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Bruce: I'll offer you some friendly advice-

Jason: I don't want your advice.

Bruce: Well, then consider it unfriendly advice.

Bruce as Batman trying to be a good dad : *shatters a window and climbs through it*

Bruce *turns around and helps Dick through it*: Breaking and entering is wrong robin.

youngDick absolutely going to do this later: ok

Dick: Time for plan G.

Stephanie : Don’t you mean plan B?

Dick: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Tim: What about plan D?

Dick: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Cass : What about plan E?

Dick: I’m hoping not to use it. Jason dies again in plan E.

Damian : I like plan E.

Jason : *Stubs their toe* FUCK!

Bruce: Mind your language!

Jason : What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”???

Bruce*bruce looking unimpressed but speechless*: …….

Stephanie : You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.

Stephanie : *Kicks the door down looking panicked*

Bruce: What did you do?

Stephanie : Nobody died.

Bruce: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

Jason Todd holding a bunch of weapons and grenades: you love me Roy?

Roy: normally i’d say yes without hesitation but i feel like i know where this is going and i don’t like it

🦇Bruce Wayne Headcanons 🦇

- Bruce wears reading glasses and puts them on whenever he needs to see something up close, so there’s a good chance if you walk in the bat cave you will see Batman squinting through a pair of cheap reading glasses at the bat computer.

- He smells good, but as he’s gotten older he’s beginning to smell like an old man.

- You cannot tell me Bruce has the loudest ringtone on earth and he stalks his whole family ( Including Red Hood) on Life360.

- “Live Laugh Love”

- He will try to use words to seem hip in front of his kids and it fails horribly. Example:

(Bruce picks Damian up from school)

Bruce: How was your day today, son?

Damian: tch. not too irritating, I guess.

Bruce: That’s very poggers.

Damian: 🤦

Wally: Whenever I see Dick, my heart clenches and I get all nervous.

Barry: That's because you're in love with him.

[later]

Dick: Whenever I see Wally, my heart clenches and I get all nervous.

Bruce: Don't get too close to him again, you seem to have an allergic reaction.

Dick: When you said 'Magic in Bed', I wasn't expecting this...

Wally: *pulls out card from deck* Now, was this your card?

Dick: Holy moly-

Kon: Smart is attractive. Educate me on something I don't know!

Tim: The mouth of a jellyfish is also an anus.

Kon: Stop.

Wally: You use humor to deflect your trauma.

Dick: Awww, thanks-

Wally: That’s not a good thing.

Dick: All I’m hearing is that you think I’m funny.

reblog to beat the joker to death

Damian: Jon and I have the kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other's-

Jon: Sentences.

Damian: Don't interrupt me.

Bruce: Here's some advice

Dick: I didn't ask for any

Bruce: Too bad. I'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me

Dick: Ok, maybe playing ‘whose family is most dysfunctional’ wasn’t the best idea we’ve had. Duke’s been crying about his parents in the bathroom for an hour. We can’t get him out...

Oh my gosh I saw this while scrolling through Pinterest and had to post this

Dick: I can't believe you've done this.....

Wally: I'm sorry I didn't know-!

Dick, on the verge of tears: YOU CAN'T JUST BUY ME A GIFT OUT OF NOWHERE NOW I FEEL LIKE A HUGE ASSHOLE!

Jon: I made this friendship bracelet for you.

Damian: You know, I’m not really a jewelry person.

Jon: You don’t have to wear…

Damian: No, I’m gonna wear it forever. Back off.

Bruce: That's it, I'm cutting off the internet!

Stephanie: No, please don't! I have a family to feed!

Bruce: ….

Bruce: What?

Stephanie: I need to feed my Neopets!

Wally: How would you like your coffee?

Dick: As dark and as bitter as my soul.

Wally, shouting to someone behind the counter: I need one vanilla latte with extra cream and sugar!

Diana: Gods, give me patience.

Cassie standing in front of an explosion : I think you mean 'give me strength'.

Diana: If Gods gave me strength, you'd be dead.

Bruce: You're right.

Clark: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?

Harper: If you were to vacuum up jello through a metal tube, well I think that’d be a neat noise

Bette: I beg to differ

Harper: Then Beg

Carrie: We need to get through this locked door. Tiffany , give me your credit card.

Tiffany : Here.

Carrie, pocketing it: Thanks. Luke , kick down the door.