For Does The Devil Not Simply Give Us What We Ask For?

For does the devil not simply give us what we ask for?

For does the devil not find us all on our knees?

1.

if love is a wound

ours is still tender

still choking on its own blood

if heartbreak is a scar

ours is still scabbing

still

healing

still prone to breaking open

when your name blisters my tounge

when your memory skates across the surface

of my skin and tears away any knowledge

i have acquired on

how to summon the unbreaking

and i fight to recall how to heal again

and again

and

again

fight to recall

the will

2.

dawn spills over the brim of the horizon

trickles through my fingers

i try to stop the light from over flowing

into the basin of the sky

but I fail

each time again

and in this way I recall your leaving

every

morning

but it does not

stop

me

from

trying.

i am so

sorry

i miss

you

3.

tell me

when the raindrops fell at your feet

my dear

did they deliver every love note

i left scattered in the thunder clouds

for you

my mistress of liquid dreams and plenty

are you dripping in my

promises

yet?

(writing sensless lines until poetry comes back to me)

You have softened all my edges.

And I am afraid

That when you leave,

(As they all

Inevitably do)

I will be left

Defenseless

Against

The world.

~

I run my fingers over all the places my skin is pulled taunt.

"You don't have to, if you don't want to."

"I know."

But I want to want to.

For you.

There is not enough space

Between the lines

To hold

Everything

I failed to say.

~

I wonder often

If they will remember me

As anything other

Than what I helped them forget.

So I make promises

Knowing they will be broken,

In an attempt

To collect sins.

Hoping

In the end,

I might

Cash them in

To see you again.

~

I say

I forgive you

But you tell me

It means nothing

Because you do not

Forgive yourself.

Then what am I worth to you?

What am I worth to you?

For are you so staunch in your belief,

That you do not deserve

To be loved,

That you would shatter my heart

To prove yourself right?

~

I tell myself,

If I could not make you love me,

I will at least

Make you

Miss me.

But I do not hold it against you.

For if I left me

I would not

Long for my return

Either.

~

I title this chapter

Lessons on forgiving

Myself

When I deserve it

Least.

In it,

Sorry

Is not used

Once.

~another compilation of thoughts only beautiful out of context

"There's a special place in hell for people like you, you know that?"

"You bet. The V.I.P. section, baby."

what if when icarus fell apollo caught him before he hit the sea, arms as warm as the sun, but safer.

what if when ariadne cast the rope across a broken branch aphrodite stepped in with a reminder that this, this is not the kind of love you die for.

what if when achilles was ready for war ares appeared with a smile and said “you win well when you win, but what are you unwilling to lose if you lose?” and achilles knew the answer.

if you could retell the tale wouldn’t you want to tell it kinder? wouldn’t you want to give them peace, even love, where you could?

l.s. | I AM TIRED OF RE-WRITING TRAGEDY WITHOUT CHANGE. LET THEM LIVE. LET THEM LEARN. LET THEM LOVE © 2016

D • e • l • i • r • i • u • m

James & Cordelia

~

You shift in and out of focus.

When I catch your gaze across the night there is only streaks of gold.

Your breath a blur against my skin.

Your love a shadow.

~

I see you clearest in dreams,

In a feild of daisies.

There is a cliff,

But you hold on.

You hold on.

For some part of you trusts,

That I am coming for you.

You trust

That I

Am coming

For you.

And I do.

I am falling through the layers of the universe.

I am facing the possibility of the person I could become.

He does not look like he remembers you.

And this scares me most.

So I grip the hilt of my sacrifice

And shatter the mirror.

I am wounded a million time over with the flying shrapnel consequences.

There is darkness.

But I hold on.

I hold on.

For some part of me trusts,

That you are coming for me

That you

Are coming

For me.

And you do.

~

I left you stranded on a dance floor once,

Amongst a sea of spinning laughter.

I don't remember why I did that.

I don't remember what your face looked like when I turned away from you.

I remember...

You

My hands ghosting along your waist.

Phatom pain when we were palm to palm.

Your softly blooming joy.

Your wilting smile.

It haunts me still.

I don't remember why I did it, now.

But I would finish the waltz with you

If I could.

I would give you as many dances as you cared for.

If you would take my hand for them.

If you might trust me long enough,

To lead you through the steps again.

I promise,

I will not let you fall

Without catching you

This time.

~

I held all of you in my arms once,

Only to let you go.

I don't remember why I did that.

I don't remember how the walls were not engulfed by the flames consuming us.

I remember...

You

Dawn spilling from your edges as you overflowed.

Beads of light brimming where the stitches of us tore.

I remember...

Burning

Not minding if I turned to ash in your palms.

Smoked filled senses with nothing but you.

Your skin a wildfire.

You dance a story that flickers in your eyes like flame when you looked at me.

What I would give for you to tell me a tale again.

For your voice rustling my eyelashes.

~

When I read,

I catch the brush of your hair

In the flutter of every turning page.

I see you,

In the glimmer of light,

That catches on a drawn sword

In the sunset of battle.

I do not know why loving you is so easy

~

Excerpts from a James and Cordelia poem that has been sitting in my drafts for a while, thought I would share some parts before Chain of Iron comes out :))