Fast Food Reader - Tumblr Posts
In abstance of my (second) favorite reader - A thread of fast food worker reader and the haunted establishment that has attached itself to them.
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[A customer walks up to the counter after seeing Reader in the close ballpit face down]
Customer: Um, excuse me- don't you think it's inappropriate for a grown adult to be ballpit like that
Your coworker: Ma'am- please. It's site policy that they have to lay in the ballpit each day for at least twenty minutes so we don't have another missing person's incident.
You, getting a full body massage by the dozens of hands in the pit: This is the only reason I keep this job.
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A coworker with a crush tries to console you after you get harrassed by a customer: Don't worry, Y/n- I'll protect you!
You: Let's hope you're not like the last one and fall victim to the Weeper
Coworker: the what-
[A hooded figure bangs on the restaurant doors]: Please... Let me in. It hurts so much. I just want to see my spouse again. It's been so long..
Coworker: Oh no, I'll let you in-
You: I didn't leave you, asshole! You keep leaving deer kidney's on the tables when I let you in!
The figure: ...you don't eat enough during your lunch break
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[The restaurant's mascot walks out of the breakroom and hands you and other coworkers something before walking off]
Coworker: He... gave me a burger? That's nice of him... I guess.
You: Don't eat that. Whenever he hands those out the person in question goes missing.
Coworker: Then what does what he gave you mean?
You, holding a bouquet of roses: I don't wanna talk about it
The Storyteller is now fast food reader (and my) favorite entity at the restaurant.
Fast Food Reader, sliding the creature a piece of paper: I will give you exactly five kisses if you read this out loud for me
The Storyteller: Y/n will find the one happy meal toy they've been unable to find in the next meal they open.
Fast Food Reader, tearing open their box to find that exact toy: Fuck yeah.... Alright, pucker up, big guy
The Storyteller, blushing: I will likely go unconscious before the third
I just love the mistreatment of the other human employees beside fast food darling
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Yan Manager: Nathan- we received yet another complaint about your attitude towards customers. One more and I'll have to let you go -
[Fast Food Reader walks between the two of them and spits directly in a customer's drink before passing it off to them while turning to face their boss]
Fast Food Reader: hey, boss- got your morning cup of coffee right here
Yan Manager: Thank you, sweetheart. Yet again you prove to be the most valuable member of our team
Nathan: I'd quit if you people didn't know where my family lives-
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[A coworker searches frantically through the ball pit as reader walks in]
Fast Food Reader: someone lose their stuff again?
Coworker: worse- something stole my wallet when I climbed in here
[A hand reaches out of the ball pit, offering the wallet to reader which they happily take]
Coworker: um... Y/n? I think I'm sinking... Y/n, there's something clawing at my leg. Y/n? Y/n?! Help!-
Fast Food Reader: Tons of quarters in here... Time to finally set a new high score on that acrade cabinet when I'm on break.
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Coworker: Since for whatever reason the longer you work here the more memories of people who don't exist anymore get planted in your head, apparently nobody has survived longer a week here. You've worked here for years. How the fuck do you survive and seemingly have gained the affections of literal world ending monsters?!
Fast Food Reader: by not asking stupid questions. Hey, lambchop
[Feeling breathing on their neck, their coworker looks behind them. The mascot pats reader's head and gives them an unopened bottle of water - all while holding their screeching ex-teammate in its other arm]
Fast Food Reader: *hasn’t had sex verging on two years now*
Fast Food Read: …
Yans: …
Fast Food Reader: …. *deep  conceding sigh* fine, first to finish my closing tasks for tonight, gets me to themselves for a couple hours.
[I hear you but I look fast Food Reader just tormenting their yans]
Fast Food Reader, standing on the counter holding a mic: I will be in the break room shirtless for the rest of my break. The first to find the key to the door without breaking it down will have the opportunity to spend the rest of the night with me.
[Fast Food Reader hides in the office holding the key as they watch the chaos in the main area sitting next to the janitor]
Janitor: ...why am I allowed in here again?
Fast Food Reader: because of what this alone does to you
[Fast Food Reader holds their hand for five seconds. The janitor almost immediately starts to think about what color curtains to buy when reader moves in with them]
Janitor: right..
[A coworker walks up to Fast Food Reader wearing a hazmat suit over their normal work attire]
Coworker: Hey, Y/n... What's with the suit? Did another container of barbecue sauce get spilled in the kitchen?... By the way, is it normal for barbecue to eat through metal like that?
Fast Food Reader: The goat is in heat.
Coworker: I'm sorry?
Fast Food Reader: You know that huge guy who smells like raw meat never takes off the goat suit? Turns out they are a literal goat demon pretending to be a guy in a mascot suit who also happened to choose me as its mate
Coworker: .... Could you repeat that for me?
Fast Food Reader: Anyway, the goat is in heat and I used up all my vacation days for the rest of my life so I'm wearing this hazmat suit hoping it'll mask my scent from them til my lunch break at the very least
[A loud crash comes from the kitchen as the meat locker door is ripped from its hinges. The mascot stands tall over the bent hunk of metal - beady eyes trained on Reader. Fast Food Reader their coworker aside who falls to the floor as they book it towards the front door]
Fast Food Reader: Don't worry! They're probably too horny to kill you this time! They might be a little upset about you wearing my old apron, though! I'm sure you'll be fine!
Coworker: Why is every demon, monster, ghost, whatever here obsessed with you of all people??
Fast Food Reader: ....
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Bathroom Succubus - high off her ass: Fuck, Fuck, Fuck- I'm scared, Y/n!
Fast Food Reader - possibly stoned as well: We do this together on the count of three... 1...2...3... Bloody Mary
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Fast Food Reader, dumping a box of bracelets they made during their shift in the ball pit: Made some more bracelets for you guys- Don’t fight over them or I won't bring more tomorrow-
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Fast Food Reader, scrubbing blood out the mascots fur: I know I can't really stop you from butchering people, but could you please stop bathing yourself in their blood??
[Lambchop quietly stands up - dunking their head in the bloody water so Reader has to start over]
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[Fast Food Reader places a cup full of mop water on a customer's table]
Customer: What the fuck... What the hell is this??
Fast Food Reader: The dirty water you're going to drink. Right before you apologize to our janitor for that shit you pulled with them earlier.
[The Janitor runs off to the janitorial closet to write another love letter they'll never give]
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Fast Food Reader: Happy birthday, Twister!
[Throws a gift box in the clown's party room and sprints off]
Twister: A present? For me???
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Deer Kidney Guy/The Weeper: So cold....It's raining again.....I miss you....Please let me in...
[Fast Food Reader throws a blanket, an umbrella and a picture of themselves out the drive-through window]
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Fast Food Reader, carrying a box of stickers and magnets to the ice cream machine: Since I don't really go home anymore I brought you some stuff I used to hang on my fridge- Thought you might like some decoration, R.
Ice cream machine Ghost: heheh.... Hell yeah
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Fast Food Reader, laying their head on the Storyteller's lap: Could you tell me the one about the overworked cashier who finally gets some sleep without a nightmare for once again?
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Fast Food Reader: ......Fuck if I know.
What would happen if fast food reader tried to quit?
"I quit!"
Fourty minutes in - that's a new record. You're in the middle of a transition with a customer when the newest in a line of new hires comes storming from the back, apron and badge on hand.
"In the single hour I've worked here I've been yelled at till my ears bled, pelted with plastic balls, saw my reflection drown itself in the toilets, and had my wallet and keys stolen."
"I'd say you had an okay start...." You pause for a moment, centered on the task at hand. ".....So will that be cash or card?"
Your coworker stares at you like you've grown antlers which probably wouldn't be the weirdest thing they've seen, but still up there in rankings.
"You're staying?!"
"I can't quit."
Pity flashes briefly in their eyes. "Being jobless is better than whatever this is, but I'm sure there's something else out there."
"You don't understand. I literally can't quit."
Your ex-coworker scoffs. "I know the job market is pretty rough these days, but come on..."
Sighing heavily, you carefully remove your apron- folding and setting at atop the counter along with your hat and badge. Glancing apologetically at the customer, you mutter.
"I quit."
Really, it only took the first syllable for what happened next, but it felt weird not to finish the sentence.
The entrace doors swing to a loud shut. Music playing over the speakers descends into static. Caution tape peals and tears from the walls as management's door pries it from position. Darkness oozes from the cracks as a body presses against the frame. A hand reaches out - pointing behind you.
"So!"
Your ex-coworker and the customer scream. You look over your shoulder at your manager's grinning face as they grip your shoulders.
"Please don't touch me."
Your manager laughs. "Oh, you and your silly jokes. So, I hear someone isn't having the best time. Your little friend is free to go, but you are a valued member of our team, Y/n. Anything we can do to make you stay?"
"No."
Your manager hands their head in sadness, immediately perking back up as they remove their touch from your shoulders. "I see..... Well! We'll all miss you dearly, but we respect your decision. Allow us to give you a portion of your severance in hand as thanks for your service."
"Please don't."
"Lambchop!"
The lights flicker as the freezer door slams into the adjacent wall. They continue to flicker with every heavy click of hooves on titled floors. The hulking figure ducks beneath menu signs, narrowly missing its curving horns getting stuck as it rises to full high. The reds of it beady eyes cast you in eerie glow as it stares - pupils shrunk as it turns. It seems to blink away tears as it snorts.
In a flash, the store mascot picks your ex-coworker by the throat and slams them to down on the counter. It reaches for its belt, sorting the sharpest cleaver of its artillery and sporting it against its prey's neck. Your coworker shrieks and flails, ceasing all movement as warm blood runs down their neck. As your eyes meet, you remain perfectly calm - brows raised in a sort of "I told you so look".
They pathetically beat at the goat demon's arm. "What the fuck.... what the fuck?!"
Your manager clicks their tongue. "I do apologize, but it's in their contract. Money is important, but we value something more here. As payment for self-termination from our team, Y/n here is to receive the beating hearts of everyone in the building in loo of breaking our own unless... they've changed their mind."
You shrug. "Long as you're still cool with my taking cash from the registers."
"Wonderful! Lambchop, could you please let the spoiled meat go? I'm afraid they won't be any good trying to posion our dear Y/n like that and I doubt they'll even make it out of the parking lot."
Your coworker scrambles for the door as soon as they're freed. Their blood, which you refuse to clean, paints the front door seconds later. Your manager sighs.
"Now that that's out of the way, please see to comforting Lambchop. You know how they get when you threaten to leave."
You look over at the mascot would bleats softly as they knock their head gently against the side of yours. You pet their horns as you throw your hat back on.
"Come on, Choppy. You can feed me fries in the breakroom."
Lambchop throws you over their shoulder and heads for the back as your manager takes their leave as well - leaving the customer alone in the main lobby.
"They... never gave back my card."