Adhd Paralysis - Tumblr Posts

Someone needs to hold a knife to my squishmallow and force me to make art rn, because it's the only thing I care about enough to fear losing

Took my meds for the first time in a couple weeks and my head hurts.

I think I experienced ADHD paralysis for the first time. Started with wanting to make ice to I got the ice trays but the counter was cluttered so I moved the dishes out of the way to the dishwasher then I saw there wasn't much needed to fill the washer so I put more dishes in the dishwasher to fill it but grabbing a dish I notice the grease jar so I move it under the sink but then I notice they're full so I put them in triple grocery bags to put outside then I finish the dishwasher and close it then move to do ice and when that's done I put them in the freezer then go to my living room to finish writing something I thought of for one of the fics I'm writing and I've suddenly got really focused and ended up writing half of the fic and then I'm getting a text asking if I can make the sender a sandwich and suddenly I just felt overwhelmed and stuck.

I want to finish this fic but I also want to get back to the kitchen but now the kitchen doesn't sound all that fun to clean anymore and I don't want to make this sandwich, I just want to say no, but the sender isn't feeling well so saying no will make me feel bad so I move to the kitchen but then I feel stuck again and sit down in the kitchen just think and suddenly I want a hoodie, I want confinement, but something mentally is stopping me from going upstairs to get a hoodie so I just sit in the kitchen and it's been a couple minutes since I was asked to make a sandwich and I'm just stuck in the chair and suddenly I want to just curl up in my bed in my covers but there's that mental block again and suddenly I'm crying, why and I crying? I feel like I'll be in trouble for not wanting to make a stupid sandwich then I hear someone come downstairs and I go to hide in the bathroom and instead of just explaining how I'm feeling I'm hiding and crying because I'm fucking paralyzed just for being asked to make a sandwich.

My mom then asks if I'm alright and I lie. She asks why I sound like I'm crying and I lie. I lie because for some reason I feel like I'm in trouble for not wanting to do this one thing.

I've never felt this mentally stuck before and it was genuinely weird because what the fuck, why can't I do this and I realize that my meds are bringing out bits of my thoughts that I never have when I was off my meds because it's not that I can't do it, I can make a sandwich, it's that I can't do it. My brain isn't letting me because of all the other stuff going on.

Now I remember why I'd sometimes skip taking my meds in school.

I wanted to do my schoolwork today. I wanted to get caught up. I feel proud of myself when I finish an assignment on time.

Instead I watched some random YouTube videos I don't even find enjoyment in