Exvangelical - Tumblr Posts
Me whenever i do something slightly sinful and think "holy shit god will punish me for that" but i remember i'm not catholic anymore
I would die. I would have totally lost myself. I’m so grateful my family was with me in deconstructing
Shout out to all my ex christians that still have to go church because family member, ya’ll are real troopers.
The different Christian theological assertions about the nature and state of humanity vary so widely, from “made in god’s image and being restored to that image”, to the above toxic reformed or Calvinist bullshit.
But they are all based on the unfalsifiable assertion that humans are ruined and marred in some way which they are responsible for yet incapable of correcting (allegedly, until you get to the actual acceptance, adherence, and demonstration of these theological assertions), an inherent flaw not/by design (depending on who you ask), that we caused and that must be fixed, but fixed only by some external source (due to aforementioned flaw), through varying requirements, rules, and degrees of adherence.
The most insidious of these is faith itself, because it is intangible and therefore cannot be measured or reliably tested—anyone can question your faith, (including yourself), can challenge it, deny or reject it, based on their own feelings about whether or not you played your constructed role appropriately enough for them, as they arbitrate on behalf of god because of their superstition in the equally intangible “authority”, “calling”, or “ordination”.
No one knows, no one has any idea. We’re all just making our best guess about life and what’s after, if anything. But when we move beyond our personal aspirations, desires, and beliefs, and apply them forcefully (even in our own mind: “anyone who doesn’t believe will be eternally punished”), through dogma for things that can’t be proven — or else we’d all already know it, or could know it — we abuse our “neighbors”, our fellow humans.
Believe what you want, but you don’t get to tell other people they must believe the same thing to whatever standard you feel like on a particular day or season in your life based on what someone else told you.
Christianity is like omg no ofc abuse isn't okay no true Christian would ever believe it's acceptable to tear somebody down and control them. Anyway have you heard that you're a worthless maggot and you should be thankful that God has the mercy to love someone as terrible as you so you better do what he says even when it hurts or you'll be sorry
You are the only one who lives your life, the only one who lives in your body 🖤
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It has consumed so much of our time and attention and energy. The processing is good and necessary, but the freedom, no longer directing our attention and energy to it…that is something really wonderful 🖤✨
I was going to use this blog to vent my exvangelical frustrations, but I find myself dwelling on it less and less.
I’ve been giving my brain the space to enjoy this life I now lead without the expectations, shame, and guilt that came with my religious past.
Oh I will still definitely have my moments because I’m still mad. It’s just not a daily feeling any more and I love that for me. 🥰
Really. If they want to emulate Paul and be “all things to all people” in order to carry out the great commission most effectively, they should choose to be gay for a little while so they understand what it’s like. I guess they’re just not as committed as they say they are.
The chaotic urge I to ask every pastor I’ve ever had how they choose to be straight every single day and how they fight off all the “temptation” to be gay.
Because gender and sexuality is a choice or a trend right? 🤔 They’re so strong. 🥲 /sarcasm
The Christian conditioning to “pray and wait on God’s will” fucked up my life. Decades of choices, plans, skill building, wealth building, lost and unrecoverable, sacrificed to god and the church.
The years that the locusts ate were my good, young life poisoned by scrupulosity, the locusts were the high-control rules and conditions the church wielded to eat up my life.
There are three rules:
1. If you do not go after what you want, you will never have it.
2. If you do not ask, the answer will always be no.
3. If you do not step forward, you will remain in the same place.
“Reality has a well-known liberal bias”
—Stephen Colbert, White House Correspondents Dinner, 2006
I’ve written a good bit about this on here and on Twitter X,
the way that authoritarian ideology, specifically salvific ideology (that is, ideology that purports humans must be saved by some external means due to some internal fault), teaches that you must separate True self (“capital T!”) from your humanity.
C. S. Lewis famously wrote, “you don’t have a soul. You are a soul, you have a body.” This emphasis on the soul and the diminishing of the physical has legitimate psychological consequences, especially when pushed through a values system that determines whether or not you are pure enough to receive not just god’s love, but his attention, his favor, his protection in your health and safety, and every possible aspect of your conscious life and your eternal retirement.
Gnosticism asserts that your body—any tangible human identity and experience—is corrupted, and only the soul can be purified. Evangelicalism insists that it is not gnostic, that Gnosticism is a heresy, but it continues to teach this existential division. One scripture speaks of the Holy Spirit acting as a sword that separates even the spirit from the soul, and this is taken up in further teachings about divisible consciousness: your flesh, your soul, and your spirit. How the hell does this work? They teach you are a spirit, who has a soul (a self, your feelings and personality) that lives in a body, and the spirit is what ascends and is perfected and made whole at the end of all things. Even factions that believe you get a physical eternity teach that your current body is either renewed, made new, or you get a new body entirely.
Your current self (the only one you have ever known and as far as you are capable, can ever know) is an offense to god, one he graciously tolerates until some time which only he has determined to make all things perfect. You are stuck.
How is any human being supposed to address this and live accordingly? Especially really serious believers who really care about getting it right to demonstrate how much they love and trust god?
The teachings get overly complex from there, trying to substantiate themselves with esoteric phrases and hidden wisdom, but the application is what remains consistent: your current conscious and physical self is corruptible, has already been corrupted, and who you are must be saved and sanctified, and even that is not enough because there is still yet another stage when “the kingdom comes in its fullness” and it’s finally complete with a Brand New Self that is not corrupted like you are now.
There are different interpretations of what that existence will be like. But for the earnest and intensely faithful of us, what else can we do now but “die to ourselves”? We become shells of people, an entity occupying a body, trying in every way to allow ourselves to be taken over by god himself, to be a conduit for his will to all humanity that we encounter. Our desires and preferences are selfish and sinful, or conversely they have been transposed with the will of god.
Often times we merry-go-round or see-saw between these extreme ends, in a desperate attempt to be So Pleasing To The Lord, and in the process we either reject any intrinsic sense of self, or we outsource it to the divine. It is so profoundly confusing to live this way, and the easiest way to make sense of it is to decide that you are nothing, and nothing you want matters.
For a time, I was asked to be a youth pastor at my small church. This was something I never wanted to do. I felt so uncomfortable, so unqualified, not at all gifted, and very unsupported materially and relationally. And because of that, I wondered and eventually “trusted” that this must the will of god because he wanted to purge me, he wanted to force me into submission and to force me to trust him because I couldn’t do it without him, and this was his good gift and perfect love. After all, the bible teaches that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character, and character produces hope. If this is what god will do, through my suffering and struggle, why would I pray against that, ask god to change that? I stop existing, my fears, discomfort, and desires do not matter, and I only need to die to myself, give up every concern and hesitation because God’s love is poured into my heart.
The worst part of all this is that if you grew up in an abusive home, your survival mechanism of dissociation is not only reinforced in an authoritarian religious community, but it is rewarded—you’re so faithful! You have such a beautiful spirit! You’re such a servant! You are an example to the rest of the body of Christ!
The abuse-survival mechanism-reward dynamic can be extremely difficult to untangle. Who are you? If you grew up in this, there is likely never a time where you truly felt like you knew yourself, that you mattered, that your interests, preferences, and needs—all the things that make you human and shape your unique personality/self—were valid. How do you heal from this if you don’t know what you want or who you are because it was a deadly, existential threat to even think about?
It is possible, it is. Sending and extending courage to all those recovering from chronic, spiritualised dissociation.
Who wants to talk about borderline alterhuman identity acquired through cult socialization and separation of the self from human identity at an early age
More things I found on Facebook
Christians need to make up their fucking mind
"God is so kind and loving, but also you should fear him and his wrath, and god gave all of us free will, but if you don't do exactly as he says you'll regret it, and god is all knowing, but you still have to confess what you did wrong for him to forgive you"
If you ask me, "god" sounds like a manipulative piece of shit
Met a real life "I'm being oppressed and attacked because I'm a strong Christian" the other day and I physically do not care pls shut up
EDIT: RECRUITMENT IS CLOSED!! Thank you sooo much to everyone who participated and filled out the screener. :)
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sooo um hi! I’m a graduate researcher and wondering if folks would be interested in my study! 👉🏻👈🏻
Are you an ex-fundamentalist, ex-evangelical, or ex-charismatic Christian? Me too, and I’m looking for people like us to participate in an academic research study (IRBNet NO: 1873336) on identity development among ex-Christians. If you want to participate, please fill out the screener survey listed on the flyer (bit.ly/aposidscreener). And please share with anyone you know who might be interested! Please message me or email me at fio . haire @ mnsu . edu for more information.
Thanks!
Fio Haire (they/he), master’s student at Minnesota State University, Mankato
Primary Investigator: Dr. Aaron Hoy (he/him), Assistant Professor of Sociology at Minnesota State University, Mankato
[Image description: A multicolored flyer with text that says:
IRBNet NO: 1873336
Research Study for Former Christian Evangelicals, Fundamentalists, and Charismatics
Conducted by Fio Haire and Aaron Hoy at Minnesota State University, Mankato
Now Recruiting Interview Participants
Participants must be:
- 18 or older
- Live in the U.S.
- Be able to converse in English or with assistive technology
- Identify as ex-evangelical/fundamentalist/charismatic
- Not currently identify as Christian
Complete the screener at bit.ly/aposidscreener
Questions? Email fio . haire @ mnsu . edu
Scan here! - image of an arrow pointing to a QR code.
Share your story in a research study on the identity development of ex-Christians!]
Project “31 interviews in 40 days” complete! Thank you to everyone who has contributed to my master’s thesis project on identity development of ex-Christians; the interviewing process has been so life-affirming and hearing the stories of people in the ex-Christian community has reminded me over and over again why research in this area is so important.
I’ve reached recruitment capacity for this project, but I will undoubtedly be doing additional work on the topic of religious exit in the future. If you’d like me to reach out for a future project or if you’d like a copy of my master’s thesis when it is complete, please feel free to send me a message!