Sad Love - Tumblr Posts
(a poem about a love that cannot be started)
I threw up words of affirmation
Just to see them in paper layin'
All because of those exchanged glances
And how he would never take chances
To write a perface for this unstarted story in affection
Our town is faded into nothings color
Stealing everything we can be, you plunder
I'm an artist with a brush bathed in revolution
Wishin' to free you from a lawless land within
A Mayor sayin' you & I live in different towns, forever
And that's how it goes...
☆ Written by me ☆
I will make you my home and stay with you only
Is It Wrong?
One week has passed with me thinking about you. Thinking about all of the memories of the past, the things that you did a few days ago, and all the possibilities of the future. Trying to keep myself away from you and always failing on the process.
We used to be someone who cares for each other. And now we can’t even look at each other’s faces without wanting to look away. We no longer feel comfort but only the awkwardness that just can’t seem to go away. And I hate all of this.
It never seems serious. We were just doing what the hearts wanted to. Despite all of that, I do cherish it. But I’m scared to take this relationship to another step that always seems like a mystery to me. I am scared of changing all of this and scared that you would tossed me aside when you finally got me.
So I broke your heart while breaking mine on the process also.
I broke us.
With all my lies, my excuses, I pushed you away so you would stay on that line. I fucking hurt you and me.
Things got weird for a while and we were okay after that. But you never give up, something that I actually really really appreciate. With that, you made me felt like I’m not that worthless to you. But you never really seem like you would like to spend your love with me seriously. And I didn’t want that.
So I still let you go. Kept doing that until you found another one. And of course it broke my heart again on another level. But I knew that you should be happy even if it wasn’t with me. Because I do care for you and you deserve to be happy.
We lost contact and 4 years passed without us seeing each other.
And we met again. A brand new me and you. And I guess we no longer knew each other. I didn’t know the man who grew up within that 4 years and you didn’t know me also. But you know what, memories stay. I knew the you from my memories and I wonder if you are also like that.
We passed each other on the hallways not even bother looking at each other, always leaving a thick thick tension along the trail. I noticed sometimes you would glance at me, expecting me to come up to you. What you don’t know that I felt the same.
But I’m scared to start something that I would never finish. I am scared of rejection.
So when we’re stucked in the same room for 2 weeks, I felt that I’m fucked up. I kept trying to act like nothing happened, I act like I didn’t felt anything. I tried to lie to myself.
But shit started to fall out when I discover some of your thoughts.
I heard you were thinking that I no longer remember you. That I forgot all of us.
I didn’t. I never did.
I still remember it like it were yesterday. I remember all your faces, all your actions.
It also didn’t help that you actually pay attention to me.
I kept telling myself that I’m okay and nothing was wrong. I just have to live like the usual, those times where you leave my life for a long long time. But I just can’t. I fucking can’t.
My friends kept teasing me whenever you are around, loudly. I knew you heard it. I am scared because of it.
I am scared you would feel that I am some kind of thirsty annoying girl and such. I am scared that you would wound my pride and ego.
But you keep silent.
Makes me wonder what the hell are you thinking about.
Old feelings start crashing back to me and as selfish as it sounds, I hope it did to you too.
And now I spend my times thinking what should I do. Thinking about you. Wishing for something I shouldn’t.
But I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I am sorry for breaking your heart, I’m sorry that I am scared.
I wish you would love me again. And I wish that I could love you bravely, without doubts and fears.
‘Brass Chandelier’
“i think i’ll miss you forever”
-Lana Del Ray
I still remember the look of your leather jeans,
The mahogany, the blues, you dreamlike tease
I still think back to what we once held dear,
It was perfect, a daydream
Till it all crashed down like a brass chandelier
I never once thought losing you would be all I’d ever fear,
My bruises and tears melded into my flesh
I believed you were like gold, through all the lies I’ve endured
To you my life was sold, you were all that I endeared
You were my love, yet still my brass chandelier
Still I stay up, you’re not in sight
Tell me, what could’ve I made it all right,
What would’ve saved me from all those restless nights?
“Nothing” you may say, well then who was to blame,
Am I only at fault when you burst into flames?
Oh, please hear me, chandelier ignite once more
I still love you you know,
From all that you gave to all that you took.
Fools gold, but it cut like glass,
It hadn’t hurt less than when you reaped nothing from all that you’ve sown.
I still pick brass out of my cold skin,
Please, let me learn to live again.
The love of your letters hurt more than the laugh of your jeers,
The pain of what was once soft still brings me to tears.
Oh you, you were my brass chandelier,
Please forgive me, my brass chandelier.
—慧诗
Roses, Roses (villanelle)
“Roses are dead, violets are too. No amount of flowers, Could bring me back to you”
-Stela Cole
Roses, roses, they're wilted and dead
They sit by my bedside, rotting hues mix
No longer flourishing, no longer red
The water it drinks are the tears I shed
The tears that fall, I cry from my grief
Roses, roses, they're wilted and dead
I preserve my flowers till rot fully spreads
“He's not coming back”, I rinse and repeat
No longer flourishing, no longer red
Roses, roses, they're wilted and dead
I'm scum to him, t'was the only he gave
He loves me no more, it's all in my head
The rot it embraced, through the petals it bled
Removing the rot, I press it gently
No longer flourishing, no longer red
Roses, roses, they're wilted and dead
Bygone from my bed, someplace forgotten
The rotting stopped, too many things unsaid
You're nothing to me, let’s not meet again
-慧诗
“My heart still burns with the fire you lit to turn my life to ash”
—慧诗
I've accepted that I'm not as good as she is, but it still fucking hurts
ffs.
TAKE ME BACK TO THE NIGHT WE ME
..
AND THEN I CAN TELL MYSELF
WHAT THE HELL I'M SUPPOSED TO DO AND THEN I CAN TELL MYSELF
NOT TO RIDE ALONG WITH YOU.
I HAD ALL AND THEN MOST OF YOU SOME INO NOW NONE OF YOU
TAKE ME BACK TO THE NIGHT WE MET
I DON 'T KNOW WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO DO.
HAUNTED BY THF GHOST OF YOU TAKE ME BACK TO THE NIGHT WE MET.
Star gazing are for the lovers
But i still want to watch
The stars that are closer
To me when i lost the match
Meeting your profound gaze
Got shot and dazzled in maze
Under the african sun
We faced a wall
So tall
Each brick is familiar
He, she , liar
They tangled us so much
Until we clutch
Then drift apart
To another part
Of the World
Hey me
Crying me
Still hurted me
Life goes on
Weel turns on
When will you ON ?
ON
OFF
ON
OFF
ON
Where is the road to the sun
Where is the road to happiness
I need to walk it even alone
And leave behind all my sadness
Your love for me is setting
Like the sun on evening
It is still there though
When it will rise tomorrow
It wont be for me
Anymore
Yay its thursday
Just another day
But my sadness
Still the same mess
Under the african sun
Even if i travel the world
Because you left my world
I will never find you
You left out of the blue
Leaving me torn
Among the thorns
But if i die, it all would be in vain
So i will live and stand up in pain
