Another Day Another S5 Rant

Another Day Another S5 Rant

I'm very torn between my desire to do bit with someone, ANYONE this season and my desire to hose Finn with cold water for thinking I'd be with someone is isn't honest with their partner. Like a case was made by @ellegreenwxy for him that made me think of him differently, but this scene... ugh. I hate that there's no option to give him a chance without getting intimate in some way. My dialogue should have gone like this:

Listen Discount Noah, tell Kat how you feel about me. Deal with the consequences of it. Cuz otherwise you're stringing her along and denying her a chance to find someone who only has eyes for her and that's not fair. I need you to show me that you're worth the chance I'd be taking, and the misery I'd be dealing with in the villa to be with you. That I could trust you. Because being horny for me isn't enough. This invitation makes it feel like you trying to screw me so you can decide who the better lay is before you make any decisions. And I'm sorry but imma have to hit you with some Lizzo on that:

I will never ever ever ever ever be your side chick

I don't know who you think I am, but I'm bout to tell you. I'm someone who deserves to be more than a maybe. A try-her-out. A we'll see.

Be all in or GTFO.

Bom bom bi bom bi dum dum, ay

how did you learn to write well?

well first you have to be a very sad child

I had so many more rants in me about yesterday's episode. So many. But you know what? I'm tired. I'm sure I'll have plenty to rant about next week. Today? Enjoy this picture of a smiling hedgehog in front of a sunflower.

So today's eps happened.

Welp. My thoughts are all over the place. Enjoy.

No bits. Not even a kiss. Fuck everything. Also I had to sit through not one but two Finn love confessions. I skipped all the previous ones so I can only imagine how tedious it is for those who have basically seen this same scene with him four times now. Also, I was nice to Gabi while she sat there and daydreamed about how things might play out with Suresh if I'm the one dumped. GABI IS A DICKHEAD.

AND WHY DIDN'T I GET ONE ON ONE TIME WITH MY BELOVED LULU? WHY DO YOU HATE US, FUSEBOX? AND NO SHOWER SEX? I WAS PROMISED SHOWER SEX.

Onto the positives (sort of). We got to tell off Meera, Nicolas, and Suresh. I told Suresh I'd never forgive him and want no connection with him ever and he said, "It doesn't get any clearer than that." Yep. And I only had to say it half a dozen times for it to become crystal.

Was Alfie cold for what he did to Meera? Yes. Was it hilarious? Also yes. I legit laughed out loud when he went, "Errrrr." GOLD.

I will say for me, this was one of the most fun eps of the season because Nicolas was hysterically funny to me. When he chastised Kat for believing the lies he spread I almost choked to death on my laugh snort. Though it was a little unsatisfying how happy he was to leave. He's all STICK WITH MY PLAN. Sir, your plan didn't work. You're leaving. You suck and you should feel bad about it.

Anyway, I liked it when Kat said this:

Because all I could hear in my head was this 😂😂😂

God I love that movie.

Ahem. Back to complaining. Could we not with Meera's prolonged goodbye scenes and even longer post dumping scenes where everyone kisses her ass for being so great? Soldiers going off to fight a winless war get less heartfelt, tearful farewells than this salty bitch. For as long as I had to sit through her bullshit (twice) I want the same length of time dedicated to everyone telling MC how wonderful she is and apologizing PROFUSELY, groveling really, for ever doubting her awesomeness. "Sorrrrrry," with abashed face ain't cutting it.

Oh also, when Meera found out she was leaving and Dana asked me what I thought, I chose to say that it changed nothing. Her being there or not didn't make any difference to me. And Dana had the nerve...

Yes. Yes I am. Meera has been nasty to me when I literally did nothing to deserve it. I was nice to her. I told Alfie to choose her. Alfie knows I'm not into him and I haven't spoken to him privately once since he came back with her. I've done everything to get out of their way and in return I was treated like trash by her and no one stood up for me. But now I'm supposed to pretend to be sad that Meera won't be around to insult me or call me a liar or a backstabber? Dana, you can fucking take a long walk off a short pier.

THE GALL. I told everyone that I forgive nothing. I don't forgive Meera. I don't forgive Suresh. I don't forgive Nicolas. I don't forgive any of you dicks. I AM PETTY AND ANGRY. I meant to do a self-righteous, above-it-all angel MC route, but I'm too mad 😂 I told off Meera more than once and it was delightful.

Overall, it was a little emotionally satisfying, but the fun stuff was overshadowed by yet another episode of everyone licking Meera's booty hole. Like when did she make this miracle transformation they're going on about? It seems more like she was always a bitch and she just didn't hide it on her return. We didn't get enough character development from anyone to see an actual transformation.

Oh well.

I will say, these eps inspired a fic idea. One that isn't about Suresh getting kicked in the balls, I mean. I have three of those going already. No, this is something else. I want to finish TSIME first, but I think I'm cooking up something special for S5. Mwhahahahahaaaaa.

I should probably put a read more break somewhere in this, because it's super long, but I'm cramping and don't know where to put it. Let's blame Meera.

You say shitpost, I say INCREDIBLY ACCURATE post.

What do you think it was like for season 2 li’s to lose their virginity?

Thanks for the ask anon!

Noah: his partner said ‘deeper’, so he rolled over and started reading them poetry.

Ibrahim: didn’t make a single sound bc he was too shy 🥺

Bobby: lasted 2.5 pumps

Jakub: *that scene of Christian Bale hyping himself up in the mirror in American Pyscho*

Rocco: came prepared with homemade, vegan friendly lube. (But kinda sweet of him bc he cares about the quality of ingredients entering his partner’s body??)

Lucas: he *finished* just as his partner’s parents barged in. It was awkward.

Um, can you bitches stop trying to make me fall in love with Suresh? It' rude. I do not like him. His character is trash IMHO. But dammmmmmn he is so.... so pretty. I'm not religious at all, but I think I need Jesus to save me from that man's face. Which is lucky because there's Firecrotch Jesus right there next to him. I LOVE RED HAIRED MEN, BUT WHY THEY MAKE HIM LOOK SO MUCH LIKE THE MESSIAH? IT'S WEIRD.

Also, as I told @throughthejunobush when I saw this: I'd fuck that Eddie too. I wouldn't call him after. And I'm sure the sex would be terrible. But still, I'd fuck him.

LITG: Ex In The Villa (OG Islanders) Artbreeders

disclaimer: i used the original art from the game to make these artbreeder portraits