Getting Help - Tumblr Posts
👹Bad Habits (JJK x Reader) 💜☁️🔞
👹Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader
👹Genre: (Twisted)Romance, Angst, Smut, Psycho!JK
👹Warnings: Size kink, Body worship, biting, rough manhandling, JK accidentally hurts her a bit (but apologizes dw), mildly disturbing themes (blood, guts, bones cracking…), criminal activities such as theft (mentioned) and murder (not actively stated, but heavily implied), panic attack, psychotic episodes, psycho!JK because holy shit I actually got scared what did I create, degrading names (he calls her a whore in his mind like once..), possessive JK, strength kink, reader is unable to conceive (chances are very slim), unprotected sex (please wrap it before you tap it folks), impreg kink, dead dove do not eat 🕊 manipulative Koo, Dom!Kook, therapy talk, relapses, horrible anger management, emotional koo, emotional reader, look mom I actually wrote a happy ending
👹Summary: Oh monster monster under my bed, you’re the only one I have left, come out and play ‘cause I need a friend.
Jeon Jungkook is sick.
Keep reading
I'm feeling incredibly crappy and sad today.
Keep thinking about his treatment, his cold and cruel silent treatment towards me. His cold cruel heart. How can you live with yourself knowing you caused another human being, someone you once loved and cared for, so much pain, hurt and heart ache. How can you sleep at night? How can you go about your daily life and put on a smiling face and acted as if nothing happened???
How?? Why??
I'm a good, decent person who gave my all into him and the relationship. I gave all my heart, my soul, my mind, and my body to this person and now they're throwing me away like trash. Like 3.5 years so nothing, meaningless to them. Now they have someone new and younger they discard you like trash.
How pathetic and disgusting that he has become this person or maybe this is who he was all along. Just didn't show his true colors because he didn't have to. Now he's shown who he really is. Just a shitty person. Can't wrap my head around it. This is fucking me up.
Maybe I am really depressed. I hope they call with an appointment soon. I so need the help to help me move on and become my old self again.
How can someone whom you gave your heart to can cause so much damage and pain? But I'm not going to allow that piece of shit to take power over me. He's not going to win in this battle.
I AM
I WILL
I'm the better one
I didn't wronged anyone
I wasn't mean nor cruel
I am a good, decent person who will receive decent and good things in life
I'm not the one psychologically abusing someone so they can avoid the pain and the mature adult conversation
I'm not trash
I'm feeling really rejected at the moment. I'm feeling really really sad and rejected. Three and a half years and he didn't see me as wife material, what if he sees his new 20 year old gf as wife material? What if he sees her as worthy of being his wife and I wasn't good enough to be his wife? Suddenly he wants marriage and a family? While I'm here approaching 38 with nothing. Nothing!!
What about me? What about me?
Fuck. I'm so fucked up at the moment. I feel rejected, weak and stupid.
God I'm stronger than this. My life was fine before him and I know my life will be fine after him but at the moment I'm not feeling all that strong or grand. I feel like shit. I feel hopelessness. I will defeated. I feel tired, mind and soul. I feel lonely. I feel like I'll never find love again. I just feel so fuck and shitty.
I just want to wake up tomorrow with no memory of this. I don't want to feel like this again. I don't want to remembered anything. I want to go back 5 years ago. I just want my life and my mind back. I just want to feel like myself again.
I know I shouldn't be feeling sorry for myself because no one is feeling sorry for me. He's isn't thinking about me. He's moved one and living his life while I'm stuck here with my fucked up feelings and mind fuckery.
Kind of a more in depth mental health update/explanation/talk thingy..
Who wants to read a fucking essay?
[wow, did this become the longest ramble ever or what? I promise I'm sober. It really doesn't look like it though.]
TW: talk about mental health, depression, suicidal thoughts (and getting help.)
So.. Think it's fair to say it's been pretty obvious I've been really low lately. I'd say I'm pretty used to that by now. I have a lot of issues and I've been falling down these holes my entire life. But apparently I still don't really see what's going on until I'm so deep in it that I can't climb out on my own anymore. However this time I really fucking faceplanted down the depression hole harder and faster than ever before. And this last month has been just.. wow.
A couple of weeks ago I caught myself casually daydreaming about finally fucking ending it all in very grafic detail and not until then did I realize I've been thinking about this for quite some time now without even noticing it.. and it fucking scared the shit out of me tbh. I know I can't trust myself with thoughts like that. Not at all.
I guess it wasn't until that point that I saw just how out of hand all of this had gotten. And I just wanted to let y'all know that I am aware. I've reached out to mental health proffessionals in my area.. yada, yada. They know me well by now and shit's in motion. I've been here before, I've done this before, I can do it again. I fucking got this.. [Peptalk]
Also, I do have people around me that are willing to help. I might not have a lot of close friends but the few crazy fuckers I do have I love and trust more than anything in this world. They're the kind of people I can be myself around and talk to about anything. And if I would ever need someone to be here [although I would never ask for help cause I'm an idiot] I know they would drop everything and be outside the door in about 20 minutes. If that's not a safetynet then I don't fucking know what is.. I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for them. That's a fact.
By the way, I know I've been posting a lot of dark thought lately and I really need to check myself on that point.. It's just not okay. I don't want to drag any of you down with me and frankley I doesn't do me any good to dwell in it either. So I'm really sorry about that..
However I might post some interactive thoughts/questions about mental health cause I really find the psychology aspect of it all very interesting and I get really curious about how other people experience and handle their issues.. I will hide all that behind a "read more" and a TW for those not interested in participating tho.
I will shut the fuck up now. I just need I need to say thanks to you guys first.. [I now this is gonna sound so goddamn cheezy but I don't really give a shit.] You have no idea how much you've helped me keep my head above the surface and my feet on the ground these last couple of months with all your amazing creations, shitposting, reblogs, hilarious fucking comments, sweetest worlds of encuragement and DMs. I can't belive I've only had this accound for like.. 2 ½ months? [Holy shit.] I feel so fucking happy to have been introduced to every single one of y'all. You really are the nicest, funniest, bonkers bunch of peeps ever. If I'd known that earlier I would have joined this community a looong time ago and I hope I get the chance to interact with a lot more of you over time.
So to the ones that I actually talk with on here, thank you, really. I love you. For real tho. 🖤 [Cringefest. Still don't care.] And to the ones lurking around and on occation likes a post. I see you, I know you're here. I love you to, remember that.
I hope all of you know you can talk to me whenever, and about whatever. Funny, stupid, mundane or serious. If not, then I'm telling you now that you can. I don't have any good answeres for anything, but I'm happy to just listen if needed. Take care of yourselves and each other. You're amazing.
// BlackNoise over and out 🖤
