Dick X Wally - Tumblr Posts

Batman and Barry are having a calm–if not even a nice conversation when it happens. They’re walking around the Watchtower, talking about the League’s next mission, and that’s when Barry’s face drops, and points to something ahead of them. 

It’s Wally. On one knee. With a small black box in his hand. Dick is in front of him.

They both stop and stare. 

Wally is speaking.

“Richard ‘Dick’,” Wally wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, and Barry wants to die, “Grayson-Wayne, will you do me the honors of being my favorite baby-girl for the rest of my life, and marry the Wall-man?” 

Barry wants to die. He wants to be dead. He wants to dig a 10-foot hole, and cover himself in the dirt, and stay there forever. He can’t even gauge how his face looks right now, and he does not want to look at Batman. The Bat. The guy who decided to dress up as a Man-Bat, go out, and terrorize the criminals of Gotham as a hobby. And his nephew, his loving, funny, fucking stupid, nephew, Wally, just proposed to Batman’s kid. And called himself the “Wall-man” and called the Batkid his “favorite baby girl.”

Dick just said yes.

Barry was not ready to be related to Batman.

Wally: How would you like your coffee?

Dick: As dark and as bitter as my soul.

Wally, shouting to someone behind the counter: I need one vanilla latte with extra cream and sugar!

Wally: You use humor to deflect your trauma.

Dick: Awww, thanks-

Wally: That’s not a good thing.

Dick: All I’m hearing is that you think I’m funny.

Dick: When you said 'Magic in Bed', I wasn't expecting this...

Wally: *pulls out card from deck* Now, was this your card?

Dick: Holy moly-

Dick Grayson from Chapter 6 of Eat a Real Meal Dammit, or, Five Times Dick Mother Hens His Family into Eating and One Time Dick is Mother Henned into Eating by TheWitchBoy on ao3.