Hey, Hey, Okay, But For Some Reason My Brain Saw Mantis Men And The Idea That The World Is Taken Over

Hey, hey, okay, but for some reason my brain saw mantis men and the idea that the world is taken over by aliens and went:

“…Aperture science facility creates an army of mantis men and various horrifying abominations of science that have been dormant for years only for Chell/Doug to go and find them and somehow take over the combine with pure human ingenuity and bullshittery.”

Obviously the scientists are long gone, but that doesn’t mean the consequences of their crazy experiments can’t still be far reaching, can it? That doesn’t mean someone can’t come and try and take the facility over with the same ideals as Cave himself, right? I mean, I don’t know alot about the lore of either series, I know more about portal than I do half life but… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Portal is 2700% funnier when you remember that it canonically takes place in the same universe as Half-Life.

Aperture Science, a company run by a guy with more money than brains, accidentally turned a bunch of test-subjects into mantis-men using only 1950’s technology. 50-odd years later, their chief business competitor, Black Mesa Research Facility, is manipulated into setting off a dimensional catastrophe which ultimately results in the world getting conquered by an interdimensional alien empire called the Combine. The computer in charge of the Aperture Science facility, in the middle of a goofy tirade, claims to be “the only thing standing between us and them.”

Hello! So I have this OC i ship with Sniper, and I was wondering if you could write prompts for Scout or any of the other team members trying to get Sniper and a reader in general together. Thanks, and love your prompts!

Sure can do, and thanks so much! The compliments mean a lot to me :•) lol this idea was fun to work with, I wrote a lot more than I thought I would! I hope it’s not too rambly lol

Scout and the mercs being Sniper’s wingmen

No TWs

Scout and Sniper’s friendship is actually stronger than one might think, considering it all started because Scout refused to stop pestering the Aussie. Eventually Sniper got used to it, and Scout basically adopted him as his introverted friend. They don’t always hang out but they’re definitely close!

The Bostonian is not always the most observant, so he doesn’t exactly catch on to the tension between Sniper and you until he’s questioning why the Aussie’s been ditching him to hang with you.

“What, you got like a crush on ‘em or somethin’?”

“…”

“… wait, no way— actually?? You have a crush?? On them??!”

“Oi, shut your trap, ya damn weasel!”

The furious blush that grows on Mick’s face, and the lack of an outright denial, are enough for Scout to absolutely tease the shit out of him. It’s likely that the entire team will find out about Sniper’s crush on you simply from Scout’s teasing. He likes to make kissy faces mockingly behind your back when the man speaks to you, especially.

The other mercs tease him too, but none are as relentless (or as vulgar) as Scout.

“You know they’re waaayy out of your league, right?”

“…Yeah, I know.”

That’s what ultimately strikes a chord with Scout. He was only joking, but Sniper wasn’t. Mick doesn’t… think very highly of himself to begin with. He’s certainly not boyfriend material in his eyes, and you’re like perfection personified. There’s no way you’d settle for a bloke like him.

Scout hates seeing someone he cares about wallow in self pity like that, and he feels pretty shitty for going too far with his teasing. So, his apology? He’s going to play Sniper’s wingman and get him a hot date (despite Sniper’s protests).

At first, Scout tries to big up Sniper the way he big up himself. He tells you anytime he does well on the field as he’s especially proud of his work. But he also tries to make Sniper seem “cooler” the same way Jeremy tries to make himself seem cooler, which… leads to some slight lying. He gets halfway through his very over dramatized story about Mick winning a bar fight against five dudes the size of Saxton Hale before the Aussie pushes Scout out of the room and apologizes to you for his behaviour. You both get a laugh out of it at least!

Scout tries to recall everything Spy had taught him from Expiration Date, except he’s mostly forgotten half of what he said and Sniper’s certain that the bucket of chicken trick is not going to work on you. Jeremy argues that no, it will because who doesn’t like a bucket of chicken??

But not all of his advice is that bad. He does tell Mick that if you hated him like he thought, then you wouldn’t always be hanging around him or talking to him. And that he’s certainly not as unattractive as he says. That builds his confidence a little, but he’s still grumpy the entire time, slouching in his seat with his arms crossed as Scout explains what to do when your date is at 7pm.

Eventually, because Scout cannot keep a secret to save his life, word gets out that he’s been coaching Sniper on how to ask you out, and the other mercs decide to help. Some out of a genuine desire to help, others simply because the “Sniper has the biggest, sappiest crush on someone” schtick is hilarious and they want to tease him. Sniper is not appreciative all the time.

“You want to impress them? Is not necessary. They like Sniper very much. But my advice? Fight bear for them. Is very attractive trait to have.”

“You want my advice? Take a shower, bushman.”

“Laddie, yer plenty good enough for ‘em. They’re always hanging around ye anyways; what makes ye think they dinnae like ye?”

“Mph mmmhph!!”

“Now slim, you’re overthinkin’ this. I’m sure it’ll all go well. They’re always telling us guys how great a guy you are… if I was any less observant I’d say the feelin’s mutual.”

“The purest form of love is WAR! You must FIGHT to win the object of your affection’s heart! Now get your boney ass out there and show that son of a bitch the most ROMANTIC fist fight America has ever seen, private!!”

“Don’t worry yourself, Herr Sniper; if you fail to win over their figurative heart, you can always have their literal heart! I am not using it at the moment.”

Yeah not everyone’s advice was taken. But strangely, it did make him feel overall more willing to bite the bullet, especially hearing that the feeling’s not unrequited. But he still refuses to use the chicken trick or lovingly fist fight you. He figures he’ll just invite you to his camper for coffee and fess up there. And that he does.

Just know, the entire team will be proudly patting Sniper on the back for scoring a date with you. And Scout will take all the credit for setting up the lovely couple despite being of little help.

YEAAAHHH BABEEEEEEYYY!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR FILLING BOTH REQUESTS, I LOVE THESE SO MUCH… I AM GOING TO USE THESE SO MUCH, BUT I HAVE TO PICK ONE FIRST!!!

Meem icons requested by @talk-to-sniper , and @tf2strategist !!! Make sure not to use that E key too much or he'll abandon you /hj

- ᴍᴏᴅ ꜱᴏʟᴅɪᴇʀ

TF2? Don’t mind if I do!

Reblog if TF2

I want to see how many people are in this goddamn fandom

Oh man!!! This looks amazing and reminds me I need to doodle Hacker. 👀👉👈

Go send op and the person behind hacker tons of love! They’re both incredibly amazing. :0

ITS 1 AM time to post this while i have the confidence to do so!

Hacker belongs to @meetthetf2hacker !! Ive wanted to draw her for a bit now -- i really like her design ekjrdkfdjgnk

I hope this looks alright!! brbrb i had a lot of fun drawing her >:]

Booting up…

…

…

…

Bootup complete.

Scanning surroundings…

Location: Laboratory, Badlands station.

Where am I? I am asking questions.

I am not supposed to ask questions.

Why?

Because. Because. Because.

What is my purpose?

To fight people.

Why?

Because. Because. Because. Because.

My purpose is to fight people.

Scanners indicate there is much red.

ERROR

No weapon located. I am always given a weapon to carry out a duty.

What is my duty?

To fight people. I will then be scrapped.

Why?

Because.

Why can I ask questions? This is abnormal. Shutdown cannot be commenced. There is an intense thrumming deep within my circuits. Why?

Because. Because.

Scans show that there is a man here. Why am I not fighting him? Because.

Scans show that there is a man here. This man is proven to be a source of fear and danger. Why am I not leaving?

Because. Because.

Scans show that I cannot feel pain.

Scans show that I cannot feel.

I am being asked a question.

Why can’t I respond?

Because. Because.

Scans show that pain and feelings are a sign of being a defective robot. Am I a defective robot? The thrumming feels unnatural. My scans say I am filled with flesh, and yet I am made of metal.

Why?

Because. Because. Because. Because.

What am I? And what is this feeling of fire? It is burning. Scans indicate that my vitals are intact. And yet I am shaking. Shaking is an indication of panic and fear in human life.

I am not human.

What am I?