"You Could D-" NO, No, That's Not How It Works. Don't Tell Me What I Should Do Or Ought To Be Doing.

"You could d-" NO, no, that's not how it works. Don't tell me what I should do or ought to be doing. I'm not a child, I'm experiencing a wave of severe depression. What I *need* is some adequate therapy and a private swimming pool, and to be left alone.

I feel very bored again. I've once again fallen into thw deadly trap of having nothing to do and no idea what I could do. Just part of the experience when it comes to burnout and a lack of hyperfixations, I suppose.

I'm an outwardly neutral person most of the time. But when I'm at my wit's end like autistic burnout, or I'm withdrawing off prescription meds (like I am now), I can feel the flood barrier in my eyes degrading. The mask comes off for a millisecond. And it's for the most random, stupid shit, too. Something just has to be joyful to make my eyes well. Literally, I just read:

"In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, If no one else can help and if you can find them. Maybe you can hire, The A-Team."

And my eyes welled up and I was momentarily faced with an overwhelming sadness combined with happy/sad tears trying to escape. My mind goes,

"The A-Team brought so much joy every Saturday morning to children and adults all over. It was all so beautiful then, and nobody can have it anymore. We'll never have that world back. Nothing will ever be the same again. It's just so nostalgic. I want everyone to be happy and watch The A-Team."

The point here is that I'm not known to cry by anyone I know. But even the seemingly emotionally strongest of us are just really good at hiding it and throwing it away. Could be from masking, could be from conditioning. Either way, the A-Team intro message momentarily brought tears to my eyes, and that was funny enough to me to post on Tumblr.

It's okay to experience moments or days or weeks of hypersensitivity, empathy on overdrive, or just random bursts or overwhelming emotions brought on by random things. That can just mean we've been holding it all in for too long. We're at max capacity.

Let yourself feel. I certainly don't. I shut it down immediately out of some sick instinct. Don't be like me. Have a full Häagen-Dazs cry fest about outdated action shows.

I graduated high school in 99.

There was a student at our school named Wayne.

Wayne was gay. It was obvious. He was unable to stay in the closet even if he wanted to. To make matters worse, he was also Black. From a bullying standpoint, that was not a great combo. Both Black and white students made fun of him relentlessly. He was ostracized from the only community that may have given him protection. Only us theater kids stuck up for him, but not to significant effect.

Wayne was bullied so much that at one point he finally snapped and attacked his bullies with a lunch tray. I was actually seated in perfect line of sight and just sat there chewing my soggy fries in stunned silence. It didn't even seem real as I was witnessing it. The image of him wailing on his main bully as the food on his tray flew off is permanently logged into my long term memory.

The bully he attacked had blood all over his face and went straight to the nurse. Other than superficial cuts, he was not injured.

Before the attack, Wayne went to teachers for help. He went to guidance counselors for help. He went to the principals for help.

He did all of the things you were supposed to do. No one helped him. They wagged a finger at the bullies and warned them to stop.

Wayne's lunch tray melee was the only thing that worked. His bullies stayed far away from him. But a week later Wayne was expelled and the bullies were given no punishment.

So... no.

No one in my school talked about being trans.

Because the only way to survive being openly queer was to bash people with a lunch tray.

Society's current feelings on veganism were totally planned. It was an entire smear campaign for the sake of the meat and dairy industry. I mean, my generation grew up on milk being shoved down our throats constantly. "Got Milk?" The history on that is pretty neat. There's a documentary. Anyway, meat and dairy (some of the largest industries in the world) will do literally anything to prevent progressive norms. We quite literally have all the technology, money, time, manpower, and resources to produce lab-grown meat that's (in every way that matters) the exact same in texture and taste. And we wouldn't need to kill a single thing ever again. We could do it right now. We could be Star Trek right now if we wanted. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

i've recently realized i've been using veganism as a litmus test for how willing someone is to engage a niche ideology in good faith.

how many mental gymnastics and whataboutisms someone uses to shit on vegans is such a good indicator for how bad faith someone is going to be about literally anything they don't completely agree with

i'm not even vegan, i just think people are so fucking abnormal about veganism