Feel Good Stuff - Tumblr Posts
It has now been 13 months 19 days 9 hours 4 minutes and 3 seconds
Since I last held you
And 7 seconds
9 seconds
11 seconds
If I had known
I wonder if I would have held you longer
I wonder if I would have been able to let you go
We were going to be stars
Tearing through the night sky
Diamonds of light skating across eyelines
Dancing with ribbons of moonshine
Until our feet and souls ached
But it would not matter because
We were going to be stars
We were going to slip
Into the depths of the galaxy
You
And
I
Let them make wishes on the diluted thought of us
Trillions of miles too far to be touched
Or caught
Or stopped
We were going to be stars
Wrap ourselves around each other until we were our own constellation
Let them make of us what they will
Stars do not care what they are named
We were going to be stars
And now that vision is a million miles away and so are you
I stay up most nights fiddling with slips of moonlight that filter in through my open curtains
Sometimes in the quiet of the dark, I dance with the thought of you barefoot across my bedroom floor while the rest of the house slumbers
Afterall, stars do not sleep
I wonder if you feel the song echo through the chambers of your heart
Palms pressed against porch doors
And birthday gifts sent in the mail
And impromptu deliveries of still warm baked goods
Made with the overflowing cups of time we try and make use of before they trickle through our fingers and down the drain
Your smile is as radiant as ever
And I find it in me to make wishes on the starlight glints that flicker when your eyes are caught in a beam of the sun or screen
You are
A star
I remind myself I am just lucky to still be alive
But I miss you
I grow more fearful of myself than the world unravelling around me
As I become more sure I will come undone completely before it does
It becomes a race
Who will spiral away first
But time too wants to play
Suddenly a day passes in the blink of an eye
Yet every second is eternity
The disorientating nature of a world turning so fast we often forgetting it is turning at all
I close my eyes and try deep breathes to fend off the motion sickness
I sleep the day away and wake at sunset to a sky dripping mango sorbet orange
The summer heat never kisses my skin
I forget the last time I went outside
I begin to memorize the constellations of my bedroom ceiling
I rediscover the depths of myself and relearn to fear drowning amongst my sea of doubt
The TV drones in the background at 3 am
Talking about the unity overcoming us all wrong
It is not from something befalling us but rather by the thing we already had.
The vulnerability writhing in our veins.
We are all terrified
Of unbecoming
More friendly smiles offered in the street lighting up eyes
All of us a little more willing to accept them
As though to say
I know you are scared
I am scared too
But I am with you