This Is A Rant About "The Boys" Comics Parody Version Of Billy Batson/Shazam!

This is a rant about "The Boys" comics parody version of Billy Batson/Shazam!

TW: Ranting, swearing, "The Boys" comics, and mention of S/A

You guys know about "The Boys" comics and how they did a side story of a fake Billy Batson where they made him a r*pist. WHAT THE FUCK!!!! You're telling me they made a kid into one of the most disgusting kinds of people in the world when he could have an incredibly unique perspective of the universe in "The Boys"!

I know the comics are meant to show the evil side of superheroes but that can be done in infinitely better ways! Like showing how Vought would react to a potentially powerful child supe, showing how the people closest to supes change in response to the powers, showing how complex figuring out new powers are (especially as a child), showing how power can turn the most innocent people in society evil, showing how others might seek to control or manipulate the child, showing how the child may unintentionally cause harm to themselves or others due to a lack of understanding of the consequences, showing him idealizing superheroes and finding out the truth in his adult form, showing ect…

Literally anything else would have been better but the writers decided they wanted a cheap shocking side story! If they do add Billy into the tv show then they better change the story or not add him at all because I will not stand for this bullshit!

‎‧₊˚✧ The Last Unicorn AU ✧˚₊‧

TimKon

‎‧₊˚✧ 𓃗 ✧˚₊‧

Kon El: That cannot be. Why would I be the last? What do men know? Because they have seen no Kryptonians for a while does not mean that we have all vanished! We do not vanish! There has never been a time without Kryptonians. We live forever. We are as old as the sky, old as the moon. We can be hunted, trapped; we can even be killed if we leave our homes, but we do not vanish! ...Am I truly the last?

‎‧₊˚✧ 𓃗 ✧˚₊‧

Kon El: I can never regret. I can feel sorrow, but it's not the same thing.

Billy Batson: Where will you go now?

Kon El: I am looking for others like me. Have you seen them, magician.

Billy Batson: No, I've never seen anyone like you. Not while I was awake, anyway.

Kon El: A person told me of a Red Bull, who pushed all the other Kryptonians to the ends of the earth. And Klarion spoke of a King Jack Drake. So I'm going where they are, to learn whatever they know.

Billy Batson: Take me with you, for lucks, for laughs, for the unknown.

Kon El: You may come with me if you like, though I wish you'd asked for some other reward for having freed me.

Billy Batson: Well, I thought about it, but you could never have granted my true wish.

Kon El: No. I cannot turn you into something you are not. I cannot turn you into a true magician.

Billy Batson: That's all right, don't worry about it.

‎‧₊˚✧ 𓃗 ✧˚₊‧

Bart Allen (to Billy Batson): What have you done?

(Holds up the head of a human boy. A mark that looks like a star is on his forehead.)

Bart Allen: What have you done? What have you done!?

Billy Batson: The Red Bull came for a Kryptonian, so he had to become something else. The magic chose the shape, not I. I am a bearer! I am a dwelling! I am a messenger!

Bart Allen: You are an idiot! Do you hear me? You lost him! You trapped him in a human body! He'll go mad!

(Conner begins to stir. He wakes up, and tries to stand.)

Billy Batson: I can change him back. Don't worry about it. I-I can change him back.

Conner: What have you done to me?

Billy Batson: (to the Conner) You see, I couldn't think of anything else I could do to save you.

Conner: What have you done to me? I'm a Kryptonian! I'm a Kryptonian!

Conner: I wish you had let the Red Bull take me. I wish you had left me to the harpy! I can feel this body dying all around me!

‎‧₊˚✧ 𓃗 ✧˚₊‧

King Jack Drake: Who is he!?

Billy Batson: Oh, your majesty, the Sir Conner is my brother-

King Jack Drake: I want to know who he is!

Prince Tim: Father, what difference does it make? He's here!

King Jack Drake (looks at Tim): For once, you are right. He is here. They are all here. And whether they mean my doom or not, I will look at them for while. You may come and go as you please. My secrets guard themselves. Will yours do the same? (Walks off)

Prince Tim (to Conner): Say, I know where there's some cloth, fine satin. We could make a tunic.

‎‧₊˚✧ 𓃗 ✧˚₊‧

Conner: Bart? ...Who am I? Why am I here? What is it that I am seeking in this strange place, day after day? I-I knew a moment ago, but I-I have forgotten.

Bart Allen: The Kryptonians. If you are not the last...

Conner: Once, I can't remember, I was long ago, Someone strange, I was innocent and wise, And full of pain. Now that I'm a man, Everything is strange.

Conner: I must go to him. I must face the Bull again and discover what he has done with them, before I forget myself forever. But I don't know where to find him. And I'm lonely.

‎‧₊˚✧ 𓃗 ✧˚₊‧

(Conner, in his nightgown, comes down the other side of the steps, a mad and frightened look in his eyes.)

Prince Tim: Good evening, Sir Conner.

Conner: Who are you?

Prince Tim: I'm Tim. Don't you know me? I'm Tim.

Conner: Tim. Prince Tim.

Prince Tim: You were dreaming, Sir.

Conner: Well, I'm always dreaming, even when I'm awake. It is never finished. I-I will not trouble you, my lord prince. (He begins to walk away hurriedly.)

Prince Tim: Trouble me! Please, trouble me! I would court you with more grace if I knew how. I wish you wanted something.

Conner: Drown out my dreams. Keep me from remembering - whatever wants me to remember it.

‎‧₊˚✧ 𓃗 ✧˚₊‧

Billy Batson: There's no choice. We have to go on.

Conner: (to Tim) Don't let him change me. The Red Bull has no care for human beings. Tim, we may walk out past him and get away.

Billy Batson: If we do that, all the Kryptonians in the world will remain prisoner forever except one, and he will grow old and die.

Conner: (to Tim) Everything dies. I want to die when you die. I'm no Kryptonian, no alien creature! I'm human, and I love you. Don't let him! Tim, I can not be with you when I am a Kryptonian.

‎‧₊˚✧ 𓃗 ✧˚₊‧

Kon El (voice only) I remember you. I remember.

(Tim sees him fly away from them.)

(Scene: A forest. Billy and Bart are with Tim.)

Prince Tim: I will miss you. I never had any friends before. (Hugs each one.)

Billy Batson: We will come back.

Prince Tim: I wish I could see him just once more, to - to tell him all that's in my heart. He will never know what I really meant to say.

Billy Batson: He will remember your heart when men are fairy tales in books written by rabbits. Of all Kryptonians, he is the only one who knows what regret is - and love.

(Tim gets on his horse and rides away.)

‎‧₊˚✧ 𓃗 ✧˚₊‧

Kon El: You are a true wizard now, as you always wished. Does it make you happy?

Billy Batson: Well, men don't always know when they're happy, but I-I think so. And you?

Kon El: I am a little afraid to go home. I have been mortal, and some part of me is mortal yet. I am no longer like the others; for no Kryptonian was ever born who could regret. But now I do. I regret.

Billy Batson: I am sorry, I have done you evil and I cannot undo it.

Kon El: No. Kryptonians are in the world again. No sorrow will live in me as long as that joy - save one, and I thank you for that part too. Farewell, good magician. I will try to go home.

‎‧₊˚✧ 𓃗 ✧˚₊‧

I love the idea of Billy and Cap being autistic! I think they would have trouble with eye contact, take things too literally, have almost zero social skills (exaggerated by being homeless and not in school), as well as vocal and movement stimming. Like Rosa or Victor asking Billy to "wash the pan in the sink" which is exactly what he does. He washes the pans but they actually wanted him to do all the dishes, Billy is just so confused!

Or Captain Marvel going to a Justice League meeting and needing to talk with Batman who is also autistic but he has hyper eye contact making it very awkward. A stressed Captain Marvel thinks he's in serious trouble and Batman is over analyzing which makes him think Cap is hiding something. (he is but Batman doesn't need to know that)

I feel like the lightning on Captain Marvel's chest changes how bright it is based on his feelings. Like if he's feeling really sad it's very dim, when he's feeling super excited it's flashing, and when it's inconvenient it's off completely because no one wants 3000 volts of lightning in their face.

Since it's the spooky season, I really want to read a fanfiction of The Super Sons and Billy going out on Halloween trick or treating and getting into shenanigans. They also switch costumes to not seem suspicious, where Billy is Robin, Damien is Superboy, and Jonathan is Captain Marvel!

Using Jonathan's and Billy's superpowers, they can go to each city individually! Gotham has the best candy, but it's absolutely insane with all the villains; Fawcett City has the best decorations and vibes, but people give out fruit as candy (ewww); and Metropolis has decent candy and is safe, but Superman is constantly "secretly" checking in on them!

This sort of ties into a post by @aroace-madness I saw a while back about Captain Marvel having behaviors like a predator animal.

Imagine that whenever Captain Marvel is talking to someone he subconsciously stalks them by spinning in circles around the other person. Like imagine Captain Marvel animatedly talking to Batman about something while flying around him and Batman is stoically reading the recent mission report while listening, giving small "hmm" as replies.

Flash: Hey Cap, can I ask you a question?

Captain Marvel: Yeah sure, what's up!

Flash: Why is it that whenever we talk you're always slowly flying in circles around me??

Captain Marvel stops flying: um... I guess I kind of see you as pray.

Flash concerned: what...?! ('⚆ _ ⚆)

Captain Marvel: Anyways got to get going! Bye :)

Flash more frantically: Wait, what does that mean!!? What does that mean?! CAP!!!