Brass Chandelier

‘Brass Chandelier’

“i think i’ll miss you forever”

-Lana Del Ray

I still remember the look of your leather jeans,

The mahogany, the blues, you dreamlike tease

I still think back to what we once held dear,

It was perfect, a daydream

Till it all crashed down like a brass chandelier

I never once thought losing you would be all I’d ever fear,

My bruises and tears melded into my flesh

I believed you were like gold, through all the lies I’ve endured

To you my life was sold, you were all that I endeared

You were my love, yet still my brass chandelier 


Still I stay up, you’re not in sight

Tell me, what could’ve I made it all right,

What would’ve saved me from all those restless nights?

“Nothing” you may say, well then who was to blame,

Am I only at fault when you burst into flames?

Oh, please hear me, chandelier ignite once more

I still love you you know,

From all that you gave to all that you took.

Fools gold, but it cut like glass,

It hadn’t hurt less than when you reaped nothing from all that you’ve sown.

I still pick brass out of my cold skin,

Please, let me learn to live again.

The love of your letters hurt more than the laugh of your jeers,

The pain of what was once soft still brings me to tears.

Oh you, you were my brass chandelier,

Please forgive me, my brass chandelier.

—慧诗

‘Dear Emilia’.

(—perspective of a teardrop)

“Rise, my dear Emilia” is what awakened me

I count my fallen brothers, one two three.

Reflecting in my being is a box,

A box marked ‘return to sea’

“Emilia, stand up” I ripple downward,

A quiet dame lies, her weeping, ignored.

“Emilia, what of this?” she whispers to herself,

Not a cloud perturbed, no stir did her sobs afford.

I bury myself into a home of pastels,

Emilia, please do rise, I am suffocating,

While her wishes go undone, mine truly tell.

I watch the scene unravel, perched on a soft painted wing.

I soak unto fabrics of blue,

Emilia saunters to the box,

And wipes away soot and dew.

She embraces the crate—of fragiles I presume,

Like a child, she caresses it needlessly so,

Into the ridges of the box she threads a bow,

Weaved from love, weaved from loom.

Too soon I dissipate from the pastel bird,

Only to catch a glimpse.

The windy weather made me wither,

Emilia wrestles with the tether.

Far off into the sea, the casket floats.

Prayer falls from the lady’s lips,

“Emilia, goodbye forever”

—慧诗

‘The Simplest Way To Say, “I Am Not Ok.”’ - #Blurb 2

Look me in the eyes and tell me I’m ok.

I don’t want your sarcastic remarks,

I just want to know, am I ok?

I’ve never been really that good of a person,

I’ve never had the sensitivity to ask people if they were ok,

So tell me, am I still ok?

I’ve never been quite the most generous,

Nor the most forgiving,

I haven’t done anything extraordinary in my life.

I know I know, if I look at it from a different angle: I am just ok.

I’ve long thought of all that I’ve done

I believe I deceit those who believe I am ok.

Because only God knows and I,

I’m not ok.

-慧诗

“My heart still burns with the fire you lit to turn my life to ash”

—慧诗

I just want to be happy