Brokenhearted Dieinginside Thepaingurts - Tumblr Posts

I'm dieing inside, why does this have to be so complicated? How is it even possible to be so deeply in love with someone you can't have? I'm trying to suppress my emotions and make it stop. But I'm finding it impossible. I want to cry it out until it's all out of my system and then I can get on with life. But I can't cry. My heart is breaking. How do you stop loving and caring and longing for someone you can't have? Especially when you have known the person for damn near 20 yrs, and Everytime your with one another the vibe is wonderful, your laughing together until your abs and face hurt, when you can have taco bell nights and watch multiple great horror flicks together and when your in his arms for cuddling, he "feels like home" the comfort level is 1000! He remembers the day the both of you met. It's special things like that, that makes it so bloody hard to let go. I wish my brain had a reboot button! My chest hurts from all this pain, I'm so tired of living like this. I hate being friend zoned all the time by the ones I have an interest in.

Yesterday was his birthday 🎂 and it was the 1st one in a decade I had not reached out to him to say "happy birthday my dude!" ...... 🤐😔 It felt so weird not talking to him on his birthday, giving him a shout out on my Instagram account like I always have. I seen he made some "story posts" even posted a pic of himself, asking people to send him birthday money if they cared enough. 🙄😒 I looked at his picture for a few seconds, then felt the anger brewing inside of me from our very last encounter last month, then quickly exited out. And I can honestly say that is one GREAT SIGN I'm getting over someone and the hopeless romantic side of me is dead and gone for them...... If I can look at you and get angry and know my pupils morphed into dagger 🗡️ shapes, then yeah it's for certain I am over you and "L***" don't live here anymore. One can easily say I shouldn't have/feel regret, take it as a severe lesson learned. I learned more about the male psyche/mind/inner brain workings. Yet and still on the other side of that same coin, how can one person NOT FEEL REGRET AND ANGER FOR HAVING ALL THEIR TIME WASTED, BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF, 9 YEARS OF A PERSON MIND FUCKING THEM INTO OBLIVION? HOW CAN YOU NOT GET ANGRY AND FEEL REGRET FOR KNOWING THAT FOR 9 YEARS THE VERY PERSON YOU WAS THERE FOR AND LOVED SO HARD, WHO KEPT SAYING TO YOUR FACE "MOST GUYS WOULD HAVE BEEN QUICK TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU, BECAUSE IT WOULD BE SO EASY TO, BUT IM GLAD IM NOT ONE OF THOSE GUYS..." SAY THAT B. S. WITH SUCH A STRAIGHT FACE YET BE THE VERY ASSHOLE WHO'S TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU?! HE MIGHT NOT HAVE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF MY BODY, BUT HE TOOK ADVANTAGE OF MY FINANCE, MY LOVE, THE PRIVILEGES HE GOT, MY EMOTIONS. DID HE HONESTLY NOT THINK THOSE THINGS COUNTED TO AS EASY TO TAKE FOR GRANTED, AS EASY TO MISUSE? 😔😭😤

I really hate EARTH REALM(yes that's a mortal Kombat term😊💯) I really hate the toxic evil people that dwell within Earth Realm. And between him and everyone else that has come and gone out of my life who took advantage of me and my love, I hate them all, but for now all I can do is sit back and let the most high God deal with all of them justly. No need for me to be petty and seek revenge. The most high God don't like ugly and doesn't want arrogant pompous pricks in his heavenly kingdom. So he will sort out the evil pricks and do away with them. Karma is very much real! And he will one day feel it if he hasn't already. 💯