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Lucifer: WHY. why did you give MC a KNIFE?!

Mammon: I’m sorry. They said they felt unsafe.

Lucifer: Now I feel unsafe!

Mammon: I’m sorry.

Mammon: ... would you like a knife?

Lucifer: This is a mistake

Diavolo, enthusiastically: A mistake we're going to laugh about one day!

Lucifer: But not today

Diavolo, still enthusiastic: Oh, no. Today's going to be a mess

Asmo: You’ll have a hard time believing this because it never happens, but I made a mistake.

Everyone: Mc do you have a favorite?

Mc : huh? No I love everyone equally

* everyone leaves*

Mc: *pulls luke aside*

Mc : it's you but don't tell anyone.

Asmo: Now guys I have a meeting plan

Lucifer: Of course you do.

Mammon: What’s in it for us, hm?

Asmo: A night of fabulousness, and mayhem, and possible death.

Mammon: Check, check, check, not quite sure about the “death” though…

Asmo: It won’t be you.

Lucifer: Let me grab my keys..

Mammon: So I heard you like bad boys. Lucky for you I’m bad at everything.

MC: Mammon, no.

Short MC: Tall people are the enemy.

Belphie: Can’t hear you hating all the way down there

Short MC: I’ll tie your fucking shoelaces together and you won’t notice until it’s too late

Belphie: Who said that?

Lucifer, to everyone: Listen up you little shits

Lucifer: Not you MC, you’re an angel and we’re glad you’re here

MC: What are you in the mood for?

Belphie: World domination

MC: That’s a bit ambitious

Belphie: You are my world

Belphie:

MC:

MC: OH.

Lucifer, at a restaurant: You guys should get the orange soda, it's amazing.

Belphie: Okay

Waiter: Can I get you guys anything to drink?

Lucifer: Orange soda, please!

Belphie: I'll have the strawberry soda.

Satan: Me too, strawberry soda.

Lucifer:

MC: Today is a day of running through hurdles.

Satan: Aren’t you supposed to jump OVER hurdles?

MC: Whatever. Fear is only something to be afraid of if you let it scare you.

Lucifer: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Belphie: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

MC: I got distracted about halfway through.

Satan: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

MC: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?

Levi: The car takes a screenshot.

Lucifer: For the last time, get the fuck out.

Mammon: What does 'take out' mean?

Beel: Food.

Asmo: Dating

Lucifer: Murder

MC: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

Satan: What did you do with MC's body?

Belphie: What didn’t I do with the body?

Satan:

Belphie: Okay, that sounded more sexual than I intended. I disposed of the corpse disrespectfully.

MC: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Mammon: >:O language

Beel: Yeah watch your fucking language

Belphie: OKAY WHO TAUGHT BEEL THE FUCK WORD?

Satan: 'The fuck word'.

Levi: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

Asmo: Oh my god he censored it

Satan: Say fuck, Levi.

Asmo: Do it, Levi. Say fuck.

Asmo: I just ended a four year relationship.

MC: Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?

Asmo: Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship.

*Lucifer and Diavolo fighting from across the room*

Asmo: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

MC: Okay.

Asmo: And make out during the scary parts.

MC: Th-

MC: The scary parts.

MC: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

MC: HELP! I TOLD LUCIFER I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK!

Mammon, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

MC before Lesson 16: I’m sick and tired of being called 'mortal' like, you don’t know that. Neither do I. I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions. It’s rude.

*The squad is having dinner together*

MC: Satan, can you pass the salt?

Satan: *Throws Lucifer across the table*

MC: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me

Mammon: Okay, but in my defense, Belphie bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.

MC: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!

Asmo: You can de-escalate any situation by simply saying, 'Are we about to kiss?'

Mammon: Doesn't work for getting out of speeding tickets, by the way.

Asmo: Hah! 69! You know what that means?

MC: What?

Lucifer: That you're a child.

Mammon: HOW'D YOU GUESS MY IQ!?