“ I didn’t think you’d come, “ he said, his reflection dancing over the waters. 

“ I can’t do this “ 

This was by far the hardest chapter to write and update that AO3 description for the same had been changed.

( apparently 2.1k words on a laptop aren't enough words on phone )

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Don't turn on the lights

Maybe when you come home tonight

Don't turn on the lights

And just sneak inside the bed

So you don't have to fear you woke me up

And I can put my arms around you

And make you smile Because you think it's my unconsciousness,

So when you come home tonight

Don't turn on the lights

Maybe just sneak inside the bed

And let me hold you

Because you're finally home

And I've finally come home, too,

So when you come home tonight

Don't turn on the lights

Maybe just sneak inside the sheets

And tell me about your day

Because you think I'm asleep

And I can smile secretly when you say you love me

Because you think I'm not awake,

So when you come home tonight

Don't turn on the lights

Maybe just come and sit on the bed

And wake me up

And kiss me because you haven't all day

Maybe then we could snuggle and sleep,

So when you come home tonight

Don't turn on the lights

Let them off

So you can tell me how much you love me

And I can tell you how much I love you

Maybe when you come home tonight

Don't turn on the lights

Midnight microfics

Greaser!Draco AU

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Da Capo- Part 10

Part 1 to 5 | Part 6 to 9

Obbligato (Italian: 'obligatory'). An instrumental part which is essential in a piece of music.

“I can’t do this “ 

There was something in the way the waters crashed at the right moment he said those words as if the words had added to the intensity of the moment, a sign of reality washing over them. The words lingered in the air like an echo for far longer and the strange look upon the other man sitting by the bank of the river turned into much huge of a frown as if the words were repeating in his head a thousand, several times. He looked confused but there was hurt that itched upon his face when met with rejection. 

“ You can’t do what ?” he asked as he stood up from the bank dusting off his clothes. 

“ This, whatever it is” Harry answered sternly 

“ whatever this is? What do you mean and where is this all coming from ?” 

“ why would you lie to me?” he questioned back 

“ lie? about what? I haven’t lied about anything “ he replied 

" listen, whatever this was, it isn't going to work- I- or whatever tried to make word " Harry huffed

" whatever we tried to make it work ? What are you on about Harry, we just spend time together because we like it, we like each other's company " Draco motioned his hand in the air as if agitated

" Yes we do and that's why perhaps this needs to stop " Harry sighed

" stop ? Where is this all coming from ? Firstly When did I ever lie to you about anything ?" Draco asked

" you hid from me the fact your research ended weeks ago and you still kept coming here and pretending as if it hadn't ended. I found your page stating the status of research, it ended more than 3 weeks ago. You lied to me about it, you kept it from me " Harry honestly replied

" w- what page ?"

" I don't know Draco and I don't care, the bottom line is you kept lying over and over. It can't work for me, I'm sorry but it just can't " Harry shook his head, taking a few steps backwards.

Draco watched Harry with a look no less than a shock and kept watching as the words sunk deep into him and Harry deciding to walk away, again.

" but-"

" there's no place for but. I can't do this Draco, I don't think I would've ever been able to do it either way, I- I'm sorry if I hurt you but whatever this was, it's ended " Harry replied.

" I'm sorry" he whispered one last time as he Walked further away and Draco stood there in the mocking silence with only the sound of the water rustling behind him and the sound of Harry's footsteps.

" so you're going to walk away again ?" Draco finally asked when Harry had reached a certain distance apart.

" you're going to walk away again like all those times. I don't understand this Harry, it's clear that we enjoy being with each other and I lied because I wanted to spend more time with you but i don't understand how is it such a problem to you. I don't get it why it's such a problem for two people who like being each other spending more time together " Draco shrugged frowning

" it's not about us enjoying each other's company, it's the part that you lied about the whole thing "

" and if I had told the truth would you had let me stay ?" Draco asked knowing what the silent meant afterwards. He knew Harry, he knew him like he was an open book ready to be read and he knew what his exaggerating silence meant, he knew it too well, so well that it scared him.

" I lied because I knew you wouldn't had let me stay,if I had told you the truth you would've wanted me to stay no longer than it was required-"

" why would you even want to stay ?" Harry interjected

"because- I like spending time with you " Draco sighed in defeat

Harry just shook his head " Draco- I left you, I literally abandoned you, why would you even like spending time with me, I'm a nutter "

" No you're not and I know you left me and everything but Harry I don't want that to be the end of it, it doesn't have to mean that we have to be in a relationship but I just like it when you're a part of my life, what is so wrong with wanting that ?" Draco emphasised

Harry looked at Draco then far behind " I- Draco- I like us this way but I- you did it all for me and I can't accept that "

" can't accept what ? There is nothing to accept ?"

" I can't have you wasting your time, your money or anything else just so you could be with me-"

" but what is wrong with that ? Why- why does it matter ?"

" it' matters to me Draco, it matters to me. It' matters to me that you without any solid purpose kept coming here, wasting away your weekend when you could've been with people back home and could have enjoyed being with them but you chose to disrupt your own peace just so you could be with someone like me" he raised his voice to a slightly higher octave as if he was almost angry.

Draco laughed at Harry humourously " so you're saying me wanting to spend time with you because I enjoy it is me disrupting my peace ?"

" wh-i- no- I- I don't know, okay, it just seems to me you're doing a lot more for me than is required or more than what you should do or more than I deserve. I don't deserve you coming here and doing all of this for me "

" why do you think you don't deserve it ?" Draco stepped closer, confusion glistening his face

" because- Because I left you and I told everyone the reason I moved away was because of us and I- I abandoned you Draco, I don't deserve your kindness or your time, not after what I've done to you " Harry signed defeated

Draco stared at Harry long in confusion before a confused smile covered his face, almost a mocking one " I'm standing right here in front of you, I'm telling you that I like spending time with you after everything you've done to me, it- it's ridiculous you think that. There's nobody more than me who knows all the shit you gave me, yet here I am, wanting to just be with you and you're telling me you don't deserve this, me or us. Harry let me tell you this, I make my own decisions, alright, I can think clearly enough who deserves me and who doesn't-"

" but you're wrong, you're so wrong Draco, you don't deserve me, you don't but you just can't see it " Harry furrowed his face, hurting internally.

" Do you not want this to be a thing, is that what it is? Do you not like being with me ?" The pain in his voice flowed like a river, making Harry's heart sink deeper upon hearing it.

" no- no Draco that's not it-"

" then why Harry, why ? Why do you not want to be with me ? Why do you think we shouldn't do this ? Why did you think in the first place that leaving me was an option ?"

" Because I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that I hurt you" a breath " again and I don't want that Draco. I don't want to hurt you again, you're too good of a person and you don't deserve someone like me. I know it hurt you but I know if we continue this, you'll end up hurt again and that time I won't be there be with you again. I mean it when I say you don't deserve me, I don't deserve someone as good as you and that's why leaving why I thought leaving you seemed a better option so you could see clearly why you deserved to be with someone who doesn't abandon" his voice quivered.

Draco chewed the inside of his cheeks, clenching his jaw, his hands in his fist by his side and he spoke up, again " you know what the problem is Harry, you think you're a shit bag, you think nobody deserves you but in reality you're just Afraid, Afraid of getting too attached because you think once you get too attached you'll end up hurting everyone. You live in your past the whole time, you think it's easier to distance yourself but you just do it because you're killing yourself inside as if you're punishing yourself for everything when there is nothing you deserved to be punished for, it's all in your head and I wish I could make you see it clearly but you're so blinded by the hatred for your own self that you can't see it, I want to be here for you when you need me but I know once everything starts doing downhill you'll leave because instead of facing everything you go for the easier part and I wish I could make you understand that but you don't understand that but you know what, you're Right, we shouldn't do this because I'd rather do whatever it is between us when you finally know the root of your problem or you're just brave enough to not just runaway and when you do that, I'll still be waiting " Draco snapped before he vanished disapparating somewhere leaving Harry alone with the echoing harsh reality. It hurt him because he knew Draco was right, he had Always been right and maybe that's why Harry was Always Afraid of everything and he chose the easier way.

In his sane mind, Harry Would've wanted to run away to Draco, to perhaps find him and explain to him everything and maybe try to mend things but his mind went places he didn't know existed and in his guilt he buried himself, wishing he hadn't even came.

He went home alone as alone as he had came, like all the times, all those days and all those weeks, he was all alone and strangely enough even after all this time, it hurt when he knew Draco wasn't there anymore, even if he was the reason for pushing him away. He wishes thay Draco would stay, he wishes that he didn't leave or he didn't snap at Harry and he wishes a lot of things but he deserved this, for once he actually deserved the abandonment.

It was almost a week later when upon being prisoned in his thoughts harry grew tired and picked up the dialler and called Ron, because it seemed the right thing to do.

" fucked everything up, didn't you ?"

Harry nodded, only realising he couldn't see him " yeah "

" how did you know ?"

" I saw Draco at work yesterday, looked terrible "

" I don't know Ron, is there something so terribly wrong telling a guy the truth? "

" I'm gonna tell you something Harry" there was a sound of shuffling which Harry assumed was because he was getting somewhere more private " Truth is bitter, you know like they all say but sometimes you don't know what the truth actually is. You think you did the right thing, you think that Maybe you became the nice guy by trying to save him or as you'd think but in reality you only end up hurting not just him but yourself too. When you left, I wasn't mad at you because you left or you left unknowningly, it was because you just assumed that you were doing the right thing but Harry, mate you've practically never done the right thing on your own. You think by leaving him that night you did the right thing but that guy showed up an year later just so he could be with you, then perhaps you weren't right at all Harry, Maybe you weren't right about the whole thing with him, maybe you just didn't know what the right thing was "

Harry remained silent for the longest of time knowing Ron was right and he knew it, he had known it all along but somehow now when the words were spoken out loud, it seemed to make him more guilty, it left home speechless, it left him filled with regret. And now the truth held more power than it has before as if it just now started making sense.

" I fucked up "

" you did "

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Da capo - part 6

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Painted in green

For @drarrymicrofic prompt: Little do you know

It's only Thursday and I've painted you three times this week, even my art teacher is tired of me painting you but I can't resist my brush when I see you sitting in the cafe across reading the abridged version's of Shakespeare because you enjoy reading but you're not particularly fond of Shakespeare. I've painted you in your red sweater, your white sweater and your leather jacket, I think all of it is very contrasting but I wish to see you in green, but you never wear green, you never do. I hope to give you all of these paintings one day, maybe then I won't be so afraid of confessing my feelings for you, Maybe then through my art I could say " this is how I see you " or " I tried painting you in different Angles but all your Angles are great" and then maybe you could blush and ask me for a cup of coffee but you've never even spared a glance at me when I'm painting, I wish you would.

I think we should call it fate or maybe you had already planned but when on the very next Friday you crossed me through the street and I had almost assumed you weren't going to say anything, you did.

" you live across me now, is that right ?"

I nodded.

You smiled at me " a cup of coffee ? I was about to go to the cafe ?"

I nodded cheerfully and we went to the same cafe you go to every day and ordered your two specials and Involved me in a interesting conversation about Julius Caesar but I had no idea what you were talking about Because I was busy painting you in my head.

It was like moments Switch when you realised I was only watching and listening less when you asked "how did your painting turn out yesterday ?"

There was a knowing smile on your face as if it was secret only you and I knew and I blushed, I wish I didn't but you were so irresistible. I couldn't reply, I couldn't because nothing coherent framed in my brain. Little did you know about how I was painting you but the way you knew I was painting made a garden of flowers grow inside my chest.

" how do you know I paint ?"

" I see you cross me to get there everyday except Friday's "

Friday was today.

You knew I thought, you knew, all this time.

" Maybe one day I'd let you see my paintings" I sipped my coffee

" maybe one day you could paint me " he suggestively smiled.

Your mischievous smile said it all, oh how you knew.

" maybe one day you'd wear green "

You wore green the next day and you asked me for a coffee again and this time instead of you talking about Shakespeare you let me talk about the different types of varnish brings out a different glow in the painting and how my favourite brand of paints was ' aquarelle' an old set from my mother's collection that were no longer sold and you listened gracefully, like I was singing a lullaby.

That night when you walked me home, and when you looked at me for a minute longer than one, I knew you were painting me in your head and I was painting you in mine and I sort of liked it. I sort of liked thinking that we were painting each other only your painting was a painting in words, or framing me in one of the characters from Shakespearean plays and I was painting you in my head with soft strokes of just right colour of tan and your green sweater which unknowningly I had started loving too much.

Then just suddenly you gave me a very charming smile, the one that was so hard to resist and you whispered " good night, draco" and you kissed me on my forehead and i liked how you kissed my forehead rather than on the lips and it was more intimate than the kiss you might press against my lips but I think if you had, I wouldn't had been able to control myself. And then you went into your own apartment watching me as I Walked into mine with a smile that failed to dissolve.

Masterlist to previous other microfics/ fics

Scorpius to Teddy *staring blankly into the distance as if petrified* : and then I called him dad

Harry to Ron *crying his eyeballs out* : aNd ThEn HE CALLED ME DAD