Sibling Abuse - Tumblr Posts

Revelation

The idea that people would be friends with their siblings was mind boggling for a long time.

I have two brothers who are significantly older than me (6 and 10.5 years). The age gap is enough I suppose to explain our lack of closeness, but it's definitely more than that.

When I was young I was desperate for validation from them, particularly the one closest to me in age. He had a lot of resentment for me as he believed I was the favourite. He also is a certifiable genius and I think that just makes a person more susceptible to being, well, an asshole.

I'm sure I was annoying; my desire for his time and companionship likely manifested itself in "obnoxious brat" form. But he made it a point to make me feel stupid, insignificant and unwanted at every opportunity. When he was angry with me he would hit me, usually across the head. I don't remember it processing further than that with him, but I began to associate insults and physical abuse with ' family' and 'loved ones'.

My eldest brother, well, I have recently confessed to my parents that he actually terrorized me. His bedroom was in the basement, and when I'd hear him coming up the stairs I would dive under the dining room table on instinct. On more than one occasion he would use me as a toy to abuse. "Play" too rough and accuse me of being ungrateful when I begged or whined for him to stop, cheat at games and deny it, break my toys in front of my face if I was irritating him. I still remember my feelings of helplessness.

When I was 7 or 8 he grabbed me by the throat, lifted me off the ground and pinned me to the front door. I have no idea what he was thinking or what a little kid could have done that would have sparked that kind of anger.

From there on in i would lock myself in the bathroom of my brothers got angry with me.

I was learning the basics of how to survive in a home with a monster.

Things about sibling abuse:

-They tell you it’s childplay or sibling rilvary, nothing serious. They don’t fuckingn understand

-How the fuck are people friends with their siblings?

-It’s such a rare form of abuse, never spoken about, never taken seriously. It’s the most isolating fact of your world

-You feel guilty for valueing friends over family. Or you don’t.

-People tell you you’ll eventually choose family over friends, that “blood is thicker than water”. They can go fuck themselves

-If it’s sexual abuse, it’s subjectively the most shameful way to be touched

-If it’s sexual abuse, you masturbate to porn that mirrors your trauma (incest), or masturbate to the trauma itself. When you’re done, you feel so guilty and dirty that you dissociate.

-If it’s abuse committed by an older sibling, you count years until they move out.

-It quite possibly creates boundary issues where you forgive people on the spot but forever hold resentment toward your sibling(s)

-If it’s emotional or mental/psychological abuse, you feel uneasy even on their days where they’re not being manipulative and whatnot

-If it’s physical abuse, you hide around the house, having panic attacks in every corner

-If it’s physical abuse, you don’t take the “physical discipline” discourse lightly, done by parents to their children. It’s just fucking evil and no one understands

-You fear having friends over. Either because it’s embarrassing to witness, or because they’ll see your sibling(s) acting all nice and sweet, and never believe you. They’ll take their side and befriend them.

-You (might) have the dilemma of wanting people to like your siblings because you know they’re not monsters and that they changed, but you also want people to know what they did and take your side.

-If your sibling has a disorder, your parent probably defends them for it and says that it’s not their fault, even though your abuser’s illness should NEVER excuse what they did/do to you

-You are insulted and disgusted and want to cry when your parents accidentally call you by their name or vice versa. You’re terrified of becoming them/being like them/being compared to them.

Can people please validate the abuse some people endure in friendships? Legitimate abuse, especially emotional. And can people validate the abuse in relationships with siblings as well? Can we just validate every single form and source of abuse ever and get its victims help?? I’m sick of it being limited to certain people, it can happen from anyone, to anyone.