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I thought it was too funny not to post

TW: Mentions of rape and canon typical violence (nothing is shown)

Jason hates Bruce. Not because Bruce didn't find him in Ethiopia right away, not because he died, not even because he didn't figure out that he was back soon enough. No, Jason Todd hates Bruce for not killing the Joker, the man who literally brutally tortured and murdered him. For replacing him. For not grieving him.

So yeah, Jason hates Bruce. (He only comes around to the manor for the cooking, NOT for any other, mushy feeling related reasons)

But, Bruce is also Jason's dad. And no one is allowed to talk about his dad like that.

"-bend him over and give him a NEW daddy. He's such a slut" laughed a henchman that Jason was seriously debating decapitating.

Another, mousy man piped up "When we rob him for Dagget next week, I bet we could take a few extra minutes with him" and he let out a shrill laugh that was accompanied by the barking laugh of his four other co-workers. The Red Hood remained silent.

"Aw, come on Hood. We know you have a thing against it but Brucie Wayne? I hear-" Jason tuned out the bastards as they described how they would violate one of the most important people in his life (who he also totally hated).

He reminded himself that he was there for a favor for Dad in the first place. Dagget was trying to make more of that face cream stuff that had caused Clay Face and the Bat Colony was trying to stop them from mutilating half of Gotham.

"-make the brats watch. Y'think we could make them joi-" Hood stood up abruptly. Fuck the information. No one talked about his family like that.

"What the hell Hood? What do you think-" Jason pulled out his gun and shot the man in the knee.

The other four stood up, knocking their folding chairs to the ground, and made a mad dash to the doors of the warehouse. Jason shot each of them in a carefully non-lethal spot.

He dragged each of them back to the chairs, their begging falling on deaf ears.

"Waddya wan'? Waddya wan'?" blubbered the oldest man on the crew. The one who had suggested that Jason's baby brothers would be forced to join their father's gang rape.

Jason clicked the code on his helmet and lifted it off with flourish. He gave them a feral, pit-tinged grin. "My dad is off limits" he said softly, still grinning.

The faces of the five goons turned white . The mousy one stuttered, "B-b-but you’re d-d-dead!"

Jason barked a laugh, "I got better. You won't be so lucky." Then the screaming started.

Gotham PD was once again given a duffel bag full of heads. None of them could be identified. Coincidentally, Jason went home that same night in a fresh pair of clothes he didn't own the day before. Maybe Jason didn't HATE Bruce Wayne.

Me deciding to end my fight with my sister by touching her right between the neck and shoulder:

I'm going to say what we all know. Bruce Wayne is an omega. I will not be elaborating

Is it too much to ask for a superhero movie that starts playing the dramatic theme and all the superheroes look confused? I want the music to be recognized within the media

The way the police figure out which of Batman's criminals to send to Arkham is a Buzzfeed quiz.

How important is your theme to you?

Theme? What losers have a theme

Babes, my entire lair is on theme, my henchmen are in theme, my daily clothes are on theme

My name and costume are good for me

I am my theme.

What do you think about Batman?

He is a thorn in my side, I want him dead

We're totally dating and share custody of the Robins, he just doesn't know it yet

I get why he does what he does and I respect him but he's annoying

We are the same yet opposite, we are light and dark, intrinsic to nature

All of the criminals take it as seriously as me taking an "Am I gay?" quiz in middle school