Rot

rot

why are you still here?

like maggots gnawing at my skull

like rot spreading in my brain

lingering like the smell of death

fermenting in my thoughts

thoughts that are tainted and turned

by your presence

you're like a crippled limb

ive been trying to amputate

sawing and pulling

severing muscle and tendons

over and over

but you're still attached

frustration chokes me

and sadness blinds me

im tired of this

-i

for the rain

watching the rain

watching the birds in the rain

watching the birds eat off the bird feeder in the rain

it doesn't seem to bother them

but i bet it does

cold enveloping their tiny little bodies

each drop either sliding right off

or weaving its way past each feather to the skin

it doesn't seem to bother them

but i bet it does

they're overwhelmed with responsibilities

greater than the dislike of rain

they can't avoid it

they must go out in it

it doesn't seem to bother them

but i bet it does

sitting in the rain

flying in the rain

hunting in the rain

it doesn't seem to bother them

but i bet it does

soon the rain will pass

but everything will remain wet

especially the grass

it doesn't seem to bother them

and maybe it doesn't

the worms like the rain

the birds like the worms

maybe the rain isn't all too bad

it doesn't seem to bother them

and maybe they're grateful

for the rain

- i

trying

i'm trying so hard

my steps are slowing

my chest is tight

my arms are heavy

the world is blurred and foggy

i'm still going

i'm still trying

i promise i'm trying

one foot infront of the other

the rhythm is steady

and declining

shallow breaths

clutching my shirt

the corners are going dark

i'm almost there

i'm still going

i'm still trying

i promise i'm still trying

one more step

just one more

keep going

for him

keep trying

for him

you promised

him

-i

nostalgia

nostalgia hits me

like a punch to the chest

right in the centre

winding me

causing me to double over

it makes me vulnerable

-i

how cruel

how cruel

i fuel the memories

they go for the jugular as thanks

i can't help but mourn the past

even though it haunts me

-i

frustration

frustration is an unhappy fellow

with white knuckles

and tense shoulders,

with gritted teeth

and a clenched jaw,

with needles in his throat

and acid in his eyes

he is blinded and hurt

misunderstood,

mistaken for anger

his muscles ache

his joints are stiff

his skin is on fire

but he cannot be put out

for no one knows

of the invisible flame that burns him

he has no tounge

and can only utter a gut wrenching cry

before collapsing into a heap on the ground

tears roll down his cheeks

as it begins to rain

bit by bit

parts of him loosen and soften

his teeth are cracked and split

sitting on his heels

with his hands flat on the ground in front of him,

watching the rain wash away the red

from his grazed knuckles

his breath is shaky and laced

with sorrow and exhaustion

his eyes are sore and begging to close

his hands slide forward as he leans

and lets himself hit the ground

elbows

ribs

waist

he is tired

laying on his front

watching the rain wash away the red

from his knuckles once more

he lets out a small sigh

with the last few tears

he lays motionless as the red

from all over

mixes with the rain around him

he can rest now

so he does.

-i