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Geralt you’re great but your horse is better

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Geralt you’re great but your horse is better

Just a reminder that:

Joey Batey has actively combated scenes, information, plots, details and lore being cut from the show by including it in his songs.

Joey Batey has been the lead songwriter and composer for all of Jaskier's music since the start of the show. That's three whole seasons worth of music so far. That's six years of writing and producing music.

Joey Batey has embodied Jaskier as bisexual since day one, and actively admitted to having to write over 7,000 words across multiple emails (excluding phone calls and in-person meetings) to fight against the choices the writers and runners were proposing for the 'reveal' scene(s) and future scenes.

Joey was one of the first people during the video interviews to praise Henry after the DeuxMoi smear campaign and has displayed nothing but respectful support for him amidst the chaos. He also did his best to imply that Henry hadn't been fired, despite the active rumors otherwise and the blanket ban on addressing actual details.

Joey filmed the Rience torture scene for over twelve consecutive hours despite being in pain and feeling nauseated and experiencing significant mental distress and being in freezing cold temperatures, outside, in the middle of winter.

Has, without fail, always supported his female co-stars and had nothing but good things to say about them. Has never sexualised them once or behaved inappropriately, and always ensures they get equal press coverage when doing group or duo events.

Read the books, played the games and asked Henry to help him prepare for and portray Jaskier as an accurate representation of Dandelion and Dandelion's personality and characteristics despite the show's shoddy writing.

Coen wasn't even a wolf school witcher btw

Uh huh. Tell us all another one, Lauren.

Geralt: why are you standing on the table?

Jaskier: this is my house, and I may stand wherever I like!

Geralt: where's the spider

Jaskier: It's in the corner just there do you mind-

Some Canon Eskel Facts

Imagining Geralt and Jaskier playing that egg game going around is really fucking funny to me. Not only does it get on both of their nerves, but I think they’d also be extremely competitive.

Jaskier is a little drunk, having a few bottles with Geralt will do that to you, and calls over the Witcher for a game, showing him a simple brown egg in his right hand, and a mug he took a while ago from some shitty inn. What he got was a slowly interested Witcher who sat down silently, as if to say ‘go on.’

Jaskier tells him the rules, how you lay the egg down, put the mug over it, and then slap your hand on top of the cup. Geralt thought it was strange, maybe some rich boy game Jaskier did when he was but a wee lad, and decided to give in. Once they started, it was just them tapping the top of the mug. It was stupid, Geralt was about ready to stop, until Jaskier picked up the cup.

Listen, Geralt likes planning. He’d say he’s considerably “neat”, he just didn’t like last minute things, it makes him feel rushed, and unprepared. So when he came down on that poor little innocent egg with his bear (no it’s not misspelled) fucking palm, he pauses there. Blank. Frozen where he sat. Jaskier cackling is not helping his situation.

Betrayed by the very bard who was brave enough to sidekick a Witcher, Geralt nodded, bringing his hand up and flinging yolk at Jaskier, who was still laughing. Geralt learned the game pretty fast after that, and it ended with Geralt 15, Jaskier 11.

I would also like to think that they bring that game back to Kaer Morhen, Eskel caught on quicker than Geralt, Lambert always got pissy about it, and Vesemir was just as determined as his pups.

Along with the other au’s and headcanons I talk about on here, Wolf Geralt is pretty up there, or really animal transformations but that’s for another day. What I’m kinda gonna go off is this series which is about Geralt getting cursed and when his medallion comes off he becomes a wolf, very lovely series please go check it out and hand out kudos to the writer.

Anyways, my headcanons tonight are about wolf Geralt and how hilarious it would be. I always see funny dog videos uhhh everywhere, and I love to think like “that’s him. That’s Geralt as a wolf” because it’s hilarious and only him as a brooding man would do that in a wolf form.

Here, picture Jaskier and Geralt walking, both on either side of roach when they pass a field that’s open, and Geralt stops roach and Jaskier stops a few steps ahead because uhh, why would Geralt stop? He looks back to see the Witcher staring at the field with determination before whipping around and staring him dead in the eye. Jaskier questions before being handed a medallion and soon seeing this giant white wolf zoom into the field. The field is long enough so the wolf has to hop, and Jaskier is laughing and watching as Geralt has his fun.

Or like Wolf Geralt getting the zoomies? It takes place mostly at Kaer Morhen, where Geralt can relax and his brothers actually play with him in this wolf form. Him and Lambert are playing around, rolling around on each other before Geralt hops up and shoots off. Lambert is laughing hard he’s breathless, Eskel and Jaskier just walked in and in question before they see the White Wolf barreling his way through the hallway only to snap back around and race off. Jaskier starts to laugh and Eskel totally cheers him on which only makes him last longer. (Don’t even get me started on the poop zoomies)

Now I have a dog of my own, he’s adorable but he can be sassy as hell, idk if other dogs do this, but mine will give me serious side eye action and when laying out, will kick his back legs on whoever they land on, and it’s funny to think of Geralt doing that too. Him stretching out in the giant pile they all made by a fire one night, and his back legs end up on Jaskier and while stretching out he just kicks the shit out of Jaskier who’s trying to sleep and when Jaskier tries to stop, he earns a groan from the wolf and serious side eye business. Jaskier says he totally stinks of attitude and puppy breath but gets kicked again.

One last one for the road, but the dogs (mainly huskeys) who yell and don’t really bark? Geralt. Totally. When Jaskier is trying to get onto Geralt for spilling something zooming around, Geralt starts to yell, and doesn’t stop. Everyone hates it, because he’s loud and knows it. But they totally get him back for it. See, when it first started, Eskel had enough and let out one of the fake howls you do to get a puppy to do that cute “awoooo” sound, and it gets Geralt to stop and do the head tilt before immediately joining in. Eskel, Lambert, Jaskier and Vesemir find it funny as hell, but Geralt says he hates it because he can’t really control it.

I wanna talk more about wolf Geralt because honestly? He’s been on my mind lately. These are just more random things I’ve been thinking about so I hope you guys like.

Geralt has a favourite blanket. This blanket isn’t his own furs he has in his nice comfortable room, nuh uh, this blanket is from Lambert’s room. When Geralt is in his wolf form, this man trots his way to Lambert’s room and if the young Witcher isn’t in his room, Geralt takes the pleasure of rubbing and rolling on the blanket. If Lambert is in his room, Gearlt hops onto the bed, and with lightening speed, grabs the blanket between his teeth and fucking guns it. Gearlt will and has played tug of war with Lambert because it’s his fuckin blanket, Geralt give it back— if Lambert let’s Gearlt win, maybe after a day of intense training or running the walls of the keep, Gearlt sets it in the large living area and by the fire, and will rub and roll on it with his smug wolf face.

Another thing is Geralt doesn’t mind goats while human, because he isn’t ground level with them, but as a wolf he cannot stand them for more than a few minutes. Eskel doesn’t let him near most of his goats he’s collected because a) he still doesn’t know if Geralt has more wolf like instincts when it comes to prey animals and b) his goats would be scared of Geralt anyways. But, Lil’ Bleater isn’t scared of Gearlt, either the goat knows it’s him or the goat thinks it owns Kaer Morhen. Lil’ Bleater will hop around Geralt, hop on him only to bounce off of him, bleep at him and just do everything around Geralt and he hates it. The goat doesn’t back off from the growls too much, so Geralt has given to barking at the goat, who will freeze up, fall over, and then run off and hide normally wherever Eskel is. Idk, I just thought this was kind of a funny idea, like if Geralt was being annoying, Eskel would bust out Lil’ Bleater and he’d get a taste of his own medicine.

Another bit, is when Lambert or Vesemir are in the kitchen preparing food, wolf Geralt comes into the kitchen area and instead of begging, he’ll just watch. He doesn’t sit in the walk way though, too many times hashis poor tail been stepped on, so he’ll sit behind the counter top they use to cut the meat on. Geralt is just big and tall enough for just his eyes to peek over the top of the counter, and watch. Jaskier once walked in on the scene and still teased him about it to this day, Eskel likes to give him small strips of meat if he catches him, but he doesn’t bag around Vesemir or Lambert, he knows better. Geralt admits sometime later he just likes to watch them work, it’s very hypnotizing.

Okay okay, last one. I won’t go too much into this one, but have you seen those dogs who hold things in their mouths and do the little happy skipping with their feet? Look me in the eyes and tell me that’s not Geralt. I do understand that he’s not always like that, but maybe if Jaskier is sad or someone gives him how own steak, he totally does his little happy dance. Lambert calls it tapping toes, Eskel can’t stop laughing, and Jaskier will dance with him. Vesemir is just amused he’s so expressive when in this form.

I’m kind of obsessed with the idea that Jaskier makes his own paper and makes his own books from scratch. You know the really aesthetic looking tiktoks or how to tutorials on making a book? Yeah, that’s Jaskier.

Like I can see him having a small bucket that’s long enough filled with river water and paper he’s cut up and let soak, and running a screen through and letting the pages dry over night by their camp fire.

Or him sewing the pages together and creating the spine and covers. I’m not too educated on the process, so I’m sorry if I get everything wrong or if I don’t add to much detail onto the idea, but I’d like to hear everyone else’s ideas to this.

Another is, I think Geralt would absolutely love watching Jaskier do all this. Very relaxing.

Would the wolf Witchers have different areas they get sensory overloads? Like, does that make sense? Their senses are enhance to be more powerful so certain things would be more intense for the others, let me explain how I’m thinking this.

I want to start with Geralt, because he’s the first I can think of. Honestly? I think his sense of smell is incredibly strong. Even though he has extra mutations and stuff and it is probably different, I think his sense of smell is overpowering even for him. It could be used for hunting and tracking down missing pets or people, but I also think he just smells so much when stepping into a village or town, and it’s kind of too much? First meeting Jaskier, I think he recoiled from him because it was just so intense and made his nose burn, but after few words and many reactions, I think Jaskier settles down the fragrance and goes for something that is so settle to him it’s not even there but Geralt kinda really enjoys it? Sure he still doesn’t like to enter town most of the time because of the disgusting smells, but maybe Jaskier gives him a small cloth with the nice smell.

I don’t think much on Lambert just because I kinda don’t relate to his humour or personality but I’m learning to open up about him, and I like the headcanon people have of him cooking, and being excellent at it. I think his sensitive sense is taste. A lot of things just don’t sit with him, it tastes disgusting. Watching mothers lick a cloth to wipe dirt from their child’s face makes him feel creepy’s and crawly’s, he hates it. Maybe he doesn’t eat much of other peoples cooking because of it, but when he makes it, he knows what to do with it and it doesn’t effect him as bad. Maybe it’s more of a texture thing the longer I think of it. I’d also like to think that he’s the only one who cooks in Kaer Morhen because the other wolfs understand it, and his cooking is the best.

I thought hard and long on Eskel but I think I wanna go with hearing. I wouldn’t say it’s worse or better than the other Witchers, it’s just the first to really really get to him. Towns and villages are hard for him at times because the blacksmith working can be too much, town folk talking can be too much, farm animals and so on. Maybe around Kaer Morhen, if a loud creature is out around the property of the Keep, he’ll hunch his shoulders up and cover his ears, but outside the Keep I think maybe he has some wax plugs he puts in. If those don’t work well, which I’m thinking they don’t most of the time, he probably sits with his hands overs his ears for a while, gather himself. I think maybe Geralt, Jaskier and Vesemir give him books from time to time just to settle in silence, focus on the words and fuzz everything out.

Finally, I wanna get to Vesemir himself. Not gonna lie, touch. I don’t think this man likes any kind of touch he doesn’t allow or hasn’t done it first. As in like, if he doesn’t hold his hand out for a handshake, don’t grab his hand for him and shake it. He hates it. Don’t pat him on the shoulder, don’t touch his elbow, no hugs unless he goes for it first. I think the pups know this, but when he firsts meets Jaskier, I think he would get stressed out completely cause this man is all talk and touch. With the pups instructions not to, Jaskier wouldn’t do it anymore of course, but Vesemir was very put off with Jaskier at first. I’d also like to bring up the idea that maybe Vesemir just always wears gloves, could be his armour gauntlets or just a tight pair of leather gloves, makes him feel like he’s not touching anything, only the glove is. As a person who is sensitive to touching most times, I get the stress of it and I think the gloves would be, not only interesting, but a weight lifting. You aren’t touching it, the glove is.

“Ciri looked up into his face and barely restrained her frightened scream. He wasn’t human. Although he stood on two legs, although he smelled of sweat and smoke, although he wore ordinary human clothes, he was not human. No human can have a face like that, she thought.”

AH I’m so happy with this commission that @lebzpel did for me! Highly recommend going to Leb for anything your heart might desire, art-wise.

I’ve made some more wolf geralt headcanons, would you like some wolf geralt headcanons? Here, have some wolf geralt headcanons you poor children.

I do think someone gives him a toy. I don’t think it’s from one of his brothers or Jaskier, but it’s from a little girl who was taught that he was the white wolf, not the butcher and wanted to give him something so he’s protected too. Him as normal adores the fuck out of the toy, but his wolf form has an obsession with it. The first time the wolf brothers see it, Geralt has been whining up a storm, shifting from side to side with nervousness while Jaskier gets the toy. If the toy isn’t by his side most of the winter, everyone’s going to hear him whine until it’s found.

Geralt blends in really well with the snow, so when it’s just beginning to snow, him, Eskel and Lambert race outside to play hide n seek. Geralt does it because it’s fun and tires him out, for Eskel and Lambert it helps with their hunting skills, mostly like smell and sight. It’s really funny to see Geralt lay down completely to try and camouflage in the snow, with his golden eyes shining so bright.

Geralt nannies the fuck out of Ciri when she comes along. She is now apart of the pack, she must be protected!! He followed her around everywhere, being there for support if she needed to lean on something, pulling her out of the way when the other wolves, +bard, are trying to get things done. If they’re somewhere and Geralt has a sudden feeling of danger, he’ll do everything is wolf self can to get Ciri out of there and safely somewhere else. Ciri is also the only one who can bribe Geralt into doing tricks.

If he’s tired after a long day of training, he’ll shift into his wolf form sometimes, and wherever he is at whatever time, he’s going to lay down and stay there. Jaskier jokes about him being a lap wolf, it’s all fun n games until Geralt turns into this huge fluffy white wolf and crushes your legs with pure hunting muscles. Eskel only likes it’s when he’s had a bad night, Geralt always sticks with him after a bad night. He’s with Lambert most of the nights, poor baby wolf so sensitive to the cold keep. When he’s not with either of them, he’s with Jaskier laying his head on his stomach and Jaskier petting his head. He sings for him and massages his ears, and in return Geralt keeps Jaskier warm and licks his face when Jaskier is joking with him.

Last one, but when Geralt gets excited over something, his tail wags like no tomorrow and doesn’t care what he’s hitting with it. If it’s a body part, better hope it can stand it. But if it’s a hard object, like a door or a counter corner and it has that steady beat to it, Jaskier totally makes up a song on the spot to the beat of Geralt’s tail.

I hope that was enjoyable, if you want to add anything I’d love to see it!!

Vesemir: Why does it smell like a hay pin in here?

Eskel: what? It’s not so baaaaaaad.

Vesemir: ....

Eskel: ...

Vesemir: for goat’s sake’s, that’s enough.

Geralt: here we goat again.

Lambert: you’ve goat to be kidding me.

Eskel: oh my god..

Jaskier: shit just goat serious.

The wolf boys best sleeping positions cause I’m tired.

Lambert loves to be cuddles from behind, little spoon this one is. When him and the other wolf ding dongs cuddle together in front of the fire during winter he makes sure to get the edge by the fire because Eskel n Geralt like to cuddle together sometimes, plus it feels like he’s protected by the other two (which he will never ever tell them). When Jaskier comes along, they love to cuddle together and hold one another. If Jaskier wakes up one night to pee, Lamber will sleepily cling to him to try and get him back down. In the morning he won’t admit it, but if another one saw him cling, he owns up to it proudly.

Eskel totally spreads all out, maximum comfort is in star fish position. I also bet this man kicks in his sleep. He doesn’t mean to, but if ones too close and he can’t spread out, better be prepared to be shoved. Now he if he’s cuddling someone before he falls asleep, he won’t spread out like normal and will sleep like the mountain he is. I bet he also likes to squeeze between Lambert and Geralt, the middle is always the warmest to him.

Geralt, I bet likes to sleep on his back, and who ever cuddles into his sides will be locked into cuddling with him. Normally when cuddling, either by the fire or on his huge ass bed, you’ll find him asleep on his back with Jaskier n Eskel cuddling against his sides, protected by his arms. If Lambert joins, Jaskier likes to take Geralt’s chest.

I can’t forget Vesemir, just because he’s old ain’t mean he likes a good nap with his pups. I bet you’d find him on his own bed, which would probably be just a wee bit smaller than the other boys, curled up and tuckered out after a hunt for winters food, with the boys cuddled and surrounding him just like how he watches over the wolf boys when they lay out under the hearth.

not sure if you also follow marvel, but seeing as MCU *also* has a conjunction event, what would happen if the Witchers wound up on their earth (or anywhere else in the MCU for that matter?)

This is a good question!! Ngl, when I first saw this, I thought of Yennefer meeting Black Widow and kinda got really excited about that idea, but also Yen meeting Scarlet Witch is something too.

My mind wonders to Lambert second, and no I don’t really understand yet how his character is/works, like his personality, so not much comes to mind instead or maybe Rocket, or Loki. I personally feel like he’d make good jokes with Rocket, and I’m not totally 100% sure why Loki??? It’s probably because I kinda see his relationship with Geralt seem like how Thor and Loki are? oddly?? Like one of them is totally furious kitty, while the other one is like “he’s adopted guys”.

Along with Thor, Geralt also likes to talk to Hawkeye, purely because I once heard Geralt likes crossbows, he may also like Captain America because wasn’t he like, pumped with a super-solider serum ??? and then brought to a strange modern arc in the future at sometime ??? they probably help each other out with adjusting, also Steve saying Geralt isn’t a monster and helping him is kinda really soft to think about.

oh buddy do I have Eskel hc’s for you, I totally want to think he gets along well with Doctor Strange, magic???? it’s not realistic, because poor boy couldn’t comprehend, but this is fiction. I also bet he likes Bucky, cause he likes his hair (and cool arm).

okay, Jaskier. My first thought was Spiderman? but you gotta remember Jaskier isn’t young no more, he’s like 40, spidy is baby. it is a cool idea though. So I kept thinking, and I like the idea of him and Ironman getting along, both having a sharp tongue, I bet they can talk and talk for hours.

for Ciri, I really like her and Captain Marvel to get along, oh my gosh, I think it’s a click right at the beginning. Ciri does get fly rides, and!! I also think she’d get along with The Hulk, she’s curious, he’s willing to answer questions.

for Vesemir? I totally think he sits back with Odin, Vesemir is just surprised to see this. I do think they’d do old people things together. 

Thank you for smiting!! I hope this satisfies you!! If you want to add more, or debunk ideas, I’d love to hear.

So I was going to do a small special thing for hitting 100 followers, thank you guys so much, but while brainstorming (and holding off for a hot minute) I hit 200 followers here and I’m??? So grateful and excited???

You guys are so amazing, and wonderful. I appreciate all of you here, this is a nice morning to wake up to. I’m busting my chops, you guys will get a 200 follows special from me soon!!

So like am I one of the few who thinks of Eskel as the older sibling kind?👀 Like he’s got so much big brother energy it’s so crazy, let me tell you about the things I’ve thought of for it.

Geralt’s been feeling kind of down during the winter months, sulks here and there, spreading the scent of sadness. Maybe he misses his bard, no one knows because he won’t talk about it. Now think Eskel in the keeps library looking for books he’s read over and over before, and Geralt comes in after doing his chores and walks over to him and just leans against him. Eskel knew it was gonna happen sooner or later, hums, and picks out one of Geralt’s favourite books. He gets the wolf to sit next to the fire with him. By supper time, Lambert finds them laying next to the hearth with Eskel reading out loud and Geralt sleeping with his hair being played with.

With Lambert It’s different, no I don’t think Lambert’s the one to just sit there in silence, I think he bottles it up and gets angry easier. Mixing Eskel into the situation, i bet he’s a lot more daring than Geralt would be, more likely to chunk Lambert off the roof of Kaer Morhen, or tackle him out of nowhere. Not saying Geralt wouldn’t do it, but I feel as if Eskel can tell when Lambert’s gonna pop a lot quicker. This also goes with jokes, name calling, snarky remarks thrown at each other.

Now with Jaskier, I can totally see him and Eskel just reciting old poems written by dead poets. Maybe one night while Eskel is helping cook, and by that I mean he’s just making sure the stew was stirred, Jaskier comes marching in and whips out this poem that Eskel hasn’t heard in a while, but it’s the very poem Jaskier used to express he’s angry. Eskel would reply back with some poem he remembers back on, and they just go back and forth like that. Sometimes it’s just a couple of poems, but the longest they gone was almost four days.

Yes I want to add Vesemir into this, I saw some headcanons about Vesemir and Eskel having a close relationship as father & son and I love it so much. Man, when Lambert or Geralt ruffles Vesemir’s feathers a little too much, I love to think of Vesemir going out to the training grounds and doing drill over drill over drill, and Eskel comes to join him. Sometimes they talk, other times they just fall into sync. Maybe after Vesemir cooks Eskel his favourite soup because he appreciates him being there.

This can also be seen as big, middle or little sibling but I just think he radiates big brother energy so much.

Geralt: oh my gods.

Ciri, dressed as Geralt: it’s like looking in a mirror!

Geralt: no it isn’t, Ciri.

Ciri: who’s ciri?

Yennefer: I already can’t tell who’s who.

Geralt: take that stuff off.

Ciri: Jask, get in here and settle this!!

Geralt: don’t call your father Jask.

Jaskier: what? ohh! hey!! woah, travel sized Geralt, awww!

Geralt: Jaskier, you’re encouraging her.

Dara: I need the bathroo- oh wow, this is confusing.

Geralt: no, it’s not.

Ciri: *Geralt impression* you’re my family and I love you but you’re terrible, you’re all terrible!!

Geralt: I don’t say that.

Yennefer: that’s all you say.

day 3/10 : One hour portrait painting practice :3