Am I Aromantic? - Tumblr Posts
I love my boyfriend, I really do. He's probably the healthiest relationship I've had in my life too, but I just.
I'm a very private, introverted, and closed off person. I like my alone time, I don't talk often unless you get me started on things, and I typically don't like people. Tbh I have a hard time being nice to people, including people I love and like.
My boyfriend is very clingy, which is okay, but I don't want him to feel like I'm gonna leave him or get all sad because I want some time alone. Like we're always on call and it's kind of bothering me? Not because it's him, but because I'm technically not having full alone time. I feel guilty because I know he's a very clingy and lovey person, but I really can't be on call with someone for days on end. I love him, but God I need my space.
That and I also am starting to miss being single, because I didn't have to worry about talking to people about my games which usually are romance/character oriented. I feel guilty play these games I have loved for years and use as comfort because I have a boyfriend. Idk.
Like I don't want to leave him but I also can't be surrounded and loved on 24/7. It's not even like we are always talking on call either, it's just the fact I'm not alone that is bothering me sometimes. It's also not all the time that I'm annoyed I'm not alone, more often then not I'm happy to be around him and everything but like when I'm doing my thing and he calls me I get agitated.
It kind of reminds me of when you're doing something and someone interrupts you and you love them but now you're very upset.
Also I want us to take it slow because I do have commitment issues and attachment issues and it kind of feels like we're rushing it at the same time. Like yes, one day in far future I'll marry him (maybe, idk how life will go) but like rn can we just vibe?
I'm also feeling guilty cuz I am in the ace scale (not sure what ace I am but I know I'm ace) and he's a very sexual person while I'm very like. I use it to cope, like a bad coping skill and to deal with stress. Sexual things are kind of something I have a love hate relationship with? Cuz due to trauma I'm a hypersexual and I hate it because I kind of don't want to have sex ever. I mean imagination and fictional stuff I'm all for but I am very neutral and sometimes against doing stuff irl. He even thought that he wasn't satisfying my needs because my ace ass hasn't done anything sexual and honestly didn't want to.
Idk. I personally don't think I'm ready for a relationship at all, honestly I don't think I really need one. I think I'm fine being single and having friends (even though I honestly only have my best friend and a few online friends), a relationship is kind of my last priority. I feel a little bad for that mindset but I'm also borderline poor and have sever health issues plus a lot of trauma I went through recently so like ... Yeah. Don't get me wrong, I still love my boyfriend and I don't plan on leaving him unless he fucks up or I quite literally cannot handle it, I'm just kind of upset or smt?
Maybe I'm just not use to someone being so clingy or so lovey and stuff this early on. It's not bad, he's very sweet and everything, I just don't know if I can handle it. I can barely handle myself. I think maybe it's something wrong with me, maybe I'm just built wrong or something. I adore him but also ugh relationship. Maybe I just need my alone time back and I'll be good? Idk lmao.
I think I just need to make sure we slow down and go at my pace and let him know that I need my alone time and that, as much as I love him, the relationship isn't my highest priority. He's still a priority just not the highest one. I'm number one. So yeah. Idk.
I don't understand crushes in the sense that I'm unsure if I've ever had one...
So I asked my friends to explain it to me and one simplified it to
"Think of it as a food craving but instead of food it's a person's attention/affection."
And god damn, now I understand- just compare it to food
I don't understand crushes in the sense that I'm unsure if I've ever had one...
So I asked my friends to explain it to me and one simplified it to
"Think of it as a food craving but instead of food it's a person's attention/affection."
And god damn, now I understand- just compare it to food
I don't understand crushes in the sense that I'm unsure if I've ever had one...
So I asked my friends to explain it to me and one simplified it to
"Think of it as a food craving but instead of food it's a person's attention/affection."
And god damn, now I understand- just compare it to food
Why is it that I can write romance stories but can’t identify romance personally??? Like I can see myself doing romantic stuff but without the romance. It’s always been super confusing bc I don’t know if I actually experience romantic attraction. I can do physical attraction, but, like, if romance is all anxiety around the person you like in that way in stuff, that doesn’t make any sense because I’m always anxious. Having watched media that was 90 percent focused on romance my entire life, I don’t really know if I actually want to be in a romantic relationships, because it’s always been fiction to me. To me, it feels imagined because I don’t actually think I’m romantically attracted. And when I see friends with irl relationships I realize I kinda don’t get it?? Like y’all are cute and all, but I struggle to understand actual romance, because I just don’t think I actually experience romantic attraction. And honestly, thinking about it now, I might’ve always mistaken romantic attraction with, like, pure platonic feelings. Because even if romance was supposed to be defined as someone who makes you feel happy, I always feel happy around my friends. Doesn’t mean I’m romantically attracted to them though. If I looked back to all my crushes, it was more physical attraction and an appreciation for their personality, as in a, “I’d hang out with you outside of wherever I met you sort of way” and not an, “I’m attracted to you romantically and in love you” sort of way. Not sure if this makes any sense, but this is just how my brain wrote it out I guess.