Everything I Do Is Wrong - Tumblr Posts
Missed Experience
This last July I planned a trip for us to go up north to a popular camping/water sport destination. He wanted an experience without me, so I had the perfect idea: he always wanted to go scuba diving, and the idea sort of terrifies me – so perfect!
I had everything planned: The non refundable deposit was down for the scuba, the cute beachside hotel was booked. I’d picked out the restaurants, hikes, and other things we were going to do. The weather was going to be beautiful. Despite my anxiety owing to the fact that nothing was ever good enough, I felt that I had outdone myself with the planning. It was going to be perfect.
However, the Tuesday before the weekend he wanted to grease the chain on his motorcycle. I always helped him with it, even though he told me I was the most useless person for the job – he only chose me because he didn’t have anyone else. What he had me doing wasn’t hard per say, but it was essentially two things at once. It didn’t go as perfectly as he’d hoped and he lost his temper.
He screamed at me calling me a useless cunt and kicked a wooden stool. In doing so, he fractured his toe. Later he told me that it was a selfless act because he really wanted to kick me. He broke his toe in lieu of my ribs.
He insisted that I cancel the trip I had spent weeks getting together due to his injury. I lost the deposit I made on the scuba diving and one night of the hotel. I didn’t even bother mentioning it.
He blamed me and my incompetence for, once again, robbing him of an enjoyable weekend.
I almost forgot a part. We had to make two trips.
The first time we had gone was closer to his birthday. I had to book 6 weeks in advance as spaces filled up quickly. When the weekend came, the forecast called for some rain with periods of sunshine. Furthermore, there were other people who were in line ahead of us. We were advised by the club to come and hope for the best as there was still a good possibility we would go.
So we went and were trained. Ultimately, though the weather prevented us from having a turn to jump.
He was upset, once again, as I had dropped the ball on planning. As if I could predict, six weeks in advance, that the wind would pick up with the rain just enough to make the jump unsafe for beginners.
An Experience
Referring to this
I took us Skydiving in the summer of 2016 for his birthday complete with weekend away. It was probably the most exhilarating thing I’ll ever do.
We got videos and pictures of our jumps from the company we jumped with, but he also insisted I document his whole experience from start to finish on my phone. One of his complaints was that I never took pictures of anything, and that was a sign that I was not normal or a good partner.
The consequence of me playing paparazzi was that we discovered, a few weeks later when the official videos arrived, that I was in the first part of his. He was furious about that, stating how he’d have to re-edit it to be able to show it to his family.
Worst of all, where previously he had been raving about the experience, he soon turned it around. He was dissatisfied because I had participated. He was angry that I had not just paid for him to jump, but that I had jumped myself.
He stated that I just “couldn’t let him have anything.”
Always seemed that no matter how much I spent or planned that I couldn’t do anything right.
I used to try to tell him stories about things that happened to me. He would often roll his eyes while I was talking, sigh, and move his hand in a circular motion to say “get to the point, already.”
So I stopped trying. And I became the thing he talked at instead.
My personality began to melt away, and I walked into social situations believing I had nothing interesting to say. I retreated further in my head.
Later, one of his grievances with me was that I was never forthcoming, and he knew so little about my life.