You Know, I Wasnt Really Feeling The Old Guard For Everything It Was Hyped Up To Be. And Then I Saw THESE

You know, I wasn’t really feeling the old guard for everything it was hyped up to be. And then I saw THESE TWO IN THIS SCENE

And well...promptly died and fell in love with these two immortal gays.

*i admit, tho the poem was *chefs kiss* I was waiting for joe to just go He’S mY HuSBaNd BiTcH

This post aged badly…

Geralt you’re great but your horse is better

Where is my niche power Percy Jackson content?

Obviously as a demigod he is immensely if not the most powerful out there, but besides the storm bringing and earth shaking, I think it would be so funny if Percy was also just littered with incredibley random gifts on the side.

Percy can canonically talk to ALL marine life and horses. Where is the mortal outside POV of Percy appearing at a horse ranch and just baffling everyone as this kid proceeds to prove that horse whisperers are somehow real. Give me Percy riding in on the wildest horse there absolutely unfazed and unintentionally reenacting every horse girls dreams.

In canon he can also tell his exact coordinates when at sea. Watch Paul lose his goddamn mind out on a sailboat asking Percy in dense fog where they are and Percy just listing off a string of numbers and walking off to guide them home in what looks like a completely random direction.

Canonically Percy can sail any boat, but what truly qualifies as a boat? Watch Percy and his friends sending Percy out to sea in a shopping cart with a napkin and straw taped on top as a sail and he just bobs away to wherever he wants to go. Again he is completely unfazed while everyone loses their minds because Percy is somehow floating in a literal sieve.

A Percy who can, with the correct concentration, give himself a tail, but just gets himself into an H20 type situation where it’s just happening at the most inappropriate times. Various demigods have had to carry Percy back home when he inevitably gets stuck as a half fish throughout his day. One minute he’s at a Roman senate, the next Franks having to drag him out like a bag of potatoes.

Percy who in dark water is bioluminescent. Everyone makes fun of Will for glowing but it is one of Percy’s deepest darkest secrets that if you put him in the bathtub and turn off the light, he’ll be radioactive green in 30seconds. This was great fun for Annabeth to discover, and even better blackmail for Leo who accidentally found out about it.

Siren Percy! It always say he can’t sing, but what if it’s a front? Percy’s a very morally straight character, he wouldn’t want to be exercising a charm speak level of control over people. This secret’s kept under even tighter lock and key than his glowiness, known only to his mother and father. Percy is low-key terrified of others finding out about it, not only because it’s a dangerous power but even some Gods are desperate to hear a siren song without immediate danger and Percy’s not looking for that kind of attention.

Give me Alex Rider’s politics teacher just being absolutely...astounded by the amount of knowledge this kid has on not only the socio-economic climate of literally every freaking country but the most freakishly good instincts of how each new politician that comes along is going to fare. It’s at the point he now has a secret cabinet of sticky notes on Alex’s off hand comments of each new public figure because God Dammit he always turns out to be right.

Give me Alex’s Riders politics teacher who stands up for him against others in the staff room because his essays provide the freshest viewpoints he’s seen in over 20 years. Ethics, politics, morality, social structures, negotiations, public figures, military influences and ulterior motivators; Alex Rider handles each topic with a grace and insight he hasn’t seen since university. Quite frankly he doesn’t know whether to be impressed or terrified. He settles on curious.

Give me Alex Rider’s politics teacher who’s family served in the army, who recognises the shadows of war in those dark brown eyes even if he can never understand why. The only one that seems to notice that seeing Alex’s controlled, efficient steps through a boisterous crowd of school children is like watching a ballet dancer glide through a swarm of drunk seagulls.

Give me Alex Rider’s politics teacher who let’s the poor kid take a nap in class or snack when he wants to (partly because 50% of the time he looks ready to drop) but mostly because deep down they both know there’s nothing that he can teach him here. Alex had an already pretty unusual and impressive grasp of foreign affairs before his uncle died and in the years since then? Well, he’s pretty sure Alex speaks more languages fluently than he has fingers.

Give me Alex Rider’s politics teacher whose subject gives him more of a glimpse into his talents than most people are allowed to see; who takes one good look at his extra little piece of the puzzle and thinks yeah. This kid is brilliant.

Where are the stories of Remus Lupin being fucking grumpy not because of the moon or the mauraders, but because of the amount of girls who have decided silver jewellery is in this year.

My poor man is dodging girls left right and centre. It’s gotten to the point he’s seriously considering investing in one of those giant muggle hamster balls.

The BBC Merlin Sountrack had NO RIGHT to go that hard.

Listen to this! 2:10 - 2:41 of ‘Merlin buries lancelot’ has me in literal CHILLS. The grief and loss and magic and love that crescendo conveys is just so extraordinary I have to go and be alone for a while.